SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

[Fulcon]

This mostly. Though I see it's "missionary" not "mission". But the "got home" parsed awkwardly, as it felt like "got home to Konoha." He's been there for over a decade now. Is it still not home? If it's still not home, then there should be more loss, or direct juxtaposition to the idea that he lost his home.

I feel like the missionary background is being spoken of as if it was introduced before as a prominent point. When you introduce it off hand like this, it reads very strange.

Also:

This is ambiguous and it seemed to read as he WAS a fallout character before. Combined with the previous, that's how I ended up parsing things.

Click to shrink...

Oh, okay.

Well...my mission was a giant touchstone for me as a person...but I didn't want to go into it. At the time of his death, Daisuke would've been home from his mission for two years and then another twelve in Naruto hence, 14 years.

 

[HypoSoc]

Well...my mission was a giant touchstone for me as a person...but I didn't want to go into it. At the time of his death, Daisuke would've been home from his mission for two years and then another twelve in Naruto hence, 14 years.

Click to shrink...

Oh, I have no doubt. But from the stories perspective you are casually introducing a detail that, while to you is a touchstone, to us readers is new. It's simply a matter of wording to make it clear. When I read "something 14 years ago" my first thought wasn't "something that happened in a previous life" but rather "I must have misremembered Daisuke's age".

The fact you don't focus on the past life (no judgment either way, staying silent or being blatant can both work) just means details based on said life are more confusing when they come up.

 

[Fulcon]

The fact you don't focus on the past life (no judgment either way, staying silent or being blatant can both work) just means details based on said life are more confusing when they come up.

Click to shrink...

So to clarify, do you think I need more than this line that's already in the chapter?

Honestly, it's not that bad. Reminds me of my mission, actually. Back in my old life.

Click to shrink...

 

[HypoSoc]

So to clarify, do you think I need more than this line that's already in the chapter?

Click to shrink...

Yes. I am not a Jesuit/Mormon/other proselytizing sect I don't know off the top of my head, so the word "mission" did not provide enough context to avoid confusion.

Especially since in this story and fandom, the word refers to paid ninja jobs.

Specifying "mission to [X country]" would have helped jar me out of the Naruto/Fallout mindset. You don't even have to use the real country you traveled to, anything obviously from Real Life would suffice.

Because I definitely jumped to "wait, does Daisuke remember one of your previous story versions?" The idea you were a missionary in real life hadn't occurred to me.

 

[Fulcon]

Especially since in this story and fandom, the word refers to paid ninja jobs.

Click to shrink...

*nods*

Alright, makes sense.

 

[LewdPotato]

He is still fixated on not being called a kid isn't he? Sigh...

 

[Fulcon]

He is still fixated on not being called a kid isn't he? Sigh...

Click to shrink...

Well, I mean...yeah. I had to keep some of his old flaws or it wouldn't even be Daisuke.

 

[Galacticplumber]

Okay Minor points first. There are actually two different forms of henge in Naruto. The common one everyone knows is pure illusion. It takes significant chakra to change physical reality in that way, way more than could ever reasonably be expected of small children.

The one Naruto, and some of the more high end characters in the setting, is a full physical transformation. This is demonstrated by Naruto turning into a windmill shuriken to be grabbed and thrown. He even transforms into a rasenshuriken in the fight with Pein to fake out chakra absorber. Boy really COULD turn into a bird if had the necessary creativity and desire.

Now onto Anko. I chalked up her devotion to Daisuke, and her desire to please him at all costs, to his singlehanded murder of the person she hates above all. Orochimaru quite literally ruined her life, and semi regularly attempts to existentially threaten her home. That hasn't happened here, and as such canon Anko remains the characterization model without much added or changed yet.

I do like that she's reasonably open, actively considerate, and direct. I'm betting on that being a combination of factors. She's warmer to him than she is to a lot of initial meetings. She was almost certainly briefed on his background, feels some degree of similarity, and figured this approach would be most optimal for starting on good terms with a not particularly social person. Even without the kinship bonus to disposition, regular S rank pay CANNOT be turned down, and smart people want to be on good terms with long term clients.

