Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[l---erddad---l]

Your exponent system has me curious...You mind explaining it?

Click to shrink...

Each time it reaches a new level of crack, multiplying the previous crack, I add another.

I don't remember all of them, but I know the baseline was the Konosuba vibe the fic had, one of them was the crazy amount of sex that was happening, I think one of the breaking points was the sex line plot but I don't fully remember, and the most recent breaking point was stealing all of Ruler's command seals.

Actually, orders of magnitude is probably more accurate. So it's Crack*e5

 

[Davos]

"What in the world?!" Darnic shouts.

"Medea…do you have any idea what you just did?" Emiya asks.

"Not an inkling…I thought she was a Saber or Lancer Servant…why are there so many Command Seals?! Who are- AH!" Jeanne's fist smashes into Medea's face, blood dripping down her face now as she returns to the air.

"Die Musashi!" Kojiro shouts while slashing away.

"C-can we do this later, I think we have bigger problems!"

"I can't believe I am saying this, but I agree with the Saber! Oh God, I'm gonna be sick…" MHX says, getting a sharpened flag tip near her face.

"Don't you dare use his name you blonde wretch!" Jeanne says.

"Hey, I'm on your side!"

"Astolfo, get Medea's Master!" Vlad says.

"On it!"

"Is it safe for me to assume negotiations have fallen through and there will be asinine circumstances leading to a fight?" Saber asks while entering the door way, making Medea squeal in joy.

"Three blonde Sabers?!" Medea shouts before shouting in fright upon Jeanne's flag nearly impaling her, instead impaling her cloak to a pillar.

"I am a Ruler!"

"That explains the command seal amount."

"…Sounds like you we're a Ruler." Saber says, making a needle eyed Jeanne glare at her.

Saber raises her blade.

Jeanne recalls her flag.

"By my Command Seal, do not harm Saber!" Medea shouts.

"WHY?!" Jeanne shouts with her soul, making Saber laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Emiya asks.

"When she was my Master, she issued an order that made me react the same way…it is rather delightful seeing the Saint get her comeuppance…or should I say 'justice poetique'~?" Saber asks, the last two words with a French accent, her smile faltering when Jeanne looks at her with twitching eyes…one of them turning yellow for a moment before she takes a deep breath.

"…My King, please stop taunting her…" Lancelot says.

Saber remains quiet as Roche enters the room.

"What's so important that you need me here? I was just about to finish a gol-" The swish of air breaking near him makes him stop. Looking down he sees his hand with Command Seals over Medea has been cut off.

He stares at his stump as Medea takes the hand and soon the command seals for herself, effectively freeing herself of all control.

Emiya, Kojiro, and Saber all pale.

Vlad stands and raises his spear at last.

"…I really do not want to shoot at a relative of Lady Aqua." Chiron says while readying his bow.

"That brat is here?" Medea asks.

"My hand!"

"Be quiet." Medea says before making another hand appear on his stump. Roche tinkers with it a bit and shoots out mana from it, now smiling fully.

"Oh Gods damn it Medea! I just talked him out of taking pot shots at every possible chance with his other hand!"

"Wait, his other hand is a- actually I don't really care enough….Oh Saaaaaber~!" Medea says while turning around, stopping at seeing Saber raise her blade above her head.

"EX-"



===



"…It appears Castle Yggdmillennia is in worse shape than we thought. They are missing a wall now." Semiramis says before bright beam of light is seen, making another wall evaporate, and causing everyone to come to the same conclusion.

'Saber is there.' They think with dread.

Semiramis glowers more when Gilgamesh places a hand on her shoulder.

"Set a course for that castle." He says.

"No."

"I'm not asking." Gilgamesh says.

"I'm not listening!" Semiramis says.

"That's a first." Atlanta says with crossed arms while leaning against a pillar, making Semiramis ball a fist.

"We have the Grail, we have no reason to seek a fight yet."

"Oh? I'm surprised you are not simply leaving with your prize." Gilgamesh says.

"The Grail is not my only purpose King of Heroes…but I would rather not deal with that Saber or her similarly deranged cohorts at this time…"

"A shame. I have plenty of matters to settle with both Saber and that Faker."

"Then you will do so on your own." Shirou says, purposefully tapping with the hand that has Gilgamesh's command seals.

"Hmph." Gilgamesh turns and walks to Achilles.

"…I'm not taking you there."

"I see no reason to respect your wishes…or are you really going to try and fight me?"

"…What about Lady Aqua?" Achilles asks, suppressing a smile as Gilgamesh flinches.

"What about her? You expect me to believe you are one of her followers?"

"No, but my teacher was on good terms with her, and I am sure she will be more than open to helping me if she were to hear you bother me."

"You coward…!"

"Not my fault you made your weakness so obvious…Why wouldn't I go after your… Achilles heel?" He asks with a smile, making everyone groan. Gilgamesh stares at him a moment before leaving.

'The TV is worse, the Shirou is worse, everything in this Grail War is worse…' He thinks.

"…Is it because of Vlad's recent additions to his legend you are resistant to approaching?" Karna asks.

"What recent additions? I thought he was a warlord?" Achilles asks.

"Yes, but his name is more famous from a vampire novel and subsequent similar works."

"What exactly is a vampire?" Achilles asks.

"A nocturnal creature that feeds by biting its victims and…" Karna trails off when he sees Achilles pales and shivers.

'This is the worst Grail War…' Achilles thinks.



===



"Let me go! Father needs help!" Mordred says as Cu and Fergus struggle to pull her back.

"She does not need help!" Kazuma shouts.

"He!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"If father is using Excalibur, he must be facing a truly troublesome foe!"

"Not our concern!"

"I agree with him…It would be better to wait for them to destroy each other." Kairi says.

"But we have plenty of firepower! We have 3 Sabers, 1 decent Caster, Jacky, and your party!" Mordred shouts.

"Don't include my party in plans, it'll only complicate things." Kazuma says, making Aqua pout, Megumin glower, and Darkness moan.

Rin looks at them flatly.

"…I am decent. Even without my Noble Phantasm-" Shakespeare says, making Jack and Mordred pale before continuing.

"I can enhance items and weapons to damage Servants."

"Wait, what?" Kazuma asks.

"I can enhance items and weapons. If you had a sword I could write about it as a blade that cuts anything, and it would harm Servants even if the wielder is human…that said, it would only be comparable to a C rank Noble Phantasm." Shakespeare says as Darkness grabs his shoulder.

"…Are you able to make a sword able to hit anything despite the wielder's inaccuracy?'

"I…think so? Though accuracy has never been an issue with swords."

"It is for me. Bless my blade!"

'…I'm actually curious if he can override Darkness' inability to hit anything.' Kazuma thinks as Aqua hands him his sword as Shakespeare writes.

"This blade is now blessed with the eye of the eagle, able to hit its mark by reversing causality!" He says and the blade glows brightly a moment, the light slowly fading to a slight glow upon Darkness' sword.

"You uncreative copycat! That's just plagiarism!" Cu shouts.

"…Do mine next." Kazuma says, shaking off a bad feeling.

"I christen your blade Fenrir's tooth! It can cut through anything!" Shakespeare says as Kazuma's blade begins to glow before quickly becoming dull.

"Strange…the glow should last a moment longer…does your sword already have a name?" Shakespeare asks and Kazuma frowns.

"I'd rather not-"

"I cannot change the name, but I can still enhance it if I know its true name."

"…Chunchunmaru." Kazuma says, getting a few giggles from most everyone present.

Even Jack struggles to keep her laughter in check.

Mordred just laughs outright.

"What kind of ridiculous name is that?" Shakespeare asks, paling when a giant earth hand grabs him.

