OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

This follows on the recent special chapter I've just posted on FF.Net, and it kinda follows on my Anything that Burns crossover too.

---

Cid Highwind was not the kind of man who would have a guest room in his house. This wasn't a character trait Aerith Gainsborough, Cid's much younger friend and occasional teammate, had ever minded much until the last few days, where she would have to share a room at Cid's residence with several strays from the Old World, and in their sudden, recent absence, she was pretty much forced to remain there for the nights until their return. On the plus side, that at least meant she didn't have to room with that Tsukuyomi… thing… anymore.

On the minus side, Webby was a terribly bad bedmate.

Aerith was almost actually thankful when she heard knocks at the front door at the middle of the night, a night that was just as pitch black as any other in Twilight Town. Fumbling her way across the darkness and mumbling to herself in a way nowhere as ladylike as her usual manners, the svelte young lady navigated along the reconditioned storage room where she'd been sleeping for over a week now, leaving Webby literally kicking around on their shared bed, her webbed right foot slapping the air where moments before Aerith's cheek had been.

In the next bed, Louise was just as restless, whimpering in fear and discomfort about some 'Eleanor', all the while Collet slept like a log by her side, mouth wide open and a thin trail of drool running down a side of it. Aerith left them all behind and soon was on her feet before the barricaded front door, asking aloud, "Who is that?"

"You'd better open right now," a female voice said from the outside, "or I swear to God I'm cutting this door open with nothing but a slash."

Ah. The thing.

"You'd better not have killed the others, you heard me?" asked Aerith, who was a brave woman indeed, gripping her staff tightly in a hand, and using the other to open the door… and find herself facing a large group of people standing on the darkened sidewalk, right before her, led by an awkwardly smiling Negi Springfield. She recognized a few others of them, too, including the thing with glasses, but most of them were new faces.

"Good evening, Miss Aerith, how are you?" Negi bowed deeply to her. "If Master Louise is awake, please take me to her, I've got to—"

"Wait a second, now," said one of the girls Aerith didn't recognize, one with short black hair and a fair, not extremely beautiful but still rather cute, face. "Master Louise?!"

"Oh, hey, but if it's Sephiroth's favorite pincushion!" said a man fully covered in red and black spandex from head to toe, his face well masked, and carrying so many swords on him Cloud would have taken pause and even a certain measure of admiration. "I guess this means we still haven't finished Disc One! And I thought this had been a long-ass story so far…"

"Pika pika," said Collet's yellow familiar, who was sitting on the head of a kindly smiling blonde girl in a long black dress, very reminiscent of a nun's habit.

One of Aerith's eyebrows wiggled ever so slightly. "Ah," she finally said. "Welcome back, Professor."

 

[OverMaster]

Justice for Fall.

Batman stood before the Ala Alba, ready to take a test of the fledging heroes. And the Servants, who were far from fledging, but anyway.

"Okay," he said, clenching his teeth, "let's start with a basic question. You're fighting the Joker on a rooftop, and he jumps off to his death. You can jump after him, but there's a chance your life might be at risk as well. What do you do? Do you dive in, or you let him drop?"

"All life is sacred. I jump," Negi said.

"I let him fall," Chisame flatly said.

"All the way to the bottom," Misa nodded.

"I'd try saving him, of course…" Ayaka said.

"Yeah, um, so would I," Keiichi agreed.

"There might be people below," Makie said. "Why would I let a clown drop on them? What if they get hurt?"

"I'd save him," Shirou said.

"I'd save him too," Saber said. "The proper legal execution for mass murderous buffoons under my jurisdiction was specific in that they had to be flayed alive and then beheaded, never dropped to their deaths."

"Um… question?" Asuna doubted. "How tall a building is this supposed to be? If the fall would kill him, I'd jump in, but if he's just going to break his legs and arms, why to bother…"

"I let him drop," Louise said. There was a pause. "But, who is the Joker anyway?"

"I save him," Sakurako said.

"I save him," Setsuna said.

"I let him fall," Konoka said at the exact same time.

Then they both looked bewildered, staring at each other.

"No! No, what I meant is, I let him drop!" Setsuna stammered.

"Ah! N-No, what I meant is, I save him, of course!" Konoka stuttered.

Haruna shook her head. "What kind of sneaky trick question is this? Of course the Joker would never walk around without a jetpack hidden in his jacket, he's just as crazy prepared as you. I forget about him for the time being and concentrate on finding and defusing the bomb he left on the rooftop, because otherwise why he'd have jumped the building leaving me behind?"

Batman nodded, then put a hand on Haruna's shoulder. "You passed."

Everybody else blanched out.

Batman then looked at Makie. "You get bonus points as well."

Makie blinked back to normal. "Oh! Oh, that's… great, I think? Thank you, Batman-sama!"

"But, how tall is the building anyway?!" Asuna insisted.

 

[OverMaster]

Always Someone Better.

The gathered Ala Alba was having dinner at the Chao Bao Zi, after hours.

"Mmmm!" Negi said, after tasting the soup. "Exquisite as always, Yotsuba-san!"

"No, it's even better than ever!" Misora complimented.

"I, I'm sorry to be touching such a peerless delight with my unworthy tastebuds, I'm so sorry…!" Ai sobbed while eagerly wolfing it down.

"Ah, this flavor, this texture…" Rito palated it. "Even better than Mikan's… okay, nobody ever tells her I said this, or I'll die…"

Saber sniffled with heartfelt sincerity. "The opening act for a king's feast indeed."

Satsuki laughed softly, quietly glowing at the praise. "Ah, you're all so nice… I don't deserve it, really…"

"Well," Skuld said then, sipping her soup. "Now that you mention it, it's… okay, I guess. Not as good as my sister's, but a good distant second, I suppose."

Everybody else in the team, even Eva, stared at her in aghast horror. Skuld blinked. "Eh? What did I say?"

Yotsuba paled very noticeably, her eyes widened and blanked out, and after a brief moment of paralysis, she silently reached into one of Itoshiki's sleeves over the counter, pulled a hangman's noose out, and moodily headed back to the kitchen.

Negi blinked after her retreating form for a second, then understanding sank in and he jumped after her. "Eeeehhhhh…!"

 

[OverMaster]

"Yes, who is this, please?" asked Karakuri Chachamaru, gently bowing at the visitor on her doorstep right after opening the cottage's front door.

The man was tall, handsome and blond, with bright, vital serpentine eyes of a reddish hue, and wore a black and white track suit, with a wooden sword lazily resting on a shoulder. He smiled haughtily at the shapely young woman in the French maid outfit."Foolish wench from an ignorant generation!" he said. "Don't you recognize the greatness that should have passed through your people's history of arts? You stand in the presence of Gilgamesh, King of Uruk!"

"Chachamaru, who is that?" came an annoyed voice from deep inside the cabin in the woods.

"It's Gilgamesh, King of Uruk, mistress," calmly replied Chachamaru. "Should I let him in?"

There was a brief but rather pointed silence ensuing that question.

A moment later, someone was heard rushing towards the door from the cabin's basement, stairs thundering under the stampeding of storming boots, and a flash of glorious light greeted Gilgamesh's wide grin as a petite woman stormed into sight and into the living room, flashing past Chachamaru so sharply the gynoid did not even realize exactly when she had been pushed aside. Now fully clad in the majestic blue regalia of her battle garments, Saber came to a halt right before the visitor at the doorstep, staring up at him with downright murderous green eyes and snarling a single word full of venom and vitriol, "You!"

The King of Heroes flipped her a casual salute, not seeming to mind at all about the sharp edge of the invisible sword tightly pressed against his Adam's apple. "So the rumor mill was right after all, and you waste your time with this club for children, Saber! Very well, there must be something else to this dingy abode and the mongrels in it, then. Rejoice, for I shall be joining you in it!"

"What," Saber said.

Behind her, the other members of the Ala Alba, most of them confused and intrigued, were gathering slowly with the prudence gained from many a pointless skirmish, coming after her from the basement at more sedate paces. At the head of the compact, tight group, Negi Springfield suddenly stiffened in place, recognizing the stranger from a nocturnal lecture held weeks ago in a faraway city, and not too far from him, Skuld paled noticeably, stepping back and reaching for the first thing at hand to grip on tightly, which was the sleeve of a Morisato Keiichi perplexed by her fear. Kakizaki Misa just raised an eyebrow, visibly interested by what she was seeing. "Well, hello," she said, "and what do we have here? You look familiar, handsome…"

Kasuga Misora sighed. "Oh, it's you, Drifter-san. Listen, if Father Kirei sent for me, he really didn't have to bother, he could have texted—Oh," she abruptly stopped, taking a good look at his face and finally making a connection with that very same lecture from their Kyoto vacation. "Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh…" she gulped, backing away behind Asuna and pulling Cocone with herself. "I… I'd never seen you this close before, except for—for—"

Emiya Shirou frowned, walking past the others and up to Saber, who still was not letting go of Gilgamesh's throat. "Saber, what's gotten into you? You can't rush out and attack everyone who knocks on this door, what did I tell you after those Jehovah's Witnesses—"

The blond man frowned at him, his good humor spoiled at last. "Vile mongrel! Who do you think yourself to be, to speak to Saber in such a familiar style? Hold your tongue, dog, lest I rip it from your throat! There'll be no further warnings!"

"Ahhh," Hakase Satomi said, while everyone else reacted to this outburst with suitable shock, Shirou most of all. "You're yet another Servant after Saber-san's blood, aren't you? I must say, your approach to this matter is highly original and courageous at the very least. Just knocking at the door and announcing yourself, that's not what the others—"

He sneered coldly at her. "I'm no one's Servant, and I don't wish for Saber's death! You completely misread me, myopic fool!"

"No, no, what are you saying?" Asuna scowled, snapping her fingers while trying to remember. "You're definitely one of those Servants, I remember you now from Kuro-chan's lecture, you are… you are… Assassin, right?"

"What kind of Assassin just knocks at the door and says hi to kill someone?" Yuuki Rito asked, trying to shield Haruna with his body just in case. "Not even Yami-san would go at it that way…"

"Archer! It's Archer, damned fools!" Gilgamesh growled.

"See, I knew you were a Servant! And you were denying it, what's the point?!" Asuna demanded of him.

"Wasn't the Archer Kuro-san showed us much more tanned and wearing red?" Hasegawa Sora asked Suzushiro Haruka.

Haruka shook her head. "No, that's their Fifth War's Archer, this is their Fourth War's Archer. Which would apparentiously be our Fourth War's Archer too? I guess?"

"Shouldn't he be dead already then?" asked Shiina Sakurako.

"Well, he's obliviously not," Haruka said, "but maybe he just came from the past, or from Kuro-san's dimension's past, or—"

"SILENCE, EVERYONE!" Gilgamesh commanded.

And everyone, even Evangeline briefly, held their tongues from what they were just going to say, in a shared flinch Sasaki Makie was the first one to recover from.

"Wow," the pink haired girl said then. "You're better at shutting us up than Negi-kun! Maybe you should've studied to be a Teacher Class Servant?"

"There's no Teacher Class, and one doesn't study to be a Servant, you idiot," Gilgamesh growled, rubbing his temples, "that is, of course, unless one is a Caster of the kinds who—Why am I even explaining this to you anyway?! I'm here only for Saber! Since we're fated to be together, I must know whether this place's worthy of our combined presence or I must take her away from it!"

"Oh… Oh, I think I understand now," Shirou said, finally blinking out of his stupor. "Saber never wants to talk about the Fourth War, but… you're her ex or something like that, aren't you? How do you do, I'm Emiya Shirou, Saber's Master…"

"HE'S NOT!" Saber protested, extremely angry and red faced, and still not letting go of the throat. "SHIROU!"

Gilgamesh shrugged. "I wouldn't say we 'were' an item as much as we 'are' an item that is just waiting to be it again, if your puny brain can grasp that, but yes, I suppose you could say that too…"

"We never were anything but bitter enemies in the first place!" Saber yelled at him.

Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell, mistress of the house and merciless loli empress of death and destruction, winced quite a lot and then sighed. "So, basically…. You wish for membership, right? Tell me, how do you feel about idiotic lost mages who put curses on little girls?"

 

[OverMaster]

As you might be aware of by now, quite a few things had changed in Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi's dorm room since Negi Springfield, boy teacher, had arrived. On the other hand, at least one thing had not changed for Negi himself, namely the fact he slept with a beautiful young lady every night, much like he'd do with his older sister back in Wales. Of course, since this is not that type of story, at least not yet, sleeping was all they did together, all through those cold long nights, under the warm covers, in close, tight contact with each other for hours and hours in the darkness…

Regardless, this was being yet another night where Negi and Chisame just lay together in gentle intimacy and nothing beyond that happened. The only way that it had been out of the ordinary was the way that Negi found himself awakened slightly before dawn by an itching sensation on the wrist of his left hand. Opening his eyes and pulling his face away from its pillowed spot on Chisame's breasts, he looked blearily up at his wrist, and the delicate tracery of the three symbols now inscribed there.

He looked at that for a few minutes.

"What?" he eventually said rather sharply.

"Breeeghhhlll," Chisame growled, in a sleep-filled voice. "Neeeeegiiii – you'd better not be resting your head on my chest agaaaaaaiiiiiin..."

"That's not the problem right now, Chisame-sama," whispered a voice from a side of their shared top bunk, as two large, round brown eyes became visibly shiny in the darkness, right next to Negi. "Negi-sama seems to have sort of strange exotic rash all over his hand, and I'm afraid to say, so does your creamy, flawless, delicate flesh…"

Negi jumped up, startled. "Ah! You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Tsunetsuki Matoi said, nodding softly.

"Damn you, Tsunetsuki! I've told you already, sleep out!" Chisame snapped as her eyes came all the way open, and her right leg swept along to kick Matoi off the bunk and to the floor.

---

Unequally Rational and Emotional What If?

Partially Inspired by Darkenning's Anything That Burns, Chapter Twelve.

---

"So, is this some sort of mage VD?" Akashi Yuuna worriedly asked, a few moments and several Pactio summons later, as Matoi, Chamo the Ermine, and Negi's Ministra Magi all sat around the room's table in a tight small crowd, most of them in pajamas, except for Saotome Haruna, who slept naked and as such had a bedsheet wrapped around her instead.

"VD?" Negi repeated, blinking innocently.

"Venereal Disease, Negi-kun," Kakizaki Misa explained with a weary sigh and a folding of arms.

"Well," Chisame bleakly observed. "Of course you'd know about that."

Misa just hissed her way giving her a stink eye.

"What is that?" Suzushiro Haruka asked, also blinking in turn.

"A form of ailing transmitted through sexual contact, not that any of us have ever experienced any of such with Negi-sensei," Hakase explained, even as Haruka, Ayaka and Negi broke into violent saliva choking and coughing plus intense blushing all at once. "At the very least, I dearly would hope none of us would have," she added, leveling a glare first at Misa, then at Haruna, and finally at the still gasping and wheezing, rattled Iinchou.

"Of course not!" Negi let out a strangled scream, coming back to himself enough as to give Hakase a brief strangely angry glare, and then recomposing himself. "Anyway, n-no, there is no such disease that I know of, and if there was, I'm sure that it would have been cured ten years ago when Professors Richards and Pym decided that such diseases should be eliminated, as is of common knowledge to anyone with a passing knowledge of modern history, before any of you asks how I know, you're welcome. This is something much, much worse than a disease. This is something that shouldn't be happening."

Kagurazaka Asuna closed her mouth and frowned. "Spoilsport," she grouched.

"Something that shouldn't be happening, you say?" Chisame groaned, still trying to rub the marks on the back of her own hand off with a thick piece of cloth. "You mean, like, oh, I don't know, being attacked by vampiric classmates and their combat robots, and then by demented Kyoto heretics commanding demon gods, and then by demon counts out to get you because of something your father did? That kind of 'shouldn't be happening', Sensei?"

"No, this is the really bad kind of 'shouldn't be happening', Chisame," their teacher and Magister explained. "To be brief, this is the mark which indicates that we're candidates to become one of the seven Masters selected to participate in the Fuyuki Holy Grail War."

A stunned silence fell around the table.

"Oh..." Konoe Konoka finally said, slowly. "You mean, like in that speech you told me Kuro-san gave you guys while I was kidnapped...?"

Negi nodded firmly. "Indeed, Konoka-san. That's right what it is."

"Well, good thing you aren't a Math teacher, because there's more than seven Masters between the whole of us, in the event you haven't noticed yet," Asuna told him.

Ayaka frowned at her rival. "What is that 'us' business you are talking about, Asuna-san? I don't think you have been, as you would crudely put it, included in the package this time..."

"Yeah, that's true, isn't it," Asuna sighed, extending her hands before herself and looking at their backs, which unlike those of her Magister and the other Ministra, were not sporting any intricate marks on them. "This gotta be related to my magic immunity, right? I think I'll take it as a good thing..."

Chisame facepalmed. "Good luck sticks to the dumb, there's no doubt of that!"

"Why do we tolerate her, again?" Asuna wondered aloud, looking at Misa.

"She's sometimes got a spot-on view on matters, for all her flaws," Misa replied.

"Yeah, well, I guess there's that, but-- Hey, I thought we were supposed to be together on this one!" Asuna protested.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Rational and Emotional vs. Sharknado.

"Huh," Negi said, looking out the window. "I must say, this isn't exactly what I was fearing it'd be like."

"What," Chisame said, looking up from her laptop, "did you get the movies all the way back in Wales? I thought you hardly ever watched any movies!"

Negi shrugged. "It was just once, in a courage dare between the students. We did a marathon, but never got past the third one, Anya blew the TV up half through that one."

"And you don't have them in Wales, because the oceanic weather in those areas is far colder," Satomi nodded while working on Chachamaru's left arm joint. "Well, wasn't it just logical from the start? They can't breathe out of the water, they're all long dead by the time they arrive here. The only real danger and cause for the curfew is one could still hurt you grievously should it fall on you..."

"And sometimes not even then," Negi observed, seeing Itoshiki crawl out from under one shark's bulk, and then stand under the falling trajectory of yet another one. "But then, why was everyone so afraid of its coming...?"

"Sensei," Chisame glared at him. "You do realize we'll be all cleaning bloody dead sharks out of the campus for at least two days after this, don't you?"

Negi sighed. "Oh yes, of course. How silly of me..." He yawned and head over to the kitchen for some snacks.

Well. That was anticlimactic.

 

[OverMaster]

"Um, a bit of context for those of us who weren't close by when those weird things happened in Kyoto?" Kugimiya Madoka requested, raising a hand nervously. "Like, is this just dangerous, or sorta like deadly dangerous?"

Negi breathed deeply. "I can't fault you for being concerned. Well, to put it in simple enough terms, the Fuyuki Holy Grail War is, from what Kuro-san told us from what I've researched on it since, a very disturbing magical ritual that's been going on since the late 18th century. Which would be fine - well, not fine, because I wouldn't want to participate in a battle royale among mages under any circumstances - but for the fact that the previous Fuyuki Holy Grail War ended up only ten years ago, when the inactivity time between each of the previous Wars was always of more than half of century. That shouldn't be possible unless events in this reality are somehow mirroring that of Kuro-san's. This, then, is something that shouldn't be happening," he repeated, glaring at the marks on his wrist, as if pure indignation could make them disappear.

"Fuyuki, Fuyuki..." said Madoka, as if struggling to catch up. "Ah! You mean that city that burned up ten years ago, don't you? When some serial killer set off a bunch of bombs and destroyed most of it, like some sort of weird Prototype Joker?"

"That was the cover story the Magical Associations came up with," Negi agreed.

"Well, I fail to be what's the real problem here," Haruna said. "You mean on top of every other nifty magical and technological trick we already got at our disposal, now we also get a bunch of awesome warriors from the past to command, and an edge in numbers over whoever else is competing in this War? And the downside to all of this would be...?"

Sakurazaki Setsuna shot her an icily sharp glare. "It's okay with me if you decide to gamble your own life like that, but there are untold dangers to a situation such as this, no matter how advantageous it may be. Think of the others' safety as well!"

"I'm sure Konoka will be the most protected of us all now," Haruna reasoned. "Not only she'll get you to protect her, but also a Heroic Spirit all of her own, and yours..."

"That's not the point!" Setsuna protested.

"Or is it that you don't want to share the role of Konoka's guardian with anyone else?" Haruna asked. "That's a bit selfish of you, don't you think?"

"Please don't talk about my future as if I wasn't even here, you two, please," Konoka asked, just the tiniest bit coldly.

"Haruna," Negi told the mangaka, "it isn't quite as simple as that. It's not unheard of for Servants to turn against their Masters, to start with..."

"Well, can't we just forfeit taking place in this thing in the first place, then?" argued Madoka. "I don't know, leave our spots to someone else, or something like that?"

"Would you really trust that kind of power to the averrated person in this Academy?" Haruka pointedly asked.

Negi breathed out. "It's pointless to worry about our next step before consulting the Headmaster on this. As an unfair, impartial higher power with no personal stake on this conflict, and the ultimate authority in Mahora, he must be informed at once..."

Misa pointed at Konoka. "Um, Negi-kun? I'd say he does have quite the personal stake on this now!"

"It's a stake that favors us anyway, so what's the problem?" Haruna shrugged.

"I suppose this doesn't mean," Shiina Sakurako pointed out then, "that we'll have to fight each other with our Servants, right...?"

Everyone else around the table paled ever so slightly at this, except for Hasegawa Sora, who just collapsed onto the table hiccuping and shaking uncontrollably.

 

[OverMaster]

"This," said Konoemon, as he leaned forward, hands folded against his beard-covered chin, "is very troubling."

Negi and his Ministra Magi, plus Matoi's quiet presence behind Chisame, were all standing in front of his desk, holding up their wrists for his examination. The old man had simply stared at the markings for a brief moment before bringing his hands up to make his statement. They waited for him to elaborate on it. Eventually, it became clear that he had no intention of doing so.

"Yes, it is very much so," said Negi at last, beating Konoka to the punch. "I suppose that this situation is every bit as much a mystery to you as it is to us, and the key questions - whether we can safely refuse this invitation, for example - will require some deeper research."

"That one, actually, I can answer," Konoemon said quietly. "It so happened that during the third ritual, in the decade before the War, one of the selected master candidates was a member of the faculty. He had no interest in participating, attempted to refuse the call, and also refused to pass it on to another individual. Within two weeks of his first awareness of the situation, his life force began to drain, and by the end of the third week, he had died. At which point, the summons passed to another individual who was more willing to go along with it, rendering the entire episode... utterly meaningless." His eyes were lidded as he spoke, and there was just the hint of an ancient pain in his voice.

Misora, Sora, Chisame, Ayaka and Negi himself all shuddered very noticeably.

