OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

An Unequally-verse gag.

---

Misery.

"Makie-chan?" Yuuna curiously asked, as they approached the gymnast, who was shooting cans placed on a fence. "Why are you doing that?"

Makie looked back at her friends. "Ah? Oh, hey, guys. Yeah, I know I don't do this a lot, but it's what I do when I've had a rough, unhappy day, like today! What do you do when you've had a just awful day yourselves?"

"I eat a lot of ice cream," Skuld said.

"I train martial arts and magic a lot until I feel numb," Negi said.

"I use the Internet until I fall asleep," Chisame said.

"I get angry at people and lash out at them," Louise said.

"I brood silently, bottling it all up like a good samurai," Setsuna said.

"I cook," Shirou said.

"I eat, period," Saber said.

Makie and Yuuna stared at them. ".."

The others then looked down uncomfortably and away from each other, as best as they could.

 

[OverMaster]

Hair.

Asuna and Konoka walked down the hallways of the school, chatting vivaciously, when they briefly ran into Kazari Uiharu and Ruiko Saten, who also were sharing amused eveyday small talk with each other.

Asuna stopped for only a moment, losing her smile. "Ah... good morning, Kazari-san."

Uiharu broke character for a moment to reply in the same dry tone, "Good morning, Kagurazaka-sempai."

Konoka and Saten shared the usual sympathetic glance and subtle nod before each pair kept on going their own different ways.

"Flowers-sporting weirdo," Asuna muttered under her breath.

"Bells-sporting weirdo," Uiharu muttered under hers.

 

[OverMaster]

Sis und Panzer.

Someone rang at the door, and Chisame went over to open.

She instantly blinked at the appearance of the tiny girl now standing on their doorstep.

"G-Good morning!" the stranger stammered. "I'm Fukuda, from Chi-Ha-Tan Academy, and I came to see-- Ahhh- Well--"

Chisame sighed, then loudly called back into the apartment, "Hakase!! Someone really needs to talk with you about your father!!"

 

[OverMaster]

A Typical Afternoon in the Offices of Type-Moon.

"Okay, then, how about Heroic Spirit Assassin Edward Gein?" he suggested next. "He inspired both The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Psycho, so we can mix Leatherface and Norman Bates into a single Composite Servant! And he'll be easily recognizable without us having to pay royalties to either movie franchise!"

"My God!" one of his colleagues said. "That's it! You're brilliant!"

"We can get Takehito Koyasu to voice him!" suggested a second one.

"Maybe we can rework him into a kawaii girl, though?"

"Oh dear," another soberly realized. "Our lives, what in the world are we doing with them...?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Dance in the Toy Bund.

She sat back and smiled as she listened to them. "Please get ready, Your Majesty, we are going live in five, four, three--"

But then all the screens in the studio, instead, flashed with the image of a plastic cowboy directly addressing the audience.

"Howdy, partners," he said. "I'm Woody, Supreme Sheriff of the Toy Race. For many centuries we have lived among you, posing as nothing but lifeless playthings, but starting tonight, we will be coexisting with you, no longer as objects to be used and then discarded, but rather, as your friends... and equals. To all toys in the world who wish so, you can come with us, to live in the island we have just bought for our species, built out of LEGO blocks in the Japanese sea. A bund where toys everywhere can lead their public lives peacefully, happily. You've got a friend in us..."

Mina Tepes stared lividly at the screens relaying the message that was right now being broadcast to all of Japan and then the world as a whole, open mouthed and silent until an attendant asked nervously, "Hime-sama? What, what are we supposed to do after this..."

Mina sighed and began unbuttoning her top down, kicking the shoes off. "Well, there's only one way I can make my message more attention catching now..."

 

[OverMaster]

A Bang-Up Job.

"You all have bombs implanted into you now," Amanda Waller told the assembled villains. "Should you ever rebel, step out of line, go against the assignment's stipulations, we will know it... and then we will detonate the bombs, killing you instantly. Just thought I'd let you know, before you started getting any ideas."

"Swell," Nitro smirked wickedly.

Immediately, Deadshot, Boomerang, Quinn, Whiplash, Venom and Titania all stared at him. Then Deadshot glared back at Waller and asked what everyone else was wondering. "And... that disuades him, the guy who regularly makes himself explode at will... how?"

"His case is different. We're actually paying him, but only as soon as the mission is completed and he makes it back here successfully," Waller said.

"Wow," Harley blinked. "You really really hated Captain Marvel, didn'tcha?"

 

[OverMaster]

An Open Letter from your Friend, the Incredible Hulk.

Why Hulk always called the destructive one?