"I chose that name." Megumin says.

"…Did I say ridiculous? I meant ridiculously amazing!"

Megumin doesn't believe him and tosses him into a tree.



===



"CALIBUR!" Saber shouts, erasing a wall from existence.

Unfortunately Medea and Jeanne are still alive.

One from avoiding, the other from shrugging it off.

"What?!"

"I am Servant who could easily be in a situation to fight 14 Servants. You think you alone can kill me, Queen of Blights?" Jeanne says, making Artoria grit her teeth before having to dodge a spike meant to impale her.

"This is far enough! Though I can understand your fury Saber, I cannot-"

"HER fury?!" Jeanne shouts, drawing Vlad's glare.

'J-Jeanne I think you need to take a deep breath!' Leticia says.

'I need to kill something…and I know who~.'

'But what about the Command Seal?' Leticia asks in Jeanne's head.

'…God damn it!'

'Oh wow, you are angry…'

"…Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?" Lancelot says, drawing confused and enraged looks from everyone present.

"Why do you say that Lancelot?" Emiya asks, his blades in hand.

"Wasn't one of your goals to kill someone? Sure, it's a bit unconventional having Ruler lose her Ruler status, but having another Servant in the hunt for-"

"Don't say his name Lancelot!" Saber shouts.

"Why? What would be the issue in saying Kazuma's name my King?"

"Kazuma's here?!" Medea asks, making Saber frown.

"…They were comrades in the last war." Emiya says.

"…I truly made error haven't I?" Lancelot asks, Artoria's silence all the answer he needs; that and Medea firing a shot of magic through the ceiling to act as a firework.

"You will die here!" Vlad shouts.

"By my Command Seal, find and drink holy water!" Medea says and Vlad starts walking out of the room, looking for holy water, muttering the entire time. Musashi kicks Kojiro out a window.

"Sorry!"

"I'll find you…" Kojiro mutters from outside.

"Musashi, grab Saber premium! We have to go!"

"I am not- wait…premium?" Jeanne asks with rising dread.

"Because you're curvier!"

'Leticia, is murder still a sin?' Jeanne asks as Musashi hefts her onto her shoulder.

'Yes…But I'm not sure God can judge you too harshly after the last few days.'

"…For what it is worth Saint, I would not wish this on you." Saber says while keeping distance away from the fleeing Medea and Musashi.

"Wait…why are we taking her with us?" Musashi asks.

"Look at her. She'll look good in so many outfits!"

"Sweet a model sister!"

"…I think I'm starting to miss being burned at the stake…"



===



"Oh my God…I think that's Medea!" Kazuma says upon seeing the magic salvo.

"…How many Servants does that make now?" Cu asks.

"The better question…is the Witch of Betrayal single?" Fergus asks with a hand at his chin.

"She prefers her guys leaner." Cu says.

"Oh my, I didn't know you already met her~."

"Not like that…I accidentally killed her master who was also her darling."

"Oh…"

"Aqua, use create water!" Kazuma says.

"Why?"

"So Medea can find us!"

"I…don't think that's a good idea Kazuma. Medea isn't exactly the nicest person after her failed marriage."

"We already met before and are basically friends."

"…Figures you would make friends with her. I'm gonna go some distance away so we don't broadcast our hideout's exact spot." Aqua says before casting 'create water' some distance away. A few minutes later Medea arrives with Musashi and a sullen Jeanne.

"How did you get yourself dragged into another Grail War young man?"

"I blame humanity."

"…Alaya?" Medea asks and Kazuma gives a thumbs up.

"…Feel like I'm missing something here…" Musashi says.

"Let me go…" Jeanne growls.

"Not until you try these on!" Medea says, bringing out a bag of clothes.

"Where did that come from?! We didn't stop by a store!"

"It's magic~."

"…Not like this can be any worse than learning everything I knew about God was wrong."

"You weren't wrong. The God in the bible is real." Aqua says, making Jeanne smile with tears in her eyes.

"Oh thank the Lord, it isn't you!"

"Yeah, but he's a real bastard." Aqua says, making everyone but Darkness and Megumin look at her aghast.

"He doesn't really do much anymore aside from drink the best wine, not sharing said wine, and personally 'interviewing' curvy women in his office before sending them to Heaven." Aqua says making Avicebron lean against a wall with a groan, and making Jeanne go limp on Musashi's shoulder while crying slightly.

Shakespeare writes every word, causing smoke to appear from his paper.

"It has to be fake…this can't be real…It just can't…"

"I'm sure you'll meet him one day! You're just his type! He loves busty blondes!" Aqua says with a big smile making Jeanne groan and cry while clutching her head before covering her ears.

Kazuma grabs Aqua's shoulder.

"I think she's been through enough…"

"She religious or something?"

"…She's the Saint of Orleans, Jeanne D'arc." Kazuma says, making Aqua pale.

"…The armor and her episode when she learned you caused the flood didn't give you a hint?" Rin asks.

"She caused what?" Avicebron, Shakespeare, and Mordred ask at the same time.

"I thought she was a cosplayer since she gave us directions…" Aqua says.

"O-on the Brightside, you're not going to Hell!" Musashi says.

"I'm already in Hell…"

'Can't make her dress up now…' Medea thinks with a frown at seeing the Saint smile and laugh with hollow eyes.

"I can show her Heav-"

"Fergus no!" Rin and Cu say at the same time, making Fergus slouch and grunt in sad disapproval.

 

[alextheconqueror]

'…Is there a hero that can do this?' Leticia asks.

'If there is, I have not heard of them.' Jeanne thinks while looking at the rows of geometrical nest houses in dozens of trees, rereading the sign that says 'Avian-lon" before a group of twig suit clad birds fly toward Jeanne, landing on a branch level with Jeanne's face.

Click to shrink...

There's a bird version of the guy with the flute that controls rats? I never remember his name

"Gweetings, Saint of Orleans."

'Awwww!' Leticia thinks in Jeanne's head.

Click to shrink...

That's incredibly cute

"If are you gwing to ask about our new found ability to speak your twongue, even with some troubles, our crow brethren deciphered your language and taught us…as for why, we are nwot entirely sure. We dew have stories from fworefathers, but that is not the purpose in our message to yew…"

"Then…what is your purpose?"

'Oh Lord, I'm talking with birds…'

'…Are we a princess now?'

Click to shrink...

This is not disney, and thank god for that

'Is there a single rule these people haven't broken? Least it can't get more absurd.'

Click to shrink...

When I find it I will tell you

"It is enroawching on our air space and plummeting the value of our homes. We seek your aid in destrowing it!"

"…You're doing this for real estate prices?"

"Ywes!"

Click to shrink...

Understandable, have a nice day

"Is it nwot your role to mwaintain some order in this war? And what order can there be if one side already has a gwail?"

Click to shrink...

Tbf, the black faction was the one that had it before and the battle was to recover it

"The Red faction has a grail? How would that even be possible?" Jeanne asks with crossed arms. The bird tweets and another arrives with a photograph, struggling to fly up to Jeanne with it. On the picture are Shirou, Semiramis, and Gilgamesh talking around a table with the grail.

Click to shrink...

Is this the normal grail or Gilhamesh's grail?

'Are…you ok Jeanne?'

'I just got pigeonholed into helping literal pigeons, and back to dealing with those two walking blonde migraines…I think I'm going to have that backrub when I return.' Jeanne thinks, and Leticia squeals in joy.

'You're no Saint~.'

'I'm not letting you take control when it happens.' Jeanne thinks, making Leticia gasp in horror and betrayal.

'You're no Saint!'

'I never claimed to be one…~'

Click to shrink...