"Well, then all we have to is to pass this load onto someone else, right, Sensei?" Misa asked, voice hopeful still. "It shouldn't take too much, finding only a handful of willing Masters or whatever they're they called, among your staff or—"

"Certainly, there is a ritual for the achievement of such a task," Konoemon nodded. "The original founders of the Heaven's Feel system shared it with the Catholic Church. Of course, that's not the same of information that would have been shared with initiates like Cocone-kun or Misora-kun, but Father Kotomine is the local authority charged with performing the rituals in the event a Grail War should arise."

"Alright, that sounds easy enough," Haruna said. "Then all we have to do, should we decide to foolish, I mean wisely, forfeit this chance for untold thrills and power, I mean, unspeakable deadly danger, is to walk up this one priest and ask him to remove us from the game?"

The old man held a hand up, imposing silence, before he quietly said, "Yes, yes, in theory, of course. But things are not as easy as that, I'm afraid. Technically, you also could simply summon your Servants, then use one of your Command Seals to transfer command authority over them to another Master. Said individual would then take all the risks of fighting by the Servant's side, ensuring that your lives are not in danger, which is of course all that matters in the final scheme of things. But…" here he sighed sadly, "there could be difficulties involved even with that."

"How so, Sir?" Negi asked.

"The Catholic church, as a Western institution, is nominally linked to Clock Tower, the headquarters of Great Britain's Magic Association, for all matters concerning Heaven's Feel," the Headmaster explained. "They are to work in tandem for the control and supervision of the War, even if it takes place on Japanese grounds. My own jurisdiction on these events is rather limited, and I can't protect you from the Sealing Designations that Clock Tower would most likely place on you as soon as Father Kotomine reports your situation to them, as is his duty to do."

"S-Sealing Designations?" Sora gasped.

"A Heaven's Feel is meant to have only seven competing Masters, each for one of the designated Classes of Servants," Konoemon elaborated. "Just between the lot of you, that amount is twice passed, and that is an anomaly that neither Clock Tower nor the Church could overlook. You might be deemed a high security risk both for public safety and the secrecy of the Mysteries, so you might be given Sealing Designations, that is, orders to be either terminated or contained and experimented on for Clock Tower's research."

"Whaaaat?!" Chisame recoiled. Behind her, an already strong and threatening JIIIIIIIII reached a disturbing crescendo, as a dark aura formed itself around it.

Sora began hiccupping in frantic, nearly choking dread.

Yuuna's mask became a grimacing pale mask. "Please tell us you're joking, Sensei."

"He wouldn't joke on this any more than I would!" Setsuna angrily told her. "Ojou-sama's integrity and safety are at stake here, too!"

"Oh, actually, I'm sure we can negotiate an exception for Konoka-chan, as she's the heiress of Japan's two Magical Associations," Professor Konoe replied. "Even Clock Tower wouldn't bother to prod that beehive, I should hope. Negi-kun also might be spared, due to the weight the Thousand Master's name still carries in England to this day."

"Oh, so only the rest of us get tossed under the train!" Misora wailed.

Setsuna blinked a few times, taking the news in a shocked silence, before shrugging. "Well, if Ojou-sama is going to survive, then I'm content with the outcome…"

Nobody was more startled at this reaction than Konoka herself, since everybody else, Negi included, had been expecting it. "Setchan!" she was jolted, scandalized. "You can't be serious!"

"Yeah, Setsuna-san!" Asuna chided her. "How do you think Konoka and I would cope with losing the whole lot of you?! Even Iinchou!"

"That's unthinkable!" Negi agreed, shivering. "I, I won't stand for any of it!"

"I don't want to pressure anyone, or anything like that," Haruna casually threatened, "but I'm the fiancée to an alien princess of dubious self centered morality who loves me madly and commands an interstellar army. I suppose my execution might lead to, I don't know, a full frontal attack on all of Earth?"

Konoemon paused. "Uh," he finally said. "Now that you mention it, I imagine we also could negotiate a way out for you, Saotome-kun."

"Bring Lala-chan here right now!" Misa panicked. "I need to tug on her tail!"

 

[wellis]

Is this all connected with the "Gilgamesh goes to Evangeline's mansion" one?

 

[OverMaster]

Is this all connected with the "Gilgamesh goes to Evangeline's mansion" one?

Click to shrink...

No, that was just an unrelated What If oneshot. I found the premise for that one really wasn't going any further.

 

[OverMaster]

"Well, other than that, there's nothing to do about it, Negi-kun," Konoemon said at last. "Regardless of what we might prefer, the whole lot of you will have to summon your respective servants. And soon," he added. "Of course, you should have brought this subject to me instead of keeping it to yourselves and Evangeline, but—"

Negi blinked. "But Sir, we have just—"

The elder cleared his throat rather loudly. "As I was saying, painful as it was, the proper course of action would have been bringing the subject to me so I fulfilled my own duty and reported these anomalies to the Church, but it can't be helped if I wasn't told about it and you keep it to the secrecy of Evangeline's sanctuary for the time being. I'm not omniscient, after all."

"Grandpa," Konoka said coyly, "that's a very sneaky thing for you to do…!"

"I have no idea what are you talking about, Dear Granddaughter I'd Do Anything For, since you have come here just to waste my time with unimportant matters completely unrelated to Grail Wars and the like, but in the meanwhile, I'll be looking for secrets ways out for you while you sort these affairs I wasn't told about far from the public eye and away from Clock Tower's reach, in a pocket dimension of your own."

Negi grimaced slightly. "S-Sir, we're very thankful for this willingness of yours to bend the rules in our favor, but shouldn't we—"

"Konoe-sensei wouldn't ever break or bend any of the golden rules of his responsibilities, even for us, no matter what, Sensei," Setsuna flatly told him. "Much less over any misdeeds of ours we haven't told him about."

"Technically, it isn't a misdeed, I certainly didn't ask for any of this, but yeah, okay, we haven't told him anything," Chisame agreed.

"Please, just make sure to look very thoroughly into this subject we haven't told you about at all, Sensei!" Sora begged.

"You have my word, even if I have absolutely no notion whatsoever of what you intend to tell me, Hasegawa-kun," the old man promised sincerely. "A pity you didn't tell me about it, but I'll still do my best regardless. Even if I'm not omniscient."

"Very well, I see. Or I don't, since apparently there's nothing to see," Negi finally said, sounding quite jaded. "Then I suppose we'll have to head to Master's resort immediately after classes today and perform the rituals as soon as--"

"Not all of you at once, no!" interrupted Konoemon sharply.

The youngsters turned back to the headmaster with varying expressions of confusion. "Is something the matter, sir?" Negi asked.

"While I've never performed this particular spell myself, I've studied it in some detail," the old man said, looking sterner than any of them had ever seen before. "It is an incredibly dangerous spell, with potentially devastating consequences if it's performed incorrectly. Under no circumstances should it be performed lightly, with magical residue from another mage to interfere with the praxis. And I'm sure Evangeline will tell you the same! I'd sooner hand you a pistol loaded with bullets containing fissionable material and tell you to play Russian roulette, Negi-kun."

"Then what should we do?" Negi asked, feeling frustrated once more. "Are we supposed to take turns, or do it in different places each? How long do we have to wait between summons? You said it yourself from that poor man's example; we don't have a lot of time to do this…"

"If I knew anything on these affairs you have kept from me," Konoemon not-advised, "I'd tell you to first consult Evangeline's own opinion on the matter, then perform a first summon tonight, using the most gifted individual among you, the one with the greatest reserves of magic and the one in the most need of superpowered protectors in a time of crisis as this. Then try at a rate of around, I'm not sure yet, one per day, the passage of time in Eva's domains should speed the process quite nicely while still being safe… Regardless, before making any rash moves, please wait for my full consultations on this matter you should have briefed me on."

"We sure are getting a lot of chastising on something we didn't even do," Misora lamented weakly.

"I'm still not sure of what have we told him and what not," Haruka confessed.

 

[OverMaster]

"Very well, like Sugiura-sensei would have said, that could have gone better," Hakase philosophized as they, along Rito, Lala, Skuld, Keiichi, Makie, Itoshiki and Ai, made their way up the forest pathway leading to Evangeline's cottage later that afternoon.

Keiichi turned a side glance to look at her. "Who?"

"One of the teachers who have to lecture her on experiments gone awry every so often," Chisame groaned. "Hey, if I remember correctly, on top of everything else, that Grail's supposed to have some curse on it, right? That's what Kuro told us, what if it's related to this… thing happening to all of us?"

"We shouldn't be jumping on conclusions just yet, Chisame," Negi patiently told her. "After all, this event itself is proof things are quite different here from what they were in Kuro-san's home world. I don't think we should have burdened the Headmaster with that concern on top of everything else until we find solid proof of this Grail's corruption."

"I'm with Paru-chan, I don't see what's the big fuss here," Makie said. "I'd like to have one of those Servants to fight for me, myself! Plus, the more friends the better!"

"You slept through all of Kuro's explanation, of course that wouldn't bother you…" Misora sighed.

"Nothing good ever comes from tampering with the dead," Itoshiki-sensei advised. "The only thing we should ever do with Death is surrendering to her…"

"Any big ideas, Skuld?" Yuuna asked her divine roommate. "You should know a fair bit about these things, dammit!"

"I already told you this morning, not one of my many fields of expertise!" Skuld reminded her, wagging a finger. "The only thing I can clearly see from this situation is, Negi must have been the original receiver for the Command Seals intended by the manmade Grail, but due to your Pactio connections with him, somehow, they were also transferred to the whole lot of you but Asuna-san, who is… different."

"Well, isn't that just convenient?" Chisame grouched.

"Question," Matoi addressed Skuld. "If I were to make a Pactio with Chisame-sama, would Command Seals appear on me as well, then?"

"For your own safety, let's not find out, okay?!" the exasperated hacker said.

"Ah, it's so moving you're so worried about me, Chisame-sama, but I can look after mys—"

"No, I mean it, seriously!" Chisame insisted.

"If secrecy on these matters related to mysticism remain so important for you," Lala casually said then, pointing ahead, "I'd suggest you to, ahhhhh, keep it down from here? There seems to be someone ahead…"

Indeed, up the uphill path stood a woman with hair that was golden blonde, yet dark enough as to almost resemble the colour of straw. Her irises were tinted in a pleasant emerald green, and her shapely, athletic body clad in a long sleeved modest white blouse and long black skirt, plus tall black boots, casual enough for the city and yet also more than fitting for hitchhiking. In a hand she held a rolled up map, and from her shoulder hung a large and worn brown travel bag. Her thick and high soles made her look even taller than she was, towering over all other women present, including the fairly tall Lala herself.

Since she stood right on the middle of the way, blocking it, the collected Ala Alba had to come to a slow combined halt. "Um, good afternoon, Ma'am?" Negi asked her. "I don't think I've seen you ever before, but I'm Negi Springfield, a teacher at Mahora, and if you're lost—"

With a gentle gesture and a subtle shake of her head, she imposed silence upon him. "Thank you very much, but far from it. I'm right where I need to be. I'm really sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I can tell you are good young people, and no harm should I ever befall you," she said in a regretful tone, also proving she didn't know Haruna yet.

Setsuna's eyes narrowed, and her fingers reached for her blade just as she delicately moved around to shield Konoka with her body. "That's an interesting way to greet someone for the first time, stranger. Should we ask who would bring such harm upon us?"

Sighing sadly, the young woman slammed a boot against the ground, and a sudden, sharp flash of white lightning enveloped her from above, pushing Ala Alba back. It was gone in a blink, and then she stood now wearing her long hair combed back into a thick braid falling down to her waist, and wearing form fitting, but still somehow modest and humble, gray from toe to neck. The sort of ensemble that would be functional for battle without being flashy at all, allowing maximum freedom of motion without sacrificing practicality.

In a hand she held a sharp standard with a white flag at its top; and a thin silver sword hung from her waist.

"I am Servant Ruler!" she said, stoically holding her standard before herself even as of Ala Alba pulled their cards out, or readied their staffs, wooden rulers and mallets in the cases of Negi, Itoshiki and Skuld. "And my duty is to enforce the rules of this Heaven's Feel no matter what! The second I felt anomalies surging from these school grounds, threatening the balance and probably risking destruction upon this world, my course was clear! I don't like having to do this, at all… but all threats to the proper course of Heaven's Feel must be purged out!"

 

[OverMaster]

One of several things Negi had learned about team battles since Ala Alba had started training under Evangeline was that numbers sometimes were a hindrance in addition to, or even instead of, an advantage. Much like it had happened during the dodgeball game versus Class 3-F, your teammates could get into each other's way if they weren't careful, and wide range attacks were difficult to launch without hitting your friends at the same time as your foes.

Which was why Negi, right now, was staying behind Haruka and Setsuna as they led the charge, readying a dozen targeting Sagitta Mafica to hit this 'Ruler' with instead of either joining their frontline fighters or just bombarding the whole area with magic.

With a ferocious and grammatically incorrect growl, Haruka reached Ruler first, swinging her mace towards the woman, only for her to easily duck under it. With a faint cry of "Sagitta Magica!"Negi released his arrows of lightning, remembering Kuro's words on the capacities of Servants. Before the flying projectiles even got close, Ruler had already hit Haruka squarely across the stomach with the blunt end of her standard, sending her zooming against a tree and snapping it by half.

Another split second later, Ruler dodged the speeding attacks of pure magic with just as much ease, and they exploded behind her, throwing Haruna off balance and off her feet even as she tried an attack from behind, only managing to sketch half of a gruesome and horned demonic beast before Ruler, not missing a beat, shredded it to bits with the sharp end the banner was tied to, making Haruna scream in phantom pain and Rito in shock, upon which he tripped and fell on Sora's chest.

"What a disaster," Negi mumbled to himself. A Heroic Spirit, Kuro had said, is invulnerable to normal bullets, traps, blades, explosives, or other physical attacks. Only highly powered magical artifacts and the spellcraft of the utmost masters of the arts could damage the lowest ranking of Servants; otherwise, to defeat a Heroic Soul, you would need another of their kind. This was becoming painfully obvious right now, as Ruler effortlessly blocked Setsuna's Yuunagi with her staff while also kicking back to punt Ayaka away from herself, all while the heiress lashed her whip at her.

Ruler moved surprisingly fast, almost as if reading their movements, and Negi had no idea who she was. She didn't look like any of the Servants Kuro had shown them, even though her face resembled that of the Saber. Generally, the key to defeat a Servant was in their true identity, but how to solve this puzzle before she destroyed them all…?

"Good technique," Ruler congratulated Setsuna sincerely, as their weapons clashed and clanged time and time again in a quick succession, the Servant ducking with fluid grace under three of Misa's throwing light needles aiming for her head.

Wait, Negi told himself while this was going on. I'm not looking at it from the correct angle. Instead of concentrating on who she isn't, let's review which famous warrior could ever fight holding nothing but a banner of war…

Setsuna could tell her opponent was not familiar with Japanese sword styles, but still, from the sheer force and speed she would put on each strike and counter, it was clear to Setsuna that she couldn't hold her back for long regardless; her physical superiority far outclassed any problems she could have adapting to the Shinmeiryuu's tactics. And indeed, Ruler soon got close enough as to headbutt Setsuna into unconsciousness with a single hit, dropping her as she whispered an apology.

But of course! It hit Negi, too, just much less literally. This had just given him the confirmation he needed. Setsuna-san's training, most effective while dealing with evil spirits, wouldn't work on such a person at all! Maybe if I get close and tag her with a fire spell...

"Setsuna-san!" Asuna yelled, drowning out Konoka's own cry. "Oooohhh, now you've done it!" she roared at Ruler, swinging her massive sword and charging her along a Negi to was already gathering flames at the top of his father's staff. Only for both to be tossed aside when Ruler swung her weapon at them, hitting the duo at once.

Lala came next, giving no respite, power bombing her from above feet first while Rito tended to Haruna nervously, but Ruler simply grabbed the alien princess by an ankle, swung her around, and swatted her down at left and right, using her to clobber Hakase and Madoka as they got close too, brandishing their metal arms and giant hammer respectively.

"Owie," Lala weakly said before being tossed aside. "Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best approach to this problem…"

"Catastrophe! Perdition! Doooooom!" Itoshiki howled as he jumped on Ruler from her left, surrounded by thick, oozing tendrils of inner darkness and misery manifested from his very self, but Ruler merely blew their way delicately and they dissolved, just like that, as if vanquished by a glowing pureness drifting from this tenacious fighter. The man was similarly stunned, grinding to a halt, confused as the woman's blessed breath hit him too, filling him with something pleasant and warm he'd never felt before. "Wha- What is this?" he stumbled around, dazed, as if bewitched and spacing out. "Is this what… what happiness feels like…?"

Then Ruler simply punched him out cold.

Haruka recovered and sprang on Ruler again, snarling and brutally pummeling on her with the morningstar. But somehow, Ruler stood firm on her feet under the onslaught, barely shielding her with an armored gauntlet and sighing before tossing Haruka up… way up… with a baseball swing of her standard. "Please don't make this any harder for yourselves!" she begged Ala Alba even as also batting Makie's thrown ribbons at her before they could hit her.

"Ah! Yuuna-chan, throw me one of your guns!" Makie called out then. "I work better with them anyway!" And that was saying something, considering how good Makie was with the ribbon.

Yuuna did just that, but the handgun she had just tossed was intercepted in mid-flight by Ruler's standard, which sent if flying off the road and far from Makie's reach. "Listen me out!" the Servant insisted. "Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have jumped to attack you, but perhaps, I only need to destroy the source that is giving you these unholy powers rather than the whole lot of… Ah?!" she suddenly blinked in alarm, several times, her head snapping aside to look at Sakurako.

Shiina, who was kneeling on the ground holding Satomi while Konoka healed her and Madoka, flinched, staring at the now glowing red mark on her hand and the dirt around her, which had started glowing as well. "Oh… Oh, nuts!" she muttered. "This, this doesn't mean I'm going to explode or anything, does it…?"

 

[OverMaster]

The Intent is What Counts.

"I see." The female Assassin smiled sweetly at Ritsuka and his Assassin, still standing respectfully away from them.

And then, just like that, she had crossed the distance between them in a flash, a knife coming out in her hand. The short blade shot ahead, looking squarely for the young Master's heart.

And then, a single gunshot was heard.

Charlotte Corday staggered back, clutching her bleeding chest as thick oozing red also flowed from her mouth. "B-But... How?!" she gasped for some air. "You couldn't have seen it coming, I was... I was...!"

The male Assassin, he of the chalk white long and angular face and the bright green hair, raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? Sorry, are you saying you were about to kill the kid? I had no idea, actually. I felt you were pure and innocent and you got too close, so..." he shrugged. "It came naturally! No hard feelings, right?"

He chuckled to himself, blowing on his gun and sheathing it back, then dusted his purple suit off before patting the stunned Ritsuka in an arm. "A great joke, wasn't it? Well then, let's get moving! We're just done here, I think..."

Ritsuka still stood in place, staring at the young lady vanish into the air as his Assassin walked off whistling a jaunty circus tune to himself.

And he shivered.

 

[OverMaster]

Afterlife with Archie/Highschool of the Dead Crossover.

One month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed--

In the meanwhile, The Walking Dead was already over and Marvel Zombies had already reached its twentieth limited series.

 

[OverMaster]

"Oh my God," Sakurako breathed out as a petite, slim figure slowly appeared from the light, standing with their back turned on her and their face turned onto the approaching Ruler, who had suddenly come to a stop, evidently rattled. "I have... I have summoned Maki-chan!"

"No, I'm right here!" Makie protested from the sideline.

Negi blinked through the light, getting a clear view of what he supposed was another Servant as the luminosity began dying down. Whoever this was, they indeed looked like Makie, to some degree, but slightly taller and with a long braid jutting from the back of their head. Mostly clad in tight black, with sleeves that concealed the whole of their arms until they met their gloves, and a very short skirt that, hovering over tall black stockings, revealed enough of the creamy flesh of those long legs as to make clear they were toned and firm, regardless of the person's wry appearance. The Servant grinned, showing tiny cute fangs, and took a long white sword off, aiming it at Ruler as their cape flapped dramatically in the breeze behind them. Then the new arrival spoke, in a high pitched, youthful voice.

"How do you do, Master!" the Servant told Ruler. "I'm Astolfo, Servant of the Rider class! I'm here to put my blade, and all of my skills, at your service...!"

Everyone around, Ruler included, facefaulted in a shared collapse.

Rider smirked, running their free hand through their pink hair. "I'm not very strong, I'm not very smart, I'm far from being the best Servant, but my loyalty is second to none's! When I swear I'll devote myself to you no matter what, I mean it!" They feel to one knee before the recovering Ruler, who was rubbing her own face and moaning even as Haruka finally dropped from the sky life a rock right behind her. "Even if it takes my life, I'll pledge all of my power and resources to your cause!"

"She... She isn't your Master, you dumb girl!" Misa could finally scream, outraged.

Rider blinked, turning to look at Misa. "Ahhhh... She is not? Weird, I felt she was familiar, like we'd met before... anyway, then never mind, Master!" Rider fell to a knee before her next. "I swear on my honor I will defend and follow you and only you..."

"Not her either!" Madoka protested, pointing angrily towards a Sakurako who just knelt in place with fixed blank eyes. "It's her, dammit! Her! ... I think. It's her, right?" she asked Ruler.

"Why are you even asking her, she's the enemy!" Skuld cried.

"Oh. You're very complicated people!" Astolfo said, kneeling before Sakurako now. "In that case, forget I said anything before, and it's you and only you who I am devoted to, my dear Master, my guiding light, my field commander! How you doing?"

"Ah... Ah, nice to meet you, I'm Sakurako," Shiina said, waving weakly.

"So, Master," Astolfo told her. "How many of them do I have to kill? All of them, or do I leave a few as your prisoners? They don't look like they are very strong Servants, so even I should be able to take care of--"

"They-- They aren't Servants, they're all my friends!" Sakurako gasped, waving her arms before herself, even as Chamo snaked nervously around Negi's shoulders and sniffed the air in Astolfo's general direction, frowning at the Rider. "W-Well, all of them but Ruler-san, the girl with the flag. You can fight her, I guess, if that's what you're here for."

"Okay! Can do!" Rider flipped her a salute, spinning around on their heels to train their sword on the sighing Ruler again. "Hey, you. You sure we don't know each other?"

"I'm sure," Ruler said, now sounding rather tired for some reason, "I'd remember you if I'd ever seen you before."

"Ah. Well, I'm asking because I sure as heck wouldn't remember!" Astolfo confessed.

"Sensei, who the hell is this girl anyway?" Keiichi asked, edging closer to Itoshiki. "Does she have brain damage? I don't see what kind of heroine--"

"I favor Eastern literature over that of the West," the older man admitted, "but this has to be Astolfo, one of the twelve paladins of Charlemagne from the ancient French lore. An eccentric individual who travelled to the Moon to retrieve Roland's lost sanity... and left his own up there, apparently! How despairing that this would be our champion in the face of such an obviously superior foe!"

