Naruto: The Powered Arsenal

[Gundamexia34]

Premise: Spars. They happen all the time in Konoha. Watching one which used the Kage Bunshin changed Naruto's life. A little reading and a chance meeting have changed it even more. Look
out world, here comes a new Naruto!

---

Naruto Uzumaki was having a rotten day. First, he woke up late due to his alarm clock's batteries dying in the night. Then Ichiraku's was closed when he went there for lunch, and now he'd failed the genin test for the second time.

He sighed on his way back to the apartment given to him by the Old Man. At least he would be able to work on the Bunshin no Jutsu all day tomorrow, that stupid technique was the reason he had failed again.

As he passed a training field, he paused due to the shouts he heard. Knowing it was likely a spar, he went into the shrubbery and made his way to a point where he could watch.

There were two men there. One was dressed in dark clothing and wore a mask, the other wore an eyesore of a green spandex jumpsuit. Naruto failed to notice the irony of this last thought.

The fight was fast and intense, Naruto almost struggled to keep up. Eventually, the masked man broke off and made a strange hand sign.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" He called as a clone formed beside him. Naruto thought that this was nothing special until the clone and original both charged and tried to hit their opponent. The aforementioned opponent kicked one of them into a tree and caused his victim burst into smoke.

Naruto's eyes widened. A solid clone! That seemed way more useful than the crappy illusion that they tried to teach at the academy! Eager to try this new jutsu, Naruto slipped away.

---

The next morning, Naruto woke up bright and early to make his way to a training ground. Upon his first attempt at the technique, Naruto was surprised to find that the clone worked! After the smoke dispersed, a near perfect clone stood beside him. The only problem was that it was that the way it stood little off, though you probably wouldn't notice it if you didn't know Naruto very well and even then might miss it if you weren't looking for it.

Back with Naruto and his clone, they were jumping for joy and running around the training ground. The celebrations only stopped when the two collided and the clone was forcibly dispelled.

After grumbling for a bit and getting back up from his fall, Naruto tried making two clones and was stunned to find that it also worked perfectly. This caused him to start thinking.

"Okay, this is way too easy. If the technique is so simple, why the heck isn't it taught at the academy?" He pondered aloud. A few moments later, however, he was back on his feet and saying, "Aw, who cares?! All that matters is that it worked!"

So saying, Naruto began practicing again in earnest.

---

On the third day of his break, Naruto decided to visit the Old Man.

Making his way to the Hokage Tower, he went up and knocked on the Old Man's door.

"Enter!" A voice called out. When the door was opened, it revealed the Sandaime Hokage with his desk covered in paperwork. Looking up, Sarutobi Hiruzen smiled at the sight of his surrogate grandson.

"Naruto! How nice to see you. I hope you're doing alright after the exam, I meant to visit but..." He gestured to the papers covering his desk, "As you can see I've been quite busy."

"I'm doing great Old Man! I was a little bummed at first, but I learned a new technique recently, so I'm happy!" Naruto replied, getting a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, and what technique is it that you learned?"

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With this shout and a hand sign, a second Naruto formed to both his left and right.

The Hokage's jaw dropped as his pipe fell from his mouth.

"Naruto, where in the world did you learn this from?!" He exclaimed in shock.

"I saw a spar between two ninjas and one of them used it. I spent all day yesterday doing my best to master it. What do you think?" Naruto asked with a wide grin, earning a sigh if both relief and exasperation from the Old Man.

"Naruto, I want you to listen to me very carefully. That technique is very dangerous. If you didn't have enough chakra when you attempted it, you could have died!" The Hokage stated, making Naruto pale.

After seeing that Naruto was properly scolded, he continued exasperatedly, "On the other hand, since you only know the bare basics of it, I suppose you should learn the rest of it. When a Kage Bunshin is dispelled, it's memories go back to the original."

The color quickly returned to Naruto's face as his eyes sparkled. "Really Old Man?! That's awesome! I'm gonna go get some more training in, see you later!" With these words, the boy rushed out of the room.

A chuckle escaped the Old Hokage's lips as he turned towards the sky.

"To learn a technique just by seeing it once..." He muttered as his eyes closed with a smile. Then said smile disappeared as his eyes snapped open and he began to cough as he inhaled a breath of non-tobacco smoke. Covering his mouth, he saw that his desk was on fire! A quick water jutsu put it out, and he saw that his pipe had spilled its ashes on his paperwork. Tears began to form waterfalls down his face as he realized that he would have to start all over.

---

It didn't take long for Naruto to notice the feature his grandfather figure had mentioned now that he was looking for it. Knowing how useful this could be, he made his way to the library.

Said building was actually one of his favorite places and a sanctuary from the glares and hatred ever since he told the Old Man about being thrown out once.

The Old Man was swift to replace the librarian responsible, and Naruto was free to read stories about the previous Hokages once more. It was one of his favorite pastimes, along with looking for technique scrolls.

"Hello, Naruto." The librarian, one Mikoto Uchiha, greeted him as he walked in.

"Hey, Ms. Mikoto! How are you, Itachi, and Satsuki doing?"

"We're doing fine, thank you. Are you here to look for more technique scrolls?" This was asked with a fond smile as Mikoto remembered how she had taken a liking to the young man in front of her and invited him to dinner with her family one night.

---

[Flashback]

Naruto walked through the gates behind Mikoto and Satsuki, staring at everything around him in awe. His head turned this way and that as he looked around and saw the fancily constructed houses.

