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Teacher Nightmare [Naruto]

[X] Leave a shadow clone with them, to act as a hands-off teamleader, who only assists in suitably dangerous situations, for the remaining week in the forest or at least til Naruto's fully regenerated. Tell them, you'll reevaluate their perfomance at the end of the week.
-[X] Read that secret profile. The other's too, if they have one.

never mind

[X] Take them to the hospital, then go find those classified files. Hurry, we need to read them before the Boss finds out what's happened.
- [X] Leave a shadow clone at the hospital. It would rather suck if Naruto got assassinated by a Kyuubi-hater while he's cut in half.
 
Problem Naruto currently lacks the lower half of his body and Sakura's down a hand. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to continue this execise as it risks Naruto dieing, and sending Naruto to the hospital while leaving Sakura alone with Sasuke sounds like a recipe for disaster.
 
Malcolmo said:
Problem Naruto currently lacks the lower half of his body and Sakura's down a hand. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to continue this execise as it risks Naruto dieing, and sending Naruto to the hospital while leaving Sakura alone with Sasuke sounds like a recipe for disaster.
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This time there will be a shadowclone acting as team-leader and helping them, whenever they're in over their heads.
There's also the problem, that we want to keep Naruto losing his lower half quiet.
 
Pipeman said:
This time there will be a shadowclone acting as team-leader and helping them, whenever they're in over their heads.
There's also the problem, that we want to keep Naruto losing his lower half quiet.
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You're forgetting that Naruto is currently at best dead weight and at worst a predator attraction. He requires hospital attention not more of this.
That and I doubt we'd be able to keep this quiet even if we tried to.
 
[X] Stay yourself with them to act as a team leader, at least until Naruto heals. Send a shadow clone to read the secret profiles.

We have more combat ability to keep them alive, and reading the secret profiles can be easily done by a clone since get its memory anyway.

Side situations:
[X] "Naruto, it's not about declaring oneself team leader, it's about being the only one with a plan in a time critical situation. In fact, it reminds me of an old saying: 'A chuunin in motion outranks a Jounin that don't know what's going on.'"
[X] Sakura needs to visit a good psychologist before she's actually cleared for missions, but that'll take long. While that doesn't happen: "Sakura, if you don't collaborate with both Sasuke and Naruto, and keep acting like a Sasuke fangirl, you will get everyone killed, specially Sasuke."

Also, something that has been bothering me for a while: Teacher is normally written as Sensei, not Sansei. Is that intentional?
 
Felius said:
[X] Stay yourself with them to act as a team leader, at least until Naruto heals. Send a shadow clone to read the secret profiles.

We have more combat ability to keep them alive, and reading the secret profiles can be easily done by a clone since get its memory anyway.
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A shadow clone will not suffice.
It literally says:

Unfortunately, you'll have to do so in person.
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Don't quite see why, but revised plan:

[X] You will need to read the secret profiles yourself, but they need more help than a single shadow clone might be able to provide. Leave one clone to act as a team leader and another to act as long range replacement fodder if you need to help them yourself.
 
Felius said:
Also, something that has been bothering me for a while: Teacher is normally written as Sensei, not Sansei. Is that intentional?
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No it isn't. I'll go and correct it.
 
Guys, trying to keep this from the Hokage? Bad idea. He's called 'the God of Shinobi' for a reason. And Naruto can't keep a secret.
Besides, this was no more than 50% our fault! We couldn't know his teammate would try to kill him.

[X] Take them to the hospital, then go find those classified files. Hurry, we need to read them before the Boss finds out what's happened.
- [X] Leave a shadow clone at the hospital. It would rather suck if Naruto got assassinated by a Kyuubi-hater while he's cut in half.
 
[X] Take them to the hospital, then go find those classified files. Hurry, we need to read them before the Boss finds out what's happened.
- [X] Leave a shadow clone at the hospital. It would rather suck if Naruto got assassinated by a Kyuubi-hater while he's cut in half.
 