"His," Keiichi repeated dubiously.

Itoshiki nodded. "Astolfo was supposed to be a man, even if his beauty was beyond compare and much akin to that of a lady..."

"Aw, you don't have to say that!" Astolfo laughed then, looking back at them and giggling slightly. "You're going to make me blush...!"

"Your eyes on the opponent! Keep your eyes on her, please!" Negi begged desperately.

Rider pouted, doing so. "Okay, okay, sheesh. What a bother, just because I'm a Servant, doesn't mean I can't do anything but taking ord--"

"Please fight me seriously," Ruler said, taking a tense battle stance before them.

"See?" Rider groaned. "Even you are bossing me around now, and not that I mind obeying a pretty girl, but sometimes I also like to be my own--"

"Here I come...!" Ruler said, charging at them even as Rider yelped loudly and jumped out of the way.

Setsuna grimaced and took Konoka in her arms while deploying her wings out. "Okay, now, everyone better start running away while they sort themselves out..."

Misora nodded very quickly. "An excellent idea if I've ever heard one! Let's listen to the expert fighter who's been trained since birth, everyone!"

"Setchan...!" Konoka complained. "I haven't even healed Haruka-sempai yet...!"

"This... 'tis only a flesh wound...!" Haruka gurgled from the ground, stubbornly trying to push herself back up.

 

[OverMaster]

"Okay, I understand why you'd be worried about Saotome," Evangeline said, sitting in the living room of her cabin and facing the assembled Miyazaki Nodoka, Ayase Yue, Inugami Kotaro and Ku Fei. "I mean, I still don't understand why you'd care about someone like her enough as to give a crap for her wellbeing, but since you already do, I understand why you'd be concerned about her safety after this. What I don't get is, why you two..." she then let a pointing finger trail towards Kotaro and Ku.

The canine boy shrugged his shoulders. "If Nodoka nee-san cares, I guess that so do I. It's a mere matter of being a good partner, yanno."

"I see," Eva plainly said. "And you..."

"Paru is my roommate," Ku Fei shared. "I first one to learn, when she woke up this morning, aru."

"Saotome is your roommate?" the tiny blonde repeated, blinking as Chachamaru poured her tea. "Huh. My sympathies."

"Thank you, it often trying and-- Wait a sec, you didn't know?!" the Chinese girl said. "She never mention it here?!"

"I try to block out whatever she's saying at any given moment," Evangeline answered while Chachamaru moved on to pour Nodoka's cup of tea, earning her a nervous thankful nod.

"Oh. Oh, I can get that..."

"Regardless," Eva muttered, lazily eyeing the quitely sipping Miyazaki, "didn't your flying pet tell you anything on the mechanics of Heaven's Feel? I expected better from a creation of Clow Reed."

"W-Well, Kero-san said Master Clow did not like to talk about anything related to some 'Makiri Zolgen'," Nodoka stammered, while Chachamaru served Yue next. "But, what does that name have to do with Servants or the Grail War, we don't know, it never was mentioned during Kuro-san's speech..."

"Even before the Third War," Evangeline reminisced, "Zolgen already had moved to Japan from his native Russia and changed his name to 'Matou Zouken', which probably is the name that little tramp knew him by. He was one of the three founders of the Heaven's Feel, and managed to lenghten his life for centuries to see it taken to its ultimate consequences, even after I refused to give him the vampire's kiss."

"So you've been involved with these messes before," Kotaro told her.

"I didn't care enough as to bother looking into the First or Second Wars," Eva admitted. "The third one piqued my interest enough I peeked around here and there, and I even got to see a few of its Servants fighting each other. For some of the alleged best examples of human heroism, they struck me as total idiots. Overrated, if you ask me..."

Kotaro scoffed. "Yeah, that's pretty much what we'd have expected from you to think on the matter, Granny."

"And this why you always should have your mutts neutered," Eva told Nodoka before moving along. "I missed on the Fourth War since someone locked me here in Mahora five years before the fact, but I probably wouldn't have checked on it anyway. From what I understand, Konoka's father snooped into it, since Zolgen had previously attempted to adopt Konoka away from him, then tried to have her kidnapped for him. Eishun found out Zolgen had taken the second daughter of the Tohsakas, another of the three founding families, as his backup plan, the Tohsaka patriarch being more willing to play along. From what I have pieced together, Eishun was... far from pleased on what he learned about what Zolgen had done to the girl, and what he'd have done to Konoka, had Eishun agreed to his terms prior to that."

"And... and what did he do, then?" Yue finally asked, after a long while of just sitting back and listening, learning.

"Why, he just slew the bastard and was done with it," Eva shrugged.

"Ah," Yue said.

"That just sensible thing to do," Ku opined, nodding.

"That-- That's not possible!" Nodoka gasped. "Eishun-sama...?"

"Cool beans," Kotaro whistled.

"Hey, Eishun is a friend of that hotheaded idiot Nagi, after all," Evangeline said. "And from what I have learned of Zolgen's methods, I can't say I'd have done anything less, myself. I'm sure that, if anything, Eishun was too lenient on the creep, made it too fast."

"Again, that's so much like you to say," Kotaro chuckled. "But hey, that's good, right? If that guy was such a bad seed, it's better if he's not around this time around, to mess with that idiot Negi and the others."

Evangeline frowned. "For once, I'd say you're right, and yet... I don't know. I saw Zolgen cheating death far too many times over centuries as to fully count him out of the running just yet. Something wrong, Chachamaru?" she casually asked then, seeing her maid tensing up and looking out the window.

"My sensors are just receiving major magical signatures of unknown origins coming from the woods, Master," the gynoid said. "They're unlike anything I've ever registered before, except maybe for the nature of Kuro-san's magic..."

"Explosions, too. Approaching," Kotaro said, his ears perking up from the wild black mane as he put his cup down. He grinned from ear to ear and crackled his knuckles. "Alright! I've always wanted to test my mettle against some of mankind's finest..."

Ku grinned madly as well. "Took words right out my mouth! Race you there, yes...?"

"Kotaro-kun..." Nodoka began to warn, standing up just as he did.

"Just so you know," Eva coldly said, "if you damage my front lawn you're dead, so you'd better stop them before they come that close. Even if they kill you. I mean, at least they won't torture you while doing so, I assume."

"Master, I'm sure it won't come to that," Chachamaru reassured her, readying her weapons, "but should the worst come to pass, I'll just replace all the flowers..."

Yue sweatdropped. "Would... Would you replace all of her students then, as well?"

"Chao-san could rebuild them, I'm sure," Chachamaru said.

Yue opened her mouth to protest, but just closed it back sighing. "You know, the scariest part about that is I don't think I can even deny it..."

 

[OverMaster]

"Setchan, this is outrageous!" Konoka complained as Setsuna took flight with her in her arms, heading towards Eva's cabin while Asuna, Negi, Lala and Haruka stayed behind and everybody else made a run in the same direction as the Kyoto duo, on a massive truck Haruna had just drawn and Keiichi was driving. Itoshiki really wanted to throw himself off the vehicle and into the fray of Rider and Ruler, however, and it took all of Ai's strength to hold him from doing so. "Let me go! I'm the healer! If they need anyone there, that's me…!"

"Please don't discuss it, Ojou-sama," Setsuna stoically asked, zooming through the air with her precious charge. "Your parents, grandfather, and the whole of both Associations need you alive and well, and as soon as I drop you with Evangeline-san, I'll head back to further aid them, I swear…"

"That's not the point, Setchan!" Konoka all but wailed, trying to look past her bodyguard's shoulders, and seeing only heavy rumbling and the occasional explosion of thrown dust and dirt amidst the trees, with frequent loud interjections in French rising from the mayhem. "What do you know about healing?! They need me, I'm telling you!"

"Ojou-sama, I'm not leaving this open to debate!" Setsuna insisted, her wings flapping harder and faster across the air. "Just trust our comrades to stand the post they have chosen, and honor their wishes not to stand in their way!"

"They've just sent Haruka-sempai flying again…!" Konoka pointed out. Literally, as she was pointing at a Haruka.-shaped bolt being violently tossed up from the battlefield a second time.

"Sensei's got her," Setsuna countered, risking a brief glance back as Negi took after Haruka on his staff and caught her in his arms. "She's being held in his embrace, I can't think of anything that'd make her happier, other than Fujino-sempai's funeral, perhaps…"

Konoka pouted, bopping a small fist against Setsuna's flat chest. "Setchaaaan!"

"Not changing my mind," Setsuna said, trying her best to not having enjoyed that all that much.

Grinding her teeth together, Konoka began rubbing the Command Seals on her hand rather roughly. "Okay, if that's the way you're playing it, have it your way! If Saku-chan could summon a Servant just like that, so can I! How does this work, now… Shazam? Holy Seal thing, do your thing? Blathering blatherskite? By the Power of Greyskull? Or maybe—"

Setsuna gasped aloud. "Ojou-sama! Remember what your grandfather said, that's a highly dangerous procedure, not to be taken lightly…!"

Konoka's fist was bopping on the Seals now. "Abracadabra, Alakazam! Kimota! Master and Servant powers, activate! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

"You're only going to hurt your Magic Circuits that way," Setsuna warned her, "you still haven't received enough training as to master your powers, much less for something like this. If it's another Servant what you want, I'll ask Eva-san to help me summon mine. Look, we can see the cabin from here already, is that Kotaro-san going out…?"

Konoka punched herself in the hand once more. "Come out already or you're really gonna regret, dammit!" she yelled at it.

Then a sudden lightning from above was shot from between the clouds and smacked them both through the treetops, which barely cushioned their sudden landfall enough as to stop it short of a disaster.

From the truck, Rito shouted at the sight in wide eyed horror. "Setsuna-san! Konoe-san!"

"Wha-What was that?!" Misora cried out as Haruan brought the vehicle to an abrupt stop. "Ruler can do that, as well…?!"

"I don't think it was Ruler's doing…" Cocone cautioned, even as they all hopped from the car and headed towards the site of the violent fall. Soon, they reached a small clearing between tress that had not been there moments before. The lightning's impact had blown several trees in all directions, and at the middle of it, in a crater, Setsuna, her clothes shredded, still cradled an open mouthed Konoka in her arms, both kneeling in the dirt as someone stood before them, gallantly striking a watchful pose under the full moonlight.

White and pink, fragrant sakura petals flew all across the crater for some reason, seeming to softly spin in the air and wafting from the figure, that of a short, fair skinned woman in a Taisho-style Kimono that consisted of a mostly pink Hakama with a red lower half, plus long leather boots. Her large eyes were gorgeously light green, and her short hair a pale shade of blonde that was nearly pinkish, like that of the petals dancing around her. Secured around her belt, two long sheathed swords.

"Who… Who is this woman, and why she makes me feel so threatened?! Setsuna thought frantically, pulling Konoka further against herself.

Konoka's heart went Ba-bump! Ba-bump! both from this proximity and from the sight of the lady now coolly addressing her, "Reporting before you, the Unit's commander, the Servant Saber arrives. Since you are my Master, is that not right?"

The awestruck Konoka only could nod faintly. "Ah-hah… I, I think so, at least…"

"Damn, another one?" Misora bit her tongue, while Ala Alba cautiously stopped around the crater.

"Oh, of course Konoe would get to summon a traditional Japanese swordswoman," Chisame dryly noted. "Nothing unexpected about that, no sir…"

Saber looked up the crater. "Are these your enemies, Master? Should I slay them all, or are there hostages among them? That one with glasses and a ponytail, for instance, really looks like she doesn't want to be here at all…?"

"Wh-What's with these guys and wanting to kill us all as soon as they see us?!" Misa protested, moving behind Madoka and biting on her fingernails while Kugimiya just gave out a heavy sigh.

 

[OverMaster]

"You fought bravely, Rider," Ruler grimly said, standing over the dazed and groaning small Servant splayed across the dirt before her now. "I really wish we could have fought together for the greater good, instead of being cruelly set against each other like this. However--"

---

This is literally all I could write today, what a shame. I haven't felt well, plus Internet connection issues.

 

[OverMaster]

The battle, while brief, had been every bit as brutal and violent as Negi had expected a duel between two legendary warriors from the past to be, at least the parts of it he could see clearly. While, judging from Haruka's constant questions on what was going on as everything exploded around them, he was being able to get a better view and understanding of the conflict thanks to a better trained eye, there was still a lot he was missing on, too.

Rider moved surprisingly fast from a side to another, launching lightning strikes from their foe's sides, so much it was really difficult to pinpoint their exact location at any given moment. And while in comparison Ruler seemed slow and yet more precise, Negi suspected she only looked that sedate for Servant standards, given her speed seemed like a match for Setsuna's.

Ruler countered Rider's moves with better thought, more strategic clarity, ignoring through the yapping bravado of the fast talking smaller Spirit with stoicism. Her standard spinned around to deflect most of Rider's attacks successfully, slow but surely pushing the pink haired one back, until she was all but on them, swatting Lala and Asuna aside whenever they got too close to help Rider. Soon enough she was overpowering Rider and grinding them against the rocky ground with strong bashes of her pole weapon.

All things considered, probably even Haruna would have found the scene too unnerving to comment on the squeaky voiced, girly Astolfo being hit hard with a long pole, had she been there. Probably.

"You fought bravely, Rider," Ruler grimly said, standing over the dazed and groaning small Servant splayed across the dirt before her now. "I really wish we could have fought together for the greater good, instead of being cruelly set against each other like this. However--"

And then, she tensed up and sprang aside, bolting as a pinkish streak zoomed across the air towards her, sharp glinting sword first, aiming for an armored midsection that was merely grazed. A newcomer had just presented herself, appearing from between the trees in the direction the fleeing children had taken, and now screeched to a halt between Ruler and the surprised Rider, shielding the latter with her body as she fell into a position ready for further attack.

Ruler blinked, looking at that face, so much like her own. "I knew it… They have summoned another one…!"

Her head snapped back towards the confused and bruised Negi, Lala, Asuna and Haruka. "Do you even realize what you're doing?!" she asked of them. "The War is thrown off balance by your actions, and innocents might pay the price! You're only escalating the—"

"That will be quite enough, Ruler-san," Haruna said, standing on her truck's top as Keiichi drove it back into the scene with a downtrodden expression on. "You're outnumbered now, and we can keep summoning Servants all night long if needed, so why don't you retreat before we're forced to do anything to that gorgeous angelic face, hmmm…?"

"Haruna," Chisame pointed out, sitting by her side, "it'd help our cause if you weren't talking like a stereotypical supervillain, don't you think?"

"Just… Just be thankful Haruhi-sempai isn't here too," Madoka dazedly said.

Ruler pondered this in a grim silence, looking at the mortals and then at Saber and the standing back up, dusting themselves off Rider, and finally at the small group approaching from uphill next, including a green haired flying girl in Meido and a leaping boy with furry ears and tail. "I won't involve any more innocents tonight," she decided, as she did not feel the marks of Mastery in any of these newly arrived. "But I will solve this situation yet, later if needed, one way or another. My deepest apologies," she softly said, hitting her standard against the ground and simply vanishing without further sound, like a mirage.

"Well, who's sounding like a clichéd villain now?" Haruna grinned.

"She at least sounds like the sympathetic variety!" Chisame argued.

Kotaro stopped by the sighing Negi's side. "Hey Four Eyes, what went on here? Don't tell we've missed—"

"Yes, yes you have, and I'm so sorry about that," Negi laconically told him, then nodding at Yue and Nodoka. "Good evening, Ayase-san, Miyazaki-san, nice to see you're okay. You too, Chachamaru-san. Don't worry, Satomi-san is unhurt too."

Hakase folded her arms, staring at Rider. "Well. Physically, at the very least."

"What was that supposed to mean?" Sakurako asked.

"Unfounded jealousy is such a terrible thing, Forehead," Matoi sneered. "It makes you look possessive and overbearing, and who wants a woman like that?"

Saber beheld these exchanges in silence, then shot Rider a cold glare. "State your Class," she told them.

The other Servant blinked. "Um? Ah, yes! I'm Astolfo, of the Rider class, thanks for the help, but I was about to launch a counterattack! Boy, your sister is good at fighting!"

"She, she's not my sister!" Saber protested. "Anyway, what's with giving your name along your class, just like that?! What kind of Heroic Spirit are you?! Would anyone respect me at all, Master included, if I were telling everyone around I'm Souji Okita?!"

Rider blinked. "Your name is Souji Okita?!"

Saber realized what she'd just said, then blushed and shook her head violently. "Of, of course not! I'm, I'm just saying that as an example of what not to do….!"

"Well, you've told me your name but not your class, so that kind of balances it out, don't you think?" Rider argued.

"Aaaaaarrrghhh!"

Kotaro gawked, disbelieving. "Souji… Okita?" he revealed. "But that's impossible, he was a man, wasn't he?"

Negi shrugged. "King Arthur was supposed to be a man, too."

Kotaro frowned. "Eh?"

"You missed on an interesting history lecture while we were in Kyoto," Negi calmly summed up. Then, as Saber suddenly broke into a rough fit of bloody coughing that made Konoka cry out for her, he continued, "There, how is that for proof? She even has tuberculosis, just like the historical Souji Okita…"

"Sometimes you can be a really creepy bastard, Springfield," his rival decided.

 

[wellis]

Negi shrugged. "King Arthur was supposed to be a man, too."

Kotaro frowned. "Eh?"

"You missed on an interesting history lecture while we were in Kyoto," Negi calmly summed up.

Click to shrink...

Huh. What did that history lecture involve?

 

[OverMaster]

"Okay, so these are the Servants of Konoe and Shiina," Evangeline would say later, taking her seat at the head of the resort's meeting table. Of course, since she'd never planned to have meetings while building the place, it was just a large summer party table Misa had brought once. It didn't even have enough room for everyone in the team, so the men currently had to stand aside, Negi and Kotaro included. "And your names are?" she directly addressed the two Heroic Spirits now.

Rider grinned and saluted. "Hi yourself! I'm Astolfo the Rider, proud paladin of Charlemagne! How do you do?!"

"Loud and proud, I see," Evangeline grumbled. She glanced at Saber. "And you?"

"I must say, you look quite unfazed at facing Spirits of Legend," Saber began, "I think you aren't aware of—"

"That's not what I was asking, I was asking for your name," Eva repeated herself, scowling.

"The only thing I'm supposed to give you as your prisoner of war, if that's what I'm supposed to be, is my rank and unit," Saber replied with great dignity. "I'm the Captain of the First Unit of the Shinsengumi, but that's all you'll get from me."

"Ah, so you're Souji Okita," Evangeline hummed. Saber paled visibly.

Rider broke into laughter. "Ah ha ha ha! You got it right in the first try…!"

"Rider-chan, that was not nice," Sakurako chided them.

"Don't call him '-chan'!" Chamo protested from his current perch on Haruna's right shoulder. "Don't let yourselves be fooled! He may look girlish, but my nose doesn't lie! This is a man…!"

Negi blinked. "I don't get it. What if he's a man? What does that have to do with anything from this ordeal? Male or female, we're all the same…"

"Rider-chan, are you a man or a woman?" Makie directly asked them.

"Well," Rider mused aloud, "I can detect many of you wouldn't believe me no matter what, since you seem suspicious of me for some reason, so I suppose I'll have to show you—"

They began to stand up and undo the belt of their skirt, but Chamo interrupted them with a loud scream. "GAHHHH! Don't even think about that, you, you filthy deviant!"

"I think he's a man," Rito opined, still bearing the marks of slashes Saber had left on his face during their way to the resort. "Otherwise, I'd have tripped and fallen on her already."

Saber shivered and clenched her teeth at the memory. "Master, remind me again why do you allow this being to keep on breathing…?"

"He's Paru and Lala-chan's boyfriend, Saber-chan," Konoka thusly reminded her with a gentle sigh. "Kotaro-kun? What does your nose say on this subject, then?"

Kotaro shrugged. "He kind of smells like a man, but with some of a girl's scent too. I dunno, I think I'm with Nerd on this one, what do we care? If he's a man dressed like a girl or a girl who is kind of like a man or something in between or all at once, that's their business, not ours, right?"

"Does your code of honor allow you to hit 'in betweens' and 'all at onces' or not?" Yue pointedly asked him.

Kotaro flinched at the question. "Then… Then I suppose I'd have to ask them to take their skirt off first…"

"That came out very wrong," Rito piped in.

"If I can't take my skirt off, you always can feel under it and check it out yourselves," Rider innocently invited everyone in general.

Itoshiki, Haruka and Keiichi began choking roughly in their saliva.

"Let me see," Haruna leaned over the table, reaching over with a hand, but then Yue just slapped said hand out of the way before her hand could fondle around. "Hey! Would your rather keep the intrigue going for a dozen chapters more?"

"Would you like to keep your hand for another dozen of chapters or more?" Yue countered. "Then don't ever try that again in front of children!"

"Lala-chi!" Haruna whined. "Yue's being mean to me again!"

Rider giggled even as Saber just groaned in annoyance, with Matoi quietly sneaking behind her to pat her shoulder in sympathy. "Ah, your friends are all very funny people, Master!" they told Sakurako. "Please introduce them to me? Only the most important twelve, please, that's the most I can remember of a given cast at any given time, and frankly, your cast is way too big."

"Um, yeah, well," Sakurako began pointing at those around the table. "Twelve, huh? That's my girlfriend Satomi-chan, and my roommates and best friends Misa-chan and Madoka-chan, and our dear teacher Negi-kun, and Evangeline-sama our advisor, and Chachamaru-chan her maid, and Ayaka our Class Rep, and Konoka-chan our headmaster's granddaughter, and Setsuna-san her husband and Asuna-chan her roommate, and Honya and Yue the librarians. Those are the ones you really should know."

"I'm a goddess!" Skuld cried out, greatly offended. "How comes the librarians rank above me?!"

"And, and I'm the Student Council's Vice President!" Haruka added in turn.

"Is that true? You're Master's husband?" Okita asked Setsuna.

Setsuna began rubbing her own temples. "Only… Only according to the laws of Ohtori Academy. It's a long story, really…"

"Helloooooo!" Skuld waved a hand up. "Is nobody impressed I've just said I'm a goddess?! Aren't you even gonna try challenging that statement…?!"

"I am a warrior for the Roman Church, so I don't believe in Pagan gods, sorry," Rider apologized.

Satomi smirked. "Come to think about it, I believe I like you a bit better now."

 

[OverMaster]

Huh. What did that history lecture involve?

Click to shrink...

Kyoto saga of Unequally Rational and Emotional. I'll copypaste that segment here as soon as I have the time for it.

 

[tekablade]

So this is a bit long, so it's in a spoiler for any who want to read it.