"Impressed, Naruto?" Mikoto asked, hiding a smile behind her hand, "Just wait until you see our house."

Indeed, the main family's manor was much more impressive. Naruto felt his jaw drop at the sight of it. Giggling quietly, Mikoto shook his shoulder gent to get him out of his daze.

"Well come on, no need to be shy!" she said, following after her daughter who had yet to even stop walking.

"We're home!" The loving mother called, greeting her husband and son who were sitting at the table.

"Welcome back Mom. How was work at the library?" Itachi asked as he rose to give his mother a hug.

"Dull as usual. Oh, I've brought a guest tonight." Mikoto replied as Naruto stepped into view.

"Hey there! The names Naruto Uzumaki!" The lone blond proclaimed, getting a smile.

After everyone was introduced, the table was quickly set and the meatloaf dinner was swiftly reheated in the oven. The table was relatively quiet, not much being said. Mikoto, however, noticed that her daughter was not looking at Naruto if she could avoid it.

"Hm? What's wrong Satsuki? You don't seem to like our guest." Mikoto asked, getting a snicker from Itachi.

"Really Mom? Because I think it's the exact opposite problem, our little Satsuki has a crush!" He said, making his sister go bright red as his mother laughed.

"Oh, I see! I can't believe my little girl could be so shy!" Mikoto exclaimed, making Satsuki grimace.

"I don't have a crush on him! I just can't believe an idiot like him is in the academy already!" Satsuki finally shouted, getting silence in response, "I've seen how he acts around town! And he's nothing but a DOOFUS! Why does he get to go early when an elite Uchiha like me doesn't?!"

All was quiet until a single word was heard.

"...Outside..."

Everyone turned to Naruto in surprise as Satsuki spoke up, "What was that you idiot? Speak up!"

"I said, meet me outside," Naruto replied with his head down, "I'll spar with you and prove that I deserve to be where I am!" His head snapped up, eyes glowing with determination.

Satsuki grinned and accepted, leading them to a training ground out back.

Mikoto sighed before stepping into the Judge's Circle.

This will be a taijutsu only battle, ready? Fight!" She called, watching as the two charged at each other.

[Flashback Over]

---

"You bet! And this time I've got help, Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With a puff of smoke, ten young blond boys now stood in front of the counter, stunning Mikoto and knocking her out of her reverie.

After explaining how he learned the technique and getting berated for taking such a risk, Naruto and his clones went through the aisles. It was only fifteen minutes later that a clone found a reference to a technique, albeit one in a fiction book, and brought it to the originals attention.

"Nagareboshi no Jutsu? Let's see..." Naruto read the description of the enemy ninjas attack, then shook his head once, twice, then a third time before gaining an expression of intense disbelief.

"You've gotta be kidding me...Expelling chakra from your back or the other end of a striking limb to boost either your speed or attack strength...Why the hell didn't I think of that?!" With this technique in mind, Naruto replaced the book on the shelf, bade goodbye to Mikoto, and ran back to the training ground.

---

Despite the technique's seeming simplicity, Naruto soon found that the Nagareboshi no Jutsu was dangerous when unrefined. His first attempt to do a boosted kick against a tree led to not only severe bruising at the front of the lower half of his leg but also a series of nasty splinters.

Wincing at the extreme pain, he sat and propped his injured leg up as best he could. Then he made a hundred clones and ordered them to keep practicing while he pulled out the splinters and let his healing factor take care of his injuries. The clones originally dispelled at a rapid rate, leading to more wincing and a lot of replacements. Eventually, however, all of them were performing it admirably.

Smiling at both his success and the fact that his leg was healed, he ordered all the clones to dispel. Unfortunately, all of them did so at once, knocking him out and sending him straight into his mind.

---

When Naruto opened his eyes again, he found himself in a tunnel with glowing pipes and water. Realizing it was a sewer and what was most likely in the water, he quickly jumped up and began to try and shake it off.

"Ugh, gross! How the hell did I get in here?" he muttered after he was done. Noting that the water was all flowing towards a hole, he looked down and realized that he couldn't even come close to seeing the bottom.

"Okay, definitely not going down there." he said, "Guess I follow it back to the source. Maybe I'll find a ladder or some other way out along the way."

With these words, Naruto began his treacherous trek through the muck.

---

Sadly, an exit did not appear. In fact, Naruto soon found his path blocked by a set of massive gates, locked seemingly with a piece of paper with the world 'SEAL' written on it. What really caught his attention, however, was the sound of crying coming from the other side.

"Hello, is anyone there?" He called. Hearing the crying increase in volume, he rushed forward and attempted to slip between the bars. He managed it, but his jacket tore on the way through when it got caught on something. Shrugging off the remains, he quickly ran down the passage, not noting the glowing symbol on the patch of cloth outside the door. A patch which soon burned to ashes.

Still ignorant of these events, Naruto kept running. Eventually, he reached the end, where he found a figure huddled up in the corner.

She was wearing a red dress, and her crimson hair was tied up in two braids that met on her back and reached her waist. Naruto couldn't tell any more than that due to the shadows being too dark. Walking over, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked, making her turn. He only managed to catch sight of pale skin and red eyes before he was tackled to the ground in a hug.

"I'm so sorry! It's all my fault!" the woman exclaimed, while Naruto was able to see her better in the new lighting.

Her pale skin practically glowed, and her dress was shown to be rather revealing. On her shoulder was an X-shaped scar. Her figure was very well proportioned, and altogether it made her absolutely stunning. Naruto blushed as he realized his position before registering what she said.