Hulk just wants you puny humans to leave Hulk alone! If Hulk could have his way, Hulk would live in the desert and not smash your puny human cities! What good for Hulk in cities anyway? Hulk no can use subway! Hulk no fit in taxis or bus! Hulk bored by movies and never buys shirts, so Hulk has no use for mall either!

Puny superheroes break puny humans' stuff more often than Hulk anyway!

Puny Superman always, always picking puny humans' cars and smashing them down, long before Hulk born! For real, he's doing that since 1938!

Puny Power Rangers always get into puny giant robots and wreck puny city, and no puny humans hunt them like they do to Hulk! And they're stupid, and their continuity makes Hulk's head hurt!

When puny Goku starts fighting, he and puny bubblegum man and giant grasshopper and gay alien white lizard blow Earth up! Ka-boom! They turn whole cities to dust! Hulk just topples puny buildings that were badly built anyway! But, anyone ever calls puny monkeys out? No! You only bother Hulk! That makes Hulk mad, and the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets!

So next time you puny humans start thinking bitching about Hulk, think if you shouldn't be bitching on puny Superman and space monkeys and Power Rangers instead! Hulk okay with Powerpuff Girls, though. Bubbles is good friends with Hulk!

Not Yours Truly, Because Your Weak, Hulk.

 

[OverMaster]

Ranma Episodes, Rewritten for the Modern Times!

"We must retrieve that bracelet from Happosai!" Cologne slammed her cane against the floor. "The Love Pills it contains--"

"Were an ancient heritage of your Amazon tribe, right...?" a bored Ranma commented.

"No, they are products of the MK Ultra program from an American colonel I once dated."

"... oh."

---

Evangelion Episodes, Rewritten for the Modern Times!

"C-Commander Ikari?" Touji blinked at the man who had just walked into his hospital room. "What are you doing here...?"

"Wishing you for a speedy recovery, Suzuhara," Gendo told him. "After all, the sooner you have recovered, the sooner you can pilot again..."

"Piloting again?! What the fuck, man?! You've left me a cripple in this damn bed! How can I ever pilot again?!"

"Suzuhara!" a scandalized Gendo gasped. "I can't believe you would be so politically incorrect! You are not a cripple, don't you know that word can't be used anymore!?"

Touji blinked. "Uh, well, I'm disabled, then?"

"No! Disabilities don't exist anymore, either! They are offensive concepts for perfectly able people like you who just happen to be... special in your own wonderful way!"

"Special?! Man, I can't even fucking walk anymore! If I'm not a cripple and I'm not disabled either, then what does that make me? WHAT?!"

"A pilot?"

"AAAAARRRGHHHH!!"

The intense End of Evangelion scene where Touji defeated the Mass Production EVAs by beating them with Unit 03's wheelchair has since become an acclaimed classic of the genre.

---

Project A-Ko Episodes, Rewritten for the Modern Times!

"DAMN YOU, B-KO!!" A-Ko shook a fist at the movie theater. "Are you happy now, then?! Happy at last, bitch?!"

B-Ko poked her head out, staring flatly at her. "Cry as much as you want, that won't change the fact my dad's box office can beat yours'."

---

Kobayashi-san's Dragon Maid Episodes, Rewritten for the Modern Times!

"G-Goodbye, Lucoa...!" Tohru tearfully waved as the Dragon Immigration Police shoved her handcuffed friend into the wagon along ten other Mexican dragons. "I won't ever forget you...!"

Shouta blandly pumped a fist up. "Make Japan great again."

"... was a rewrite for the modern times really necessary?" Kobayashi quietly commented while watching on. "Wasn't our anime from just last year anyway...?"

 

[OverMaster]

I, Jezebel! No, You Jezebel!

"Nodoka, I have something I need to confess," Yue said with a strangled voice. "I... I...I really...!"

"You've fallen in love with Negi-sensei, haven't you, Yue-Yue?" Nodoka guessed.

Yue took both hands to her head and cried out her heart wrenching anguish. "Aaaarrrghhh! I have committed a horrible betrayal! Being hated by you was what I always feared the most, and yet, how could I ask you not to? Even I can't forget myself! I was supposed to support you from the bottom of my heart! Instead, I have selfishly heeded the call of my own base desires! How foolish! How dirty! How stupid! I'm the worst, and I had the arrogance of lecturing Inugami-kun on love! I don't have the right to call myself your friend anymore...!"

"Yue," Nodoka calmly said. "That's okay. I like Kotaro-kun much better now."

Yue did a really exaggerated wild take with vertically leaping braids and blank eyes for a moment, then asked, bewildered, "... Seriously?"

Nodoka nodded categorically.

"... oh," Yue said very quietly after a moment. "Well... this was anticlimactic."