Spoiler: History Lesson

Lesson 40: Kyoto Memories

History Lesson

"Back when I was only barely more than a boy, and your father wasn't that much older than me, Negi," Eishun started, sitting on a chair as the others sat around him. Even Natsuki, Roberta, Skuld and Yuuna had approached. Haruna, Nodoka and the librarians were still busy going through pile after pile of books, and hadn't even heard Eishun's announcement. Satomi was similarly busy examining some machinery, with Chao and Sakurako sticking close. "Back then, we travelled around the Magical World with two other comrades, Filius Zect and Albireo Imma," he pointed at the cold looking boy and the ambiguously handsome man in the picture. "We had been warned about a secret organization that had plans to throw that world into chaos, and we set out to dismantle them. They contracted this man," he pointed at the biggest one of the bunch, "Jack Rakan, the deadliest and, to be honest, most insane mercenary in existence, to eliminate us before we could find them. However, after we reached a draw with him, he agreed to join our cause."

"Wait, all of you against him, alone?" Yuuna asked. "And you were legendary heroes, right? And yet he got a draw? What kind of beast—?"

"Well, back then, we weren't exactly legendary," the Elder allowed. "We only gained that reputation later, during the war itself. At that point, our enemies had sown enough discord through the governments of the world to cause a huge war where thousands died. Part of their plan had involved this ugly statue they'd stolen from the royal palace of Equestria as a spell focus, though we never found out what that was about. We decided to stop the war at all costs, but we had to learn our enemies' true identity, and their motives. We succeeded at the former, but to this day, I'm still not sure we fully managed the latter."

The other Chao, Eva and Ala Alba tried to look ignorant, though Chao was giving them sideways looks.

"My mother gathered a lot of data on that war," Natsuki intervened coolly. "Around that time, she was only a novice researcher who had just found out about magic, and she was so excited by it, she took her first chance to infiltrate that world and learn all she could on it. That was when you met her, right?"

He only nodded, even as Konoeko shifted in slight discomfort behind him. Chisame noticed, and frowned.

"Your mother was one of the bravest people I ever met. Without any powers, she challenged the odds every day for her quest," the Elder said sadly. "We often didn't see things the same way, but her arguments were always well-thought, and her ideas were brilliant, although maybe too much for that time."

"What happened to your mother's research, Kuga-san?" Negi asked her, hoping it could hold more clues about his father.

"It all was stolen when she was killed," Natsuki replied grimly. "There were many who would have gladly murdered for that knowledge, so my search has been long and complicated."

The extremely awkward silence that ensued was only broken by Eishun's gentle cough, as Calculator had the presence of mind to slap a hand over Kuro's mouth to cut-off her inevitable snide comment about angsty avengers. "Like I was saying, both major sides involved in the War hired the services of Western and Eastern mages. Chigusa's parents were a casualty of the Eastern side, and she grew to blame our Association for not backing their side more decisively. Although at that point, I hadn't joined the Association yet. I was still only an independent adventurer."

"How did it end?" an eager Keiichi asked.

"With the help of several allies, we managed to find the organization manipulating the world's governments, Kosmo Entelekheia," Eishun gravely explained. "One of its members was an Averruncus, a powerful warrior very similar to the two fire- and water-using enemies you met yesterday. He and his master, the enigmatic figure known as the Mage of the Beginning, defeated us all, with only Zect and Nagi left standing. They won the final battle for us, but at the tragic sacrifice of Zect's life."

"Okay," Sora gulped, "And then…?"

"For a short while, we thought the worst had passed," Eishun said. "We had a couple years of peace, during which we briefly went our separate ways. It was then when Nagi met you, Evangeline-sama. However, shortly after he bound you to Mahora…"

"It was then," Skuld interrupted him, "when the Second Impact almost happened. A goddess, a messenger from Heaven, fell to Earth, causing a ripple between this world and the magical one when agents of Mundus Magicus captured her in a vulnerable state. Ala Rubra reunited, and they barely managed to prevent a global disaster from taking place. But they lost one of their closest allies there, and they split permanently after that crisis was averted."

Eishun nodded again. "Indeed. After that, Nagi traveled alone, only settling briefly with your mother, before going by himself into a personal mission he never returned from. After a few years of absence, he was officially declared dead, but no corpse was ever found. I'm sorry, Negi. That is all I can tell you."

Negi nodded, gulping down the knot in his throat. "It's okay. I understand. You have told me a lot as it is…"

"What happened to that goddess who fell to Earth? Ala Rubra rescued her and she went back to you guys, right?" Keiichi asked Skuld.

He received a hostile glare from her before Skuld turned those sulky eyes to Eishun instead. "No. Ala Rubra never went to save her. She was taken to Mundus Magicus, where the governments nailed her to a cross to drain her power and life energy, day after day, night after night of agony, for years and years, to this very day, as an alternate power source for that dying world."

An even blunter silence than the one before fell all over the room.

And Skuld finished, lowering her head, "She was… is… my older sister."

The horribly tense silence that ensued (again, Calculator had slapped a hand over an annoyed Kuro's mouth, just in case) was only broken this time by Asuna's gushing voice. "Wow, what a real hunk! What's his name? He's almost as hot as Takahata-sensei!"

Everyone looked at her; while no one had been looking, she had slid in between Konoeko and Eishun, to the former's mild discomfort, and grabbed the Ala Rubra picture, mostly focusing on the older man with glasses. Eishun smiled somewhat sadly and said, "His name was Gateau. He died a few years ago."

Asuna lost her smile. "Oh. Oh, I see. My… my condolences. What a loss… Is this one near him you when you were younger, Elder-sama?"

"Honestly, Asuna-san!" Ayaka fumed. "Weren't you paying attention to anything in the honorable Elder's story?"

"Actually, I was using the bathroom. Man, the toilet paper here is so old it feels like sandpaper. That crumbles into dust when you wipe," Asuna replied, with her habitual tact and elegance. "Why, did I miss something important?"

Facepalms abounded, Twilight Red's most especially. Even the Nodokas had resorted to one.

Asuna, oblivious to it all, just kept staring at the picture, raising an eyebrow as if she was trying to figure something out, with the usual great effort mental tasks demanded from her. "Something wrong?" Twilight Red asked, mildly hopeful.

Asuna opened her mouth to talk, then seemed to reconsider it and closed it back, then, just as soon, opened it again. "And this kid is Takahata-sensei? Boy, he sure has improved…!"

Ala Alba facefaulted for a moment. "What happened?" Chisame asked Calculator.

"Nothing," Calculator grumbled, standing back up.

"If anything, I'd say he's gone downhill," Ayaka humphed. "He has really let himself go, after being such a cute child…"

"Hey, watch that big mouth, Iinchou!" Asuna warned.

Ayaka picked the photo up and sighed. "And Itoshiki-sensei made an even cuter boy! With those adorable puppy-dog eyes! Oh, if only I had been there, I'd have guided him into being an actual stable and happy man! It's clear he always lacked the understanding love of a warm big sister! After all, that's what Negi-sensei had to make him perfect."

Negi blushed and looked down. "Please, Iinchou-san, don't say things like that…" he said as Kuro struggled to keep from bursting out laughing.

"Well…" Misora started, "He has a nephew who's that age right now, and he looks just like that too…"

Ayaka perked up, Shota alarms ringing in her head, before giving Negi an uneasy sideways look and blushing. "He… He does? Oh, I'm sure that's, ah, very interesting, but, well, I already have, I mean, you know!"

"Yes, we know," the Chisames, the Asunas, Skuld, Haruka, Yuuna and Misa snarked all at once.

Kuro shook her head. "Really don't see what all the fuss is about…"

Then someone else was examining the picture closely, and asking gruffly, "Tell us more about your sister." Even though he wasn't looking at anyone in particular, somehow his tone conveyed perfectly he was talking to Skuld. "You arrived here to help her, not actually us, didn't you?"

Everyone gave a mildly to utterly impressive start.

"AH!" Matoi gasped, looking at the Batman suddenly amidst them. "You were here?-!"

"Yes," the Dark Knight said, somber. "Always."

Matoi blinked. "Huh. So that's what it feels like…"

"Crap, you will stop doing that!" Kuro cried out. "One of these days, you or that crazy Amazon ninja are going to give me a heart attack, coming out of nowhere like that! Or I stab you, whichever!"

Skuld gave a short sigh. "Actually, one thing involves the other. I'll be honest here. My sister is at Death's door. Seriously, Death-sama is the only one she has to talk to anymore, and while Death-sama is good compay, being in a constant near-Death experience isn't good for you. Cut off from Yggdrasil, our home and support system, her reserves won't last much longer, pumping life into Mundus Magicus as they are. And once that happens, Heaven will declare war on these worlds."

Yet another horrified silence blanketed the room, this one even longer and more disturbing. Again, Asuna's voice was the only thing to finally interrupt it.

"Which sister are you talking about?"

Tales from Mundus Magicus: Wound

The girls, the boy and the annoying tiny animals all cringed in terror mixed with disgust as the blade cut a red path through Alcyone's body, the dark sorceress backing away barely in time to avoid being completely gutted. Alcyone hopped back, eyes bugging out, taking the hand that had snapped Presea's right wrist to her bleeding new gap.

The weaponsmith charged at her, but without a word, and making a masterful twist of her body, her enemy turned in place, kicking at Presea's head just as the hand holding her wound glowed bright blue.

"She's curing herself! In a bad way!" Motsu shouted. "Someone finish her while she–!"

That was Hikaru's cue to jump out from behind the overturned table, thrusting a hand forward. "FIRE ARROW!" she screamed, and the fire spell flew from between her fingers, zooming straight for Alcyone, who couldn't dodge in time to save a large portion of her hair, but at least managed to save her skull.

"Hah! I knew I'd bring you out of your hiding, little rat!" the dark mage said, slapping Presea aside, although the fighter managed to remain on her feet, swinging her sword with her good hand. Alcyone raised both hands up, allowing everyone to see how her wound was quickly healing, which made Motsu emit a choked gasp and faint on Shichimi. "You should have escaped instead of trying to protect your doomed friend!"

"Sh-Shidou-san!" Tsubaki gasped, rushing to her side, either to protect her or be protected by her; he wasn't too sure himself. "You could have killed that woman!"

"Didn't Guru Clef make it clear enough?" Presea grunted, trying to determine what to do next while standing her ground. "This is a war! You can't hesitate during life and death combat!"

"Guru Clef didn't have the time to tell us everything," Hikaru said, breathing hard. She had noticed her spell had broken a window while flying past Alcyone, but fortunately its curtains didn't seem to have caught on fire. "But… Look out! Trampy lady…!"

Indeed; a sword of ice had formed itself in Alcyone's hand, and she dove forward, clashing blades with Presea frantically, forcing the blond woman back with her insane rhythm. She knew Hikaru couldn't use the Fire Arrow in such close quarters with Presea, and from the looks of it, the girl couldn't use any other spell. If the others could do anything, they'd have done it by then. She'd just finish Presea first, then sweep the children off easily.

Nanami scrambled up to Hikaru's side, trying to pull her away by an arm, with Yukino close in tow. "Shidou-san, this might be our only chance! Let's go!"

"No!" Hikaru said, looking around for a weapon and grabbing an average sword lying near her feet. Derflinger was about to tell her to pick the one a few steps away instead, but then she was saying, "Not only can't we leave Presea-san with her, but we aren't fast enough to flee from her! If we don't finish her here, it'll happen the same way that it did with Clef-sama!"

Her eyes gained a dangerous glint while she said that. It was something she had caught from her uncle. He was an awful person, but he at least had taught her there were some times where you had to stop being nice.

Motsu turned to Yukino. "Yo, Shield Girl! Toss that trademarked huge frisbee at the evil witch, will you!"

Yukino panicked, holding the shield closer to herself. "M-Me? But I can barely lift it! Even if I can toss it, I could hit Presea-sama instead!"

Then they heard a gruff, loud growl, and they were startled when Kirara grew back to her full size, roaring as she leapt on Alcyone. Presea jumped back allowing the furry beast to pounce on the trampy lady, who shrieked in shock for a moment.

"Let's go! Go, go, go!" Presea ran to the children, quickly herding them out for her garden.

"Counter-terrorists win!" Shichimi yelled.

"But Kirara-chan…!" Hikaru gasped.

"She'll be okay!" Presea argued. "The most important thing is your survival! She'll buy us some time! Quick!"

"No, not so quick! Not so quick!" Motsu tried frantically to keep up with them, hopping behind the quintet carrying Shichimi on his back.

"Wheeeeee, this is fun…!" Shichimi wagged her tail.

As they crossed through the garden, another window exploded from the inside in a major crash of long ice spears, and Kirara was sent flying out at their feet with several bleeding marks all over her fur.

"Kirara-chan!" Hikaru yelled while the furry animal shrank, wheezing heavily.

Alcyone was stepping out as well, wide bite marks over her arms, and crushing a helmet under her heel. "Hahhh… Hahhh… Miserable interlopers, I am going to—"

Nanami, sneering, yanked a tablecloth from a lawn table Presea had out, and tossed it in the wounded sorceress' direction, managing to cover her head for a moment. Taking advantage of her momentary confusion, Nanami took hold of Yukino's shield and rammed it forward, slamming it against the witch's stomach and sending her stumbling into Presea's garden pond. "Melt, you… you bitch!"

For a moment, they all looked down at the water as Alcyone sank quickly, a myriad of bubbles coming up until they stopped altogether.

"Wow…!" Tsuwabuki exhaled. "Nanami-sama, you are the greatest! Who else but you would have thought the Wizard of Oz would have—"

Then the pond's water exploded in all directions, and Alcyone flew up in a screaming paroxysm of unbound rage, clawing her hands in all directions.

"Now!" Hikaru pointed at her again. "FIRE ARROW!"

"You're so foolish!" Alcyone seethed. "You can't use the same spell twice on me! FROZEN SHIELD!-!"

Her personal barrier of ice stopped Hikaru's attack effectively, although it still made her reel back. Still somewhat spent, she had to drop it shortly afterwards, and then the round shield hit her in the head, making her drop to the floor.

"See?" Presea said, briefly looking at Yukino as the shield returned to her good hand. "That's how you throw it. It always will return to you, like a boomerang, but the key is timing it adequately…"

Yukino nodded, visibly impressed. "Thank you, Presea-sama…"

Alcyone huffed and puffed, pushing herself back up. "I'm not defeated yet, you insects! FROZEN SPEAR!"

The ice projectile appeared and flew for them faster they could react. Presea tried her best, quickly thrusting the shield to save the intended target, but she failed just short, as the spear managed to reach its objective, and for a moment, the place fell deadly silent save for a strangled gasp of pain.

Magical History Teacher Sku-chan

Skuld looked at Ala Alba before saying, "What you are about to hear most likely doesn't apply to your own universe."

"I would dearly hope it doesn't," Calculator managed to deadpan through the overall chilling silence the groups had fallen into. "We have enough problems as it is."

Skuld coughed and pulled out an extendable pointer, quickly doodling a complex set of equations and calculations on a blackboard Nagi had kept near a particularly tall pile of books. Assuming a practiced professor speech stance copied from Auntie Washu, she began, tapping on the blackboard. "This is a very elementary and vague basic approach to the Yggdrasil Principle established to sustain living matter. In other words, it's the ABC to the War and Peace that is the actual equation to create life."

"Interesting," Other-Chao said. "So, if you reverse that, would you have the very basic blueprints for the Anti-Life Equation, as well?"

Skuld nodded. "Darkseid actually got the baseline counter principle to this long ago, during one of his frantic quests for the full Equation. It's just he hasn't ever been able to figure out to take it from there. Without direct access to Yggdrasil's own base codes, no one can develop anything like this into a functional creation or destruction process."

"It gives me a headache just by looking at it," Makie complained.

"Only one mortal was ever able to steal that kind of information from Yggdrasil, and even duplicate our results to a smaller scale, based on the stolen data," Skuld went on. "He was a royal prince, a runaway from the Juraian Galactic Empire. Jurai is one of the first planets in this universe to manifest humanoid intelligent life. Originally populated by a pirate culture, the first Emperor to unify the planet under his rule forced their culture to adapt to a more lawful system, but did so through fear and intimidation. His first son, disapproving of his father's ways, departed for Earth, where he mingled with the primitive humans for decades and decades. Juraians are blessed with unusually long life spans by human standards," she said, briefly giving Konoeko a look few of the others even noticed, still too shocked out their wits.

"W-What does this have to do with the end of the world?" Yuuna managed to ask.

"Patience, patience!" Skuld tapped harder on the blackboard. "That Prince soon turned to magic as a means to create a society he could deem as perfected beyond the Juraians, or the barbarians he was living with. However, he quickly learned magic alone wouldn't achieve his goals. So, with the help of a group of adventurers who were convinced they were doing the right thing, much like Ala Rubra in a way, they figured out how to open a gate to Yggdrasil. Normally, the touch of Yggdrasil itself could outright kill any mortal body; only souls can be there. But the Prince was extremely intelligent, and he found a way for him and his comrades to storm into our sanctuaries and steal the Yggdrasil code from us. That," she said, "is the actual origin of the myth of Prometheus. He literally stole creative fire from Heaven."

"Let me guess," Calculator droned. "That Prince then created a world of his own…"

"And made beings in his own image…" Kuro added, smirking wryly. Her voice dropped to a creepy hiss. "Seven days…!"

Calculator sighed and belatedly clapped a hand over Kuro's mouth before she said anything else.

Skuld frowned. "With a previous spoiler, anyone could see that coming! Anyway, yes, he did, as prototype before attempting to create a whole universe, maybe. Our opinions on it are divided; some say he was simply perfectly contented with creating a planet-sized realm. Whatever the case was, he succeeded at creating a world patterned after Earth during the so-called Classical Age, before supernatural creatures began going extinct at a fast rate, pushed by man's expansion across the planet. All those creatures would find sanctuary in Mundus Magicus, and called their savior the Lifemaker, or Mage of the Beginning."

"Not to be blasphemous, but if he could create a safe happy world for so many, why didn't you guys make us one of those instead of leaving us in a world filled with—" Keiichi began before Haruka slapped his head from behind.

"Listening now! Metaphonical questioning later!"

"Metaphysical!" Skuld corrected, then said, waggling a finger, "However, while the Lifemaker was an extremely intelligent man— he couldn't have ever actually made his copy of the Code work otherwise— his Code was imperfect compared to the original. It had several flaws and bugs that meant the world would eventually collapse upon itself in a few centuries. At that point, the Lifemaker had started become unhinged himself, too. Cut off from the revitalizing waters and trees of Jurai, his long living body was decaying, so he turned to the taboo art of using others' bodies to preserve his own existence. His original physical form ruined, his mind and spirit became a magically bound and empowered parasite jumping from one host body to another, consuming them and writing his self over theirs by force."

Eishun nodded gravelly. "That part, I was aware of it. We fought at least three different physical incarnations of the Lifemaker."

"And now," Negi said, truly somber for once, "That time has arrived, and that world is… about to perish. Isn't it?"

Skuld nodded sadly. "And my sister with it."

"But why are you guys going to wage war on us right after that?" Haruna asked this time. "What do we have to do with it?"

Kuro nodded, looking disapproving. "We'd never put up with such uppity behavior from gods in our world."

Skuld glared at her and gave the librarians (and attendant Setsunas–Setsunae?) a critical but indulgent look. "Oh, so you could finally pry yourselves from your dead trees long enough to hear about your destiny. Well, basically, avoiding the Omega Initiative, Yggdrasil's codename for Apocalypse, was the reason why my sister came to Earth in the first place. She always has loved you," again, briefly, she looked into Keiichi's direction, noticed his lack of any particular distraught impression other than that you normally had when told by a goddess the world might about to end, and she frowned. "And she arrived to issue a warning. Stop harming each other and your planets, learn to live in peace and harmony, or we'll have to spank you hard."

"And, of course, we should put a stop to immorality in the world, shouldn't we?" Haruka asked.

Skuld shrugged. "I find mankind as a whole deviant and perverted, but to be honest, that was never too much of an issue. As long as you don't harm others with your perversions, that's your life. I must admit many in my family wouldn't have any room to complain on it, like my other sister, Urd. She's a real dirty slut. And don't get me started on Uncle Zeus, and Cousin Aphrodite, and Cousin Ashtara, and—"

"Okay, we got it!" a defeated Haruka gestured for her to stop, while the Harunas high fived each other.

"What about Sodom and Gomorrah?" asked Kerberos.

"They indulged in the worst vice none of us would forgive," a somber Skuld said.

"You mean—?"

"Yes, [[INSERT LOUD HONKS, BULLET HAILS, EXPLOSIONS AND DONKEY BRAYS HERE]]," Skuld confirmed. By the time she was over, everyone including the Harunas was pale and sweaty in abject horror. Everyone but the Negis, since Chisame and Kagurazaka had covered their ears from behind.

Negi looked at Erebus. "Does this happen to you often?"

"Generally at least once when I'm in the same room as more than four girls."

They shared a sympathetic nod.

"Question!" Makie raised a hand. "If that big bad thing that happened fifteen years ago was the Second Impact, what was the first one?"

"Oh, that," Skuld said. "It was the incident that caused the extinction of dinosaurs."

"What, the dinosaurs also deserved to die for their sins?" Calculator snarked.

"One word: Barney," Kuro intervened.

"Cute, cute!" Skuld crossed her arms and shook her head. "In truth, they only were unintended collateral damage. It was an apocalypse aimed at other races in this galaxy, but a shattered fragment of a destroyed planet hurled against Earth and accidentally destroyed most of your species at the time. In our defense, Orochi, the God of Destruction, was severely punished over the incident."

Negi's eyes had grown huge and wet. "Poor, poor dinosaurs! H-H-How could you, Skuld-san…!"

"N-Negi-sensei?" Ayaka asked. "What…?"

Chamo chuckled between cigarette puffs. "The Bro is a major fan of dinosaurs. You know kids, Iinchou-nee…!"

Ayaka frowned, both at still being unaccustomed to the idea, much less the sight, of talking ermines, and still distrustful of what she felt could be a bad influence on her teacher. "I— I see…"

Chisame pinched one of Negi's ears. "Cut the waterworks, Negi-sensei! Look, Erebus-sensei isn't taking it that dumbly, and he's only one year…" she noticed Erebus had a hand covering his face, droplets leaking from between his fingers. "… Never mind," she said, with a sweat drop hanging from her head.

"Hey, if dinosaurs hadn't gone extinct, you mammals would have never inherited the Earth! Be thankful even for our mistakes! Where do you think you would be now if reptiles still controlled this planet?" asked Skuld.

Negi and Erebus shared a thought bubble showing dinosaur versions of them both, then wept even harder at the missed chance for extra awesomeness.