"What do you mean, what's your fault?" He asked, getting her to take a deep breath and open her eyes, confirming their red color.

"It's my fault that you're always hated and ignored. It's my fault you're all alone. And it's my fault that you get overcharged and sold rotten food." She sighed, nuzzling her head into his chest, earning another blush, "You see I'm the Kyuubi, and I've been sealed inside of you ever since your birth."

This stunned Naruto. Finally, finally, he knew the reason he was hated. They were trying to hurt the Kyuubi by hurting him.

"But, but why would a girl as pretty as you attack the village?" he asked, getting a blush from the Kyuubi.

"I...I didn't want to. I was pulled from my previous container, who I considered a good friend, and forced to attack by some bastard with a Sharingan! Then he made me try and kill both her and your father-"

"Wait, you know who my dad is? Please, you have to tell me!" Naruto interrupted, getting a watery giggle from the woman.

"Your father is the one who sealed me into you, Minato Namikaze. and your mother was my previous container, Kushina Uzumaki."

Kyuubi, or Flare as she insisted that he call her, then told him the full story of his birth.

Naruto sat in stunned silence, not noticing when Flare sat up and pulled his head into her lap. He only snapped out of it when he felt her running her hands through his hair.

"Again, I am so sorry Naruto. Can you ever forgive me?" she asked.

Naruto rose from her lap and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't," Just as Flare began to tear up again she felt him wrap her in a hug, "Because there's nothing to forgive. None of this is your fault. It's the jerk in the orange mask who's to blame." Now the tears fell freely in joy as Flare hugged him back before settling them back into their previous position. She kept running her hands through his hair with both of them finding it very relaxing.

"Thank you Naruto, you have no idea how much that means to me. I promise that I'll do my best to help you become the best shinobi you can ever be." Not getting a response, she looked down and saw that Naruto had fallen asleep. Giggling at his cute and peaceful expression, Flare leaned her head back against the wall behind her and closed her eyes to rest as well.

 

[TotalAbsolutism]

It's QQ. Why are you having a poll for porn or not? It's QQ.

 

[Gundamexia34]

It's QQ. Why are you having a poll for porn or not? It's QQ.

Click to shrink...

Two reasons. One, it's my first post on this site. Two, I'm not sure if I could write it properly.

 

[TotalAbsolutism]

Two reasons. One, it's my first post on this site. Two, I'm not sure if I could write it properly.

Click to shrink...

Well, if you haven't done it before we won't know if we want it or not so just do it. You'll never improve without trying.

 

[Silversun17]

anyone got a link to that lemon writing guide on beast lair? the OP should find it helpful.


i switched computers not too long ago and lost the word doc i kept those kinds of things on.

 

[krahe]

(Strong Naruto/Tenten/Harem)

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole, even with a promise of lewds. Standards, man

 

[Oniele]

For starters, please eliminate-

"(Strong Naruto/Tenten/Harem)(Fem Sasuke, Fem Haku, Fem Kyuubi)"

Click to shrink...

-this from your tittle.

While the intention of writing a Naruto story is approved by me for the simple fact that I like the lore of the series and what a little change would bring, this kind of thing is almost universally a deterrent against readers in Questionable Questing, Sufficient Velocity and SpaceBattles; the standard of these sites is not the same as the one in Fanfiction dot net. Try eliminating this and incorporate it into the story without telling anyone about it.

 

[Akuma-Heika]

For starters, please eliminate-
-this from your tittle.

While the intention of writing a Naruto story is approved by me for the simple fact that I like the lore of the series and what a little change would bring, this kind of thing is almost universally a deterrent against readers in Questionable Questing, Sufficient Velocity and SpaceBattles; the standard of these sites is not the same as the one in Fanfiction dot net. Try eliminating this and incorporate it into the story without telling anyone about it.

Click to shrink...

I do not see it on FFN either (except for summaries, and that can often be an indication to avoid, unless the author has written something you liked beforehand).

I am in agreement with it not really being needed...or particularly desired.

 

[Oniele]

I do not see it on FFN either (except for summaries, and that can often be an indication to avoid, unless the author has written something you liked beforehand).

I am in agreement with it not really being needed...or particularly desired.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, but if you lurk in that site- which I do -you have to be prepared to lower your standards... or kill yourself of boredom looking for the ones that are of a higher quality. Haven't searched for it though.

EDIT: Sorry, I thought you understood what I implied; I was talking about how the format seem to be fitting with how people present their work on that site.

 

[Oniele]

Bunshin no Jutsu

Click to shrink...

1) This, we are not japanese and the use of this can cut the flow of the text. Use "Clone Technique".

jumpsuit

Click to shrink...

2) While Lee's and Guy's clothing is a jumpsuit, Naruto's is not. It's a tracksuit, or pants and jacket.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Click to shrink...

3) The same thing as with the first (1) point, "Shadow Clone Technique". Might want to know the little fact that even though they appear to be shouted in the anime, they aren't, it's like in the manga which just indicates what the technique is while they are performing it.

Over the next few hours, Naruto worked on making more clones. Eventually, he found out that if hehe tried making twenty clones at once using the same amount of chakra as his first attempt worked perfectly. The rest of the day was spent learning how much chakra was needed to produce what number of clones.

Click to shrink...