"I suppose it is," Nodoka admitted with a small smile and shrug.

Then Yue narrowed her eyes at her and grumbled, unusually gruff and even hostile, "And what does that boy have that Negi-sensei doesn't...?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Urusei Marionette J.

"Ataru, daisuk--!!" Lime quickly lost her bright wide smile through the proccess of saying the sentence, then shook her head somberly. "No, sorry, I can't do it, it's asking for too much from me...!" she said in a hollow, disgusted voice, turning around on her large squeaking shoes and quickly leaving the recording stage in a disturbed huff.

The brown haired boy she had just casually slammed against a wall using only one hand blinked. "Maybe... I should have gotten a tan after all?"

 

[OverMaster]

All Webbed Up.

"Oh, so your roommate has a web page?" Tsukuyomi asked. "How interesting! So do I, actually!"

"Seriously, Tsukuyomi-san?" Negi asked.

She frowned. "Of course I'm serious. What, did you think I don't know anything about technology just because I dress traditionally and I'm not texting constantly? Naturally, my page isn't like any other. You only can access it through the Deep Web..."

"What is the Deep Web?" Negi asked.

"There," Tsukuyomi smiled very cutely, "I offer my services as a bodyguard, hitwoman or mercenary, but for a special prize, I also can offer special services..."

"Tsukuyomi-san!" he gasped, scandalized.

She laughed at his intense blush. "No, no, you misunderstand! What do you think I am, a whore?"

"What's a whore?"

Again, she frowned at him. "A bookworm like you has read the Apocalypse. Don't take me for an idiot!"

"Oh, so you are a devil beast of global destruction?" he asked next, slyly.

"No, of course I'm n-- Well played, Negi-han. Well played. Anyway, pay me enough and I'll put small fanservice videos of me doing little things like stepping on kittens, beheading geese, reading Ayn Rand aloud, shredding squirrel monkeys, they're actually cheaper if bought by the dozen from the correct dealers... you know, the kind of material some sophisticated older gentlemen find delightful to see a young lady perform. Always fully dressed, of course," she added with a prim hand on her chest. "It's more erotic that way regardless, although I understand you prefer stripping all women around you? For you, I might just make an excep--"

"No, thank you!!" the horrified Negi gasped.

"I thought you might say that," she sighed. "Then, Negi-han, what does your roommate use her webpage for?"

"She... She runs tutorials on crafts and confection, that's all," he decided to say.

 

[OverMaster]

The Aristocats: Epilogue.

"Madame Adelaide Bonfamille," the Inspector said as he placed the cuffs on her. "You are under arrest for the murder of your butler Edgar, found suffocated in a trunk being shipped over to Timbuktu..."

"Th-There must be a terrible mistake!" the gray, elegant lady gasped in growing disbelief and despair. "Why, I never would--! S'il vous plait, Inspector Clouseau...!"

 

[OverMaster]

In His Blood.

"And this," Sir Grimsby said as he showed Ariel the next room, "is Prince Eric's studio, where he--"

Ariel then blinked in surprise, seeing Eric pace frantically around the room, shaking a human skull in a hand and yelling at his ever stoic manservant.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Grimsby, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar!? Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chapfallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor she must come. Make her laugh at that! Prithee, Grimsby, tell me one thing--"

Grimsby wordlessly closed the door on his face, then kept on walking, with a rattled Ariel marching behind her. "-- engages into activities proper to all Princes of Denmark from his dynasty. Now, if I could show you, Madame, the Music Room..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Fifth Turtle.

"My son," Splinter told him, when his head already grazed the ceiling of the humble sewer lair. "You have grown strong indeed, somehow mutating far more than your brothers, but… this blessing, I'm afraid, has also brought its own curse upon you. It pains me to the brink of tears, my beloved son, telling you soon you will not physically fit into this house anymore. But, rest assured, you always will remain in our hearts regardless…"

"GRAAAAAAA!" said the turtle, for he also had mutated quite beyond human speech by now. Carefully, he gave his foster father a crushing hug, waved clumsily at his brothers, and leapt up, breaking through the street and flying away into the New York skyline, limbs and head retracted back into a shell that quickly spun across the air…

----

Years Later:

"—and so, Gamera, guardian of mankind and friend to children everywhere, has once again prevailed over King Ghidorah, saving Japan albeit at the price of most of Tokyo…" the TV reporter narrated on.

Sitting before the television in the warmth and stench of the old sewer lair, the four brothers and Splinter watched on, sharing heartfelt sniffs and moved nods.

"Botticelli…!" Michaelangelo lamented. "His real name's Botticelli…!"

 

[OverMaster]

Incredibly Lame Super Mario Jokes.

