Equestrian Girls (part 9)
Mr Zoat
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1st April 2012
Evening
Oh this place is amazing!
I don't know if it's the cook or this pony tongue but the food here is top-notch. I was a bit reluctant to try the hay-based things but.. actually, with all the spices to give them flavour, it kind of works. I've got to bring the family here. Once I check that the younger children's medicine still works when they're in pony form.
I wonder if harmony magic could fix them, too? I'd been assuming not because it's just part of how their body works rather than any kind of curse, but I suppose that it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion.
I slide my very clear formerly-covered-in-chestnut-curry plate forward, then float it up to join the others.
"Okay, I think I'm done. How about you?"
Street Stalker -the earth pony- nods. He'd been sampling a little of everything, and as a result he was still eating about two thirds of the way through my meal.
"This place is really good. Most restaurants in Canterlot are totally overpriced."
Swooping Strike -the bat pony- snorts in agreement. "And the food's terrible."
I frown. "How do they do that? Wouldn't the cooks' special talents mean they.. just knew when they were doing that?"
Hidden Presence -the unicorn- shakes his head. "Only if they were making a mess of things by accident. If they were actually trying to make cardboard, then… Cardboard's what they'd get. And since the restaurant manager probably has a coin pouch on their rump…"
"Canterlot ponies like cardboard? I'd have thought that there'd be more variety than that."
Street and Swooping look at Hidden.
"What? Hey, include me out. Why do you think I always eat in the mess? Just.. herd psychology, I guess. Everypony knows that's what restaurants are supposed to serve, so that's what everypony expects. Though I guess 'following the herd' isn't really an alicorn thing."
"No, it-"
Lantern Grayven, it's happening.
"-isn't."
I smile.
Who went first?
The police.
"Ah, Graven?" Swooping looks at me inquisitively. "I know you said you weren't evil, but that's kinda an evil smile you're doing?"
"I never said I wasn't evil. In fact, I'd say that I'm being pretty evil right now."
The guards look at each other, but Swooping has the initiative.
"You… Are?"
"Sure. You were following me when I went to the library, right?" She nods. "And the law firm?" She nods again. "Wanna see the results?"
There's a small flare as a hologram projector appears in the middle of the table, then an image of the Bearers' party appears. Everyone's smiling and.. playing some sort of game-. They're playing Twister, Luna's longer legs giving her a distinct advantage.
"You're spying on them?"
"Keep watching." I pull the camera out just as a night guard and a couple of other ponies walk in. The first has a truncheon and handc-. Hoofcuffs cutie mark while the second has a scroll and scales.
Street regards them carefully as they approach the game area.
"That's Steady Beat and Weigh Evidence. Why are they there?"
"Is there ever a situation where you think that the law shouldn't be enforced?"
He thinks for a moment. "You mean like if a starving pony steals food?"
"No, if a starving pony steals food then they clearly shouldn't be left in charge of themselves. I mean like if a person is vital to the running of the country they should be allowed to ignore any laws they want."
"No?"
I nod. "Let's see if they feel like that."
Luna frowns and says something to the spinner-wielding Pinkie Pie. The Twister-playing ponies immediately begin disentangling themselves and she walks towards the awkward-looking officers.
"And sound."
"…intruding, your highness, but we need to speak with Miss Rarity. It's.. urgent."
Rarity steps around Applejack and trots over.
"Why? Whatever is the matter?"
"Ah… Well…" Steady Beat levitates the thick bundle of papers myself and my lawyer wrote and opens it near the beginning. "We've received a dossier which alleges that you've committed several acts of theft-."
"Uoh." Rarity rolls her eyes. "Is this the best that Graven fellow could do? Unsubstantiated allegations?"
"I can't comment on where it came from, ma'am, but if this-" He flicks through it briefly. "-is true, then it's very far from unsubstantiated."
Rarity lets out a mildly indignant splutter-cough.
"Really."
"Yes ma'am. It is alleged that you have -on a number of occasions- travelled outside Ponyville town limits and engaged in mineral prospecting; to whit, locating and excavating various precious stones."
"Yes? The land is part of Ponyville, and Ponyville doesn't require that I have a licence."
"In point of fact ma'am -and we're checking this now just in case- the area this dossier alleges that you prospect in isn't part of Ponyville."
"Now hold on a gosh darn minute, here." Applejack steps forward. "That whole area was part o' the original land grant Princess Celestia gave t' my great grandfolks."
"Well, that may be true, but it would only matter if the Princess had the right to give it away. You see -and this is the part we're checking- when ponies first came to this part of the world, there were plenty of species already living here. Which mean that as Equestria was settled there were.. areas that weren't part of pony society."
Luna nods. "Yes, We remember it well. We left them to their own affairs as Our nation expanded."