4) Try giving a scene to this, you are telling a lot without showing us what the hell happened... you could also skip it altogether, the last scene made clear what was going on; but that would run into the issue of the people that don't know Naruto might also get confused with what the problem is and why this seems to be the key to solving it.

Extra: The problem with the distribution of chakra for Naruto in the start of the series wasn't that he had a lot of chakra, even though it contributed to the problem, it was that his control was so abyssmal that he couldn't even spread it to his clone correctly. The shadow clone technique is almost perfectly tailored to bypass this, it divides his pool evenly between every one of the clones that he creates.

Looking up, Sarutobi Hiruzen smiled at the sight of his surrogate grandson.

Click to shrink...

5) The relationship between the two is not that close, while Naruto likes to be in the presence of the Third Fire Shadow because of a very distinct lack of the ordinary indifference or the rarer hate, and he is someone that he can look up to; they can be seen more as friendly acquaintances, which is an improvement.

Sarutobi has a soft spot for Naruto, that is undeniable, but he is also a great political piece that has to be anchored to the leaf and a little kindness from time to time is free and won't harm anyone, which from what can be inferred from the series was not that often, the leader of a military post like this can't be seen doing this often to the same target. Remember that this is an old man... a ninja old man... a ninja old man that survived two world wars AND is reknown as the God of Shinobi and The Professor, in a world where you are lucky to reach thirty!

The Hokage's jaw dropped as his pipe fell from his mouth.

"Naruto, where in the world did you learn this from?!" He exclaimed in shock.

Click to shrink...

6) His response is too agitated to be in-character with the person we see in the start of the series, this here is one of the signs that you will try to make everyone stop and gawk at THE MARVELOUS NARUTO UZUMAKI AND HIS SUPER TECHNIQUE!1, please try to restrain that desire to make everyone think of this as something unique and make it more in line with something that is unusual or expected out of him since he has a giant chakra battery in the seal on his stomach.

"Naruto, I want you to listen to me very carefully. That technique is very dangerous. If you didn't have enough chakra when you attempted it, you could have died!" The Hokage stated, making Naruto pale, "On the other hand since you only know the bare basics of it, I suppose you should learn the rest of it. When a Kage Bunshin is dispelled, it's memories go back to the original."

Click to shrink...

7) He acts as the stereotype of a wise grandfather, this means that he should have delivered the first part of these news with a calm air and a scolding demeanor, saying the second in an almost resigned tone.

"To learn a technique just by seeing it once, he truly is your child Minato." He muttered as his eyes watered. Then his eyes widened and he began to cough as he inhaled a breath of non-tobacco smoke. Covering his mouth, he saw that his desk was on fire! A quick water jutsu put it out, and he saw that his pipe had spilled its ashes on his paperwork. Tears began to form waterfalls down his face as he realized that he would have to start all over.

Click to shrink...

8) Funny, but the part about talking to the statue could be seen by anyone that is out to observe or overhear the activities of the leader of this military post, he should be aware of this and accordingly keet quiet over the fact he just blurted out, not to mention that you could have just made him stop at "seeing it once" and let a silence stretch out, something like amusement crossing his features might be more appropiate too since for him that kind of thing might just be a parlor trick. Remember that he mastered every. SINGLE! THING!!! Every art that was conceived by ninjas is known and mastered by him.

Said building was actually one of his favorite places and a sanctuary from the glares and hatred ever since he told the Old Man about being thrown out once.

The Old Man was swift to replace the librarian responsible, and Naruto was free to read stories about the previous Hokages once more. It was one of his favorite pastimes, along with looking for technique scrolls.

Click to shrink...

9) Like said in the fifth (5) point, he was almost universally ignored and only actively hated by a very small portion of the village. What we see in the anime and manga is that small portion. It is credible that he was denied access, but try not to exaggerate those parts.

"You bet! And this time I've got help, Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With a puff of smoke, ten young blond boys now stood in front of the counter, stunning Mikoto.


After explaining how he learned the technique and getting berated for taking such a risk, Naruto and his clones went through the aisles. It was only fifteen minutes later that a clone found a reference to a technique and brought it to the originals attention.

"Nagareboshi no Jutsu? Let's see..." Naruto read the description of the enemy ninjas attack, then shook his head once, twice, then a third time before gaining an expression of intense disbelief.

Click to shrink...

10) While the part about Mikoto is believable, try to flesh out the interactions.

The other point that I want to make is this... why the hell didn't Naruto try to practice something like this before? Why the hell would there be such information at the reach of anyone that might want to get an edge over the hidden leaf village? Information can kill nations and this is sitting freely for the grabs. Might want to obfuscate the tittle of the book a little, this sounds way to direct to be on a book, maybe a scroll?

Despite the technique's seeming simplicity, Naruto soon found that the Nagareboshi no Jutsu was dangerous when unrefined. His first attempt to do a boosted kick against a tree led to not only severe bruising at the front but also chakra burns along the back of the lower half of his leg.

Click to shrink...

11) His control is absolutely awful, he can't muster up the control (4, extra) to do anything of the sort at this stage with chakra burns being something directly out of fanon, it is possible for it to happen when Naruto was learning the Rasengan (Spiralling Sphere), but only because of the friction generated. Chakra is benign and almost harmless to the person using it when the control is all over the place, it only become dangerous when you are going for precision... OR you waste all of it and end up dead.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAIT FOR MORE, I'LL EDIT LATER.

 

[Gundamexia34]

1) This, we are not Japanese and the use of this can cut the flow of the text. Use "Clone Technique".