"I still don't understand the hows or whys of this very well …" Twilight Red confessed, sheepishly scratching the back of her neck, "But we'll help you in anything you need us for! Right, guys?" she looked at her teammates.

Magus Erebus nodded immediately. "Of course I will!"

"You mispronounced 'we'," Kagurazaka told him. "Again."

"The sanctity of life on a global scale must be protected at all costs," Sakurazaki nodded gravely.

"I never liked when people start tossing heavy holier-than-thou judgments on others…" Kuro scowled. "Even if those people claim to be gods… ESPECIALLY if. They're usually just being delusional sociopaths."

"Raging against the Heavens? That's a new one…" Calculator sighed. "Well, after risking our lives, I guess our souls were the next logical step, right…?"

"We started risking our souls as soon as we started hanging with Paru and Kuro," Kagurazaka told her.

"Good point," Hasegawa allowed.

"Oh yeah, I love it when the shota brigade starts boasting about how much more moral than me they are…" Kuro rolled her eyes. "At least my sister's the same age I am!"

Skuld coughed loudly to make herself heard. "Actually," she said, "It'd be in the best interests of this world and yours if you guys just left as soon as possible. We're very thankful for your help, yes, but… how can I explain this in very easy terms? Let's just say you are akin to adult organs being transplanted into a foreign body, just those organs already exist in that organism, and it's a child's body. That causes a reaction where this reality, for lack of a better term, 'rejects' you, much like antibodies tend to fight off any insertion of organic matter formerly belonging to another biological system."

"Ah?" Makie babbled. "You're sounding like an old ER episode now."

Skuld facepalmed. "Father, give me patience. Look, all I'm saying is, reality itself, in this dimension, is a product of Yggdrasil, our heavenly mainframe extending over the whole universe. You could think of it as an extremely highly advanced artificial program created by us." She looked over to both Chisames, who nodded in interested understanding. "That's how that Servant, the Temptress, was able to displace the kaiju Chigusa summoned, by cancelling the subprogram bringing them to this planet. Like I said before, just like Mundus Magicus, this whole universe runs on a code that can be hacked or altered by a powerful enough reality warper, or simply someone with the right tools for the job."

"Like a Great Grandmaster Key?" Kagurazaka asked. "I think I'm still carrying mine. Hang on, let me check…"

"Sort of, but on a different scale," Skuld said, nodding as she pulled a shiny red apple and placed it before the redhead.

Accepting it with a blink, that Asuna turned to her Negi and asked, "Why don't you give us rewards like this when we get an answer right?"

"What's a Great Grandmaster Key?" asked Satomi, full of vibrant curiosity.

Skuld went on, "That isn't important right now. Regardless, your presence here right now is like that of a bug filtered into the program. The fabric of reality doesn't recognize you as anything but errors in the system, so to counter the imbalance you bring to the chain of events surrounding your counterparts, the system likely 'tries' to make up for the power shift you bring by, in turn, altering probabilities to balance the course of events supposed to take place. That's why the situation at the lake was that much more dangerous this time around. If you stay here, not only is there no way that could happen in your world, but here, reality will keep upping and upping the scales. So, when you finally depart, you will have broken the power balance so much, you'll have left the locals with an out of control escalation they'll be unable to cope with."

"I didn't understand the techno babble, but the core idea is basically, if these guys stay, the world will keep throwing bigger and badder crap at us, right?" Natsuki said.

"Essentially," Skuld nodded twice.

"The world is mean!" Haruna complained. "You could have created a somewhat fairer universe for us, you know!"

"Yeah, well, tell me something I don't hear in prayers at least three thousand times a day."

Misora grimaced. "Wait a second there. You get our prayers, too?"

"I'm a part time operator too, so yeah, some of them get through me before reaching Father. I'm afraid your breasts will never grow too much, but the person you'll end up with will love them as they are, so don't worry about it."

Misora, with suddenly huge and tearful eyes, nodded a single time. "Thank you, Your Holiness!"

There was a beat.

"So, uh, who's that person? Is he in this room?"

"I've never said it will be a 'he'."

"EHHHHHHH?-!"

"Then again, I've never said it will be a 'she' either."

"Now you're just trolling me!-!-!" Misora wailed, while a little voice in the back of her head gently reminded her of a little story Deathnote had told her the first night the librarians had slept in her room…

"Not the first time, even. Remember all those times you lost a sock for no apparent reason? The times it rained when you were about to do track and field despite the sky being clear moments before? The times when Sister Shakti just felt the need to check on you right when you were about to slack off in your duties?"

"That was all your fault!-?"

"We need to test you through trials and tribulations from time to time, you know. It helps you build character."

"Build character for what?-!"

"For more trials and tribulations, of course."

Haruka had to restrain Misora from behind. "No, don't be blastemphemous! What if she's really a goddess?-!"

"Then I'll just send her back home! Lemme go already…!"

Ayaka sighed and patted Skuld's shoulder. "Congratulations. You have snapped her out of her fear of the unknown…"

"See, what did I tell you? Becoming a better person through trials and tribulations!"

"Well, if that's the case, can you help send them back home?" Chisame asked. "And after that, are we supposed to just make our last wills and testaments, or what?"

"I'll certainly try to help them establish a jump point back to their universe," Skuld replied, then gave Other Chao a condescending look, "Although I'm sure I'm even that needed here, since my colleague's talents here should be enough for that task…"

"Aw, you'll make me blush…!" Other Chao laughed, scratching the back of her head.

"You already have eternal blush stickers," Kuro mumbled.

"Your colleague? What, is she a goddess too?" Makie asked.

"Oh, no, I'm only the goddess of nikkuman," Other Chao said.

"And goddess of the Mahora Science Clubs," Chao added.

"Secondary goddess of the Mahora Chinese Martial Arts Club after Ku-chan…" Other Chao went on.

"Co-Goddess of Japanese school robotics with Satomi-chan…" This comment was followed by a brief blush of Satomi in the sidelines.

"And goddess matron of all awesome, cute and scientific things that challenge your intellect while flattering your eyesight!"

"Other than that, no, we aren't goddesses at all!" both Chaos said, grinning at once in a perfectly coordinated way.

Everyone else in the room felt slightly uncomfortable for a moment. After all, it was pure dual-Springfield charm at work. Had the Negis joined then, this story would have turned X rated automatically.

Skuld took in a long breath before saying, "I meant my SCIENTIFIC colleague! Anyway, it's my sister's life at stake here, too, and I've had all the time in the world to prepare myself," she boasted, with a somewhat smug self-confidence that couldn't help but annoy the Chisames, the Asunas, Misa, Misora and Hakase. "Rest assured I have a plan, and by saving my sister, I can save the rest of your realm as well!"

"Great," Yuuna then urged, "So let's hear that wonderful plan!"

"Do you have the next three days free?"

"Is it that complex a plan?"

"It's a plan to rescue a nearly omnipotent but restrained being made of pure heavenly energy from a parallel world guarded by creatures and armies that would make last night's challenges look like an appetizer. A single wrong step would kill my sister and send a divine pulse shockwave that would devastate both worlds. Then we have to deliver my sister back home and enact a complex protocol to guarantee the cancellation of the Omega Initiative after what most of the Heavenly Council considers a Level A Plus Three offense, kidnapping and attempted deicide of one of the Almighty's daughters. Just by explaining this, I already made Makie-san fall asleep. Do you really think you're ready to take on the full details?"

Yuuna shook her head while supporting a napping Makie's weight. "Now that you put it that way…"

"Hey, not all of us are pinky here!" Kuro said, offended. "I'm a Nasurian! We deal with more insane magical concepts in basic training than most wizards do by the time they reach fifty!"

"Just because you can stick your brain in a blender doesn't mean the rest of us want to," Twilight Red said.

"Softy."

"Good to see we're finally understanding each other. Now, I'm going to need your help at the key stage of my plan, but first, you should all try reaching the power and skill levels of Ala Alba here. Once that's achieved, you'll be in condition to actually be helpful, rather than loads. Don't fret yet, we still have several months ahead of us, and if they could do it, so can you," Skuld reassured the locals.

"I feel so relieved," Chisame grunted. "Now, exactly what was the deal with that Temptress twerp? You mentioned she was a Servant, but a servant of who or what?"

Tales from Mundus Magicus: Blood.

Shidou Hikaru knew how it felt, seeing something fall in what looked like slow motion just out of her reach as she was powerless to stop it in time. It happened all the time back when she was a clumsy child, and she'd break a vase or something else valuable at her home. Time seemed to slow down just enough to let her experience the mild terror, to try and fail, to see the object crashing down against the floor, even up to the shards flying in all directions, after which time would retake its normal pace just in time for her brothers to scold her.

Granted, her brothers all loved her, in a perfect healthy and sincere, totally non-decadent, no-sirree way, and their scoldings never went past gentle recriminations, but still, they meant the world to a young and sensible Hikaru.

Now, it all was much worse. Because she was watching, in that same apparent slow motion, how Kiryuu Nanami's body, just pierced by an ice spear through the upper body, in between her right breast and shoulder, plummeted down accompanied by a strangled gasp. She was able to see perfectly well how her recent companion hit the garden's ground, the sword Derflinger slipping from her fingers. But despite everything, Hikaru, or anyone else for that matter, couldn't stop her fall in time.

"NANAMI-SAMA!"A horrified Tsuwabuki ran to his crush's side, grasping one of her hands tightly. Yukino came to Nanami's other side, checking her pulse with all the experience of an assistant to Suzushiro Haruka. Due to her stubbornness and zeal, Haruka-chan got into a lot of fights in the line of duty. And due to Haruka-chan's strength, Yukino often had to tend to battered victims of the Justice and Order Steamroller.

After a few gasps of pain, Kiryuu clenched her teeth, squeezed Yukino's hand, and hissed, "Kikukawa-san… P-Please look after Shidou-san…"

Tsuwabuki sobbed, waited for the inevitable "… and Tsuwabuki-kun…", failed to hear it, looked down, and saw Nanami still alive but refusing to say anything else, just keeping Yukino's hand firmly clutched, biting her lower lip. That only added to his heartache.

"Ah ha ha ha ha!" Alcyone laughed, standing over them, confident and haughty. "You are too weak, little girls! This is like eradicating helpless vermin!"

"Silence, you monster!-!" Presea roared, charging her alongside Hikaru, both of them swinging blades at once, but failing to meet their target as Alcyone blew them back across the garden with a hand thrust and a yell of "Frost Hurricane!" The resulting burst of icy air toppled them in opposite directions.

Presea, however, quickly pushed herself back to her feet, supported on her sword. "You… You keep digging your own grave deeper and deeper, lackey…" she grunted.

From where it had been dropped, Derflinger called out, "Hey, someone pick me up already! In the hands of an able user, I'd finish that witch in no time! Seriously! Yo, someone pay attention to the legendary weapon of the bunch…! Damn it, Talatsu never has to put up with this sort of disrespect…"

Motsu walked up to it. "Don't worry, Excalibur! I'll pluck you up to lead the forces of good to victory! In a really good way! A-hup we go…!" He grabbed the hilt and pulled it up, only to fall on his butt and then his back without moving the weapon even an inch, exhausted to his limits after that single try. "Ah, and so, my legend comes to a finish! After this epic struggle, I think I will go sleep in Avalon! But I shall return when the land needs me again! In a good way…!"

"If I could move by myself, I'd chop you up to pieces, seriously, man," Derflinger told him.

Meanwhile, Shichimi made her slow way next to Nanami's gulping head. "Ah. Does it hurt a lot, mya…?"

Nanami clenched her teeth and snarled something that badly tried to be a "What the hell do you think?-!"

"I see," the tiny furry thing nodded, slow and sedate. "Would you, then, like to feel better? I think I can do that…"

"You can?-!" a hopeful Tsubaki cried.

"Well. I can try, at least-nya," Shichimi said, slowly lowering her head. "You will forgive me if I do this, won't you?" she said, a single moment before her diminutive mouth descended on Nanami's, her tongue delicately lapping the cold lips of the teenager.

Yukino's and Tsuwabuki's eyes bulged out as much as those of Nanami herself.

Motsu stared on with a mixture of annoyance and interest for a few moments before snapping his fingers. "Ah! Revived by a cat kiss in a good way! I think I once watched this in a Michelle Pfeiffer movie! Or was she Hale Berry?"

"Seriously, dude, I'm gonna cut you!" Derflinger said.

Teach Us, Kuro-sensei! The Einzbern Consultation Exposition Room!

As one, all of Ala Alba turned to look at Kuro. "You're up, exposition girl," Deathnote said cheerfully.

Kuro snorted. "About time somebody asked. I wasn't going to say anything unless you did."

"Say anything about what?" Misora asked.

Kuro snapped her fingers. "Deathnote! Assist!"

Deathnote reached into her cleavage and pulled out her Pactio Card, casually summoning up her Artifact. "Exposition Illustration mode is ready," she chirped.

Kuro coughed as she began to pace back and forth. "Someone please find Makie a pillow while the rest listen. This is going to be a bit hard to follow, but please bear with it. To put it simply, Servants are the spirits of heroes called to material form. They're technically a very advanced, very powerful sort of familiar."

Makie was already swaying, her eyebrows drooping, but they opened again and she "ooooed" as a diagram appeared behind Kuro. The words "Servants=Familiar" were emblazoned on the drawing, along with generic sketches of heroically posed warrior figures.

Chisame raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Doesn't sound that complicated to me."

"We're getting there," Kuro said cheerfully as Keiichi fluffed up a pillow and placed it beside Makie. The dark-skinned girl resumed pacing, taking on a more scholarly tone and manner. "The context, however, is a lot more complicated than such a simple equivalency. To understand what a Servant is, you need to know what they're used for." Kuro briefly eyed Eishun, but the elder stood resolutely silent. "Servants are an integral element of an ancient ritual known as 'Heaven's Feel'. It is an attempt to recover what is known among a subset of magic-users, known in our universe as 'Nasurians', or Magi, as the Third True Magic, or Third Sorcery."

Negi frowned as the key words on the board changed. "What's so important about this 'Third True Magic'?"

Kuro smiled slightly, and this time there was a mocking edge to it. "The Third True Magic, also called Heaven's Feel, is the magic that allows for the materialization of the soul. The soul contains all the memories, mind and magic of any entity, anchored to the world by the body. If the body is destroyed, the soul passes on, and magical attempts to put the soul in a new body will result in either an inferior integration or the soul itself rotting and dispersing. However, with the Third True Magic one can both keep the soul from passing on and stop it from dispersing or decaying, metamorphosing it into a higher form of existence. The soul becomes capable of interacting with the world and of taking on new anchors." She smiled brightly as Makie's snores filled the sudden silence. "New bodies. It can be a suitably prepared puppet or anything with a brain. Once occupying it, the soul will reshape the body according to the form in its memories. Heaven's Feel is nothing less than True Resurrection, true immortality not just for the body, but also for the soul."

There was stunned silence as everyone but Skuld stared at her with expressions ranging from disbelief to unholy lust. Even Ala Alba, who'd heard of what all that business in Fuyuki had been about, stared in stunned horror.

"I-is this true?" Sora asked Skuld.

The goddess's face was woodenly impassive for a long moment. "Yes," she said eventually, her great reluctance obvious. "These things happen sometimes. You humans are too nosy for your own good, you know that?!"

"Cristo," Roberta swore.

"Yes," was all Skuld said on the subject.

"That sort of power…" Batman said, the gravel of his voice deeper than usual. "Anyone who had it… the potential for abuse…" It was a mark of how horrified he was that he couldn't think of any single example to verbalize just how terrifying the notion was.

Kuro gave them an annoyed look. "Oh, calm down people. Stop crapping yourselves. The magic is lost. No one living today knows how to work it, and I'm pretty sure any who used to know can't pull it off anymore. Remember, the point of the ritual was to recover it, remember? I mentioned that, right? So get those thoughts of bringing back dead relatives and immortality out of your heads."

Everyone looked at Haruna, who tried to look innocent despite the unholy lust still lingering on her face. Thus, few saw Natsuki, Negi, Batman and Ayaka flinch. Roberta's expression could have been used as an anvil.

Ayaka gave a start however as she felt someone take both of her hands and squeeze gently, reassuringly. She glanced sideways. Asuna's face was studiedly blank, looking away from her, her cheek leaning on the knuckles of her other hand. She completely ignored Ayaka's existence. Her hand was warm however, and wouldn't let go.

On Ayaka's other side, Twilight Red just made a small smile and gave her hand another squeeze.

"However, you all understand why someone would put a lot of effort into recovering such magic," Kuro continued as she resumed pacing in front of Deathnote's diagram and its helpful chibi-style progression chart of how the process worked. "A thousand years ago, the Einzbern Clan of Magi, the only ones known to have ever achieved the use of the Third Magic, lost the secret to its full utilization. They spent the next eight hundred years trying to rediscover the mechanics of it without success, until they were finally forced to ask for help from other Magi. Thus was laid the groundwork for the Heaven's Feel ritual, more commonly known to the world… as the Holy Grail War."

"I have a question," the Batman asked. "Revival by the Lazarus Pits… Does it have those potentially soul destroying effects on its users too?"

Before Kuro could open her mouth to answer, Skuld beat her to the punch, which annoyed her. "Worried about the spiritual wellbeing of your worst enemy? That's so noble. Actually, due to the supernatural properties of those alchemicals, which suffice to say have origins tied to those of the primal elemental soup that sparkled the first signs of biological life, their procedure of pulling the soul back into the revived body is remarkably safe for the soul itself, but not at all for its integrity and purity. They have a very high rate of spiritual contamination, which is the reason why the Pits induce insanity into their users."

Eva yawned. "What about the Dragon Balls?"

Kuro gave her a puzzled look. "Pardon?"

"You know, there's this legend about seven mystical spheres spread across the world, and if you can gather all seven and ask for a wish, a dragon will appear and grant you that wish no matter what, even if it involves reviving the dead," Evangeline stretched.

Somewhere in his subdimension of pure darkness, Nekron twitched in annoyance.

"That's the most stupid thing I've ever—" Kuro began before Skuld spoke again.

"The Dragon Balls, or rather, the dragon they summon, have actual reality warping effects," the young goddess explained. "In that sense, they are more powerful than Heaven's Feel, but since the dragon hasn't been seen in thousands of years, even most Magi have come to believe it's nothing but a myth."

"But it exists," Negi persisted.

It was Skuld's turn to shrug. "Yeah, but looking for them will probably be more dangerous and time consuming than looking for your father directly, so I'd advise you not even bothering to go there."

"Oh," Negi drooped.

Chisame frowned. "You know, I can't believe no one has bothered to ask you this, but… since you watch everything from above, you do know where Negi's father is, don't you?"

Negi's head sprang back up in intense wide-eyed interest, his eyes nailing themselves on Skuld. "Is that true?-!"

Skuld waved her hands before them. "EEEEHHHHH! I'm not one of those omniscient voyeurs! I spent most of my time monitoring readings and filling out paperwork, and I don't have the time to check on every mortal's lives and whereabouts! Sorry! Maybe I could access that information if I still had access to Yggrdasil's databanks, although I'd need authorization to share that information with mortals without being put on trial for betrayal. But as it is, I'm cut off from Yggdrasil now…"

"What?" Keiichi asked. "Do you mean you've been booted out of your home?"

"In a way, yeah. But that's all part of my plan. Don't worry," she smirked. "I already have a place to live at this world set for myself…"

"Ah. That's good to know…" Keiichi replied, although something about the way she had said it told him he should be worried about it.

"Ahem!" Kuro interrupted. She grimaced. "Where were we again?"

"Holy Grail War," Other Chao said helpfully.

"Ah. Thank you." Kuro coughed. "Anyway, the Einzbern finally swallowed their pride and asked for help. At the time, the Magi's Clocktower Association was having… aggressive disagreements with the Church, so they picked a place in the Far East where the Church had little presence. With the help of two Magi clans in the area, the Tohsaka and the Makiri, they set out to recover the Third Magic." She rolled her eyes and her toned went dry. "Being Magi, they went about it in the most complicated way possible."

Skuld chuckled slightly at the understatement.

"How's that?" Haruna asked, being drawn into the story.

"They decided that the best way to recover the magic was to basically knock down a hole in reality to get at Akasha and get the information back that way," Kuro said, her tone making it obvious she thought they were morons as Yue gasped. Apparently, her audience didn't share her opinion, staring at her blankly. She huffed. "Akasha? The Akashic Record? The Root?" More blank looks, though the Nodokas gasp and the Negis looks of dawning comprehension told her some were getting it. She sighed. "Um, okay. If, going by goddess girl's story about how the universe is just one big Matrix simulation run by the gods, then Akasha would be the indelible backup of EVERYTHING, past, present and future. All knowledge in the universe that was, is or ever will be resides there, and it is both the ultimate source and ultimate destination of… well, everything. Ah, I see that got through," Kuro said in satisfaction as 'Ooh!' expressions spread across her audience. Batman's face was inscrutable, but it was obvious he'd gotten it the first time.

Makie muttered in her sleep about why was Homura-mama wrestling with Madoka-mama so late at night and shifted slightly, a snot bubble beginning to develop on her nose.

"Isn't that a bit… overkill?" Misora ventured hesitantly.

"You don't understand the Magus mindset, Mysterious Sister," Kuro said sagely. "In most Magi circles, you don't get respect if your methodology isn't as complicated, convoluted and elegant as possible. Besides, the Einzbern had gone a little crazy with obsession and desperation at that point. They had been at it for eight hundred years. Anyway, with the other two families, they set about setting up the ritual. Using incomplete knowledge they had left of the Third Magic, they constructed the Great Grail, inside a mountain in the area which would someday be the city of Fuyuki, with its magic circle inscribed into the land itself. Once the construction was complete, they invited other magi to act as witnesses to what they were going to do."

"Which was?" Batman grated. He was not enjoying the long explanations.

"To put it simply, the three families had constructed a wish machine," Kuro said bluntly. "Using what little was still known about Heaven's Feel, their wish machine would summon seven Servants, Heroic Spirits summoned from the part of Akasha known as the Throne of Heroes. This summoning, however, was every limited. After all, even just bringing someone back to life requires the Miracle of the Third Magic. Thus, the summoning a Heroic Spirit in its complete form would be impossible for the Grail, much less seven of them. To facilitate the process, only parts of the Epic Spirits are summoned, and materialized within spiritual vessels optimized for them, known as the seven Classes, which reflect abilities they had in life."

"And here," Kuro said as the words 'Seven Servants' appeared behind her on the illustration, as well as seven shadowed figures, "we come to the meat of the discussion. Servants are essentially nerfed down versions of Heroic Spirits, their personality complete but their abilities limited by the Class they were forced into during summoning."

"Heroic Spirits?" Setsuna queried.