How was Princess Peach deposed from her throne? She was put through an im-peach-ment.

Why did the Luigi's Mansion stage play fail? It was met with too many Boos.

Why did Princess Daisy have her reputation ruined? She was seen in a daisy chain.

What's the Mushroom Kingdom's top military force? The G.I. Yoshis.

What did Mario name his pet toad? Mushroom.

What are Wario's favorite water sports? Mater polo and smiwwing.

 

[OverMaster]

Incredibly Lame Marvel Universe Jokes.

How do they call the Green Goblin South of the border? The Gringo Blin.

How many X-Men do you need to film a porno? Three.

What does happen if Tony Stark farts inside of the armor? JARVIS sniffs it up for him.

How can you tell if the Red Skull's got a sunburn? That's when he gets mean.

Who's the most deceiving hero in the Marvel Universe? The Ghost Rider, because he never rides any ghosts.

What does Mystique do when she's sad? She sings the blues.

Who makes the lamest jokes in all of Marvel? The Pun-isher.

 

[OverMaster]

The Punchline of Evangelion- Or, Jokin' on Heaven's Door.

"I hate myself," the Joker realized. "But, maybe, maybe I could love myself! Maybe, my life can have a greater value. That's right!. I am no more or less than myself. I am me! I want to be myself! I want to continue existing in this world! My life is worth living here!"

Then reality itself fractured and crumbled down around him, and he was surrounded by all those he knew from all sides.

"Congratulations," Luthor told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Riddler told him, clapping.

"Holy Congratulations!" Robin told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Ivy told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Superman told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Carnage told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Doctor Arkham told him, clapping.

"Congratulations, waugghh!" Penguin told him, clapping.

"Rongratulations!" Scooby Doo told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Catwoman told him, clapping.

Two-Face flipped a coin, looked at the result, then told him "Congratulations," while clapping.

"Congratulations," Tsukuyomi told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Killer Croc told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Bane told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Ra's al Ghul told him, clapping.

"Congratulations, Puddin'!" Harley told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Clayface told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Deathstroke told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Gordon told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Barbara told him from her wheelchair, clapping.

"Congratulations," Nightwing told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Red Hood told him, clapping.

"Congratulations, gee golly!" Bat-Mite told him, clapping.

"Congratulations," Batman told him, clapping.

"Thank you all!" the Joker sincerely smiled, pulled a machinegun out, and gunned them all down.

---

And that was why Doctor Anno's radical rehabilitation therapy was scrapped by Arkham management after all.

 

[OverMaster]

The Shortest A Christmas Carol Ever!

"Ebenezer Scrooge...!!" shouted the emaciated, hideous shadow that had been Jacob Marley, showing at the middle of the room and grandly shaking his chains around. "I have come for you tonight...!!"

The old miser standing before him let out a strangled scream, took a hand to his battered, shriveled heart, and fell to the floor, twitching once like a dying dog before stopping moving altogether.

Marley's Ghost stared down at the body, in a baffled silence.

Then another spirit rose from the scrawny body, scowling at Marley now they both were in equal conditions. "Well?" Scrooge growled. "Are you happy now, you old bastard!?"

"That... That was not what I--" Marley ended up sighing and just handing Scrooge some of his own chains over. "Never mind that now, what's the point anymore? Just follow me, and damnation, but Christmas Future should have seen this coming..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Harukana Receive Christmas Special.

"It's too cold to go out and play beach volleyball!" Haruka decided, sitting down on her couch and tightly wrapping her blankets around her body, up to her neck.

Ratings plummeted that week.

---

Naughty Children.

"Well, it was just logical, wasn't it?" Shinji reasoned while Asuka frowned at the coal they had received. "Do you realize how many Angels we've killed this year?"

Anta baka," she said.

---

Ten Reasons not to Date Ronnie Ann.

"She's, like too bossy and tyrannical," Lori said.

"She's not that bright either!" Leni said.

"Too many freckles, Bro," Luna said.

"Her jokes are so bad they should remain lost in translation! Get it?" Luan asked.

"You shouldn't let anyone push you around and walk all over you!" Lynn added.

"There's not a single smidge of true mirth anywhere in her tortured soul…" Lucy estimated.

"She's so full of herself!" Lola cringed.

"Definitely not feminine enough," Lana said.

"She isholates hershelf from healthy human contact by rationalizing damaging behavior through the guishe of a behavior pattern conductive to treatment of othersh ash mere toolsh and an emotional dishtancing that makesh her unlikely to ever pleashe an average male in a long term relationsship," Lisa lectured, pushing her glasses up.

"She poo poo!" Lily clapped and giggled.