2) While Lee's and Guy's clothing is a jumpsuit, Naruto's is not. It's a tracksuit, or pants and jacket.

3) The same thing as with the first (1) point, "Shadow Clone Technique". Might want to know the little fact that even though they appear to be shouted in the anime, they aren't, it's like in the manga which just indicates what the technique is while they are performing it.

4) Try giving a scene to this, you are telling a lot without showing us what the hell happened... you could also skip it altogether, the last scene made clear what was going on; but that would run into the issue of the people that don't know Naruto might also get confused with what the problem is and why this seems to be the key to solving it.

Extra: The problem with the distribution of chakra for Naruto in the start of the series wasn't that he had a lot of chakras, even though it contributed to the problem, it was that his control was so abysmal that he couldn't even spread it to his clone correctly. The shadow clone technique is almost perfectly tailored to bypass this, it divides his pool evenly between every one of the clones that he creates.

5) The relationship between the two is not that close, while Naruto likes to be in the presence of the Third Fire Shadow because of a very distinct lack of the ordinary indifference or the rarer hate, and he is someone that he can look up to; they can be seen more as friendly acquaintances, which is an improvement.

Sarutobi has a soft spot for Naruto, that is undeniable, but he is also a great political piece that has to be anchored to the leaf and a little kindness from time to time is free and won't harm anyone, which from what can be inferred from the series was not that often, the leader of a military post like this can't be seen doing this often to the same target. Remember that this is an old man... a ninja old man... a ninja old man that survived two world wars AND is reknown as the God of Shinobi and The Professor, in a world where you are lucky to reach thirty!

6) His response is too agitated to be in-character with the person we see at the start of the series, this here is one of the signs that you will try to make everyone stop and gawk at THE MARVELOUS NARUTO UZUMAKI AND HIS SUPER TECHNIQUE!1, please try to restrain that desire to make everyone think of this as something unique and make it more in line with something that is unusual or expected out of him since he has a giant chakra battery in the seal on his stomach.

7) He acts as the stereotype of a wise grandfather, this means that he should have delivered the first part of this news with a calm air and a scolding demeanor, saying the second in an almost resigned tone.

8) Funny, but the part about talking to the statue could be seen by anyone that is out to observe or overhear the activities of the leader of this military post, he should be aware of this and accordingly kept quiet over the fact he just blurted out, not to mention that you could have just made him stop at "seeing it once" and let a silence stretch out, something like amusement crossing his features might be more appropriate too since for him that kind of thing might just be a parlor trick. Remember that he mastered every. SINGLE! THING!!! Every art that was conceived by ninjas is known and mastered by him.

9) Like said in the fifth (5) point, he was almost universally ignored and only actively hated by a very small portion of the village. What we see in the anime and manga is that small portion. It is credible that he was denied access, but try not to exaggerate those parts.

10) While the part about Mikoto is believable, try to flesh out the interactions.

The other point that I want to make is this... why the hell didn't Naruto try to practice something like this before? Why the hell would there be such information at the reach of anyone that might want to get an edge over the hidden leaf village? Information can kill nations and this is sitting freely for the grabs. Might want to obfuscate the title of the book a little, this sounds way to direct to be on a book, maybe a scroll?

11) His control is absolutely awful, he can't muster up the control (4, extra) to do anything of the sort at this stage with chakra burns being something directly out of fanon, it is possible for it to happen when Naruto was learning the Rasengan (Spiralling Sphere), but only because of the friction originated. Chakra is benign and almost harmless to the person using it when the control is all over the place, it only becomes dangerous when you are going for precision... OR you waste all of it and end up dead.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAIT FOR MORE, I'LL EDIT LATER.

Click to shrink...

Okay, first of all, thank you. This constructive criticism is really going to help.

Secondly, I will address the names of the techniques. I just think that the Japanese name sounds cooler for some of them, so that's what I'll use.

Next, the grandson thing. Ever heard the term AU?

From here I'll skip around a bit. Point 7: that's what I was going for, but I guess it doesn't show.

Point 10: I forgot to mention that it was going to be in a fiction book, historical or otherwise.

Point 11: I honestly thought that chakra burns were real. And control isn't really necessary if you're just pushing chakra in a certain direction. If you have enough power (like Naruto) you can expel it by making it burst like a balloon.

Still though, thanks again for the tips. I'll get those fixed soon.

 

[Gundamexia34]

1) This, we are not Japanese and the use of this can cut the flow of the text. Use "Clone Technique".

2) While Lee's and Guy's clothing is a jumpsuit, Naruto's is not. It's a tracksuit, or pants and jacket.

3) The same thing as with the first (1) point, "Shadow Clone Technique". Might want to know the little fact that even though they appear to be shouted in the anime, they aren't, it's like in the manga which just indicates what the technique is while they are performing it.

4) Try giving a scene to this, you are telling a lot without showing us what the hell happened... you could also skip it altogether, the last scene made clear what was going on; but that would run into the issue of the people that don't know Naruto might also get confused with what the problem is and why this seems to be the key to solving it.

Extra: The problem with the distribution of chakra for Naruto in the start of the series wasn't that he had a lot of chakras, even though it contributed to the problem, it was that his control was so abysmal that he couldn't even spread it to his clone correctly. The shadow clone technique is almost perfectly tailored to bypass this, it divides his pool evenly between every one of the clones that he creates.

5) The relationship between the two is not that close, while Naruto likes to be in the presence of the Third Fire Shadow because of a very distinct lack of the ordinary indifference or the rarer hate, and he is someone that he can look up to; they can be seen more as friendly acquaintances, which is an improvement.