She got you there Leticia

Caelus finds himself in front of Medea's room, still unsure what to say. Fran nudges him.

'It won't get easier if you wait. I doubt she'll attack you.'

"I know…but I am not that good at consoling people…especially for such unique reasons." He says before knocking on the door.

Click to shrink...

You are too good for this war Caelus

"It's open!" Medea yells back in an oddly chipper tone. Caelus and Fran enter the room, both of them stunned at the sight before them.

Musashi is in a checkered two piece race girl outfit, complete with long boots and a flag posing as Medea takes pictures.

Click to shrink...

Knew it, also glad that Medea agrees that Musashi rocks the americanized look

"…I was going to try and cheer you up, but I see that is not needed now." Caelus says, trying not to look at Musashi as she stays leaning on a box, her other twin blades barely contained.

"Oh…I'm actually quite sad…but I know how you can help~." Medea says before looking at Fran, a dress in her other hand.

'Oh God…She's just like Fergus!'

Click to shrink...

Nah, one wants to bed you the other wants to bed/marry you. Funny thing you just needed to say you are not interested and he would stop, struggling against him is like foreplay, like every celts mate ritual.

'…I doubt she'll attack you.' Caelus thinks with a grin, getting a glare from Fran as he is dragged out of the room.

Click to shrink...

I give it a 50/50

"We must return to the castle and-"

"No." Emiya says, cutting off Kojiro.

Click to shrink...

Maintain that attitude, you will need it

"…Can I at least walk?" MHX asks with flat eyes.

"Will you go off and attack someone?"

"…I'll try not to."

Click to shrink...

Let's see how long it lasts

Kojiro lets MHX back on the ground and she tears up.

Then she draws her blade.

"It hasn't even been 5 seconds! What is making you-"

"Archer…" Artoria says, Lancelot next to her with his blade ready in one hand, and an unconscious Gordes in the other as he stares down MHX.

Click to shrink...

Her saber radar is inmaculate

"Why are you so far away from the castle?"

"We are now the F-" Lancelot stops when Artoria presses her sword against his neck.

"That…is not important now. How goes your search for that wretch?"

Click to shrink...

They are french now

"No progress yet."

"Would you welcome aid in the endeavor?"

"Yes…I would like at least one sane person."

"I'm sane!" Kojiro and MHX say at the same time, making the other look flatly at the other.

Click to shrink...

You are not, neither is Artoria

"I'm Emiya."

"Lancelot." He says, taking the hand after dropping Gordes to the ground, freezing at the groan a moment before picking him back up.

'Never expected Lancelot to have such grim armor…' Emiya thinks before filling them in on what little they know.

Click to shrink...

He has a more white knight-ish look as a Saber

"Why won't you die?!" Mordred shouts as she is parried once more.

"How can I die against a pretty girl trying to kill me? What kind of man do you think I am?!" Fergus shouts, momentarily stunning Mordred before they continue.

Click to shrink...

That's Sigurd type of logic, kinda based

"…How long do you think they can keep this up?" Kazuma asks.

"Going by his appearance, I think Fergus can easily go a few days." Cu says.

"I'd say the same with Mordred." Kairi says.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, their endurance is hiiigh

"…So why was the blonde knight panting again?" Jack asks, making Kairi mutter something about walking his skeleton and Cu goes outside.

"She has a habit of lowering her guard on her left side!" He shouts.

"Thanks Cu!"

"Bastard!" Mordred says.

"Isn't that you?" Cu asks with a smirk and one eye closed, making Mordred now take a swing at him and making it a three way brawl.

Click to shrink...

Surprised it took this long

'You bastards left me alone with this question!...But I know how to handle this…~' Kazuma thinks before going over to Darkness and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"She can explain."

Click to shrink...

The brain of the group everybody

Reika pinches Jack's cheek.

"That's enough Jack, you know what sex is, so stop teasing the depraved young man."

Click to shrink...

But little troll Jackie was priceless

"…You do know she is the collective of London's abused and forgotten orphans right? What do you think happened to some of them?"

Click to shrink...

That0s dark

"…So she was just making us uncomfortable on purpose?" Kazuma asks before looking down at a smirking Jack.

Kazuma raises his hand.

Rin points a finger gun at him.

"I was going to steal her water." Kazuma says, making Jack squeak.

Click to shrink...

Not taking any chances

"Thanks big sis!" Jack says, making Rin look away.

Click to shrink...

Her desire to be a big sister overpowered her

"Have you checked the graveyard?" Saber asks.

"He refuses because I suggested that earlier." MHX says.

"Never mind then, I am sure there is nothing there." Saber says, making MHX start to unsheathe her blade again.

Click to shrink...

This is like Abridged Alucard and the Nazis. the fact that both MHX and Crimson Fucker are right make it better

'Not sure I like seeing an alternate version of myself handled by him…especially after what he told me what transpired that one night in an abandoned-' Saber stops the thought when bile starts to rise in her throat. Then she sees Jeanne approach them sullenly from afar.

Click to shrink...

Let's be honest you are just grossed because he is an alternate version of Shirou Emiya

Saber raises her blade.

She feels something warm land on her head, dripping down her face, others nearby looking in shock and disgust.

Except MHX who smiles broadly.

"Oh God…" Saber mutters before another warm plop lands on her head, now making Jeanne smile.

'Worth delaying that backrub~.' Jeanne thinks.

Click to shrink...

Agreed

'Briseur de Serment!' Leticia thinks at her.

Click to shrink...

Why are you calling her Oathbreaker? She wasn't even going to let you take control during it

"…After everything, you think I would agree?" Artoria asks.

Click to shrink...

Weren't you the one that started all hostilities?

"You would have an opportunity to kill the King of Heroes." Jeanne says, making Artoria pause.

"Well?"

"I'm listening…"

Click to shrink...

And that's how you convince an Artoria

"I see little point in this endeavor. Does the Red side even have any Sabers?" MHX asks.

"…They have servants who could become Sabers." Jeanne says.

"Absurd, a Servant can't change class mid war." Emiya says.

"I did." Lancelot says.

Click to shrink...

I still doubt it actually worked

"Yes I became a Caster and got a self sufficient core now without a- woah!" Lancelot dodges Kojiro's blade.

"You must die!"

"Why?!"

"All Casters must die!" Kojiro says as MHX slashes at Lancelot.

Click to shrink...

Lancelot messing it up, story as old as time

"If you can become a Caster, then it is only a matter of time before you become a vile Saber!" MHX says before taking another swing, only to be stopped by Artoria.

Click to shrink...

He is already a qualified Saber though

"You will not harm him. That is my privilege!"

"My king!" Lancelot says with tears coming out of his helm as he holds back Kojiro's blade.

Click to shrink...

This would be more heartfelt if not for how ridiculous it is

Emiya and Jeanne cup their heads at the sight before them.

"Sorry about my colleagues…"

"Don't worry about it…I have little love for those two…"

Click to shrink...

Neither of us

"But I am curious how you plan to approach them when they have aerial superiority."

"They don' have aerial superiority." Jeanne says with a vacant smile, confusing Emiya as another warm dropping land on Artoria.

Click to shrink...

HA!

Astolfo meets them again by the gate, looking flatly at Ruler.

"I really don't think Vlady will take those three back…or these two….how do you keep getting servants?"

"That's not why I am here…"

"…Ok. I'll get them." Astolfo says.

"You're not going to try and dissuade me?"

"It'll be more fun this way~." He says and a few minutes later Vlad is squinting at Jeanne, occasionally looking at Saber.

Click to shrink...

Classic Astolfo

"We are not taking them back…and why are there two more servants?"

Click to shrink...

Are you even surprised at this point? You did the same

"We're Counter Guardians…her as well." Emiya says, gesturing to MHX.