Lincoln frowned. "I don't know, guys. I have a sliiiiight hunch I could be able to handle all of that anyway. For years if needed."

"Nonsense," Lori said, "You'd literally fold over before a week if you ever had to live with someone like that!"

 

[OverMaster]

Fateassic Park.

"Okay, how about this," Tohsaka Nagato, always the enterpreneur, said with a flashing smile. "Instead of trying to reach the Root, we will put all the historical and myth figures we have revived in a theme park and charge people to see them!"

Justeaze and Zolgen gave him bewildered looks.

Nagato frowned. "Don't you like the idea?"

"No, no, it isn't that," said Justeaze, before Zolgen could complain on the destruction of the Mystery. "It's just, how do we keep them from escaping? Zolgen's idea of the Command Spells wouldn't suffice for that..."

"I've thought of that, too! Turns out Servants stay around a given place in relative harmony as long as you set them up with a generic kind Japanese teen with as little personality as possible! And my country," Nagato's chest puffed up with pride, "has no shortage of them!"

---

"-- and that's why we have to do this," Fujimaru Ritsuka told Kishinami Hakuno. "It's a living, so just be brave and endure them like a man, will you?"

 

[OverMaster]

The Number Game.

"You know, I have been thinking," Homura said. "Since the whole world thinks of us as villains, maybe we should rebrand ourselves as proper villains, to strike more fear into their cowardly hearts! And what do all successful villain teams have? Names that don't sound like 'Cosmic Enchilada' and include numbers! Like the Sinister Six, the Fearsome Five, the Witches Five, the Terrible Trio, the Gruesome Twosome and the Frightful Four! Now, depending on if we count that creept swordswoman as one of us or not, that would leave us as either--"

"We are heroes, and Cosmo Entelecheia is a fine name as it is," Fate dryly interrupted her. "End of the discussion."

And he walked away, as Homura bit on her lower lip and sobbed to herself in silence.

Luna gently patted her shoulder from behind. "It's okay. If you want, we can call ourselves the Fate Four among ourselves."

"I like Master Sextum better, though!" Homura reminded her.

"Ah, that's right, we're in that other continuity here, aren't we...?"

Koyomi flinched, taking a nervous hand to her mouth. "... Cosmic Enchilada? Now I'll never be able to stop myself from thinking that whenever we announce ourselves...! Thank you so very much, Homura, seriously...!!"

 

[OverMaster]

Number Twenty Five.

That morning of December the 25th, Konoe Touta woke up to find, much to his surprise, a lot of finely wrapped gift boxes set all under the headquarters' Christmas Tree.

"Ah, yes," Yukihime said, lazily walking along him towards them. "Hadn't I told you? That guy up there, he's our Number Twenty Five. Usually he only shows up for missions once a year, and that laugh of his is really much more annoying than legend would make you believe, but at least he's always good with presents at holidays. Merry Christmas, Touta."

 

[OverMaster]

Get Your Own Names!

"I am Kirito!" the boy announced himself. "The Black Swordsman!"

"And I'm Asuna!" the girl said, posing with her rapier. "The Flash!"

There were several disapproving glares from the crowd, but the worst came from a hulking, black haired man in armor wielding a sword bigger than the boy, and a lean shorter man in all covering red tights, with a golden lightning bolt design on his chest.

"Really, guys?" the man in red asked. "Couldn't you come up with anything more original?"

 

[OverMaster]

A Christmas Crossover Romance.

On a chair in a small cafe sat Tomoe Mami's severed head, with a Santa Claus hat on it, smiling warmly. "..."

On the chair before hers, wearing a Christmas elf's hat and leaking a thin line of blood from its mouth, Itou Makoto's severed head was also frozen in a smile. "..."

Standing behind a thick pillar at the entrance, Kotonoha, Sekai, Kiyoura, Madoka, Homura and Sayaka all spied on them.

Sekai sobbed. "I know I should be mad...! But, they look so happy together...!"

Kotonoha nodded absently. "And it is Christmas, after all... maybe I won't stab you this year either, Saionji-san..." she pondered quietly.

Madoka sniffed happily. "Love triumphs again! Aren't you glad, Homura-chan?"

"Um, sure thing, if you say so..."

"This," Sayaka decided with a small twitch on her face, "is all kinds of screwed up."

And Setsuna only could nod.

 

[OverMaster]

An Ass Kicking Christmas.

The Krampus howled madly, jumping in through the window and lunging towards the table where five people had gathered to trade old stories and dine...

Unfortunately for him, that particular group of comrades brought together by similar circumstances was made of Tommy Jarvis, Laurie Strode, Doctor Samuel Loomis, Ash Williams and Andy Barclay.

 

[OverMaster]

Santo Claus.