Sarutobi has a soft spot for Naruto, that is undeniable, but he is also a great political piece that has to be anchored to the leaf and a little kindness from time to time is free and won't harm anyone, which from what can be inferred from the series was not that often, the leader of a military post like this can't be seen doing this often to the same target. Remember that this is an old man... a ninja old man... a ninja old man that survived two world wars AND is reknown as the God of Shinobi and The Professor, in a world where you are lucky to reach thirty!

6) His response is too agitated to be in-character with the person we see at the start of the series, this here is one of the signs that you will try to make everyone stop and gawk at THE MARVELOUS NARUTO UZUMAKI AND HIS SUPER TECHNIQUE!1, please try to restrain that desire to make everyone think of this as something unique and make it more in line with something that is unusual or expected out of him since he has a giant chakra battery in the seal on his stomach.

7) He acts as the stereotype of a wise grandfather, this means that he should have delivered the first part of this news with a calm air and a scolding demeanor, saying the second in an almost resigned tone.

8) Funny, but the part about talking to the statue could be seen by anyone that is out to observe or overhear the activities of the leader of this military post, he should be aware of this and accordingly kept quiet over the fact he just blurted out, not to mention that you could have just made him stop at "seeing it once" and let a silence stretch out, something like amusement crossing his features might be more appropriate too since for him that kind of thing might just be a parlor trick. Remember that he mastered every. SINGLE! THING!!! Every art that was conceived by ninjas is known and mastered by him.

9) Like said in the fifth (5) point, he was almost universally ignored and only actively hated by a very small portion of the village. What we see in the anime and manga is that small portion. It is credible that he was denied access, but try not to exaggerate those parts.

10) While the part about Mikoto is believable, try to flesh out the interactions.

The other point that I want to make is this... why the hell didn't Naruto try to practice something like this before? Why the hell would there be such information at the reach of anyone that might want to get an edge over the hidden leaf village? Information can kill nations and this is sitting freely for the grabs. Might want to obfuscate the title of the book a little, this sounds way to direct to be on a book, maybe a scroll?

11) His control is absolutely awful, he can't muster up the control (4, extra) to do anything of the sort at this stage with chakra burns being something directly out of fanon, it is possible for it to happen when Naruto was learning the Rasengan (Spiralling Sphere), but only because of the friction generated. Chakra is benign and almost harmless to the person using it when the control is all over the place, it only becomes dangerous when you are going for precision... OR you waste all of it and end up dead.

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WAIT FOR MORE, I'LL EDIT LATER.

Click to shrink...

Alright I think I fixed it, please take anther look.

 

[Gundamexia34]

Just a quick note, the Uchiha massacre will still happen. That's all I'll say on the matter. Also, Naruto is not a genius. He is simply more socially aware, and able to make "connections" a little easier.

Click to shrink...

Naruto opened his eyes to the sight of the training ground. The full moon was out, and the stars were clearly visible.

"I guess I must have passed out. Man though, what a weird dream..." He muttered to himself as he stood up.

"It was no dream Naruto." He heard Flare say, making him look around.

"Flare? Where are you? How can I hear you?" Naruto shouted in surprise.

"Calm down Naruto, I'm still in the seal. Now that we've met we can talk to each other mentally. Just think what you want to say while focusing on me. If you don't focus then I won't see it, so don't worry about that." The last part was said with a laugh as Naruto sighed in relief.

"So, like this?"Naruto asked, receiving a positive reply.

Smiling at the fact that he now had a friend that he could talk to at any time, Naruto started to make his way to his apartment.

"Hey, Flare? I think I remember you promising to help me get better at being a ninja, were you serious about that?"

Flare frowned inside the seal. If she could have, she would have slapped him upside the head.

"Of course I was serious! You're my friend now, and if you go out into the world the way you are you won't last long against an enemy ninja. I refuse to lose a friend because some stupid teachers ignored your education." Her words made Naruto's smile widen.

"Thank,s Flare. That means a lot to me."

It wasn't long before Naruto's apartment came into sight. He was quick to unlock the door and go inside, before cooking up a bowl of instant ramen. After his brief meal, Naruto yawned and went to bed. Rather than going into dreamland, however, he went into his mindscape.

---

Flare watched as Naruto looked around in confusion, before speaking up.

"Naruto, I pulled you here." She explained, getting his attention, "From now on, you'll be training with me at night while your body sleeps. We're going to be working on your ability to plan first. Now, I want you to imagine a chessboard between us. Since this is your mindscape, you can make anything happen here."

Naruto nodded, and just like Flare said a chessboard appeared. He knew the basics as to how the pieces moved, but that was it.

"At least you know that. Now let's play a few games." Flare said when he told her this. With a nod, Naruto sat down. Flare was white, and so she moved a knight first. Naruto responded without even thinking by moving one of his pawns.

And so the game went on for another five minutes, Flare moving carefully while Naruto simply responded until...

"Checkmate." Flare declared. Sure enough, her queen was two spaces up from his king, positioned in such a way that none of his remaining pieces could attack her. Naruto pouted and snapped his fingers as he watched Flare reset the board. "Cheer up Naruto, it's your first game. I would honestly be surprised if you won."

Sighing, Naruto waited until Flare made her move. This time, it was a pawn that moved. Naruto reached forward and paused. This was supposed to be a practice in strategy. Moving a pawn he waited for her response. She moved her, now free, bishop.