I wonder how she reacts to meeting little Naruto earlier, and in a different context.

Finally, were I in Daisuke's position, I'd balance ninjutsu and seals more evenly, what with Ninjutsu being the fastest path to a diverse and easily usable ranged moveset to compliment the punch, but I understand the desire to rush seals.

 

[Fulcon]

Okay Minor points first. There are actually two different forms of henge in Naruto. The common one everyone knows is pure illusion. It takes significant chakra to change physical reality in that way, way more than could ever reasonably be expected of small children.

The one Naruto, and some of the more high end characters in the setting, is a full physical transformation. This is demonstrated by Naruto turning into a windmill shuriken to be grabbed and thrown. He even transforms into a rasenshuriken in the fight with Pein to fake out chakra absorber. Boy really COULD turn into a bird if had the necessary creativity and desire.

Click to shrink...

That's kind of what I was going for by saying it was partially an illusion, partially a physical transformation. Perhaps I should've made the amount of chakra used a qualifier? The more chakra you use, the more thorough the transformation. It works outside in, in other words.

Now onto Anko. I chalked up her devotion to Daisuke, and her desire to please him at all costs, to his singlehanded murder of the person she hates above all. Orochimaru quite literally ruined her life, and semi regularly attempts to existentially threaten her home. That hasn't happened here, and as such canon Anko remains the characterization model without much added or changed yet.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, but...I was kind of hamhanded and uneven about showing the change from one to the other.

I'd like the end result to be a healthier Anko than before hand.

I do like that she's reasonably open, actively considerate, and direct. I'm betting on that being a combination of factors. She's warmer to him than she is to a lot of initial meetings. She was almost certainly briefed on his background, feels some degree of similarity, and figured this approach would be most optimal for starting on good terms with a not particularly social person. Even without the kinship bonus to disposition, regular S rank pay CANNOT be turned down, and smart people want to be on good terms with long term clients.

Click to shrink...

Thank you, I'm glad her characterization makes sense. This helps me out a lot. Have a cookie.

I wonder how she reacts to meeting little Naruto earlier, and in a different context.

Click to shrink...

The fact that Daisuke and he are best friends will change things. A little.

Finally, were I in Daisuke's position, I'd balance ninjutsu and seals more evenly, what with Ninjutsu being the fastest path to a diverse and easily usable ranged moveset to compliment the punch, but I understand the desire to rush seals.

Click to shrink...

It's a bad habit I fall into when I play RPG's: I focus exclusively on one part of the build at a time until they're all where I want them too. I figured Daisuke might fall into familiar routines given how his last mission turned out.

 

[Galacticplumber]

The way you had the mental monologue about henge in the chapter made it sound like target form was the more important determining factor, rather than chakra use. Granted, amount of mass and shape change from original would also be factors to physical transformation, WHICH INCREASE CHAKRA COST. It's a small but important detail.

It's hard to be subtle when there's a massive inciting incident that would logically change everything. Like.... the way things changed after getting almost perfect last time made sense as the inevitable way most of that goes down. I had assumed that the reason you deliberately took it out was because you understood it inevitably leads to exactly that kind of whiplash when stats directly play into social interaction. Now things logically CAN happen slower.

Finally, focusing on a single skill, especially in the early game of an rpg, can make sense because you can self direct to situations your focused skill applies to. Daisuke has to deal with the world as it comes to him, and as such needs to accept that levelups need to take into account reasonably predictable needs. I'm not saying it's poorly written or not understandable. I'm saying that his approach has very real, very dangerous flaws.

That said, it would be an interesting source of tension, and reinforcement of the themes of the work, if he runs into a situation where even a few points in something he was planning on grabbing soon would've really helped, causing a minor shift in plan. Doesn't have to be my idea on ninjutsu either. Could be medicine or even speech. It just has to shock his system a little.