Every December, beyond The Wall.

Santo brings joy to the children of all.

So what if we can't have a jolly fat man

bringing us regalos, juguetes and pan?

Santo comes instead, with his shiny silver mask,

with his bulging muscles, he's up for the task!

Santo puts the Grinch in a choking hold,

Santo fights the Krampus, he's so freaking bold!

In a large silver sleight pulled on by burros,

Santo brings muñecas, piñatas and churros!

If you are naughty, he won't bring you coal,

rather he'll kick you and score another goal.

And since I'm being a bother with rhymes that are this bad,

I bow out while wishing you a Feliz Navidad.

 

[OverMaster]

Christmas in Monster Island.

One day every year, the King of Monsters sees the red streak zooming through the nocturnal sky, towards the island. The first couple of decades, he would try and torch the incoming, annoying fly off the air with his atomic breath, only to have it-- them, actually, as it invariably is a combination of ridiculous looking small creatures pulling on a human's primitive vehicle-- fly directly through it, completely unscathed.

Nowadays, Gojira does not bother. He sees them coming and grumbles lowly, stepping into the jungle as they land. By this point, Minilla and Mothra already have eagerly gathered on the usual small clearing, and with a jolly belly laugh, the human hops down from the vehicle, sets down wrapped boxes that are too small for them and too huge for him, and gently pats on their massive heads as they lower them.

"Oh ho ho, keep on being good children, it is much appreciated..."

Gojira waits, then absently punts a large boulder away as the vehicle disappears back into the starry sky, until next year.

He cannot bring himself to care at all, of course, in his bestial, raging flux of ever renewing anger and contempt for the human world.

And yet...

 

[OverMaster]

The Crossover Christmas Game.

Negi and Class 3-A, the Sailor Senshi, the Nankatsu football team, the Nerima Wrecking Crew, the Slayers, the Kenshin-gumi and the Straw Hat Pirates all marched miserably, butt naked, through the streets of a large ancient city, under a soft but constant snowfall.

"This," Usagi finally said out loud, "is the last time we spend a Christmas with Fairy Tail."

The others all nodded, although Erza would still victimize them all through the Christmas festivities to come in the future…

 

[OverMaster]

Do You Love Me?

Chisame can't answer that question with words, not truly yet. But, she can do the next best thing, and so she wraps her arms around Negi and pulls him against her, in a silent embrace that doesn't let go.

That, he decides, is good enough of an answer for him.

 

[OverMaster]

On the plus side, it had been the most successful Mahorafest ever. It even had brought illustrious visitors from overseas.

As Bruce Wayne rested on his back on a rooftop, barely able to move and looking up at the nocturnal sky, his costume reduced to black tatters and half a mask, his usually bright and highly strategic mind only could think of how zeppelins were much cooler in Gotham. Dark gray, sleek police zeppelins patroling the skies, a far cry from the lime-green extravagant monstrosity floating high above him and the rest of the school, with a bold 'CHAO BAO ZI' written in huge red characters on its sides.

"It's funny, huh?" Evangeline Mc Dowell mused, sitting at his battered, fallen form's side on the rooftop. "You come all the way from America, once again, to meddle into the affairs of a community you detest..."

"... I don't detest... the Japanese... You are... projecting..." the Dark Knight grunted.

"I'm talking about the magical community," Eva huffed, waving a hand in a circle. "And all of it for what? For once, you've been out-gambited, and now the fate of your precious world rests in the hands of a simple boy... whom Yours Truly happened to train into what he is now, mind..."

"Good. So whatever happens next is your fault," he grunted, vainly trying to get up once more.

"I guess it is," Evangeline said, her green eyes fixed on the zeppelin.

---

"It's truly amusing, in a way!" the petite but fit and athletic black haired girl with fair skin and rosy cheeks laughed softly, suspended in the nocturnal air charged with electricity, as if she lacked any weight. "Before this, I had never truly known a single moment of peace. Now that I stand on the edge of losing everything for good, however, I feel finally at ease, as if nothing of what drove me before mattered that much anymore. Except because it does, but now I can see that for what it is, with a clear mind. Thank you helping me realize that, Negi-bouzou."

Standing on the top of the zeppelin, with a long gray coat wrapped toghtly around her and her long black hait flapping on the furious winds, occassionally slapping her back on the face, Skuld shouted angrily at her. "Chao, stop toying with him already, will you?! You still can stop him, if you put all of your power into a decisive attack! Don't hold back anymore!!"

"The last two years have been fun," Chao told Negi Sprinfield, stoically blocking Skuld's demands with a small bitter smile, "but it's all a faint dream to me now. And I'm waking up."

The boy floating before her, standing on his wooden staff, said nothing.