"We are not breaking any rules or threatening humanity." Darnic says.

Click to shrink...

We both know that's a long shot

"…This is…quite a surprise. I do not know what we can do, but we should include Caster and Saber in this discussion. I am sure she can help. Caelus?"

Click to shrink...

I wouldn't do this if I was you

Saber turns to leave the room.

"Where are you-" Emiya starts to ask but Saber ignores him.

Click to shrink...

I'll tell you where, far from here

A minute later, Medea enters along with Musashi in a blue cocktail dress, and Musashi freezes with pale cheeks at seeing Kojiro.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, here it comes

Medea stops upon seeing MHX, smiling at her and making MHX shiver.

Click to shrink...

Don't worry you are a comedy character, she can't mindbreak you or even lewd you, wait this is a fanfic, RUN MHX, RUN!!

"I will handle the Saber."

"No you will not…she is mine." Kojiro says, making Musashi look away a moment.

"…I think I would rather fight the Saber then this grinning Caster."

Click to shrink...

This one is personal

"Allow me to guess…met in the prior war?" Vlad asks with a hand at his head as Kojiro and MHX charge forward, trying to kill Musashi and Medea.

Click to shrink...

More like prior life in Musashi and Kojiro's case but yeah, basically

'Take care of Kojiro, I'll distract her~.'

'I…would rather not fight him…' Musashi thinks while evading and parrying Kojiro.

'What? But you defeating him is a core part of your legend!' Medea thinks while blasting MHX back with a burst of mana.

Click to shrink...

Well, that's male PHH Musashi, female Musashi is a variant that travelled between worlds until she died in Shimousa after fighting Kojiro. and I mean both died as result of the battle

"Enough! We are not here to fight, we have a common enemy and-"

Jeanne startles when Medea suddenly appears in front of her with a jagged knife, bringing the knife onto Jeanne's shoulder, making everyone stare open mouthed.

"Are you insane?!" Darnic shouts.

Click to shrink...

We clarified she is a long time ago

"I don't want to hurt you Saber~." Medea says.

"I'm not a Saber."

Click to shrink...

Yeah we only saw her as a Lancer

"That is not-" Jeanne stops the same time as 31 command seals appear on Medea's arm.

"…What in the…" Jeanne and Medea mutter at the same time in wide eyed shock.

Click to shrink...

And here we are, rule breaking again

"Medea…do you have any idea what you just did?" Emiya asks.

Click to shrink...

No she didn't

"Not an inkling…I thought she was a Saber or Lancer Servant…why are there so many Command Seals?! Who are- AH!" Jeanne's fist smashes into Medea's face, blood dripping down her face now as she returns to the air.

Click to shrink...

See, and being honest kinda deserved

"Die Musashi!" Kojiro shouts while slashing away.

"C-can we do this later, I think we have bigger problems!"

Click to shrink...

Like he cares at this point

"I can't believe I am saying this, but I agree with the Saber! Oh God, I'm gonna be sick…" MHX says, getting a sharpened flag tip near her face.

Click to shrink...

That took a toll on you huh

"Don't you dare use his name you blonde wretch!" Jeanne says.

"Hey, I'm on your side!"

Click to shrink...

As I said before, like she cares a this point

"Three blonde Sabers?!" Medea shouts before shouting in fright upon Jeanne's flag nearly impaling her, instead impaling her cloak to a pillar.

Click to shrink...

Only one of them is a Saber, two if we count Mordred but she didn't saw him, we need to be glad she didn't saw Artoria Lily

"I am a Ruler!"

"That explains the command seal amount."

"…Sounds like you we're a Ruler." Saber says, making a needle eyed Jeanne glare at her.

Click to shrink...

Poking the nest the first chance you got

"By my Command Seal, do not harm Saber!" Medea shouts.

"WHY?!" Jeanne shouts with her soul, making Saber laugh.

Click to shrink...

Huh, deja vu

"Why are you laughing?" Emiya asks.

"When she was my Master, she issued an order that made me react the same way…it is rather delightful seeing the Saint get her comeuppance…or should I say 'justice poetique'~?" Saber asks, the last two words with a French accent, her smile faltering when Jeanne looks at her with twitching eyes…one of them turning yellow for a moment before she takes a deep breath.

Click to shrink...

It's not Poetic justice when you were and still are clearly the villain here, alongside Medea but being in different sides

"What's so important that you need me here? I was just about to finish a gol-" The swish of air breaking near him makes him stop. Looking down he sees his hand with Command Seals over Medea has been cut off.

Click to shrink...

That was completely unnecessary, you only needed to use Rule breaker, you know, like you did with your last summoner


He stares at his stump as Medea takes the hand and soon the command seals for herself, effectively freeing herself of all control.

Emiya, Kojiro, and Saber all pale.

Vlad stands and raises his spear at last.
[/QUOTE]
Why didn't you did something before!? You could had ended this from the start with your broken NP when in Romania!

"…I really do not want to shoot at a relative of Lady Aqua." Chiron says while readying his bow.

"That brat is here?" Medea asks.

Click to shrink...

Appropiate answer to Aqua being here

"My hand!"

"Be quiet." Medea says before making another hand appear on his stump. Roche tinkers with it a bit and shoots out mana from it, now smiling fully.

Click to shrink...

...I'm seeing a pattern

"Oh Gods damn it Medea! I just talked him out of taking pot shots at every possible chance with his other hand!"

"Wait, his other hand is a- actually I don't really care enough….Oh Saaaaaber~!" Medea says while turning around, stopping at seeing Saber raise her blade above her head.

"EX-"

Click to shrink...

This casttle is not surviving more of this

"…It appears Castle Yggdmillennia is in worse shape than we thought. They are missing a wall now." Semiramis says before bright beam of light is seen, making another wall evaporate, and causing everyone to come to the same conclusion.

'Saber is there.' They think with dread.

Click to shrink...

Again, understandable reaction

"Set a course for that castle." He says.

"No."

"I'm not asking." Gilgamesh says.

"I'm not listening!" Semiramis says.

"That's a first." Atlanta says with crossed arms while leaning against a pillar, making Semiramis ball a fist.

Click to shrink...

Ha, got you there

"We have the Grail, we have no reason to seek a fight yet."

"Oh? I'm surprised you are not simply leaving with your prize." Gilgamesh says.

"The Grail is not my only purpose King of Heroes…but I would rather not deal with that Saber or her similarly deranged cohorts at this time…"

Click to shrink...

Shame you are the main villain, you feel like a good fella

"A shame. I have plenty of matters to settle with both Saber and that Faker."

Click to shrink...

Are you still salty about your death and rejection? I mean kinda valid but come one

"Then you will do so on your own." Shirou says, purposefully tapping with the hand that has Gilgamesh's command seals.

"Hmph." Gilgamesh turns and walks to Achilles.

"…I'm not taking you there."

Click to shrink...

Also don't you have Vimana? You know a fucing spaceship that you used as a flying throne because you wanted to stylish

"I see no reason to respect your wishes…or are you really going to try and fight me?"

"…What about Lady Aqua?" Achilles asks, suppressing a smile as Gilgamesh flinches.

"What about her? You expect me to believe you are one of her followers?"

"No, but my teacher was on good terms with her, and I am sure she will be more than open to helping me if she were to hear you bother me."

Click to shrink...

Damm, Achilles disrespecting the king like nothing, this is why you are goated

"Not my fault you made your weakness so obvious…Why wouldn't I go after your… Achilles heel?" He asks with a smile, making everyone groan. Gilgamesh stares at him a moment before leaving.

'The TV is worse, the Shirou is worse, everything in this Grail War is worse…' He thinks.