Steady Beat nods. "The most recent law we found on the subject is…"
"The Aboriginal Relations Act of three thirty two." Weigh Evidence pulls a scroll out of her saddlebags with her teeth and offers it to her sovereign. A blue aura surrounds it and it floats out of her grasp. "Equestria never forced aboriginal groups to become part of Equestria. This resulted in there being a number of semi-autonomous micro-nations wholly within Equestrian territory. The Act defines -among other things- who is responsible if a crime is committed by a citizen on one side of the border against the other."
Steady Beat nods again. "The Diamond Dog pack who live near Ponyville might -and I stress might- be covered by the Act. If they are, that means that their territory was never part of Equestria. And if it was never part of Equestria…"
"Then Our Sister could not grant it to the Apple family. We are surprised that there are still territories within Equestria which have not integrated of their own volition, but the law is as she states."
Rarity's eyes widen slightly.
Twilight trots to the fore. "And what would that mean for Rarity?"
"That would mean that she'd be charged with one count of theft for each prospecting trip."
"But I... The dogs and I came to an arrangement."
"Oh?" Steady Beat smiles. "If they freely agreed to allow you to prospect in their territory then we can throw this whole thing out. Could you describe the circumstances, so we can write it into our report?"
"Yes, of course-. Ah, 'freely'?"
"Yeah, you know: without being threatened by anypony. Ah, anyone, I should say. Because, heh, obviously if they'd been threatened that would invalidate the whole thing."
Rarity sits down.
"Excuse me? I'm looking for Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
A short pegasus pony mare in a plain green suit walks in through the door. Twilight looks from her to the officers to Rarity and back again.
"Is this urgent?"
"Yes. I'm from Canterlot Child Services and I've-" She pulls out a document with her left wing. "-received a report that you're the primary caregiver of an infant dragon, and that he has never been registered either with a school or as being home schooled. A child's education is a rather serious matter and I'm hopeful that you can shed some light on this."
I stand and open a boom tube to the room, grinning evilly as I do so. I stride through, the assembled ponies looking at me in shock.
"All I wanted was to be cleansed of evil. You refused me. This took me but a few hours. Each of you has points of vulnerability. Mistakes you concealed. Use the Elements on me, or I will find them and make you suffer the consequences. And so that you have advanced warning: Pinkie Pie, you're next."
There's silence.
"Whaw, Princess Luna has terrible taste in stallions."
Evening
Oh this place is amazing!
I don't know if it's the cook or this pony tongue but the food here is top-notch. I was a bit reluctant to try the hay-based things but.. actually, with all the spices to give them flavour, it kind of works. I've got to bring the family here. Once I check that the younger children's medicine still works when they're in pony form.
I wonder if harmony magic could fix them, too? I'd been assuming not because it's just part of how their body works rather than any kind of curse, but I suppose that it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion.
I slide my very clear formerly-covered-in-chestnut-curry plate forward, then float it up to join the others.
"Okay, I think I'm done. How about you?"
Street Stalker -the earth pony- nods. He'd been sampling a little of everything, and as a result he was still eating about two thirds of the way through my meal.
"This place is really good. Most restaurants in Canterlot are totally overpriced."
Swooping Strike -the bat pony- snorts in agreement. "And the food's terrible."
I frown. "How do they do that? Wouldn't the cooks' special talents mean they.. just knew when they were doing that?"
Hidden Presence -the unicorn- shakes his head. "Only if they were making a mess of things by accident. If they were actually trying to make cardboard, then… Cardboard's what they'd get. And since the restaurant manager probably has a coin pouch on their rump…"
"Canterlot ponies like cardboard? I'd have thought that there'd be more variety than that."
Street and Swooping look at Hidden.
"What? Hey, include me out. Why do you think I always eat in the mess? Just.. herd psychology, I guess. Everypony knows that's what restaurants are supposed to serve, so that's what everypony expects. Though I guess 'following the herd' isn't really an alicorn thing."
"No, it-"
Lantern Grayven, it's happening.
"-isn't."
I smile.
Who went first?
The police.
"Ah, Graven?" Swooping looks at me inquisitively. "I know you said you weren't evil, but that's kinda an evil smile you're doing?"
"I never said I wasn't evil. In fact, I'd say that I'm being pretty evil right now."
The guards look at each other, but Swooping has the initiative.
"You… Are?"
"Sure. You were following me when I went to the library, right?" She nods. "And the law firm?" She nods again. "Wanna see the results?"
There's a small flare as a hologram projector appears in the middle of the table, then an image of the Bearers' party appears. Everyone's smiling and.. playing some sort of game-. They're playing Twister, Luna's longer legs giving her a distinct advantage.
"You're spying on them?"