This time the game lasted nearly 10 minutes, which surprised Flare at his improvement rate. However, the result was the same in that Naruto lost. They played through the night, Naruto improving little by little with each game.

"Well Naruto, this has been fun, but it's time for you to wake up. After all, the body is just as important as the mind." Flare stated, watching as Naruto seemed to simply fade from existence.

---

When he woke up in his room, Naruto was quick to get a shower and head over to Ichiraku's. As he walked in, he noticed Ayame Ichiraku standing behind the counter.

"Welcome to- Naruto! Where have you been?!" Ayame exclaimed while coming around the counter to embrace the young blond who she saw as her little brother. She remembered how the Hokage had brought in the young four-year-old boy, his eyes sparkling with mirth as Naruto's mouth went at a million miles per hour simply chattering away.

Ayame had thought Naruto simply too adorable and couldn't resist wrapping him up in a hug. It caught him off guard for a moment before he smiled and hugged her back. Two years later, Naruto accidentally slipped and called her Sis. It led to a squeal and hug, letting him know that she was perfectly happy with it.

"Sorry Sis, sorry about vanishing on you, but I've been pretty busy training ever since I failed the genin test again." As Naruto spoke, he rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile. Ayame sighed as she released the hug and looked him in the eyes.

"Well, as long as you're alright. I just get worried when you don't at least come in to talk with me." She said with a smile as she ruffled Naruto's hair, getting a squawk of protest which made her laugh, "Now are you here just to check in or are you actually going to eat this time?"

"I skipped breakfast for this, so I am starving!" Naruto said as he sat at the counter.

"Sure thing! Hey Dad, Naruto's back and he's hungry!" Ayame called out to her father Teuchi, who was cooking in the back. Said man poked his head out from the kitchen with a smile.

"Welcome back Kid! I'm guessing you want the usual. Two beef, three chicken, a miso ramen right?" he asked.

"Got it in one you old crockpot." Naruto teased with a smile as Ayame laughed while her father went back with a good-natured grumble.

Two hours of talking (eating too but mostly talking) with the Ichiraku family later, Naruto checked his wallet and realized that he barely had enough to pay!

"Yikes! I forgot that I made my monthly grocery run a couple weeks back!" Naruto muttered as he stepped out of the stand. As he went to put his wallet back into his pocket, he brushed up against his supply pouch and realized that the fabric 'gave' more than it should. Pulling it loose and looking inside, he paled as he saw that it was empty except for a single kunai and a few shurikens!

"Well, that's just great! Now what do I- Oof!" he cried out as he bumped into someone exiting the training ground he was passing and landed flat on his butt. Rubbing his forehead, he looked up and blinked at the sight of what seemed to be a large rattling duffel bag moving around on the ground.

Figuring out that he must have trapped the person he bumped into under their own bag, he went to one side and started trying to lift it. The bag was surprisingly heavy, but it seems that his accidental victim was pushing up as well. With both of them working together, the bag finally rolled over.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, Naruto looked down and offered a hand to the now revealed young lady of roughly his age.

"Sorry about that, I should have been watching where I was going." He said as she took the hand and he helped her up.

"It's no problem if anything it's my fault for overfilling the bag so much that I had drag it backward. I really should have stopped three training grounds back." She said while shaking her head. "Oh! My name's Tenten, what's yours?"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki. So what's in the bag anyway?"

"Well, my uncle owns a blacksmith and ninja supply store. He has a system where you can bring in scrap metal like bent tools and he'll buy them off you. He does it because it gives him a chance to haggle on prices, which he enjoys."

Now Naruto was interested, this was a chance to kill two birds with one stone.

"Say, do you want some help carrying all this? I need some money and supplies, so if you'll slip the profit from this with me 60-40 I'd be more than willing to help.

Tenten put a finger on her lips and tapped it a few times while pouting. Naruto barely kept from blushing at how cute she looked to him right then. Shaking his head to dispel such thoughts, he waited for her answer.

"If you'd be willing to go 65-35 then it's a deal." She finally decided.

"Awesome. Thanks a ton, so do you have a second bag or...?"

"No, sorry. I think we'll just have to take one end each and start walking." Tenten sighed.

Shrugging, Naruto went to one side and lifted it up, "Oh well, it doesn't really matter. How about you take the front? You're the one who knows de way after all."

With a nod, Tenten picked up her end and they held it over their shoulders as they walked through the streets, making small talk throughout the journey.

Naruto found out that she had just passed the genin exam, which made him pout and snap his finger in frustration. This, in turn, got a laugh from Tenten which nearly turned Naruto's face red again.

'Gosh, what is wrong with me? I literally just met her and she's already practically got me wrapped around her finger. And the worst part is that I could swear that I've met her somewhere before...But I just can't place it!' Naruto mentally ranted as he walked.

After another five minutes of walking, he lost it. Though thankfully it was, yet again, in his head.

"Gah! That's it! I can't take it anymore! Flare, you can see my memories, right? Can you please go through them and find out where I've met this girl from? This 'tip of my tongue' sensation is driving me absolutely batty!" Naruto asked in desperation.

Flare, honestly, wanted to laugh, but she was also worried. This was so unlike Naruto! "Calm down Naruto. I can do it, but you're starting to freak me out here."

Naruto sighed, making it double as a deep, calming breath. "Sorry, Flare. But I'm honestly freaking myself out! All she's done is strike an unintentional pose and laugh, yet I'm almost blushing like one of those stupid fangirls I keep hearing about!"