Click to shrink...

Quantity over quality brother, not my fault you are used to both

"…Is it because of Vlad's recent additions to his legend you are resistant to approaching?" Karna asks.

"What recent additions? I thought he was a warlord?" Achilles asks.

"Yes, but his name is more famous from a vampire novel and subsequent similar works."

"What exactly is a vampire?" Achilles asks.

Click to shrink...

Something like, a syren I guess? I know Greece had a vampire equivalent monster

'This is the worst Grail War…' Achilles thinks.

Click to shrink...

Be glad you aren't in snowfield

"Let me go! Father needs help!" Mordred says as Cu and Fergus struggle to pull her back.

"She does not need help!" Kazuma shouts.

Click to shrink...

She actually doesn't

"If father is using Excalibur, he must be facing a truly troublesome foe!"

Click to shrink...

Or a pest she wants squished

"I agree with him…It would be better to wait for them to destroy each other." Kairi says.

"But we have plenty of firepower! We have 3 Sabers, 1 decent Caster, Jacky, and your party!" Mordred shouts.

Click to shrink...

He even counted Shakespeare

"Don't include my party in plans, it'll only complicate things." Kazuma says, making Aqua pout, Megumin glower, and Darkness moan.

Rin looks at them flatly.

Click to shrink...

He isn't even lying

"…I am decent. Even without my Noble Phantasm-" Shakespeare says, making Jack and Mordred pale before continuing.

"I can enhance items and weapons to damage Servants."

Click to shrink...

Yeah, the writers are OP as supports

"I can enhance items and weapons. If you had a sword I could write about it as a blade that cuts anything, and it would harm Servants even if the wielder is human…that said, it would only be comparable to a C rank Noble Phantasm." Shakespeare says as Darkness grabs his shoulder.

"…Are you able to make a sword able to hit anything despite the wielder's inaccuracy?'

Click to shrink...

Yes he can, and that's just hrunting

"It is for me. Bless my blade!"

'…I'm actually curious if he can override Darkness' inability to hit anything.' Kazuma thinks as Aqua hands him his sword as Shakespeare writes.

"This blade is now blessed with the eye of the eagle, able to hit its mark by reversing causality!" He says and the blade glows brightly a moment, the light slowly fading to a slight glow upon Darkness' sword.

"You uncreative copycat! That's just plagiarism!" Cu shouts.

Click to shrink...

And I'm surprised he didn't go for Hrunting, but yours is better though

"I christen your blade Fenrir's tooth! It can cut through anything!" Shakespeare says as Kazuma's blade begins to glow before quickly becoming dull.

"Strange…the glow should last a moment longer…does your sword already have a name?" Shakespeare asks and Kazuma frowns.

Click to shrink...

Oh poor boy

"I cannot change the name, but I can still enhance it if I know its true name."

"…Chunchunmaru." Kazuma says, getting a few giggles from most everyone present.

Even Jack struggles to keep her laughter in check.

Mordred just laughs outright.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, expected it

"What kind of ridiculous name is that?" Shakespeare asks, paling when a giant earth hand grabs him.

"I chose that name." Megumin says.

"…Did I say ridiculous? I meant ridiculously amazing!"

Megumin doesn't believe him and tosses him into a tree.

Click to shrink...

The name is ridiculous Megumin, accept it

"CALIBUR!" Saber shouts, erasing a wall from existence.

Unfortunately Medea and Jeanne are still alive.

One from avoiding, the other from shrugging it off.

Click to shrink...

Not surprided, doesn't look like that killed anyone besides Gilgamesh

"What?!"

"I am Servant who could easily be in a situation to fight 14 Servants. You think you alone can kill me, Queen of Blights?" Jeanne says, making Artoria grit her teeth before having to dodge a spike meant to impale her.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, Ruler is the second best to fight other heroes, just behind Savers

"This is far enough! Though I can understand your fury Saber, I cannot-"

"HER fury?!" Jeanne shouts, drawing Vlad's glare.

Click to shrink...

Honestly, valid crashout

'J-Jeanne I think you need to take a deep breath!' Leticia says.

'I need to kill something…and I know who~.'

'But what about the Command Seal?' Leticia asks in Jeanne's head.

Click to shrink...

Magic resistance exists for a reason

"…Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?" Lancelot says, drawing confused and enraged looks from everyone present.

"Why do you say that Lancelot?" Emiya asks, his blades in hand.

"Wasn't one of your goals to kill someone? Sure, it's a bit unconventional having Ruler lose her Ruler status, but having another Servant in the hunt for-"

Click to shrink...

I know where this is going and I just need to say, TELL HER LANCELOT!

"Don't say his name Lancelot!" Saber shouts.

"Why? What would be the issue in saying Kazuma's name my King?"

"Kazuma's here?!" Medea asks, making Saber frown.

Click to shrink...

HE SAID IT!

"…They were comrades in the last war." Emiya says.

"…I truly made error haven't I?" Lancelot asks, Artoria's silence all the answer he needs; that and Medea firing a shot of magic through the ceiling to act as a firework.

Click to shrink...

For Saber yes, for me, you did good

"By my Command Seal, find and drink holy water!" Medea says and Vlad starts walking out of the room, looking for holy water, muttering the entire time. Musashi kicks Kojiro out a window.

Click to shrink...

That's diabolical

"Musashi, grab Saber premium! We have to go!"

"I am not- wait…premium?" Jeanne asks with rising dread.

"Because you're curvier!"

Click to shrink...

She may not be a saber but she sure is premium, we also have an actual Saber in Lakhsmii Bai, wich is basically tanned Jeanne

'Leticia, is murder still a sin?' Jeanne asks as Musashi hefts her onto her shoulder.

'Yes…But I'm not sure God can judge you too harshly after the last few days.'

Click to shrink...

If anything he would commend your patience

"…For what it is worth Saint, I would not wish this on you." Saber says while keeping distance away from the fleeing Medea and Musashi.

Click to shrink...

But not enough to try to help her huh

"Wait…why are we taking her with us?" Musashi asks.

"Look at her. She'll look good in so many outfits!"

"Sweet a model sister!"

Click to shrink...

Not surprised Musashi is into this

"…I think I'm starting to miss being burned at the stake…"

Click to shrink...

Harsh but fair

"Oh my God…I think that's Medea!" Kazuma says upon seeing the magic salvo.

"…How many Servants does that make now?" Cu asks.

Click to shrink...

I lost count after 17

"The better question…is the Witch of Betrayal single?" Fergus asks with a hand at his chin.

Click to shrink...

I mean technically

"She prefers her guys leaner." Cu says.

"Oh my, I didn't know you already met her~."

"Not like that…I accidentally killed her master who was also her darling."

"Oh…"

Click to shrink...

Yeah, not the best first impression

"Aqua, use create water!" Kazuma says.

"Why?"

"So Medea can find us!"

"I…don't think that's a good idea Kazuma. Medea isn't exactly the nicest person after her failed marriage."

Click to shrink...

That's downplaying it

"We already met before and are basically friends."

"…Figures you would make friends with her. I'm gonna go some distance away so we don't broadcast our hideout's exact spot." Aqua says before casting 'create water' some distance away. A few minutes later Medea arrives with Musashi and a sullen Jeanne.

Click to shrink...

I mean, are you surprised? They are very similar, though Kazuma is less, you know, "evil"

"How did you get yourself dragged into another Grail War young man?"

"I blame humanity."

"…Alaya?" Medea asks and Kazuma gives a thumbs up.

Click to shrink...

I love how she rolls with it XD

"…Feel like I'm missing something here…" Musashi says.

Click to shrink...

An explanation for later

"Not until you try these on!" Medea says, bringing out a bag of clothes.