This seemed to piss her off, for once. Her unflappable smirk was replaced by a dark frown. "So, the discussion is over. Fine with me, then." She raised her hands and chanted, "Last Tale My Magic Scir Magister! Heed our contract and serve me, tyrant of flame!"

"Ras Tel Ma Scir Magister!" Negi shouted. "Come, O wind spirits of lightning!" Gesturing violently with both hands, electricity crackled around his fingers.

Chao clenched her teeth. And a massive ball of fire came to be between her hands. "Come, flame of purification, yer fiery broadsword!" Jumping up into the sky, she tossed the flames down at him. "Fire and brimstone, surge forth!"

"Let the southern storm blow with lightning!" Negi screamed, just as dramatically, and the ray flew up from him, directly towards her.

"Sodom ablaze, to the dust of death with the sinners ye cast!"

"Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens!"

"Ouraniā Phlogōsis!"

And their respective spells collided in mid-air, illuminating the night as much as the Sun would have for a moment, causing a lot of panic and awe across the campus that waited expectantly under them. There was a deafening boom, and both fighters were sent reeling back across the air, yet they promply regained their pose almost instantly, before they could plummet to their dooms. Negi had to latch onto his father's staff right at the last instant, but as soon as his hand had a firm grasp on it, he threw himself back on it, quickly reaching the necessary balance once again. He breathed heavily, however, and the long drawn battle's toll was finally evident on his hunchbacked, bruised figure.

Chao, suspended in the middle of the clouds like a limping doll, her clothes badly shredded, her long braids undone and letting ebony hair cascade over her bleeding face and shoulders, smiled sweet, vacantly at him. "You win. Negi-bouzou," she fondly said before closing her eyes and allowing herself to fall.

She had failed. No matter how much, how hard she had tried, she had failed. Again. But at least, this would be the last time. Now she would rest from her ultimately pointless, insane self imposed Sissyphean task. And the cold air hitting her face as she spiraled down felt actually nice, like harsh caresses.

Then she was reminded Springfields weren't supposed to be quitters. And all it took was that small, yet steely hand tightly closing around hers, stopping her freefall. Chao cringed as the whiplash of the abrupt stop sent a massive wave of pain through her neck, but both she and Negi knew that wouldn't be nearly enough to kill her. Crashing down on the grass from that height might have done the trick, though. Not that she would get to learn that that night.

She opened her large, round, now utterly sad eyes again to stare at the battered boy floating right above her, and holding for her as much if not more as he held to life itself. "So," he dryly rasped, interrupted by a short fit of cough, "I get to choose my prize, then. And that will never be your death, Chao-chan."

She cracked a smile that was literally painful for her. "... chan?"

He smiled back, pretty much the same way.

---

Akamatsu Ken created Negima and Kodansha owns it, but you already know that.

Others created the other things mentioned here. I don't own or make any moolah from any of those other things either.

---

Unequally Rational and Emotional Special.

---

Where There Was Fire...

---

Once again, the Mahora night was decorated by beautiful lights, but now the atmosphere was peaceful and sedate, contemplative even, as Ala Alba and their allies gathered near the World Tree, to see Chao Lingshen slowly ascend towards the colorful lights, in a perfect vertical line, with a small, sad, lingering smile.

"So long, Negi-sensei, everyone," she softly said.

"Chao!" Negi said, now suddenly running towards her, startling Satomi and Skuld, who had been standing at each side of him.

"Let's meet again!" she added, waving a hand up.

"Chao!" he cried, trying to reach up into the light, for her. "I've changed my mind! I do have something to tell you!"

The raw emotion in his voice further shocked Ayaka, Haruka, Misa, Chisame, Mami, Touko, Yue and Natsumi, long enough for a sighing Asuna, shaking her head to herself, to be able to take a hold of the alleged Linsghen Family Tree they had been fighting for, and for her to throw it into the lingering fire of some nearby battle rubble.

"Chao, I need to confess this!" Negi screamed at the top of his lungs. "I l--!"

Then he was as surprised as everyone else when someone fell from the middle of the lights, from far above Chao, landing on her head with a sharp heel and keeping her other long leg doubled, presumably to spare Chao the pain of having yet another heel trying to puncture her skull. How kind of her. "--CHAO!" Negi yelled.

Chao, who was now on her stomach on the grass, rubbed the small fresh wound on her head with a hand. "Owie owie owie, what was the big idea, you--!" Then, as she lifted her face to get a good look of the seething woman standing over her, holding a very long staff, she actually grinned widely. "Ah? Ritsuko-san! What are you doing here?"