At this point, Flare had an idea of what was happening and looked through Naruto's more recent memories. She wasn't scanning for Tenten, though. Instead, she scanned his recent conversation with the Third Hokage, realizing that a certain memory that should have been there was missing. Not as if it had been removed, more like an event that should have happened hadn't yet.

To be specific, Naruto hadn't been given The Talk. This made her blush heavily at the thought of doing that herself, so she passed the torch. "Naruto, I haven't figured out how you know her, but I do know why you're reacting like this. After you're done here, you need to go to the Old Man and let him know how you were feeling around Tenten, though you don't need to mention her by name."

Naruto was confused but agreed to do as she said.

By this point, he and Tenten had arrived at her uncle's shop. It was rather plain looking from the outside, with simple off-white walls and a window with a few, more decorative but still practical weapons on display.

Tenten, however, rather than bring them through the front door brought them through a side alley to the back of the store which had a large open-air covered patio. Upon said patio was what looked like a big brick oven with a set of billows, a trough filled with water, and an anvil.

The man working at the anvil was working on what seemed to be a sword. He was rather muscular with hair that was the same shade as Tenten's. After he quenched the blade, he lifted his tinted goggles to reveal green eyes.

"Uncle Sento!" Tenten called out, getting him to turn and notice the two.

"Oh! Well if it isn't my little niece! And who's this, your boyfriend?" He asked them with a teasing smile. This naturally made both Tenten and Naruto blush cherry red.

"Uncle! It's not like that! Naruto offered to help me bring in this bag of scrap to sell in exchange for part of the profit." Tenten said with a shake of her head as she adjusted her grip slightly.

"Oh? I see. Well then, come on up. We'll weigh it and I'll examine a few samples." Sento said as he wiped his gloves on his apron.

The two followed him to a heavy duty hanging scale, where he had them place the bag on the already attached platform. Naruto was surprised to see that the bag weighed over 100 pounds! No wonder it needed two of them to lift!

"Well, this is a lot of metal. Let's see how good the quality is." With these words, Sento unzipped the bag and pulled out a few shurikens. He examined them with an expert's eyes, "The metal's a good quality. I should be able to make some pretty good stuff with this. Overall, I'd give you $3000 for the lot."

"What?! No way, it's worth $5000 at least!" Tenten said in disbelief. Naruto perked up, here was the haggling that he'd heard about. This should be good.

"I can't give that much for metal like this. The most I can give is $3500."

"How about $4500?" Naruto interjected, "It must have taken hours to get this much metal, and plus it was another hour or so of carrying this heavy bag all the way here."

"How about $3500 and a free resupply?" Sento offered. Naruto and Tenten looked at each other, then nodded.

A few moments later, Naruto walked with Tenten and Sento to the front of the store, where he was shocked by the sheer amount of weapons and armor on display. He watched as Sento counted out the money and Tenten separated his portion from the rest before handing it to him.

"Here's your cut. Thanks again for the help." She said, getting Naruto to wave a hand in dismissal.

"It's nothing. Honestly, if I didn't need the money then I would have done it for free." He explained as he walked over to the shelf with standard resupply packs, which included shuriken, kunai, and ninja wire.

As he walked over to the door, he paused beside a shelf filled with unmarked scrolls. A sign above it read 'Weapons Lottery'.

"Hey Sento, what's this?" The boy asked, getting the man's attention.

"Oh, that? I realized that I have more weapons than I do shelf space recently. So I loaded some of the excess weapons into unmarked scrolls, scrambled them so that even I didn't know which one held what, and loaded them up." This got a quirked eyebrow in response, "You could get anything from a single shuriken or kunai all the way up to a war-hammer or battle-ax! Everything outside of the basics comes with directions. If you don't like what you get you can return it with the receipt for a refund and keep the scroll."

Naruto noticed Tenten's jaw drop, though he was right there with her. This sounded downright epic!

"How much for three of them?" Naruto asked.

"How about we start the bidding at $900?" Sento said this with a smirk on his face.

"Way too much. Even if I get a big weapon it would only slow me down, so $300." Naruto countered with his (rather good) poker face firmly in place.

"I'd go bankrupt if I went that low. I'll raise you to $600"

"Still a little too high, but how about $500 and a pair of those giant war fans with instructions?" Naruto asked while indicating two such fans that had 10 blades the size of a fuuma-shuriken's and a ring for a handle.

"Make it $550 and you got a deal, those things can unfold into full shuriken after all."

"Sold. Pleasure doing business with you." Naruto agreed with a grin. With his new fans and directions being sealed into a scroll (this one helpfully marked), the boy headed out to find a training ground to see what he got.

A/N: a new poll will be up soon to decide what the other three weapons Naruto will carry around are.

Click to shrink...

 

[Gundamexia34]

Alright people, bad news time. I'm going to have to remove a poll option. The Sword with shield sheath went from 0 to 5 votes overnight. Now that may not seem weird, but the option has gone unchosen for the entire time the poll was up. Again, not that weird, but when nothing else gets chosen at all?

One of these on their own I could get, two I could shrug off, but three makes me suspect someone used some dummy accounts. As a punishment, they will not get what they want.

That is all.

 

[Gundamexia34]

Alright! The poll has finally reached at least 5 votes each on 3 weapons! It is now officially closed. I checked on a whim after waking up in the middle of the night though, so I'll get to work after I get some sleep.