[X] Leave a shadow clone with them, to act as a hands-off teamleader, who only assists in suitably dangerous situations, for the remaining week in the forest or at least til Naruto's fully regenerated. Tell them, you'll reevaluate their perfomance at the end of the week.
-[X] Read that secret profile. The other's too, if they have one.

While Sasuke doesn't trust your judgment and Naruto is still upset over the thought of you sending him back to the Academy, they're both reasonably content with this decision.

You're not sure Sakura is even paying attention to the outside world right now...

You hurry.

.o0o.

The report is HUGE and your reaction can be summed up to various levels of "WTF?" and "How does that even work?".

But the relevant stuff is that there is no Sakura, there are two.

Sentient chakra system on top of a normal body, neither aware that they are in fact two people and, in the interests of their continued sanity, it's being kept that way.

The chakra system Sakura is actually similar to a very very very tiny Biju. Her chakra isn't used up when using a jutsu, it just goes back to rejoin the rest of her when finished. It also gets rather clumsy and sluggish when close any Wood Release created trees.

This arrangement is what gives her her bullshit "Blood Limit" of perfect control, elemental combinations and genjutsu immunity.

Well. You've seen weirder things than- wait, no you haven't, you've just heard of them. You never actually saw the insides of any of Orochimaru's labs. You never want to either.

Doesn't seem the others have a top secret profile, though there are plenty of classification schemes that amount to "Hokage says share with only these people and never write this down" so that doesn't say much. You inquire.

The Hokage actually hesitates for a moment before saying "Nothing relevant".

...

You barely refrain from face-palming. You don't want to die because it turns out Naruto kissing Sakura releases the Kyuubi sagedamnit! Or worse, makes little Biju babies!

You head back to the forest to see your shadow clone has caught on and is keeping Sakura busy and distracted. Good, don't want her falling apart (literally!).

The rest of the week goes comparatively well. Naruto recovers by the second night and Sakura has her hand back by the end of the week. Sasuke hands out camping supplies from his storage seals (you don't ask why he carries enough for an extended mission on his person).

The visible presence of your shadow clone seems to reassure Sakura that nothing bad is going to happen to her Sasuke and reassure Sasuke that Sakura isn't going to jump him without you intervening. He still refuses to sleep anywhere except underground though ("Sakura can't kawarami through the tree roots"). You've decided Yanderes creep you out. 0_0;

Naruto still has problems taking orders from Sasuke, but your presence acting as a sort of tacit approval of any order the Uchiha gives makes it more bearable for him. He seems rather subdued really and doesn't attempt to approach Sakura like he usually does. You suppose betrayal from what he considered his first "friend" would do that.

Sakura is a mess. Flashes of crippling guilt and random babbling are the order of the day. You wish you had a way of telling which part was responsible for which babble. She avoids talking to her team mates.

Sasuke... is very careful to make sure he's never in a position where he's dependent on his team mates, especially if it involves doing something he asks. He certainly doesn't trust them to watch his back.

Ability wise, Sasuke continues to show high chunin level skill, effective tactics and a lot of power. He excels as either front line or support. Naruto makes an excellent scout with his dozens of shadow clones all having his superior senses, they coordinate well too. Sakura just bamfs around killing things, electricity paralyzing them and little blobs of lava or ice spikes for the kill (she also knows how to make explosive chakra, but doesn't fancy losing body parts to use it).

Nothing as dangerous as the tiger is found during the week and even the pack of giant wolves goes down quickly (Sakura was getting a little twitchy at points though).

Time to decide what you're going to do with your temporarily calm (but still very dangerous) dire laser badgers.
 
I like it.

Hmmm, what should we do.
 
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.
 
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[X] Arrange one last test to see, if they improved at all.
-[X] If so, keep them, but do inquire with the Hokage what the fucking fuck made him think, this team was anything approaching a good idea.
-[X] If they do not pull their acts together, judge them according to how much they fucked up this time.
 