Kuro took a deep breath. "Heroic Spirits are…" she paused, pondering. "When I say 'heroes', I don't mean just anyone who decides to pull on some tights and go out to beat up petty criminals." She didn't even so much as direct a snide look Batman's way as she continued. "When I say 'Hero', I mean it in the classical, mythical sense: powerful beings who in life changed the very world for those lucky or unfortunate enough to encounter them, either raising up empires or grinding it to dust beneath their feet. Actually, 'Epic Spirits' might be a more accurate translation, or perhaps 'Legendary Souls'. Epic Spirits are beings who have accomplished great achievements, or even outright impossible deeds, and because of this become objects of worship and lore after their deaths, or even before it. As a result, they are placed outside the normal post-life progression of the soul and ascend to an existence similar, or even beyond gods in order to become a power that protects existence. Many become ideals, ultimate examples of what they are, whether that be king, warrior, explorer, conqueror or what have you."

"That Temptress didn't look very mythepicandary," Haruka said doubtfully.

"Mythical, epic or legendary: pick one, don't use them all at the same time," Misa said.

"You'd be surprised," Kuro said.

"Beyond gods?" Skuld said tartly.

Kuro gave her a level look. "Oh? Do you think you can survive a fight with, say, the Epic Spirit of Gilgamesh of Uruk?"

Skuld paled. "D-don't be absurd! I'm an administrator and inventor, not some kind of soldier!"

"G-gilgamesh?" Nodoka ventured. "From 'The Epic of Gilgamesh'? Is that who you mean?"

Kuro nodded. "He's an ideal example. He's not only the first hero ever, he's the first superhero of recorded human history. Many tropes that are part of heroic traditions can be traced back to him. He was 2/3rds god in a period where most were lucky to be half. He was insanely rich. He had super strength. He built the walls around a city with his bare hands by using said strength to pull it out of the very rocks of the ground. He had a loyal kid sidekick. He went beyond the impossible and kicked reason to the historical curb, as is the heroic way. And he set the bar for all heroes who would come after. He's remembered for essentially taking on his entire pantheon of gods, telling the goddess of love she wasn't good enough for him, kicking the ass of the monster she sent after him as revenge, then going on to make them cry, essentially out of boredom. When his best friend died, became a broody loner. And yet in the end, he fell when he faced the greatest challenge, and had to surrender to Death herself." Kuro shrugged. "All these elements have survived the millennia. Don Diego, the masked hero Zorro, was a rich man. Sigurd bathed in the blood of a dragon to become different. Superman has the strength. On and on." She smirked at everyone in the room. "It's in all of us too. Abnormal births or biologies." The Setsunas winced. The Chachamarus remained impassive. "Royalty." Konoeko's face was coolly blank, and Erebus and Twilight Red both resisted the urge to whistle innocently. "Brooding loners." Natsuki glared at her in defiance. "Born into wealth and political power." Everyone turned to stare at Ayaka, Konoka and Haruka. "Now, if we can just do impossible things and make it look easy like, say, going back in time or destroying magic or saving the world or killing a god…"

"Why were you looking at me when you said that?" Skuld demanded while both Chao just looked innocent as the list of qualities scrolled down the illustration behind Kuro.

"So, you're saying that these Servants will be superheroes?" Negi asked hopefully.

"No," Kuro said bluntly. "As I said, I misspoke when I called them Heroic Spirits. Not all of them will be heroes. Indeed, due to dissonance when it comes to values across not only different cultures, but also time, few will subscribe to our definition of 'heroic'. I said Epic Spirits became objects of worship and lore, but that's a contextually narrow definition. A more neutral way of putting it is that they are remembered and that their legend is spread, with they themselves being held in reverence, considered so far beyond people as to no longer be normal, changing from a person into an ideal. Indeed, that's one way to describe hero worship." Kuro smiled darkly. "Care to guess the logical extension of this theory?"

Negi frowned in confusion, wondering what she meant. Heroes were heroes, weren't they?

It was Batman who spoke. "Villains," he snarled.

Kuro's smile darkened even more. "Yes. In the eyes of the Throne, the moral considerations of your actions do not matter, only their scale and their effect on the world and your legend. Jack the Ripper is as much an Epic Spirit as Robin Hood. After all, both achieved great things, and their legends are remembered far and wide. And really, isn't fear a form of reverence?" she asked rhetorically as behind her the image of Kevin Costner with a bow and arrow stood next to a shadow-faced gentleman holding a bloody razor. "To the Throne, all that matters is that you achieved great things. Terrible, maybe… but great."

"Stop!" Chisame cried. "Okay, summary time. Servants are nerfed Epic Spirits. Epic Spirits can be either heroes or villains. They've got something to do with this 'Holy Grail War'. And you're saying the right Servant could potentially kick even a god's ass."

"Not in so few words, but yes," Kuro huffed as Skuld glared. Argh, young people, wanting their information in bite-sized bytes! No appreciation for proper context or delivery. "The Holy Grail War is essentially a Battle Royale. The summoned Servants fight each other to the death, and the winner gets the Holy Grail, essentially enough power to grant any wish conceivable, and definitely enough to punch a hole to Akasha."

Negi's eyes brightened. "A wish…" he said, thinking 'looking for dad'-ly thoughts.

"Don't even think about it," Kuro said steely. "Unless you want to commit murder to find your dad, this isn't the wish for you."

Negi paled. "M-Murder?-!"

"It's a battle royale. Last man standing. There can only be one."

Negi gulped and shrank back, wondering why the universe saw fit to torment him so with impossible choices.

"In our world, the Holy Grail War involved only seven Classes of Servants," Kuro said. "Archer, Saber, Rider, Lancer, Caster, Berserker and Assassin. Though that doesn't seem to be the case here. Temptress, while unconventional, was definitely a Servant, and I suppose that a temptress is an acceptable epic archetype. Cleopatra would certainly fit in it, although I don't think that's who she was."

Ayaka frowned. "I'm sorry Kuro-san, but how do you know so much about this subject? Given Erebus-san's reactions, it's apparent this isn't common knowledge to the wizards of your world, so it's a bit puzzling that you are so well-versed on it."

Kuro smirked. "Ah, that's right, you weren't at my proper introduction. And Negi's girls aren't exactly renowned for their memory. Ah, well, I suppose it'll do no harm to tell you. My full name is Kuro von Einzbern-Emiya. My immediate family and I are the last of the Einzbern clan in our world."

They all blinked at her. "Your family started the Holy Grail War?" Asuna said.

"Yup!" Kuro said. "My mom and dad fought in the Fourth War eleven years ago, and my brother, sister and I fought the Fifth and hopefully last the year before."

Ayaka paled. "But you're so young!"

Everyone gave her a bland look. She blushed. "Sorry, force of habit."

Kuro reached into her pocket and handed Deathnote a few pictures. She leafed through them, whistling in appreciation. "Wow, that's some prime man-meat, Kuro-chan," she said, grinning. "I thought you didn't swing that way?"

"I don't," Kuro said primly. "Those are for references in case I ever get sent back in time."

"Ah," Deathnote said, she and a few other people nodding sagely in agreement. "Makes perfect sense."

"In what universe!-?" Chisame cried.

"Ours," Deathnote said simply.

"Due to the end of the Einzbern clan, many records were lost from the first three Holy Grail Wars," Kuro said. "However, thanks to modern record keeping methods, the last two Wars were recorded with some fidelity. While some details are missing, the following examples should give you an idea of what Servants are capable of."

On the screen behind her, the picture of a man appeared. Haruna wolf-whistled, adding a few "Ah-ooga!"s for good measure as a mortified Nodoka and an amused Konoka settled her back down. The man was pretty handsome, wearing tight black clothing, and carried a spear in either hand, one red, one yellow.

"This is the Lancer of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne," Kuro said, pronouncing it flawlessly. "Both his spears— his Noble Phantasms, weapons which are part of his legend or abilities that personify parts of their legend— are magical, with one being able to disrupt magic, and the other causing wounds that do not heal as long as the weapon is intact."

Everyone shared at him. "Huh?" Asuna said. "Who's he?"

"Diarmuid Ua Duibhne," Batman graveled, "the son of Donn, foster son of Aengus, and first warrior of the knights of Fianna. Also known as Diarmuid of the Love Spot, due to a magical love spot granted to him by a young girl. Any woman who gazes upon the spot instantly fell in love with him, which eventually led to an encounter with Gráinne, the bride of Fionn mac Cumhaill. Gráinne had fallen in love with Diarmuid at her wedding party, and placed a geis on him to run away with her. They were pursued relentlessly by Fionn, but after much blood was shed, he decided to recognize their marriage, granted Diarmuid a proper title and land, and welcomed them back as subjects. Sometime later while hunting with Fionn, Diarmuid was fatally injured by a wild boar. Fionn had the ability to transform spring water in to a powerful healing agent. Fionn only needed to walk a few steps to the nearby spring, but is jealousy and hatred towards Diarmuid made him spill the water twice. By the third time he went to scoop water, Diarmuid had already died." Batman paused. "It's a relatively obscure Irish legend outside of the country."

Kuro was nodding as the display behind her showed a storyboard of the gory details. "Poor schmuck. My mother told me he was a very chivalrous gentleman. Sounded like a nice guy." She snapped her fingers.

The picture behind her changed, becoming a giant of a man with a red beard and cape, riding a huge chariot across the night sky, with a teenaged boy holding frantically to his leg and quite clearly crying. "Servant Rider, Al-Iskandar of Macedonia, the King of Conquerors. More commonly known as Alexander the Great. The sniveling little bug with him was his Master, Waver Velvet."

"'Waver Velvet'?" Misa repeated incredulously. "What, did his parents want him to grow up to be a porn star?" She paused. "Uh, did he become a—?"

"No," Kuro said. "He became a teacher."

Misa eyed the Negis. "Teachers can be sexy too," she said, grinning lecherously.

"Hear hear," the Evangelines muttered.

The two child teachers blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Chisame and Twilight Red chorused.

"According to my parents, Iskandar had the power to summon his army to battle," Kuro said. "And his chariot was some kind of flying, lightning-spewing weapon of mass destruction. Between those two, he was regarded as an extremely dangerous opponent and a prime candidate to win the grail. He was killed by this man." She snapped her fingers again.

The image shifted to a tall blond man with an arrogant expression, clad in golden full-body plate armor. Skuld stifled a squeak of fear.

"This is Servant Archer, Gilgamesh of Uruk, the First and King of Heroes," Kuro said. "He owns nearly every legendary weapon that ever existed, or at least the super prototypes for them. If legendary weapons were Beatles songs, he owns the songs from before they became famous." She paused. "Even as I say it I realize that's a horrible analogy."

Everyone nodded solemnly.

The next image was of a knight in black armor. At least, they assumed so. He didn't show up in the photo every well. "Servant Berserker," Kuro said. "Alias Sir Lancelot of the Knights of the Round Table. Insane, but can use literally anything he got his hands on as a weapon, a master of disguise, and his sword is the equal of Excalibur itself, and is essentially Excalibur's evil twin." She paused. "One of its evil twins," she amended.

The next wasn't a single person but a group of people all wearing black, carrying knives and wearing skull masks. "Servant Assassin, Hassan-i-Sabah, or at least, one of those who took up the name of the 'Old Man of the Mountain'. The name is a legacy title held by the leader of the al-Assasīn, which would later evolve into the League of Assassins. In fact, there's some evidence to suggest they were the ones who suggested the addition of the template. The Einzbern have vague mentions of Ra's al Ghul showing up during the planning stages of the ceremony before being told to buzz off. Thank goodness for crappy European-Middle-Eastern relations. They're designed as anti-Master units, meant to go after the Magus and not other Servants. They don't play fair, you'll never see them coming, and they'll kill you so many ways it's stupid. I'd tell you to avoid them, but by the time you see it, it's already in killing range and holding the heart it just tore from your chest."

Negi wasn't the only one to gulp, especially since Deathnote added a disturbing realistic graphic of a heart in someone's hand.

The next image was of a smiling woman holding a golden cruciform staff, with a short skirt, beret, and black wings sprouting from her back. Oddly, there was a shot of the same woman as a child, still in the same outfit, and another shot of her as a child with pale blonde hair.

"This," Kuro said, "is Servant Caster, Regina Daemonia, Destroyer of Worlds, Hero of Justice, Queen of the Night Sky, she who has fought gods and made them cry, withstood the attentions of Dark Evangel and the Green Devil of Earth, etcetera, etcetera."

As one, everyone looked at the Evangelines.

"Don't look at me," the local one said. "I've never seen that woman before in my life!"

The other one, however, grunted. "Oh, so that's what that was about. Huh. Maybe I should fix her big mouth, if she's going around bragging."

Erebus, however, was blinking. "Hayate-chan?" Then he snapped his fingers. "Oh, right. I forgot about that.…"

Kuro nodded. "Although Magi have always espoused that the Throne Of Heroes lies outside of time, making it theoretically possible to summon Epic Spirits from the future, Caster here is the first bit of empirical evidence to confirm it. In our world and time, Hayate-chan is an eleven year old girl with partial leg paralysis who happens to be one of the most powerful Mahou Shoujo on the planet. However, it was definitively confirmed that it was her who was summoned during the Fourth Holy Grail War, meaning that barring paradox, there is a high probability our Hayate grows up to be epically badass."

As one, Ala Alba turned to the other Chao, who smiled brightly. "What's everyone looking at me for?" she asked glibly.

Kuro snorted. "I've reason to believe that this person might exist on this world. I can't really tell you any more details, since that will likely bias your view should the time come, but I can advise you to keep him away from her until you save the world together at least once."

She pointed resolutely at Negi.

"Eh?" he asked, confused and a little hurt. "Why not?"

Kuro gave him a bland look. "Her harem won't appreciate you horning in."

"EH!-?-!-?-!"

"You seem very certain it will come to saving the world," Batman said accusingly.

"It always does," Kuro shrugged. "After all, don't you meet people when the world needs to be saved from, say, purely as a theoretical example, power-stealing, vampiric, tripod-riding shape-shifters from Mars who might or might not kill and replace a prominent US astronaut-turned-politician and use him to trick Superman to disarm all the world's nuclear weapons as they sabotage several deep space monitoring stations around the world, thus setting the world up for invasion?"

There was a beat.

"That was oddly specific," Batman said suspiciously.

"Ah, it was just a random, theoretical example," Kuro said with all the innocence of a child with crumbs on her lips when the cookie jar was empty. "I'm sure that your world won't be invaded by power-stealing, vampiric, tripod-riding shape-shifters from Mars who might or might not kill and replace a prominent US astronaut-turned-politician and use him to trick Superman to disarm all the world's nuclear weapons as they sabotage several deep space monitoring stations around the world, thus setting the world up for invasion who are vulnerable to sunlight." Kuro paused in her narration to smirk at Skuld. "Now, I trust our little divine highness could confirm if this Servant lineup also was in effect in this universe or not?"

After lifting her nose slightly (TSUN!), Skuld pulled a cellphone shaped device out of her breast pocket and held it high. After pressing a sequence into it, it displayed a 3-D image of a very strange man in purple robes, with his hood down, showing his freakishly pale face, long blueish-black hair, and bugging eyes. His posture and expression conveyed a stark sensation of malice and perversity. "Actually," Skuld said, "the same basic chain of events seems to have happened in this world as well, although with a few differences. The Fourth War Caster, in this world, wasn't the young woman you described, but this man. Gilles de Rais, the French noble and warrior turned follower of the black magic, who inspired the bloody legend of Bluebeard. Once a fair and gallant gentleman, the death of his comrade in arms Jeanne D'Arc twisted his mind and pushed him to study the dark arts. He massacred dozens of innocents, especially women and children, in his malevolent experiments for further power. The Church and the king had him executed, but his spirit was brought back to this world by a Japanese serial killer who saw fit to take part in the War as a sick game."

"Okay," Kuro scowled. "Bonus points for dramatic exposition. Continue."

Skuld glared at her before going on. "They captured several children across Fuyuki City in a scheme to set a trap for Saber, whom Caster wrongly believed was Jeanne brought back to life. However, Saber fought her way through the legion of monsters Caster had unleashed upon the city and was able to slay him. Shortly after, Caster's Master was shot and killed by the Magus Killer, Emiya Kiritsugu."

Kuro smiled faintly. "It's good to see no matter the world, Daddy could take care of business. However, from what I saw of the local Shirou-niichan…"

"Yes. The Emiya Kiritsugu who lived in this world has long departed it. Sorry," Skuld said before pressing more keys, now showing a curious looking antropomorphic figure in baggy pants and a green shirt, holding a wide round shiny shield in a way that obscured most of his face. On the shield was what looked like a heraldic symbol composed of three black circles. However, a pair of long, dog-like black ears could be seen poking from behind the shield. "Additionally, this was Servant Shield, another participant in that War you apparently lacked. Not that it matters much, since he was the second Servant to fall after Assassin. Shields are excellent at defense, but rarely remarkable at offense compared to Sabers or Lancers. Although the current Shield," the image changed to a shadowy, blurry picture of a tall blond woman holding a sword for a moment, "is a notable exception to that rule."

Kagurazaka, Eishun and Erebus seemed oddly rattled at seeing that image. Skuld smiled at them. "Something wrong?"

Twilight Red asked warily, "That Shield woman… She wouldn't happen to be…?"

Skuld closed her eyes. "Probably. Although I have no idea who're you talking about."

Chisame grumbled. "You're being misleading and obscure on purpose, aren't you?"

"If anything, I'm saying too much," Skuld sighed, showing everyone another picture, this time one of a thin and dashing young man with short orange hair. "Fourth War Vigilante, also known in life as Robin Hood, or rather, one of the men who took the Robin Hood identity through Prince John Lackland's rule. One of them was a fox-man, back when those beings still roamed this world. True story." She placed a kiss on her own fingers to make her point. "This other 'Robin Hood' was an expert archer, but since an Archer already had been summoned, he fell into the Vigilante class. Vigilantes are expert trackers and patrollers, but tend to fall short in direct physical confrontations. However, they can be almost as good as Assassins in covert missions. Unfortunately for this one, his Master disagreed with his methods, calling them underhanded, and forced him to fight in a direct way that had him killed rather messily by Berserker."

"Tsk," Kuro shook her head. "So Robin Hood's a legacy name, kinda like Hassan. And there was another extra Servant, you said…?"

"Yes," Skuld said. Now she was displaying the image of a buxom, smiling young woman in tall black boots, a red longcoat, and tight pants, holding a gun in each hand. Her hair was long, of a dark pink tone, and her cleavage was as wide as her roguish smile. Kuro, Haruna and the Chamos all looked on with visible interest. "Servant Stealer, who might have been a Rider if Iskander had not shown up before. In life, she was Sir Francis Drake…"

"But Sir Francis Drake was a man!" Chisame protested.

"Actually, no," Kuro said. "While that was what history remembers, mages have long known about Drake being female. You really should brush up on your proper history, Chisame-chan."

Skuld waved a finger. "Yeah, that's the history you have been told. Drake was a liar and libertine, a free spirit in an age where women weren't allowed into most positions of power, much less over hardened criminals and seamen. She and those who used her crew's services would spread the news she was, indeed, a man, and she often crossdressed during raids to preserve that impression amongst the survivors. Like most Stealers, she was a Servant specialized in treachery and dirty fighting, and yet she also had a twisted honor code of sorts. She fell to Rider, and her Master perished shortly afterwards at the hands of… ah, but that would be saying too much," she sighed. "As Gods, we aren't usually allowed to speak ill of the church."

"It was a Creepy Pervert Priest, wasn't it?" Kuro said.

"That wasn't amusing," Misora frowned.

"It wasn't intended to be," Skuld shrugged. "Now, Kuro-san," she turned her device off, "I think you were about to tell us about your Fifth War? Now that should be interesting…

Kuro smiled. "Next image, please."

The image behind her shifted into a beautiful blonde woman with shining green eyes, her hair up in a bun, clad in a blue dress and plate armor. A beautiful sword, as much work of art as weapon, was held in her gauntleted hands, and she had a determined look on her face. The image was next to a picture of another who might have been the woman's twin, except her skin and hair was paler, seemingly washed out, and her dress and armor was black veined with red, with lots of menacing spikes added, giving her an overall gothic look. This time, there were other pictures, mostly of the gothic one is severe dark dresses, bathing suits, a soccer uniform, and other fan services pictures. Some had her half-naked wearing only an oversized shirt.

"HAWT!" Haruna and Chamo cried, whistling loudly again.

"This," Kuro said, an edge of annoyance in her voice, "Is Servant Saber. She has the distinction of having been summoned in both the Fourth and Fifth Wars. Generally, the Saber class is considered the most-balanced class, with good stats in all fields and all have generally high levels of magical resistance, meaning your magic needs to be at least Erebus-level to put a proper dent in them. They wouldn't even notice Yue's level of magic."

"Thanks a lot," Yue muttered in annoyance. Psycho Purple patted her shoulder reassuringly.

"She has a natural talent with fellatio, and is apparently very good in bed. Her preferred positions are—" was as far as Kuro got before Chisame, Calculator and Twilight Red, all with strangled sounds coming from their throats, leapt at her, to Haruna, Misa, Deathnote and the ermines' cries of disappointment.

"What's fellatio?" Negi asked in confusion, and the three girls piled up on top of Kuro froze, staring in horror.

The room was suddenly filled with an aura of purest terror as Batman, suddenly looming above them all and looking like a demon out of hell said, in his deepest, most unearthly gravel, "Don't think about it."

"B-but—" Erebus ventured.

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Batman roared.

With a pair of Rina Sato-sounding girlish screams, the two Negi twitched and collapsed in a dead faint.

There was a brief mad scrabble as they tried to revive the two. When they came to, both had absolutely no memory of the preceding thirty seconds. It was decided not enlighten them, and Kuro resumed her lecture, a comical bandage on her head as everyone moved a teensy bit farther away from Batman.

"Ahem," Kuro said as a man in blue with a red spear not unlike Diarmuid's showed on the display. "Next is the Fifth Lancer, Cu Cuchulainn. Like his predecessor, he's Irish, and his spear causes wounds that don't heal and can magically target the heart by violating the law of Cause and Effect. He's also a pretty decent mage. Pretty nice guy, as unrepentant killer warriors go. Good at gardening."

"Gardening?" Chisame said. "How is that relevant?"

"It isn't, I just thought I'd throw it in," Kuro said. "Next."

The view changed, and Haruna and Chamo went nuts.

"This is Sexy Battle Oneechan Servant Rider," Kuro remarked dryly at the assorted images of the tall, busty woman with floor-length purple hair and glasses clad in everything from a low cut, high hemmed black dress and blindfold, jeans and a sweater, a bikini, and a maid uniform. Even Batman was forced to admit she looked hot in all of them. "Although I suppose it must be obvious from her pictures, but she's a Greek Hero. You might have heard of her. Name's Medusa."