"Where did that come from?! We didn't stop by a store!"

"It's magic~."

Click to shrink...

Yeah, that tracks

"…Not like this can be any worse than learning everything I knew about God was wrong."

"You weren't wrong. The God in the bible is real." Aqua says, making Jeanne smile with tears in her eyes.

Click to shrink...

I feel a but here

"Oh thank the Lord, it isn't you!"

"Yeah, but he's a real bastard." Aqua says, making everyone but Darkness and Megumin look at her aghast.

"He doesn't really do much anymore aside from drink the best wine, not sharing said wine, and personally 'interviewing' curvy women in his office before sending them to Heaven." Aqua says making Avicebron lean against a wall with a groan, and making Jeanne go limp on Musashi's shoulder while crying slightly.

Click to shrink...

I wouldn't believe Aqua in Jeanne's place, in part because it's Aqua and in part because I know that the bible god is playing 4d chess against Outer gods to avoid them invading the planet
Yes, this is the lore, yes the angels were made to fight outer gods, and the most funny part, they have a a martial arts style called Jacobs limb and somehow Saint Martha knows it

Shakespeare writes every word, causing smoke to appear from his paper.

Click to shrink...

Not judging him, this is peak for him

"It has to be fake…this can't be real…It just can't…"

"I'm sure you'll meet him one day! You're just his type! He loves busty blondes!" Aqua says with a big smile making Jeanne groan and cry while clutching her head before covering her ears.

Click to shrink...

Not helping!

Kazuma grabs Aqua's shoulder.

"I think she's been through enough…"

"She religious or something?"

"…She's the Saint of Orleans, Jeanne D'arc." Kazuma says, making Aqua pale.

Click to shrink...

And here comes the consequences of your actions

"…The armor and her episode when she learned you caused the flood didn't give you a hint?" Rin asks.

Click to shrink...

She's Aqua, obviously not

"She caused what?" Avicebron, Shakespeare, and Mordred ask at the same time.

Click to shrink...

Story for another time

"O-on the Brightside, you're not going to Hell!" Musashi says.

"I'm already in Hell…"

Click to shrink...

Ouch, this is really her bottom

'Can't make her dress up now…' Medea thinks with a frown at seeing the Saint smile and laugh with hollow eyes.

Click to shrink...

Color me impressed, she have limits

"I can show her Heav-"

"Fergus no!" Rin and Cu say at the same time, making Fergus slouch and grunt in sad disapproval.

Click to shrink...

Not the time bro

 

[l---erddad---l]

I wouldn't believe Aqua in Jeanne's place, in part because it's Aqua and in part because I know that the bible god is playing 4d chess against Outer gods to avoid them invading the planet
Yes, this is the lore, yes the angels were made to fight outer gods, and the most funny part, they have a a martial arts style called Jacobs limb and somehow Saint Martha knows it

Click to shrink...

I believe you are mixing up the Nasuverse with the Dresden Files, possibly from the Nasuverse/Dresden Files crossover where Dresden is summoned in the 4th HGW?

In the Nasuverse, we know less about God than we know about the Buddha, and all we know about the Buddha is that he's real, he's just the canonical-to-Buddhism Buddha, and you can summon a lesser version of him from the Throne of Heroes.

God, meanwhile, we know exists, we know is either an aspect of the Counter Force or is an aspect of the Root. Past that we have very little knowledge about God's actual existence in the nasuverse.

 

[alextheconqueror]

I believe you are mixing up the Nasuverse with the Dresden Files, possibly from the Nasuverse/Dresden Files crossover where Dresden is summoned in the 4th HGW?

In the Nasuverse, we know less about God than we know about the Buddha, and all we know about the Buddha is that he's real, he's just the canonical-to-Buddhism Buddha, and you can summon a lesser version of him from the Throne of Heroes.

God, meanwhile, we know exists, we know is either an aspect of the Counter Force or is an aspect of the Root. Past that we have very little knowledge about God's actual existence in the nasuverse.

Click to shrink...

We actually learned more about Godthanks to Metatron Jeanne and some side lore about Jacob's limbs, like the fact that the angels(who can act as mystic codes as seen with Metatron Jeanne) were made by him, at least the normal ones, we also can inquire from the creation of Jacobs limbs that they are made to be warriors in most parts since Jacob's limb was made from wrestling an Angel.
I'll be honest I don't know where I read the "God is fighting outer gods" but I know it had nothing to do with that crossover, mainly by the fact that I don't even know, read or even are interested in Dresden files nor even knew that crossover existed.
Ngl I use it more as a headcanon than anything since I also am not sure about if it's canon or fanon since how hard it's to differentiate it in the Nasuverse but wouldn't be surprised if it's actually true
Still willing to believe this more than whatever Aqua says though, because It's Aqua

 

[Davos]

These last 3 comments made me realize I need to get back to fgo...At least I think that's where the God lore came from?

 

[alextheconqueror]

These last 3 comments made me realize I need to get back to fgo...At least I think that's where the God lore came from?

Click to shrink...

Mostly yes, also It's weird that I can see God acting as the better Counter force he is and sending someone to mitigate all this train wrecks happening? Only to also take a piece out of Aqua(verbally) who really likes to mud the reputation of any God she can
I can't stop thinking about this, Davos make this happen even if it's an Omake and my soul is yours

 

[Davos]

Mostly yes, also It's weird that I can see God acting as the better Counter force he is and sending someone to mitigate all this train wrecks happening? Only to also take a piece out of Aqua(verbally) who really likes to mud the reputation of any God she can
I can't stop thinking about this, Davos make this happen even if it's an Omake and my soul is yours

Click to shrink...

A very tempting idea.

 

[alextheconqueror]

A very tempting idea.

Click to shrink...

If you do, I recommend you trying with Saint Martha for the funny saint that suplex dragons or Noah because Aqua is here and he was the one to clean her mess

 

[Davos]

If you do, I recommend you trying with Saint Martha for the funny saint that suplex dragons or Noah because Aqua is here and he was the one to clean her mess

Click to shrink...

Hmmm....I do recall liking Martha, but I am unsure about adding even more characters to this ending.

 

[alextheconqueror]

Hmmm....I do recall liking Martha, but I am unsure about adding even more characters to this ending.

Click to shrink...

Fair enough, just an idea

 

[Davos]

Fair enough, just an idea

Click to shrink...

Might make an Omake after the next few chapters before the next ending.

 

[Davos]

"I'm God's type…hehehe…I'm a pretty girl…hahaha…!" Jeanne mutters while enveloping herself in Jack's heated blanket.

"It'll…get better?" Jack says while patting Jeanne.

Avicebron leans against the wall in equal despair.

"…How many tragedies occurred while God was busy?"

Aqua looks to the ground in self reproach, sad enough that Kazuma knows it is genuine and refrains from hitting or yelling at her.

"…I have to ask, why were you so hesitant about fighting Kojiro?" Medea asks, and Musashi scratches her cheek.

"It's…really mortifying to be perfectly honest…"

"But you won. Everyone from Japan knows how your duel ended." Rin says, further deflating Musashi.

"Yeah, that's part of it…"

"…There is a lot of difference between what happened and what is remembered isn't there?" Kazuma asks.

"Yeah…I really don't like talking about it…especially with a motley crew I just met. No offense."

"None taken. I wouldn't share my secrets with this untrustworthy looking man either." Fergus says while punching Cu in the arm.

"Cause you're a paragon?" Cu says, hitting him back.

"I am fairly certain most of us are villains or antiheroes." Shakespeare says.

"I'm not a villain!" Mordred says.