I really don't get why people are so down on Sakura for throwing someone with a regeneration 'bloodline' at a giant tiger. That seems like an ideal person to throw into the grinder. Especially if you assume someone promoted to genin should be able to try to defend themselves rather than just be bitten in half. It was still crazy, but not as crazy as people seem to think it was.
 
mc2rpg said:
I really don't get why people are so down on Sakura for throwing someone with a regeneration 'bloodline' at a giant tiger. That seems like an ideal person to throw into the grinder. Especially if you assume someone promoted to genin should be able to try to defend themselves rather than just be bitten in half. It was still crazy, but not as crazy as people seem to think it was.
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Because, regeneration or not, you do not throw allies at tigers.
Using them as unwilling distractions is already skirting the edge very closely, but literally throwing them at tigers?
They are called allies and not projectiles for a reason.
 
And why do you assume she knew about Naruto's 'Bloodline'?
 
Vindictus said:
And why do you assume she knew about Naruto's 'Bloodline'?
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Because she was mumbling about it and his durability after we chewed her out, and not in a way that implied she was surprised by it. She was more surprised he didn't do anything in response to being thrown at a tiger than she was by Naruto surviving his severe injuries.
 
mc2rpg said:
I really don't get why people are so down on Sakura for throwing someone with a regeneration 'bloodline' at a giant tiger. That seems like an ideal person to throw into the grinder. Especially if you assume someone promoted to genin should be able to try to defend themselves rather than just be bitten in half. It was still crazy, but not as crazy as people seem to think it was.
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That' cuase there are regeneration bloodlines then there wolverine style I lose everything but my brain and survive style bullshit.


Fallenblades643 said:
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.
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Support.
 
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Fallenblades643 said:
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever.
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The 500 pages of reports you read mentions that she's been the catalyst for elemental combination research for the past year and there are a couple of hundred pages on the results and discussions of how they match up with observations on what Konoha's enemies use. They'll try for Dust Release at least before disposing of her (research became more careful after her first Explosion Release temporarily cost her her right arm).

It also suggests that separating her into her two parts is possible, it just ruins any chance of Konoha getting a ninja.
 
(x) Keep them all

There is too much potential here to dismiss them over some mental problems.
 
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.
 
[X] Arrange one last test to see, if they improved at all.
-[X] If so, keep them, but do inquire with the Hokage what the fucking fuck made him think, this team was anything approaching a good idea.
-[X] If they do not pull their acts together, judge them according to how much they fucked up this time.
Because we should at least give sakura a chance to redeem herself
 
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever. The only possible way to make that mess of a person usable would be to split her, something you cannot do.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.
 
Hmm...
Three for keeping, four for dumping.
I'll wait another hour before starting writing.
 
GoC said:
The 500 pages of reports you read mentions that she's been the catalyst for elemental combination research for the past year and there are a couple of hundred pages on the results and discussions of how they match up with observations on what Konoha's enemies use. They'll try for Dust Release at least before disposing of her (research became more careful after her first Explosion Release temporarily cost her her right arm).

It also suggests that separating her into her two parts is possible, it just ruins any chance of Konoha getting a ninja.
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That's why I worded it as a Recommendation. If, say, she were perchance to be accidentally shipped to the R&D Lab on the way to the Psych wards, well, shes not our problem. our jobs just to determine her usability as a ninja.

Which is none at present. a few years with a head doctor dedicated to conditioning her to the proper mindset however, might be just the ticket.
 
[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever. The only possible way to make that mess of a person usable would be to split her, something you cannot do.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.
 
[X] Arrange one last test to see, if they improved at all.
-[X] If so, keep them, but do inquire with the Hokage what the fucking fuck made him think, this team was anything approaching a good idea.
-[X] If they do not pull their acts together, judge them according to how much they fucked up this time.
 
I'm kind of surprised at the amount of votes for dropping them.
This is "Teacher Nightmare" quest not Kakashi quest, yes?
As far as I understood, having horribly defunctional students was kind of the whole point.
So dropping them will either be lolnoped by the Hokage and then we're in the same situation, only the Hokage is somewhat annoyed with us, or it will succeed and effectively end this quest or at least make it undeserving of its name.
 
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