"Keep watching." I pull the camera out just as a night guard and a couple of other ponies walk in. The first has a truncheon and handc-. Hoofcuffs cutie mark while the second has a scroll and scales.
Street regards them carefully as they approach the game area.
"That's Steady Beat and Weigh Evidence. Why are they there?"
"Is there ever a situation where you think that the law shouldn't be enforced?"
He thinks for a moment. "You mean like if a starving pony steals food?"
"No, if a starving pony steals food then they clearly shouldn't be left in charge of themselves. I mean like if a person is vital to the running of the country they should be allowed to ignore any laws they want."
"No?"
I nod. "Let's see if they feel like that."
Luna frowns and says something to the spinner-wielding Pinkie Pie. The Twister-playing ponies immediately begin disentangling themselves and she walks towards the awkward-looking officers.
"And sound."
"…intruding, your highness, but we need to speak with Miss Rarity. It's.. urgent."
Rarity steps around Applejack and trots over.
"Why? Whatever is the matter?"
"Ah… Well…" Steady Beat levitates the thick bundle of papers myself and my lawyer wrote and opens it near the beginning. "We've received a dossier which alleges that you've committed several acts of theft-."
"Uoh." Rarity rolls her eyes. "Is this the best that Graven fellow could do? Unsubstantiated allegations?"
"I can't comment on where it came from, ma'am, but if this-" He flicks through it briefly. "-is true, then it's very far from unsubstantiated."
Rarity lets out a mildly indignant splutter-cough.
"Really."
"Yes ma'am. It is alleged that you have -on a number of occasions- travelled outside Ponyville town limits and engaged in mineral prospecting; to whit, locating and excavating various precious stones."
"Yes? The land is part of Ponyville, and Ponyville doesn't require that I have a licence."
"In point of fact ma'am -and we're checking this now just in case- the area this dossier alleges that you prospect in isn't part of Ponyville."
"Now hold on a gosh darn minute, here." Applejack steps forward. "That whole area was part o' the original land grant Princess Celestia gave t' my great grandfolks."
"Well, that may be true, but it would only matter if the Princess had the right to give it away. You see -and this is the part we're checking- when ponies first came to this part of the world, there were plenty of species already living here. Which mean that as Equestria was settled there were.. areas that weren't part of pony society."
Luna nods. "Yes, We remember it well. We left them to their own affairs as Our nation expanded."
Steady Beat nods. "The most recent law we found on the subject is…"
"The Aboriginal Relations Act of three thirty two." Weigh Evidence pulls a scroll out of her saddlebags with her teeth and offers it to her sovereign. A blue aura surrounds it and it floats out of her grasp. "Equestria never forced aboriginal groups to become part of Equestria. This resulted in there being a number of semi-autonomous micro-nations wholly within Equestrian territory. The Act defines -among other things- who is responsible if a crime is committed by a citizen on one side of the border against the other."
Steady Beat nods again. "The Diamond Dog pack who live near Ponyville might -and I stress might- be covered by the Act. If they are, that means that their territory was never part of Equestria. And if it was never part of Equestria…"
"Then Our Sister could not grant it to the Apple family. We are surprised that there are still territories within Equestria which have not integrated of their own volition, but the law is as she states."
Rarity's eyes widen slightly.
Twilight trots to the fore. "And what would that mean for Rarity?"
"That would mean that she'd be charged with one count of theft for each prospecting trip."
"But I... The dogs and I came to an arrangement."
"Oh?" Steady Beat smiles. "If they freely agreed to allow you to prospect in their territory then we can throw this whole thing out. Could you describe the circumstances, so we can write it into our report?"
"Yes, of course-. Ah, 'freely'?"
"Yeah, you know: without being threatened by anypony. Ah, anyone, I should say. Because, heh, obviously if they'd been threatened that would invalidate the whole thing."
Rarity sits down.
"Excuse me? I'm looking for Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
A short pegasus pony mare in a plain green suit walks in through the door. Twilight looks from her to the officers to Rarity and back again.
"Is this urgent?"
"Yes. I'm from Canterlot Child Services and I've-" She pulls out a document with her left wing. "-received a report that you're the primary caregiver of an infant dragon, and that he has never been registered either with a school or as being home schooled. A child's education is a rather serious matter and I'm hopeful that you can shed some light on this."
I stand and open a boom tube to the room, grinning evilly as I do so. I stride through, the assembled ponies looking at me in shock.
"All I wanted was to be cleansed of evil. You refused me. This took me but a few hours. Each of you has points of vulnerability. Mistakes you concealed. Use the Elements on me, or I will find them and make you suffer the consequences. And so that you have advanced warning: Pinkie Pie, you're next."
There's silence.
"Whaw, Princess Luna has terrible taste in stallions."
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