"Wait, even I've heard of this one!" Asuna cried. "She's the one who killed her dad and married her mom, so she had to fight the cyclops by washing out a giant barn using the Golden Fleece that made whips of scorpions that could turn lead into gold statues who married Pygmalion because the goddesses wanted to punish him for eating the golden apple they were going to give Eve, right?"

Ayaka face palmed. "Asuna, you're being embarrassing…" So many myths, and not one right!

Asuna ignored her, puffed up from knowing she could actually contribute something. "Isn't she supposed to have, like, the head of Poison Ivy with snakes growing out of her hair?"

Kuro stared at Asuna, then turned to Twilight Red. She paused, then turned to Erebus. "You are working on her grades, right?" she asked, sounding almost desperate.

"HEY!" the Asunas chorused.

Kuro muttered something about idiocy power. "Anyway, even though her appearance isn't what you expect, she's still a dangerous, crafty opponent. She's extremely quick and agile, her eyes will turn any organic materials with insufficient magical resistance into stone— having to see her face is a sadly mythtaken assumption— and she can set up a zone known as Blood Fort Andromeda that will digest anyone unlucky enough to be in it into magic to feed her. Next!"

The image changed, to the disheartened groans of Chamo, Haruna, and, surprisingly, Keiichi, the latter two putting down the cell phones they were using to take pictures… only to snap them up again as on the display appeared a beautiful woman with relatively stubby elf ears and wearing revealing Phantom Thief Arséne cosplay, which displayed her sizable assets. "Kuro-chan, your world is an AWESOME place!" Haruna crowed as more similar cosplay pictures appeared. The one with her wearing a long, dark-toned, hooded dress was almost lost in all of it.

"This is Servant Caster," Kuro said, "alias Princess Medea of Colchis. She comes with a magic-dissolving dagger, the prototypes for dragon's tooth soldiers, anti-army spells, and the ability to cast spells on the scale of what Erebus used yesterday with only a few short syllables rather than a whole incantation. Oh, and she's desperately trying to get married, likes to cosplay, and seems to have a wedding dress fetish for some reason. She's also not very good at cooking; my mom had to teach her for the first few months after she got married."

"Is that information really relevant?" Misa said.

"Hey, she's a neighbor and one of my mom's best friends!" Kuro protested, a tad defensively. "That's the sort of thing that sticks to me, okay? Next!"

The next picture was not female, to the immediate disappointment of Chamo and Keiichi. It was a tall, lanky man with a vaguely villainous, sharp-featured, and somewhat rough-looking face, he wore a black leather duster. The Servant carried a carved staff in his left hand, and a shorter, more heavily carved rod in his right. Another picture of him showed him dressed in ornate Gothic armor of the style used in Western Europe in the fifteenth century. It was black and articulated, with decorated shoulder pauldrons and an absurdly ornate breastplate. Filigree was everywhere, its colors varying from a natural gold to a green that deepened along the color gradient to blue and then purple to give it a cold, eerily surreal look, the thing looking like it should weigh six hundred pounds. A Roman-style cloak of dark grey with a deep hood and front panels hung on his shoulders, its ties fastened to the front of the breastplate. All in all, he looked like a Games Workshop version of a Jedi Knight.

For some surreal reason, there was what looked like a zombie-fied Tyrannosaurus Rex in the background.

"This is Servant Assassin, and he's a bit complicated," Kuro said. "He's a hero who doesn't actually exist in real life. His name is Harry Copperfield Blackstone Dresden, and he's from a popular novel series where I'm from. Caster summoned him as a Servant by somehow manipulating the Grail System with her more comprehensive knowledge of magic. He's not really the book character, just a random spirit who happened to possess many of the qualities of the character and given his form and abilities. There's some possibility something similar may happen here as well… but then, there's also the possibility the world will be invaded by the Deep Ones led by Dagon and Cthulthu, so that doesn't mean much."

"Actually, no, they won't, my friends and I dealt with the possibility several years ago," Eishun said mildly.

The librarians, including his own daughter, Kuro, and the Negis stared at him, and the Evangelines were pretending they weren't.

"What?" Takamichi said, his cool, nonchalant indifference belying an underlying self-satisfied smugness. "Ala Rubra had a reputation for doing awesome things for a reason. It was no big deal."

As Konoka looked at her father with new awe and Negi stared vaguely off, possibility seeing his own father in his mind's eye, Kuro shuddered slightly. "I wanna go home…" she whimpered. "I wanna go home and molest my sister…"

Everyone twitched.

Haruna stood, and walked over to Kuro, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder. "There, there," she said softly. "You don't have to worry, the Eldritch abominations have all been dealt with by the hot older men."

"I still wanna go home," Kuro said plaintively. "I haven't molested my sister in days, and Asuna's no good! She just doesn't taste the same!"

Asuna scowled, but uncomfortably, not really sure she should protest.

Haruna continued patting her. "Now, now, it could be worse. At least you have a sister to molest. I assume she's hot?"

"We're twins," Kuro said. "Technically."

Haruna shuddered, becoming glassy-eyed, a little drool dripping from the corner of her mouth. "Twins…!"

"Stop it, or we're leaving," Yue said bluntly.

The Final Problem

Henriette had struggled for too long to make the perfect detective out of Sherly. She had embraced the challenge, tackling it with unhealthy passion, trying her best to relive the thrill of the old chase. To remake the yin to her yang, to regain her balance. No, their shared balance.

Only she now realized that, along the way, somehow, she had fallen in love with the idiot herself, rather than with the perfect sleuth she had hoped to recreate.

Henriette wasn't quite sure what to make out of it. She deserved nothing but the best, didn't she? Her opponent, her match for life, her glorious nemesis, had to be someone in her own level. And Sherly was sadly lacking there. She had never recovered her Toys. The evidence was overwhelmingly not coming together at all.

Until Henriette realized she had been looking at it from the wrong angle.

She didn't really wish for a nemesis anymore.

She wished for her Sherly. Her Sherly…

Kuro-chan Dojo!

"This," Kuro said, "is Servant Archer."

They looked at the image, a tall, dark-skinned man with silver hair and a semi-knowing, sardonic smile. He wore black armor and a red coat. The various other pictures of him showed in action poses, wielding various swords and a black bow. One picture showed him in an all-white version of his clothes.

They all stared at Kuro, at her dark skin, at her silver hair, and recalled her black armor— if it could even be called that— and the few scraps of red fabric she deigned to have on in a fight, at the various swords she wielded, and the black bow she used.

"I'm guessing there's some kind of long story behind this?" Chisame said blandly.

Kuro shrugged, but even Negi could tell her nonchalance was affected. "It's… complicated. I think I somehow got my powers from him.… or at least, they're based on his… but that was before I ever met him. This is one of those times I'm inclined to think 'it's magic' and leave it at that."

"Smart idea," the other Chao said cheerfully, while Batman looked disapproving at this deliberate ignorance.

"Servant Archer," Kuro repeated. "Identity, unknown. Capabilities.…" She pondered, as if unsure. "Mine. He can do everything I can do, only he can do them bigger, badder, and better. He has combat experience I don't have even a fraction of, he has a fully catalogued array of magical weaponry when I mostly know mine only by instinct, he can satisfy seven women in bed simultaneously, his tea-making skills are first rate, he—"

"WAIT!" Haruna cried. "Go back to that one!"

"You heard right the first time," Kuro said.

"Seven simultaneously?-!" Haruna said. "Wow! Even my dad can't handle four without a fight breaking out—"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Everyone cried.

The Negis opened their mouths. Batman glared at them.

"We know, 'don't think about it'…" they said, resigned.

Kuro had stopped listening at this point, staring at Archer's image with a mixture of admiration and despair. "Seven women… and two of them his little sisters… DAMN IT, WHY DO I ONLY HAVE HIS COMBAT SKILLS AND NOT HIS MORE IMPORTANT ABILITIES?-!" Kuro wailed. "At this rate, I won't get to sleep with my sister until I'm fifteen! She won't be a hot loli by then anymore!"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Everyone repeated, as scandalized Chisames, Asunae and Setsunas did their best to protect the Negis ears.

Other Chao sighed reached over and smacked Kuro up the back of the head.

She calmed instantly. "Thank you, I needed that," she said blandly. "Homesickness, you know."

"I understand perfectly," other Chao said, nodding. "Sometimes I fantasize about being in class 3-A too…"

The last image came on. Everyone stared. It was a hulking figure, armored from head to toe in a dark, twisted armor that made the eyes hurt to look directly at it, smooth curves contrasting jarringly with sharp angles and spikes, seemingly all of one piece. The helm was just as black, the front a smooth plate, unadorned except for a pair of glowing white eyeholes. The sides, however, were as eye-searing twisted as the rest of the armor. Two long, straight horns rose straight up from the side of the helms, smooth as ivory. A black haze seemed to cover him, making discerning the exact outline difficult. There was a length of chain wrapped around his forearm, the end trailing almost to the ground, the tip a strangely squarish pronged thing, A black cape hung from its shoulders. Weapons hung at its belt, chains and blades and other things of clearly a dangerous property.

"And finally, last but definitely not least, the Fifth Berserker, my sister's Servant," Kuro said, swooning only slightly at the mention of her sister. "Of all the Servants, his identity is a complete and total mystery. We have no idea who he is, although I suspect he's some kind of ancient, world-devouring demonic entity."

Everyone stared at her. The locals glanced at her and Ala Alba, wondering if they were messing with them. They were kidding, right?

"Unlike most Epic Spirits, who have at most three or four Noble Phantasms, this Berserker had at least 7, and more than 20 skills that might as well be Noble Phantasms," Kuro continued. "His armor is some kind of life-support system that can keep someone alive even in space, his helmet radiates an aura of fear that can cause heart attacks and lets him teleport in shadows, his belt never runs out of weapons, he can assume anyone's appearance, his mind is completely protected from outside influences, anything he touches becomes a Noble Phantasm he can use as if he'd trained with it all his life regardless if whatever it is was a chopstick or a piece of cloth, he can cause weapons and equipment to come out of the aether… the only thing he can't do is kill. One of his Noble Phantasms is apparently a curse that binds him from doing that. I suspect he might be Irish, since it could be a geas."

"You don't say …" Skuld said dryly.

"But… isn't that B—" Negi tried to say.

Other Chao's elbow subtly dug into his side. "Be cool, man…" she said under her breath, interrupting him.

Kuro was sighing, apparently not having heard. "Unfortunately, now you know as much as we do. Berserker corresponds to no single known legend. He's apparently some kind of Knight, since one of his Noble Phantasms is called 'Knight of Justice', but no knight in history corresponds to the array of abilities he has. He bears some similarity to Lancelot, but we KNOW he's not Lancelot, so that's out. Frankly, I doubt we'll ever find out who he is. All I can say is that if you ever run into him, run and hope someone distracts him from you."

Chisame stared. "But… it's… he's obvious—"

Other Chao elbowed her too. "Shut up…" she said sweetly under her breath.

Batman stared silently at the armored figure. "Demon?" he muttered under his breath, pitched to Other Chao's ears.

"Isn't that what you're going for?" she muttered right back.

A small smile payed on his lips.

"Radishes!" Makie yelled in her sleep. Ayaka sighed and stroked her pair until she settled back down.

"To date, no one has yet properly won the Grail," Kuro continued. "The first ended with everyone dead, the second ended with so much collateral damage they finally got around to establishing rules, the third ended in disaster after a botched summoning, and the fourth… well, my parents fought in it, but they don't really like to talk about it…" Kuro said.

"Perfectly understandable," Eishun said. "War isn't something you should tell children about."

"… so my mom showed us a very traumatizing movie instead."

"How Rakan-esque," Calculator said blandly.

"So to sum up, you're all screwed," Kuro said brightly. "On top of Witches roaming the night, those… Orphan things, whatever the Sailor Senshi are fighting this year, the usual insanity Negi gets involved in, you have this on top of it. Sucks to be you. And on top of that, besides Temptress, there's a second Servant to be wary of."

Everyone frowned at her. "A second Servant?" Evangeline asked, sounding vaguely curious.

Kuro nodded. "I met him the night after we arrived. He called himself Servant Vigilante." Her face took on an "I can't believe I'm saying this" expression. "He was a duck in a cape and hat. Without pants."

Eishun and Takamichi, with superhuman strength of will, did NOT look at each other in shock.

"Oh! Just like Darkwing Duck!" Konoka said cheerfully, clapping her hands together.

Kuro blinked. "Pardon?"

"Oh, it's this thing papa invented when I was young," Konoka told obliviously. "Papa would tell me stories about this superspy duck who fought crime in this made up city called St. Canard, with evil dogs made of water, and duck plants and evil bananas… papa told the best stories!"

Kuro gave Eishun a bland look and said nothing. "Well, now you know. That's how the grail war is in our world. Just one big problem."

"Oh, what now?!-" Misa asked. "What, you're going to say it's all a big lie and that it's actually going to create a portal to hell, releasing Ultimate Evil into the world?"

Kuro sniffed. "Don't be absurd, Misa. We already have Gotham City."

Everyone abruptly leaned away from Batman as he glared hard at Kuro.

She womanfully ignored him. "The problem is that, if your world is anything like ours, the Grail is tainted. During the Third Holy Grail War, the Grail was tainted. Originally, there were safeguards in place to keep villains from being summoned, but during that war, the Einzbern clan somehow managed to summon the spirit of the evil god Angra Mainyu as a Servant. His summoning tainted the Grail, although it wasn't discovered until the climax of the Fourth War. Now, as a result of his presence in the Grail, any wish made on the Holy Grail will result in absolute death and destruction. In other words, it's all a big lie and it's actually going to unleash Ultimate Evil into the world. "

Everyone stared at her.

"Really sucks to be you. Well," Kuro finally said, really wishing for a glass of water. "I think that's all that really needed sharing…"

The Batman raised a hand dryly.

"Yes? The tall kid with the long ears?" Kuro asked.

Unamused, he only asked, "Why did the Joker become a woman?"

"Dunno," Kuro shifted her eyes in Skuld's direction. "Any idea, Divine Eyes?"

"Ah, that. He's basically become a Kampfer, a relatively new type of Magical Girl," the goddess explained with a quick wave of her hand. "Kampfers aren't really very powerful, so that shouldn't be a very big issue in the full picture…"

"You know you have just messed everything up by saying that, don't you?" Chisame questioned.

As if she hadn't heard her, Skuld continued, "Kampfers receive their powers from 'benefactors' known as Moderators, through talking Entrail Animal plush dolls. Technically, there are no moral or ethical requirements to become a Kampfer; since they are faced against each other in competitions to achieve an ultimate magical prize the likes of which I'm not authorized to share…"

"… naturally…!" Asuna rolled her eyes.

"… they tend to come from different walks of life. Regardless, the Kampfer transformations often cause a great deal of physical and psychological changes upon the subjects. Often, a really nice and decent girl becomes a bloodthirsty psycho after changing, and while the opposite is rare, it also can happen. As you can see, even men can become Kampfers, although the transformation always triggers a gender change then."

"Hnh…" Batman grunted.

"Yeah. As if your relationship wasn't full of all sorts of uncomfortable layers already, isn't that right?" Deathnote asked.

"We don't have a 'relationship'," Batman warned, using the same tone the alternate Paru had used with that word. "Not only that, but Pamela Isley and Harley Quinn seem to have achieved supernatural powers as well…"

Kuro sighed. "Yeah, what kind of crappy reincarnation system do you have here? In our world, all the Sailor Senshi are good people, Sailor Galaxia and Animates incident aside, and corruption against their will was at play there. Granted, our Uranus and Neptune can be hard to work with at times too, but this…!"

"Hey, Sailor Mercury is an excellent person!" Yuuna jumped to point up.

Kuro gave her a knowing grin. "Oh, she is. And I say this without any trace of irony."

"If I may be allowed to speak now," Ala Alba's Karakuri respectfully raised a hand, "During all of these events I haven't had a chance to broach the subject, but I also met a being who seemed to fill the basic conditions of a Servant at Mahora. He even claimed to be a Servant."

Both Chaos blinked notably. "May we have visuals, Chachamaru-chan?" Other-Chao asked, already pulling a tiny device shaped like a flashdrive out. Karakuri nodded, turning around and pulling her hair aside, allowing her co-creator access to her neck. Other-Chao jammed the tiny unit there, and it immediately displayed a holographic projection of Chachamaru's databanks for everyone to see, visible as a wide collection of computer folders. Everyone noticed how there were several of them with Negi's name on them, all of them adorned with diminutive locks, and frowns abounded.

A miniature pointer went to a folder labeled as "?WTF?", and clicked on it. Then it clicked on a thumbnail picture and expanded it. The image began moving in slow mo, showing a darkly wisecracking, very strange man in a yellow zoot suit, with a hat and colorful tie. He seemed to be bald and with no eyebrows, his whole head grotesquely green, his eyes bulging, a huge Joker-esque grin plastered across his mouth. "This is him," Karakuri blandly said.

Asakura, Chisame, Nodoka and Haruna all cringed in varied degrees of distress, while the Batman's scowl deepened. A lot. "So, I take it you have an idea who is this…?" Other-Chao asked. "Enlighten me, please. It's not often I get to play this kind of role reversal. Though if had to hazard a guess, I'd say its Lex Luthor finally driven insane by kryptonite-cancer mutations."

"Well, as a matter of fact, yeah, I'm familiar with his story…" Asakura said.

Chisame almost jumped out of her skin. "Gyah! You were here all this time?-!"

"Yes, always," the pineapple haired girl nodded. "That's the thing about us sneaky photographers," and she briefly paused to receive a high-five from an otherwise impassive Matoi and the stoic but slightly embarrassed Setsunas. "After you dumped me yesterday, I wasn't going to be out the loop yet again! I followed you as soon as you left the Inn!"

Kuro glanced sideways at the only one in the room with a cape. "Did you know she was there?"

"Of course. I'm Batman," he lied. Gotta look cool, gotta look cool…

Eishun hummed, smiling. Children were so cute when they thought they were sneaking without being detected by anyone. As it was, he had decided to humor her.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a master spy and we love you because of that," Yuuna said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, what is what we all need?"

"Ten years ago, in Edge City, USA, a mysterious vigilante of sorts known only as 'Bighead' appeared, assailing the underworld and bringing criminals to justice while completely humiliating them," Asakura began narrating. "He was virtually invulnerable. Bullets didn't even slow down. Cutting him in half only set him back while he literally pulled himself together, although some say these were only exaggerations…"

"They weren't," Skuld said.

"Pretty sure our Negi can do that," Twilight Red said. "And Superman-sama's been doing the bulletproof thing for a while now."

"Ah. Anyway," Kazumi continued, "The police, being naturally distrustful of vigilantes, set out to stop Bighead, but he kept making them look like idiots. They couldn't do anything to stop him. But the worst part was, as months went on, Bighead became more violent, reckless and brutal. He began slaughtering criminals in sadistic ways not too unlike the Joker's MO. Even worse, he also started attacking citizens for random minor transgressions, or even imagined ones. The mob, rumors say, hired a metahuman mystery hitman known only as Mr. Walter to stop him. Think of Solomon Grundy who talked even less. He was one of only three people to ever face Bighead more than once and survive, along with a criminal scientist named Dr. Pretorius and Edge City police officer Mitch Kellaway, who had been chasing Bighead since the start of his career."

Haruna nodded. "Then, one day, he just… disappeared. No one knows what happened to him, although most suppose he just died, but what could kill a creature like him, who knows. Very very bizarre, yep."

"You two seem awfully knowledgeable on the subject," Misa said.

"Well," Asakura replied, "Peggy Grant, the reporter who wrote the most extensive book on the Bighead case, is kind of one of my rolemodels in investigative journalism. Many have accused her of sensationalizing events, but I think she's just one of those people who won't stop for anything to get a good scoop…"

"Not even things like ethics, right?" Misa inquired.

"I liked her book," Haruna mused. "Not very polished prose, but you could feel her emotion for the case."

"You never did anything to solve the case?" Kagurazaka asked Batman.

"Back then, I still was finishing my training on the other side of the world," the Bat said. "When I returned to America, this 'Bighead' had already vanished. But I still did some research of my own on him. See this?" he pointed at where the green of Bighead's face became flesh colored on his neck, Chacahamaru helping with a closeup. "I think this is a signal of the origin of his powers. He derived them from some sort of mask."

"Uncle Loki's mask, to be exact," Skuld yawned. "Uncle is the God of Mischief, so sometimes he just drops lethal artifacts in the human world, like cursed monkey paws, typewriters, Deathnotes, Hina, and the like on Midgard for shits and giggles. We keep telling him to stop it, but you think he ever listens…? We stuffed him back under his snake pit after that thing he did with that Twilight fanfic…"

"Exactly how much power are we talking about here?" Asuna asked.

"Well, let's see… Enough power to materialize objects out of nowhere, control minds, survive an atomic explosion at ground zero, chop himself into steaks while laughing, reform himself from being reduced to a severed head…" Skuld recounted. "Although that was before becoming an Epic Spirit, which always kind of nerfs your stats and skills down a bit. If you ever have to face him, he only has one weakness. You must separate him from the mask, which I suppose is working as some sort of Noble Phantasm permanently attached to him. If you do that, he should lose his divine powers and be reduced to a weakened state. Good luck getting that close, though. I imagine he will be the Servant to defeat in this Grail War."

"Everyone says that, they get their asses kicked by the strangest people anyway," Kuro said dismissively.

"He mentioned belonging to the Trickster class," Karakuri added.

Konoka frowned. "Whoever controls such an awful character must be a very nasty person," she mused, unusually disgusted.

Skuld gave her a short enigmatic glare before saying, "Well, while most Servants and Masters do share common traits that draw them to each other, that doesn't mean they always see the world the same way. For what it's worth, the Bighead guy started like a mortal with good intentions, but Loki's power would drive anyone insane. Even Uncle Loki. The Trickster's owner, most likely, is someone who started this with the purpose to do good, but could end up being devoured by the nature of his actions…" she said, as if warning.

There was a 'dun, dun DUN!'.

"HARUNA!" both Chisames cried.

"What? It was appropriate!"

That last sentence had been said in such a strangely ominous tone that for a moment no one seemed to be willing to even ask about it, until, of course, Makie went on a tangent, with a yawn and a rub of her eyes.

"What's that Noble Phantasm thing you mentioned, Sku-chan, Kuro-chan?"

"Noble Phantasms… " Kuro pondered, trying to think of how to explain. Normally, she'd go right into it, but since Makie had asked the question, she felt a token obligation to try and dumb it down for the gymnast to understand. "They're kinda like the hero's trademark," she said lamely, unable to dumb it down any further. "Like, something about them from their story that really symbolizes there… them-ness."

"… ah?" Makie said, clearly still confused.

"It's something that if you see them with, you'll know who they are, since they're the only one to have that specific thing," Kuro tried desperately. "Like how King Arthur has Excalibur, or how Negi has that staff of his."