"You directly caused the collapse of your kingdom with your rebellion, including the death of your father." Shakespeare says, making Mordred groan before remaining quiet.

"I'm a Goddess." Aqua says.

"And a fool that causes trouble wherever you go." He answers back, gesturing to Jeanne.

"He has a point." Kazuma and Rin say.

Aqua naturally tears up.

"I'm just a philosopher and poet who dabbles in creation magic." Avicebron says.

"Who would sacrifice a child."

"I chose this!" Megumin says from outside while tinkering with a possible cape of moss.

"…and I doubt I need to explain Medea." Shakespeare says, making Jack stare at Avicebron and Medea.

"…Why are you looking at me?" Medea asks.

"We're a child victim. We're sure you can figure that out." Jack says while pulling out a knife. Kazuma pales as Medea raises her hand to use a command seal.

"And one of the most notorious and infamous killers in the world; only reason you haven't been killed is because you engender sympathy by looking like a child." Shakespeare says.

Jack curls up on Jeanne's lap, enjoying the warmth with a tear in her eye as Jeanne vacantly pats her head as Reika grabs the bard by the neck.

"What the Hell has gotton into you, ya second rate writer?" Reika asks, making Shakespeare gasp.

"How dare you! I'll pen that you have crippling depression and make your life terrible!"

"Been there, done that, why do you think I traveled half way around the world with Jack despite the killing into a magical super war?" Reika says while cracking a knuckle with one hand, making Shakespeare sweat.

"…Would you pardon me if I said it was to vent building frustration and because I believe the final epic absurdity is approaching and I do not want to have regrets by leaving things unsaid?" Shakespeare asks.

Reika smiles before throwing Shakespeare through the window and stepping outside, cracking her other knuckle.

"Kick his ass momma!" Jack says from Jeanne's lap.

"Language…oh it doesn't matter anymore…" Jeanne says.





===

"What do you mean the Ruler isn't a Ruler anymore?! What does that have to do with getting the concept and killing Kazuma? And how would that even happen?!" Alaya asks from a rip inside the castle.

"…After repeated trouble in finding them, we thought temporarily recruiting their aid would find them." Emiya says.

"…I forgot to tell you where they are didn't I?" Alaya asks.

"I thought you couldn't because of a massive influx of mana messing with your senses?" MHX asks.

"Oh, it got better like a day or two ago." Alaya says, making Emiya wince.

"So where are they? The castle in the sky?"

"No, the graveyard!" Alaya says and MHX stares into Emiya's back with the intensity of infinite daggers.

"Not a word, you have been eccentric and semi deranged at best this whole time, how can I have known your Saber senses were on point?"

"Oh I'm deranged?!"

"By your own words, you have admitted to being not of this world." Saber says,

MHX takes a swing at her as Kojiro enters the room.

"If we know their location, we must pursue them and kill Musashi!"

"Not Medea?" Emiya asks with a flat tone, making both blondes pale a moment.

"I'd rather not be anywhere near her…" MHX says.

"Likewise…but it is only a matter of time before she seeks us out." Saber says before extending a hand.

"You expect me to shake hands with a Saber?"

"How about a comrade with every reason to fight alongside you against a shared enemy?" Saber asks and despite the body wide shiver, MHX shakes the hand.

"That said, I need to punish Lancelot first."

Lancelot gasps in joy.

More so when Artoria brings out some chain.

"Tie yourself to the support beam so if you flee it'll crush you." Artoria says and Lancelot does as she orders, making sure the chains are extra snug, ensuring he is constricted.

"…You had no way of knowing the disaster your words would bring, so I do not blame you."

"What…?"

"You are a most honorable knight."

"My King!? Why?!" Lancelot asks, straining the chains and pillar, making dust fall from the ceiling.

"Because, this is the only way you'll truly suffer…as befitting an icon of chivalry."

"Noooooooo!"

'Chiron…I'm not sure why, but this feels very degenerate and something Fergus would do.' Fiore thinks at her servant.

'I don't think Fergus is much for…talking. But I agree. I'll go and get Astolfo so we can use his speed to catch up to-' Chiron stops when he enters the hall, seeing Astolfo slung over Celenike's shoulder, a rag in her other hand .

"…Did you chloroform your servant?"

"He needs to suffer for siccing that blonde knight on me."

"You bunch may want to save the foreplay for later, you can probably still manage a rescue if you hurry."

"This is not that!...but I agree. The Saint needs our help." Saber says.

"Not her, she's useless now! I was talking about the other one!" Alaya says in a chipper tone.

"Other one?" A dozen people ask.



===



"Everyone we have a problem!" Reika shouts upon reentering the catacomb, dragging a bloodied and bruised Shakespeare behind her.

"Is he dead?" Kairi asks.

"No, he's alive, but I'm talking about him!" Reika says and a moment later Kazuma's 'enemy detection' goes insane, nearly deafening him. He cautiously looks outside and sees the cause approaching them at a brisk walking pace.

It is Vlad the Impaler.

"…Why the Hell is he here?!"



===

"Why the Hell is he approaching the graveyard?!" Emiya asks.

"I don't know. Maybe he has Romania Radar? Though I'm sure you'll disregard that too." MHX says while looking squarely at Emiya.

"Will you let that go?"

"Like you did with the objective this whole time?" MHX says.

"…You're as petty as a Saber." Emiya says, making MHX draw both her blades.

"I should have known from the start…you are a vile dual wielding Saber! Prepare to return to the Servant verse!"

'…And I thought I was the Berserker here…' Fran thinks as steel clashing rings out.



===

'…Why in the Hell am I at a cemetery?' Vlad thinks before seeing a dozen persons emerge from a catacomb in the distance.

He recognizes Medea and grins.

'Fate truly works in strange ways…'

"Ok, he is still far away, we should have enough time to-"

"Cruaidin Setanta!" Cu shouts and a beam of light charges toward the Impaler, the heat of the beam burning the ground as it passes over to scorched Earth.

Vlad deflects the beam before it hits him.

"…He can do that?" Cu asks before taking a knee. Kazuma hands him some water.

"He gets a massive boost from fighting in his homeland…and you accuse me of plagiarism with that Excalibur knock off? And talk about uncreative…it has your name in the title!" Shakespeare says from the ground.

Fergus rushes forward, blade raised.

"It is time to find out if I can best Count Dracula!" Fergus says, making Vlad scowl as their fight begins. Despite his bravado, Fergus quickly loses ground. Cu stands up after a drink and runs forward along with Mordred and Musashi, fighting the Impaler four to one and still find themselves on the back foot.

'Why is he here?! Even if he followed the water from Aqua, he should not have been able to disobey a Command Seal!' Medea thinks while firing a salvo as one of the Sabers gets tossed aside.

Vlad dodges it and quickly knocks out another Saber as Megumin approaches in her golem armor, only for it to be destroyed by a dozen spikes, leaving her unharmed but shaken.

Avicebron sics dozens of familiars upon Vlad while also cuffing his limbs in earth. He alternates between destroying a familiar, deflecting an attacks, and destroying the cuffs without missing a step until all of his familiars are gone and the Sabers are further pressed back.

He reaches out and grabs Jack by the throat before she can stab him, tossing her at Mordred, sending the two back before turning towards Kazuma and the others.

'Crap crap crap! Wait he is still far a-'

The next moment Vlad is right in front of them, his prior traveling unseen by them.

He turns towards Aqua.

Shakespeare raises a hand.

"First-"

A spike stabs through his hand, interrupting him from casting his Noble Phantasm.

Medea raises her hand at last.

"By my Command-" She gets punched in the liver and falls to the ground before being kicked by the Impaler, defending herself from his kicks before feeling another leg hitting her… Glancing upward she sees a smiling Jeanne.