 

[Fulcon]

The way you had the mental monologue about henge in the chapter made it sound like target form was the more important determining factor, rather than chakra use. Granted, amount of mass and shape change from original would also be factors to physical transformation, WHICH INCREASE CHAKRA COST. It's a small but important detail.

Click to shrink...

True, true.

Now things logically CAN happen slower.

Click to shrink...

In my experience, the audience does not like whiplash.

I'm not saying it's poorly written or not understandable. I'm saying that his approach has very real, very dangerous flaws.

Click to shrink...

Well, that's just part of the fic; the way Daisuke fails spectacularly.

 

[Galacticplumber]

I tend to believe whiplash has a different effect depending on just how much you fully expected what happened. If you saw it coming it feels like a simple transition. If you didn't expect anything remotely like it it's very jarring.

Slower paces aren't necessarily good because slow is good, so much as the story getting more leeway to hit the audience with clue-by-fours, and for the audience to notice the inexorably linked inklings bruised into the metaphorical flesh of their mind meats.

 

[Darkarma]

Besides, I think I'll be able to make my own armor in another level or two, maybe earlier if I can find some Fuinjutsu skill books. With carbon nanotubes, because I can.

Click to shrink...

Nanotubes eh? Skipping fallout armor altogether and jumping straight in No Man's Sky level equipment. I can dig.

Joking aside.

It'd be kind of scary if you slapped the mixing seal onto someone or something living and activated it. Instakill.

 

[Fulcon]

Slower paces aren't necessarily good because slow is good, so much as the story getting more leeway to hit the audience with clue-by-fours, and for the audience to notice the inexorably linked inklings bruised into the metaphorical flesh of their mind meats.

Click to shrink...

I have come to believe that hitting people with clue-by-fours is the only way to write.

Time will tell if I'm wrong or not.

Nanotubes eh? Skipping fallout armor altogether and jumping straight in No Man's Sky level equipment. I can dig.

Click to shrink...

Darn straight!

It'd be kind of scary if you slapped the mixing seal onto someone or something living and activated it. Instakill.

Click to shrink...

Even better if you slap it on two living people or things.

 

[Galacticplumber]

Nanotubes eh? Skipping fallout armor altogether and jumping straight in No Man's Sky level equipment. I can dig.

Joking aside.

It'd be kind of scary if you slapped the mixing seal onto someone or something living and activated it. Instakill.

Click to shrink...

Is it... Is it wrong that I want this now? Get chakra seals, get a string on someone, and suddenly BAM instant slurry. Very effective for stealth squelching.

 

[Fulcon]

Is it... Is it wrong that I want this now? Get chakra seals, get a string on someone, and suddenly BAM instant slurry. Very effective for stealth squelching.

Click to shrink...

Wrong...in all the ways except the one that matters.

And in that, you are right on a very fundamental level.

 

[Akuma-Heika]

One of those BS bonus bosses that make the main villain look like a chump?

The biggest Kaiju ever?

Another god?

Click to shrink...

Not sure if 3 for 3 is the right way to put his prediction or not...considering the three possibilities are all combined into one individual.

 

[Fulcon]

Not sure if 3 for 3 is the right way to put his prediction or not...considering the three possibilities are all combined into one individual.

Click to shrink...

Well, yes in a way. But I was referring to three different people with each of those.

#1: *spoiler character*

#2: The Kaiju.

#3: Jashin.


ALSO:

Yes.

Click to shrink...

Not entirely sure you saw this.

Spoiler: Revised line

Honestly, it's not that bad. Reminds me of my mission, actually. The two year long one, back in my old life before that car crash.

How's this? It took me a hot minute to figure out how to change it, but I think it works better.

 

[Goonter]

Wonder how the mixing seal works, when two things are 'mixed' together all that's happening physically is an increase in entropy in the system. Throw a high power version of that seal on someone and watch as quantum tunneling turns them into a perfect sphere of Iron-56, then collapsing into a black hole and evaporating. Or 'mix' someone with the target being mixed into the entire universe, creating the least dense soup ever made.