"Ah!" Makie said.

"You got it?" Kuro asked, relieved.

"No, I just thought if I nodded along you'll stop trying to explain," Makie admitted.

Kuro hung her head. "Ugh, civilians…"

Asakura sighed. "Anyway, do you know what do we need now?"

"I know I'm going to regret asking, but no, so what is it?" Chisame replied.

Kazumi grinned while showing her camera off. "A group picture, of course!"

"Gee, why would it be I'm not surprised?" Asuna wondered.

"C'mon!" Asakura told her. "Odds are we'll never be all together in the same spot, ever again! Don't you think we should keep a few mementos of this for the rest of our lives?"

Deathnote nodded. "It can't be denied she's right there, guys."

Haruna nodded as well. "Since we aren't going to stage an orgy, we should at least go with the next best thing…"

"Haruna!" Nodoka chided her.

"Just joking! Joking, sheesh!"

"I wish I could believe you," Ayaka grumbled. "I really do. But we should indeed keep a memento as proof our alliance, that which allowed us to manage the impossible! So we can remember our perhaps brief, yet eternal, bonds forever! Yes, Negi-sensei and I will proudly show this group picture to our children, and the children of our children, so the glorious legacy of the Ala Albas and our epic deeds is never forgotten! In this golden day, celebrating our victory over darkness and evil, I swear with a fist on my heart I will never allow time to sweep away our—"

Roberta nudged one of her shoulders slightly. "Ojou-sama, we're about to get our picture taken. Please do fall in with the group…"

"GAH!" Ayaka reacted, seeing everyone had gathered together already while Asakura readied the camera. The Class Rep hastily made her way over to Negi's side, not so subtly pushing Misa and Misora away, taking advantage of their own struggle to stand at Negi's left while Chisame stood at his right. More or less squeezed in between Chisame and Ayaka, Negi gulped a little. Matoi, as expected, had fallen in right behind Chisame, with Hakase at the stalker's other side, holding hands with Sakurako. Chachamaru had stepped right behind her creator, with Chao sitting on one of her shoulders and a bored looking Evangeline on the other. The other Chao, McDowell and Karakuri mimicked the arrangement on the opposite side of the group, a mildly amused Kuro next to them as Calculator subtly tried to put make-up on her face, her robot mades standing patiently behind her.

The Asunas had shared an evil look before moving to stand on either side of Ayaka, who was congratulating herself on snagging the much-coveted position. Her distraction grew as Erebus was pushed by group consensus to stand next to Negi, the former now blushing intensely in embarrassment as he realized he'd be immortalized in the picture wearing frilly pink girl's clothes.

The giggling Konokas each grabbed a Setsuna and posed, the local one standing next to Asuna while her parents stood behind her. For some reason, Natsuki awkwardly stood near Eishun, although frowning and facing away from him. Roberta stood at Ayaka's other side opposite Negi, just behind Asuna, while Haruka forced Misa and Misora to stay still, with her in their middle.

"Closer, closer, everyone, or we won't all fit into the photo," Asakura hummed, calibrating the angle and take. Then she looked back at… "Batman-sama? Aren't you going to be there, too?"

"Hnh," the Dark Knight said. "I don't do photos."

"Ohhh, pleeze…!" Makie looked up at him with Bambi eyes.

"No."

"Please please…!" both Konokas joined Makie.

"… No," he insisted, although his voice microscopically faltered for the slightest second in the history of mankind.

"PLEASE…!" Makie, the Konokas, Sakurako and the Chaos all cooed at once.

For a moment, the square jaw under the cowl moved in a strange way, before, wordlessly, the shadowy figure stood behind Skuld, Makie, Yuuna, Sora and Keiichi, although turning away from the camera so only the back of his cape and cowl were seen. "This is as far as I'll go."

"Awww!" Haruna giggled, squeezing close to Nodoka, both sitting down on the floor before Negi with their counterparts and Yue, making Misa and Misora curse not having thought of that themselves. "That's so cute of you, Batman-sama! You too, Kero-chan!"

"Don't call me Kero-chan!" Kerberos protested, while being dragged by Chamo and Albert and forced to sit on Nodoka's head while Chamo himself sat on Haruna's and Albert perched on Deathnote's. "Ahhh, I was supposed to be a mysterious guardian living in secrecy as fitting my range! If Master Clow could see me now…!" he lamented.

"Suck it up," Usagi sad as she stood at the edge of the ensemble next to Makie.

"I think I have it now," Kazumi smirked, finally sliding in quickly, stopping to stand with the Konoes and winking at the camera as the one ASuna signaled to each other. "Now, everyone say 'Cheese'!"

Both Asunas took that as the signal to suddenly viciously tickle the class rep from either side

"Cheese!" was the common word at that moment, said with varying degrees of enthusiasm or lack of it, as the camera shot itself. For all, that is, except Ayaka, whose intended dignified and joyful pose was completely ruined by the sudden cry of shock and laughter she let out…

Click to shrink...

 

[wellis]

Batman was kind of a random add.

 

[OverMaster]

Ever since joining Ala Alba, Hasegawa Sora had tried her best to just meld into the background, which had not been difficult for someone like her. Fear of overshadowing her younger sister Chisame, plus the fact she only owed membership to kissing a boy nearly ten years her junior in the mouth, had made her quite uncomfortable with her role in the team.

Which was why being singled out by Evangeline after revision of all of their Command Seals had suitably freaked her out.

"M-Me, are you s-sure?!" she panicked, even as Evangeline just let go of her hand. "That can't be, I don't have any magical talent! Surely, Negi-sensei, or even Ayaka-san, could make these summons before I could…!"

The tiny vampire frowned at her. "These things don't always correspond exactly with overall magical talent, girl. Out of all of you, only your Seals are ripe for the summon. The others would better wait until they fully manifest. On the other hand, you'd better hurry up already."

Sora grimaced, scratching the itching back of her hand. "Uwaaa… H-Hadn't you said you never took part in one of these Wars yourself? M-Maybe you're making some sort of… mistake…?"

"What a ridiculous notion!" Eva sneered, gesturing around to lead them out of the room. "I should have you lashed at for it, but I have curiosity to see what kind of Spirit will heed your call."

"Don't let her get to you," Chisame advised, placing a hand on her older sister's shoulder while they followed the resort's owner down the main building's main corridor. "I'm sure you'll reel something useful in."

"Someone, not 'something'," Rider said, frowning a little for the first time since summoning. "We're not animals, well, most of us aren't, although I understand you also could summon certain Mythical Beasts, but—"

"Being an animal doesn't make you a thing either!" Chamo protested furiously.

"Agreed," Kotaro nodded somberly. "Tell me I'm half-thing and I'll blow your teeth off, Servant or otherwise."

"Don't bully the legendary beings, mutt, that's my job," Eva chastised him without looking back.

As Sora sighed miserably, Keiichi patted her shoulder. "Easy, easy there, Sora-chan. No matter who answers to you, the rest of us will be here to back you two up, no matter what. Right?"

Sora blushed slightly. "Th-Thank you, Sempai…" she stammered while Skuld just rolled her eyes back.

Soon they reached Evangeline's main library, and Nodoka and Yue, who had never been there before, briefly stopped breathing and felt twin dizziness spells as their eyes caught on the gigantic chamber filled with ancient books, large and busy enough as to put even Eishun's Kyoto library to shame. Eva smirked. "Impressed, girls?"

Yue nodded dazedly while Nodoka turned at Chachamaru and asked her, "You… Do you take care of this library, l-let us say… at least once a week?"

Chachamaru nodded. "Yes, I do."

Nodoka whimpered softly. "The world is so unfair, sometimes…"

"Words to live by," Eva approved, moving along to pick a thick gray tome from a table and handing it to Sora. "When you called and told me of your little… no, scratch that, your huge problem, I bothered enough as to look for this, which I once borrowed from the original Tohsaka patriarch. And never gave it back. Because I'm evil. I marked the page and even underlined the chant you have to pronounce while standing on that circle," she pointed at a magical circle, not too different from that needed for a Pactio, drawn on the nearby wooden floor, "and your Servant should appear. It's easy enough even a milksop screwup like you should pull it off."

"Wow, you sure care about us, to have all of this ready in such a short notice, Eva-sama," Matoi noted.

"You wouldn't believe the things boredom drives us immortals to do," Eva grouched. "Well, girl?" she clapped impatiently at Sora. "The circle won't remain useable all day long! Stop wasting my time, unlimited as it is!"

"Ah, ah, y-yes, sorry…" Sora gulped, while Negi, Keiichi and Chachamaru whispered words of encouragement at her, Chisame just standing back and lightly biting on her knuckles in restrained worry. Shakily, she stepped ahead onto the circle and began reading aloud from the marked passage.

"F-Fuh- For the elements, Silver and Iron. F-For the foundation, stone and the Archduke of Contracts. F-For the ancestor, the great master… Schweinorg?" she read the difficult foreign name to the best of her capacities.

The lines of the circle began glowing, much like they did for a Pactio incantation, and Evangeline allowed herself a harsh smile. Ayaka, Negi, Lala, Yue, Misa and Cocone all leaned closer, eyes shining with curiosity.

"C-C-Close the gates of the cardinal directions," Sora continued, knees wobbling. She felt like fainting, now. "C-C-Come forth from the Crown, and follow the forked road leading to the Kingdom."

"You're doing fine," Eva spurred Sora on. "Don't falter now, you moron."

"F-Fill, fill, fill, fill, fill. R-Repeat now, repeat five times. B-But when each is filled, destroy it. Set!"

"Nee-san," Chisame gulped loudly.

"H-Heed my words. My, my word creates your body, and your sword creates my destiny. You, heeding the call of the Holy Grail and obeying my will and reason, answer me."

A soft current of air and wisps of mist started rising from the circle, but the summoner kept her blood cool and her drive firm as best as she could. For Chisame's sake, she told herself. She closed her eyes only to facilitate her concentration, blocking all visual distractions from the goal etched into her mind, and the just read words she'd memorized.

"I… I hereby swear that I shall be all the good in the world. That I shall defeat all evil in the world. You, seven Heavens, clad in the three great words of power, come forth from the circle of binding!" she shouted, opening her large brown eyes again. "Guardian of the Scales!"

And the whole room seemed to explode in a huge ball of expanding darkness. Everyone coughed and stumbled through the dense fog that had suddenly filled the library, but soon enough it passed, and a new figure was visibly standing before Sora.

This one was sort of difficult to describe. It was a girl roughly shorter than Yuuna but roughly taller than Makie, and clearly far younger than either, even if her attire tried its best to say otherwise. She was pale and slim, with short light hair and strange, quiet but deep eyes that bore into your own gaze with a soft but unnerving intensity. She wore a skimpy black top that hugged her shapely torso very tightly, even smaller black bottoms, and tall black boots on her rather long, disturbingly curvy for her apparent-age legs. Even Evangeline, who kept a robot servant in Meido cosplay around her constantly and wasn't shy of wearing very revealing negligees around very young boys, thought that outfit was kind of pushing it for a real little girl. The arms of the Servant, under her elbows, were covered in thick bandages, with a black glove only in her left hand, and there was a large collection of huge sheathed knives hanging all around her waist and hips.

"So… what manner of Servant would this be, then?" Saber wondered aloud, vigilantly circling around Konoka, her sword at the ready, and mirroring Setsuna's own motions. "It sure doesn't look like she belongs to any of the Knight classes!"

Sora herself paused at this Servant, pale and very unsure of what to think about her, until the Servant herself spoke for her first, with a distant, quiet and eerie voice. "We're Servant Assassin," she said, faintly sounding like some form of British. "Are you our Mum?"

 

[OverMaster]

"What… What is your name?" Sora could finally stammer, through her shocked stupor.

"We've told you already, Mother," the small Servant replied quietly. "We are Assassin. Does that disappoint you?"

"What do you… No! No!" Sora gasped, almost panicking. All around her, Ala Alba, assorted guests, and the two prior Servants were falling into cautious defense positions. "I, I mean what's your real name, n-not your Class!"

"Oh," Assassin said. "You may call us Jack, we suppose. Should we kill these people around us now? We feel hostile intents from them."

"See?! See?!" Misa cried out, this time hiding behind a frowning Ku Fei, who promptly grabbed her by the head and pulled her back to her original spot. "That's always their first reaction! Eventually, one of them's going to act first and ask second!"

Misora shuddered. "The worst part is there's a lot of logic to that fear!"

Sora paled horribly. "J-Jack! Of course you s-shouldn't! These are my friends!"

"Friends?" Assassin asked, as if the concept were completely alien to her.

Makie snapped her fingers. "Ah! The giant killer!"

Ayaka scoffed. "What?"

"Well, her name's Jack and she's an Assassin, right?" Makie asked. "So she has to be Jack, who climbed up the beanstalk and killed a giant and took his gold. I mean, who else could she be?"

Negi rasped very awkwardly. "Yes, well, about that, Makie-san…"

"We haven't ever killed a giant, but we will do so if Mum wants us to," Assassin said.

"This girl," Rider decided, "is very sinister. I mean, who needs a command to do the right thing and kill a giant?"

Saber nodded sagely. "Definitely a shady character, this."

Sora swallowed hard, crouching down to put her trembling hands on Assassin's shoulders. "P-Poor thing, y-you're an orphan, aren't you? W-Well, I haven't ever been a mother b-before, but if you need me, I, I guess I'll do my best, p-please be patient with me…"

Assassin nodded. "We don't mind if you're an unused mother as long as you're willing. Saves us the effort of carving you up and crawling into your womb."

Sora paled even further, and so did all others around her, even Eva and Chachamaru. "Ah, ha ha, y-yes, I see…" Sora said stiffly.

Negi recomposed himself first and pushed his glasses up. "W-Well, Miss Assassin, I hope you'll understand, we don't carve our own mothers up around here, so any attempts of violence upon—"

"Who are you?" Assassin coldly asked him.

"He's your father," said Evangeline, who had recovered next.

"NO, HE ISN'T!-!" shouted Ayaka, Misa, Chisame, Misora and Haruka all at once, while Negi lost all color on his skin once again.

"Well, he's the closest thing to one she has now, isn't he?" Eva shrugged, while Chachamaru heroically repressed a sudden urge to go Terminator and start shooting at her master. "Being Hasegawa's partner in magic and all of that." She looked at Chisame. "By the way, family members usually share class compatibility, so odds are you'll summon an Assassin as well."

"I already have a good idea on who'll be their first target, too!" Chisame growled at her.

"Will hers wear pants, though?" Matoi worried.

"Father…" Jack said, as if the word was barely any more familiar to her than 'friends'. She looked at Negi, who almost jumped out of his skin but remained rooted on his feet. "That means you'll be taking care of us too, doesn't it?"

"Ah, ah, of course I'll be glad to help whenever I'm n-needed…" he babbled on.

"Now, now!" Ayaka began to protest. "I'm afraid you're misunderstanding this whole situation, Miss…!"

Assassin pulled a knife out with a simple twist of her wrist and glanced dangerously at the suddenly backpedalling Ayaka. "Mother, this is what they call a homewrecker, isn't she?" she asked Sora, even as in a blink Asuna had appeared between them and Ayaka, aiming her sword at Assassin. "How many pieces should we slice her into?"

"N-N-None at all! S-S-She's my friend too!" her Master wailed. "P-Please behave, Assassin!"

Evangeline gestured at Chisame now. "And this, Assassin, is your aunt Chisame. Be extra careful not to slice her up, as that'd make your Mum and Dad extra sad, and you don't want that, do you?"

"Thanks for that…" Chisame sweated cold. "I think…"

"Aunt? What's that?" Assassin asked.

Rider scratched their head. "Nnnnn, she doesn't know what an aunt is? Shouldn't the Grail have filled her on that?"

Saber coughed a bit before answering. "Well, the Grail only gives you the information on the modern world you would have as a contemporary version of what you were in life. If you were a peasant who picked up and sword and fought, you wouldn't be given a scientist's knowledge, for instance, right? I only can guess this was some sort of extreme pariah who grew up in complete ignorance…"

Assassin nodded. "We never went to school, no. Are you our aunt too?"

"The two of them are your older sisters," Evangeline cheekily told her. "And I'm your lovely grandmother, cruelly abandoned by your no-good grandfather you should try and slay on sight. I'm the head of this family, and you and everyone here owe me the utmost respect…"

"Master!" Negi raised in voice in annoyance.

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you, Master?" Chachamaru stoically asked her.

 

[OverMaster]

Working for Chao Lingshen, Yuuna supposed, was not that different from working for a glamorous super villain in one of those old spy movies and the like. You went to the elaborate underground base after hours, reported yourself to the boss, and turned in all the secrets you'd learned from other extracurricular activities (basketball team aside, that is) as a good mole should. Difference from meeting with Chao and meeting with those James Bond villains was, Chao was much more casual about it all. And hopefully she wouldn't dunk those who failed her into pits filled with acid or sharks or volcanic lava.

At least Yuuna thought so, not that she wished to ever find out personally. You never knew.

Sitting across her and Skuld at the large meeting table and surrounded by the usual delicious, luxurious meals, with a well armed Mana standing by her side like a good paid enforcer should, Chao chuckled cagily at the Akashi girl's story. "So that's the way it is, ufufu!" she sounded rather amused, nibbling at her nikuman. Yuuna had just begun munching on her own again, with more concern, while Skuld had already skipped ahead to her large cup of ice cream. "Nice, nice! This should make things all that much easier…"

"Would it, though?" Yuuna asked. "I mean, doesn't it throw your carefully arranged plans for Negi-kun all off balance? This is kind of a big deal, you know…"

"Yuuna-chan," Chao said, "hiding magic from the masses will be much more difficult for the authorities after this, neh? Think about it! The Headmaster's already in a tight spot, his loyalties compromised, his attention distracted from what I'm about to do. And I haven't even made a single move yet."

"Well, that's good for us, I guess," Yuuna allowed, "but still, you've said you'll have to fight Negi-kun sooner or later. That'll be much harder to do, if not impossible, with one of those Servants backing him up. Whoever that is, I'll bet they'll be much stronger than those three. And even if they weren't, I still wouldn't use my Servant to fight Negi-kun myself, for you or anyone else…"

"I know, I know!" Chao lightly laughed her concern off. "Let's just say Negi-bouzou isn't the only one with an ace under his sleeve!"

Then she held her right hand up, and peeled off a thin layer of artificial skin from its back, revealing a shiny red set of Command Seals vaguely shaped like a stylized Chinese lantern over her actual flesh. "Or peeking out of it, in this case, he he!"

Yuuna and Skuld immediately choked into what they'd been swallowing.

Skuld recovered first, red-faced. "How… How come?! You hadn't told me of this before!"

Chao shrugged her shoulders. "It happened so shortly ago, I didn't have the time to inform you yet."

"But you told her!" Skuld accused, pointing at the stonefaced Mana.

"She didn't," the mercenary replied flatly. "I just take surprises this well."

Soryu Asuka Langley, wearing an open lab coat over her school uniform, then casually passed by before the room's door, waving by without stopping. "Hey Chao, how's that thing with the mythic spirit from the past going?"

Chao groaned to herself while Skuld glared at her. "Mana, we really should start keeping that door closed. It's in bad form for us evil geniuses and uber efficient enforcers to do otherwise, ne…"

"H-How could this be?!" Yuuna demanded. "You don't have a Pactio with Negi-kun, so… Ohmigod! Y-You kissed him sometime while he slept, didn't you?! Gross, I expected so much better from you! Even Iinchou wouldn't fall that low!"

"I didn't do such thing," Chao said. "It's just I'm related to Negi-bouzou, and it appears that somehow, for this particular situation, bonds of blood matter as much as those of magical partnership, yo!"

"You are?!" Shock followed shock in Yuuna. "Then, then that means that sister of his, the one who goes around crossdressing as Tuxedo Kamen, is she…"

Chao shook her head. "No, no, no. Well, I don't know for sure yet, but I doubt it. My links to Negi-bouzou are much more direct than hers."

Yuuna paled. "Oh dear crap," she muttered. "You're his actual sister, aren't you. That's why you haven't ever introduced us to your old man, that Thousand Master is a shifty guy after all and Eva-chan was right all along…"

Chao smiled. "That's a very clever guess you have there, Yuuna-chan!" was all she said on the matter.

Yuuna gulped. "And… your Servant, have you already… you know…"

"No, not yet. Unlike you guys, I'm aiming for a certain, specific single Legendary Spirit. I just called my contacts in Italy and asked them to deliver a relic I'll need for what I intend to do. It shouldn't take long to arrive, perhaps one day or two…"

"Italy?" Skuld frowned.

"Italy!" Chao confirmed, nodding. "What, did you think anyone but history's greatest genius would suit my needs?"

"Albert Einstein was Italian?" Yuuna doubted. "Whoa, this day just keeps getting weirder and weirder…!"

 

[Akuma-Heika]

"Albert Einstein was Italian?" Yuuna doubted. "Whoa, this day just keeps getting weirder and weirder…!"

Click to shrink...

Hahahahahahaha. No Yuuna, he was a Germanic Jew, if memory serves. I have no idea why I find this so funny, but I cannot stop laughing. I can understand why Yuuna could come up with that answer, but I still find it funny.

 

[OverMaster]

"C-Couldn't I just ask her to, I don't know, stay invisible in that astral form of hers while my roommate's around?" Sora stammered nervously, still looking around to see if Jack was nearby, even if Saber and Rider were supposed to be distracting her while Sora talked with Evangeline. "Th-That way I wouldn't even have to explain her, you know, her presence…"

Eva shrugged. "Sure, you do that. Tell the emotionally deprived, highly unstable, murder-go-lucky Jack the Ripper desperate for constant motherly approval you want her to be invisible at nearly all times, so you don't have to tell others she exists. I'm sure she won't take that as a sign you're ashamed of her and won't carve you up with her knives, leaving her free to look for another mother."

Sora swallowed the huge knot in her throat. "O-Okayyyyyy… I think, I believe I can come up with an excuse for Subaru-san after all…"

---

"So this is Jackie-chan, the adorable little daughter I've just adopted from England!" Sora would later that day blurt out clumsily, tightly grabbing Assassin's shoulders from behind as they stood in the living room of Sora's college quarters. "I h-hope she won't be a bother, w-we've already arranged the papers with the H-Headmaster, s-sorry I couldn't tell you before, it was all so sudden…!"

Assassin, clad in a very pretty yellow sundress and matching sandals, bowed somewhat stiffly to the stunned, short haired and green haired Subaru Ryoko. "We have been told you are no whore, so you have nothing to fear from us. Thank you for keeping Mum company until now."

Ryoko took on these words with even more perplexity, then asked Sora, "Is this a normal part of taking membership in an English Research Club, seriously?!"