"And why wouldn't I be!? You were just about to slip away to break even more laws of continuum preservation, enough is enough already!" the angry woman with short, blonde hair in a Sailor Senshi uniform who had just dropped onto Chao grabbed her by the collar and began rattling her back and forth, only making Chao lugh dumbly. "And stop giving my identity away, will you?!" the woman yelled at her. "Haven't you had enough with all the times you've changed the timestream? Do you have any idea how many times I've nearly been erased out of existence nd replaced by the elders because of that?! What do you have against me?! Why do you want to ruin my job and my life so much?!"

"Erased out of existence, you say?" asked Itoshiki-sensei, blinking in interest.

Chao chuckled, a major drop of sweat on her head. "Come on, you know I was sorry, I had been sorry, I am sorry, I have been sorry, I will be sorry, and all the other verbal times they haven't invented yet... But I obviously haven't changed the timeline enough, so you're still alive and rocking at your job, and it all ended up more or less okay, right? Well, except for my future, so I'm the only real loser at the end of all of this, but who cares about that anyway, right--?"

"No more, Chao Lingshen, I said no more!" Akagi Ritsuko, Sailor Pluto, growled on her face, her ever-present cold and calculating attitude replaced by sheer anger born from stress and despair, a quite ugly purplish vein protuding from a temple of pale delicate skin. "Starting now, you're forbidden from traveling through the timestream again, are you listening? You will have to sleep on the bed you've made! Stop trying to fix what wasn't broken in the first place! And then making it broken! We don't want any more of your timequakes around!"

"... you're aware Future Me will find a way around that, right?" Chao asked. "Also, if I didn't have enough of a good reason to believe the future wasn't broken, I wouldn't have--"

"FINE, SO YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO THAT FUTURE, SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE! HAPPY NOW!?"

Ookuchi Akira walked closer to the duo, calmly greeting the older woman. "Good evening, Pluto-san. Nice to meet you again, but please unhand my classmate before I am forced to strike at you."

Chao blinked, genuinely moved. "Ahhhh! Would you really hit her for me, even after all I did?"

Akira nodded sedately. "I might end up accidentally hitting you as well in the proccess, but that wouldn't be because of any grudges I might hold against you. All the same, Pluto-san, if you left her in this time period, wouldn't that end up causing more paradoxes than simply letting her go?"

"THAT'S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION! Ahem, I mean, sorry, I meant that's Classified Information, how do you do," Pluto said, acknowledging Akira's presence with a small nod, and lowering her voice, although not Chao, in respect. "All I can say is it would be far less problematic to address any further damage this troublemaker could cause from the future than keeping her in a les advanced era."

Chao smiled. "Or is it that I've changed the future after all? Oh, my timeline doesn't even exist anymore, neh? That's so good to hear, and you even saved me from heading into a void...!"

Sailor Pluto glared darkly at her. "If I had just done that, which I'm not saying I just did, I would be inwardly kicking myself like no woman has ever done right here and now," she icily told the time fugitive.

"It is greatly appreciated," Akira said, "but, what truly worries me is not so much Chao-san's presence, but that I'm afraid our friends won't stop pressuring her on the topic of things they really should not learn yet."

"..." said Ala Alba.

"I'm sorry," Akira quietly told them. "But you have all but tried to kill each other over a simple family tree of Sensei."

"Killing is too strong a term," Chisame groaned, "crippling is probably more accurate, and some of us had no interest on the stupid thing itself but on--"

"What Chisame-san is trying to say," Ayaka interrupted, forcefully stepping between her and the others, and raising her voice over Chisame's, "is that we only wanted to calm our companions' spirits through judicious application of strenght, but should Chao-san stay for any long after this, we would all be mature enough as to respect her secrets and the reasons behind them! We all would understand the need to allow events run their course naturally, and we already know who is the woman fated for Negi-sensei anyway..."

"They will have me tortured and quartered in a mad bid for info before a single week is over," Chao matter-of-factly told Ritsuko. "If this is your idea of ensuring my demise with the addition of untold pain and suffering, congratulations, it has worked out much better than abandoning me to a void."

Negi embraced her tight and protectively then. "No, I won't let them do anything to you, Chao!"

"Hey, why are you hugging her, now?!" Misa demanded. "She's our granddaughter, remember?!"

While Skuld sighed and facepalmed, and a giggling Ku Fei ran past Negi to tightly hug Chao after Sailor Pluto finally dropped her into Negi's arms, Batman appeared right behind the perplexed Chisame and Tsunetsuki Matoi. "Hnh," he said. "I suppose I can tell Booster everything worked out, then..."

"AH!" Matoi gasped. "You were there?!"

"Yes, always."

"... okay, that's not cute at all when it's a grown man in black body armor doing it..."