Pretty versatile seal, considering that an acceleration in entropy means an acceleration in time that chocolate milk might be a bit spoiled though.

 

[Galacticplumber]

Gonna have to hard vote against anything that even briefly creates a black hole. Even if it doesn't have enough mass to be stable, and kill everything around it with gravity, it will inevitably explode. How big? If you have to ask the question, you aren't ready for the consequences.

 

[MasMaud]

Since we're on Fuinjutsu, can seals take away a specific part of an object? Such as sealing half a vase.

Because if he can direct that precisely, he could do some very impressive machining. Mono molecular edges could very well be done if the seals can be exact enough.

 

[NightmareWarden]

Does... does the Mix seal work on explosive tags? Can he make projectiles that explode on impact (and fragment) instead of working via a timer?

So I've got a topic for everyone. During the first meeting with Kakashi Daisuke mentally longed for D&D. Nichiren is a massive fan of Shinobi & Shuriken, specifically as a game master. Sooooo when are they going to get a game together? How well or horribly might it go?
Right now I'm going to assume that after a month or more of D-class missions our little genin have not hung out together. Off-duty.

I mean, we just saw that Daisuke forgot about Hisako's offer to go shopping together! And he's never talked to them about Naruto throughout their whole time at the academy or after graduation? This low charisma is still insidious, don't let these improvements hide the truth.

So is a rift forming between these ninja?

 

[Goonter]

Gonna have to hard vote against anything that even briefly creates a black hole. Even if it doesn't have enough mass to be stable, and kill everything around it with gravity, it will inevitably explode.

Click to shrink...

Well if you want to assume proton decay it would be 'slightly' safer, and would also take less energy as you would only have to accelerate it 3*10^40 years instead of the 10^10^26 years it would take to collapse into a black hole via QT. However using proton decay would still do a direct E=mc^2 conversion of whatever mass you are using, the safest way is to just stop the seal once they have turned to Iron-56 which would take 'only' 10^1500 years.

 

[Galacticplumber]

Since we're on Fuinjutsu, can seals take away a specific part of an object? Such as sealing half a vase.

Because if he can direct that precisely, he could do some very impressive machining. Mono molecular edges could very well be done if the seals can be exact enough.

Click to shrink...

Mono-molecular are the best at cutting, that's true. They're also incredibly fragile regardless of what material you're using such that they will immediately break on the first time striking something.

Our technology is fully capable of making such cutting edges, we just don't because they can't be maintained.

In other words, such a blade would require not just seal work advanced enough for that level of accuracy and precision, but capable of functioning while small enough to fit the blade, and still work even as it snaps.

There is precedent for a self-rebuilding blade, Zabuza's blade can do so, but it requires to soak in blood as the condition, and is much larger than mono-molecular.

Don't get me wrong, nanomachine level fabricating seals are immensely useful. Thinnest edge possible just isn't the most practical application.

 

[SixthTrueMagician]

Nichiren is a massive fan of Shinibi & Shuriken, specifically as a game master. Sooooo when are they going to get a game together? How well or horribly might it go?

Click to shrink...

Well enough that Daisuke and his guaranteed nat 20's will either beat the campaign in one session, or make the DM escalate hard (FORESHADOWING )

 

[Fulcon]

Wonder how the mixing seal works, when two things are 'mixed' together all that's happening physically is an increase in entropy in the system.

Click to shrink...

The only person that knows how it works is Daisuke.

And the people in the story who can grok his explanation.

Like Anko.

Gonna have to hard vote against anything that even briefly creates a black hole.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, same.

So I've got a topic for everyone. During the first meeting with Kakashi Daisuke mentally longed for D&D. Nichiren is a massive fan of Shinobi & Shuriken, specifically as a game master. Sooooo when are they going to get a game together? How well or horribly might it go?
Right now I'm going to assume that after a month or more of D-class missions our little genin have not hung out together. Off-duty.