"Why?!" Medea asks, getting faster and harder kicks from Jeanne as her answer.

"Great…another deranged blonde…" Kazuma mutters, making Jeanne turn with a crack of her neck, now looking at Kazuma with half yellow eyes.

Vlad resumes walking towards Aqua who is backing away.

Darkness takes a swing at Vlad with her newly blessed blade.

She misses.

"How?!" Kazuma and Shakespeare ask in abject shock.

"….I suspect my high magic resistance is working against your blessing." Darkness says with forlorn expression as Vlad smacks her away, making her crash against a wall.

"Apologies Lady Dustiness, I do not harbor any ill will towards you."

"W-why are you approaching?"

"I do not know."

"Oh it must be because you're undead! Then I have nothing to fear!" Aqua says with a smug grin and fists on her hips as a vein appears on Vlad's head.

"I am not-"

"Turn Undead!" Aqua says, making a sigil and light appear, purifying Vlad the Impaler.

He still remains, unaffected by the spell.

"S-Sacred Turn Undead!" Aqua shouts and the result is the same.

Aqua turns and runs crying.

Vlad also runs.

"Why are you chasing me?!"

"I do not kn-wait a minute…" Vlad says, realization hitting him as he continues chasing Aqua.

"Are you part divine by any chance?"

"No, I'm fully divine!"

"Ah that must be why…"

"What are you talking about?! And stop chasing me!"

"I will after I drink you!"

Aqua screams and runs faster.

Vlad also runs faster.

Medea pales under Jeanne's kicking.

Kazuma reluctantly places a hand on Jeanne, making her slow a moment as she looks at him.

"Can you…give her a minute? I think she knows what is happening."

"I need this…You have no idea what I've been through the last few days. I had to put up with a masochistic knight, an absurdly eccentric young woman, and a horrible blue thing that annoyed me to no end! And that was all before this bitch showed up and kidnapped me!"

"Lady, I'm sure the exact circumstances are a bit different, but you just repeated word for word my own troubles." Kazuma says.

"Oh really? Then where is your-"

"Darkness, you're only good at being eye candy and should work as a waitress in a skimpy outfit back home like the useless help you are to pay for your keep." Kazuma says in monotone, getting a squeak of pure lurid joy from Darkness.

"K-Kazuma! This isn't the time~!...and h-how skimpy will my uniform be?" Darkness says with flushed cheeks, making Jeanne look in open mouthed horror as she turns to Megumin…then to Aqua before back to Kazuma.

"…The kidnapping?" She asks, her kicks slowing down.

"Alaya. I had no intentions of steeping foot in Romania this month," Kazuma says while looking Jeanne in the eye with a sincere expression, making Jeanne stop kicking Medea. She looks at Kazuma with a smile, making him raise an eyebrow.

'…He's kinda cute actually.'

'JEANNE NO! You're having a horrible day and aren't thinking clearly! Control your urges! Think about Sieg!' Leticia shouts in Jeanne's head as Kazuma helps Medea up.

'Oh I am…they both have brown hair, seem to be in similar shape and got dragged into a Grail War…Don't they both deserve something~?' Jeanne thinks back.

'I can't believe I am the one telling you not to indulge yourself…'

'…I could be talked into sharing.'

'Girl, I know you're lying.' Leticia thinks back, making Jeanne glance away from the spiritual stare of distrust.

"So…you have an idea why Vlad is chasing Aqua?"

"Before coming here, I ordered Vlad to find and drink Holy Water as a distraction. I figured he would go to the local church, not hunt down the water Goddess..." Medea says, making Rin pale and look to the side.

"…Rin…" Kazuma says.

"…The priest was suspicious so…I had Aqua flood the church, destroying it…"

"So…he's dead?"

"No, I think he is up there." Jeanne says, pointing to the castle in the sky.

"…Oh God…that means Aqua is the only one who can make Holy Water here…"

"But if he drinks the Holy Water, he'll be free…as well as Aqua." Medea says while looking back at the bruised Sabers standing back up.

"I have an idea." Avicebron says in a deep voice.



===

"You've been awfully quiet today big sis."

"Don't call me that…And I have a really bad feeling." Atalanta says.

"Is because Semiramis and Shirou are alone again and you can hear them after she convinced Shirou to put in a loud speaker?"

"No."

"That's a lie." Karna says, appearing into existence.

"Do you just wait in spirit form or around corners to expose lies?" Atalanta asks.

"No, I am just not that social." Karna says.

"That's a lie." Achilles says with a grin.

Karna also grins.

"Their being alone again isn't the main reason…I just feel something bad is going to happen soon…especially since we haven't heard too much about Mordred after she left."

"Indeed…I wouldn't be surprised if the Knight of Betrayal and her group are planning something…" Karna says.

"It'll be a glorious fight…hopefully without biting." Achilles says before feeling pressure on his arm…a very familiar pressure.

"Quite tasty actually~." Atalanta says, and Achilles turns, pale until he sees Atalanta holding a set of fake teeth on his arm with a big smirk.

"…Low blow sis."

"Bite me." She says while flashing her elongated teeth in a smile.

"You must be quite stressed if you are making jokes like this." Karna says.

"Bite me! I have a great sense of humor!" Atalanta says, making Karna and Achilles look at the other, and nod.

"That's a lie~." They say at the same time, making Atalanta's ear twitch.



===

"I will have vengeance for this humiliation!" Vlad shouts as he continues running on a makeshift treadmill of earth and stone, Aqua sitting just out of his arm's reach, shaking and shuddering at the proximity to Vlad.

"…This feels like a massively stupid solution." Kazuma says.

"And sadistic…It reminds me of Sisyphus…" Medea says.

"I didn't say it was a great idea…I wonder if we can add extra parts to have him generate electricity?" Avicebron says with a hand at his helmet.

"How long do I have to stay like this…? It's scary having him close…" Aqua asks

They shrug.

"What kind of answer is that?!"

"We do have a plan for the morning."

"What is it?"

"Attack that castle." Medea says while pointing to the sky.

"That's too long! Can't you just stab him with your stupid knife and make him your Servant!?"

"I'm not trading Musashi or Jeanne for him!"

"We got two other Casters!" Aqua says, pointing to Avicebron and Shakespeare.

"I am fairly certain he would just kill me or Shakespeare if one of us became his Master." Avicebron says.

"As slowly as possible!" Vlad shouts.

"Now I am completely certain." Avicebron says.

"…Bad time to mention his Madness Enhancement went up a rank?" Jeanne asks.

"How are you even going to get to the castle? Only one of you can fly."

"I…have that covered…" Jeanne says, glancing up at a bird that salutes her with its wing before flying off.

"Before that, we should probably learn why Musashi is wary of fighting Kojiro since he will likely be there tomorrow." Jeanne says, making Musashi groan.

"…Can one of you fight him instead? He'll be a great opponent!"

"No." Fergus says, surprising everyone but Cu.

"Aren't you usually happy to pick fights?" Rin asks.

"I am, but this is one she should handle herself. It's one thing to fight for oneself, it's another to fight for another, especially when they are themselves capable. It sounds like this is a great personal trial you have to face."

"…What if I offer to spend the night with you?" Musashi asks and Fergus shakes violently a moment, torn until he slaps himself.

"Oh wow, you are serious about this if you are turning down an invite…" Rin says with a shudder.

"I know what he is like with women, but he is an honorable man under all that lust." Cu says, making Rin look at him flatly.

"Besides, it is quite likely we will die tomorrow, so I see little point in agreeing to that invite…still saddening though."

"…Fine, I'll tell you why I am so hesitant in fighting him…I…am actually so very enamored of him…" Musashi says before covering her face.