Click to shrink...

They're going to have a game. The big issue is that Nichiren is really exhausted and burned out at the end of the day from his extensive Taijutsu training.

That, and I've been having trouble figuring out how to slide that in.

I mean, we just saw that Daisuke forgot about Hisako's offer to go shopping together! And he's never talked to them about Naruto throughout their whole time at the academy or after graduation? This low charisma is still insidious, don't let these improvements hide the truth.

Click to shrink...

I forgot about it. But then, I'm not sure Daisuke really wants to do that sort of thing because, again, she has a crush on him and he's not sure he wants to go stoking that fire yet.

You can't lose a fight you avoid.

I don't know, maybe they'll go on a date or Daisuke will change his mind when the harem subplot kicks in and she volunteers.

Or something. I don't know.

Mono-molecular are the best at cutting, that's true. They're also incredibly fragile regardless of what material you're using such that they will immediately break on the first time striking something.

Click to shrink...

Right, the only way this sort of thing is practical is by making it out of energy or something.

Solid Light (I only read the headline)?

Well enough that Daisuke and his guaranteed nat 20's will either beat the campaign in one session, or make the DM escalate hard (FORESHADOWING )

Click to shrink...

Yeah, Daisuke's 10 luck makes DMing for him a tricky proposition.

 

[MasMaud]

They're also incredibly fragile regardless of what material you're using such that they will immediately break on the first time striking something.

Click to shrink...

You see a problem but I see a challenge! And that challenge is solved by more seals! Or other forms of chakra silliness!

Or disposable weapons. Tenten has shown that objects can be launched from seals. Using stupidly sharp shuriken would only improve that.

 

[Galacticplumber]

You see a problem but I see a challenge! And that challenge is solved by more seals! Or other forms of chakra silliness!

Or disposable weapons. Tenten has shown that objects can be launched from seals. Using stupidly sharp shuriken would only improve that.

Click to shrink...

The problem with adding more seals to the blade itself, is that unless you're working with the incredibly small back edge of the blade ONLY, the ink along the actual cutting surface will make it no longer mono-molecular all on its own. Ink, even summoned by chakra, is a physical thing with mass, and volume, and you CAN'T ignore that at these sizes.

Then there's the fact that even touching the flat back to apply the seal risks snapping it all on its own.

Like Fulcon said, the only reasonable way to use this property is to create them on the fly with energy from an incredibly precise emitter. Upside? Lightsaber without all the pesky heat problems. Downside? Don't EVER try to block with the weapon. The force will snap right through and go to you.

Other downside? If even a single component gets even slightly thrown out of alignment the weapon will malfunction in some unpredictable way until repaired. The best case scenario is that it simply stops creating a blade, as opposed to releasing cutting energy in an unpredictable manner.

 

[MasMaud]

Tobirama kinda already did that with the raijin as I recall. And Wind Chakra already does it too.

I just finished Old World Blues again recently so am kinda on a SCIENCE kick. Still think the idea is workable though it'd probably require too much engineering, possibly with tiny seals carving and inking even tinier seals.

Kinda wanna see Daisuke meet the Shinobi version of the Big MT.

 

[Galacticplumber]

Tobirama kinda already did that with the raijin as I recall. And Wind Chakra already does it too.

I just finished Old World Blues again recently so am kinda on a SCIENCE kick. Still think the idea is workable though it'd probably require too much engineering, possibly with tiny seals carving and inking even tinier seals.

Kinda wanna see Daisuke meet the Shinobi version of the Big MT.

Click to shrink...

Tobirama used lightning chakra to make a pretend lightsaber. Why pretend? The blade was broken by Chidori, and Rasengan, which rendered it inoperable. A real lightsaber uses an energy source to emit said energy in the shape of a very hot blade. The blade is an emission, not an irreplaceable part of the weapon. The blade is very visibly wider than one molecule. We didn't say energy blades were impossible. We said mono-molecular anything is hilariously unwieldy, and comes with a host of problems.