Der Gebogene wird selber Bieger: Kirche the Zero Quest

[mc2rpg]

[X] "Come." It's all that really needs to be said, after all.

 

[Chibi-Reaper]

[X] *Whistle, sharply and loudly in a long and drawn out note*
-[X] "Heel."

It's sufficient!

 

[Arcman]

[X] Oh sacred, beautiful, valiant familiar spirit! Ye who would brave the company of Tristain nobles, who would endure a position downwind from them, who does not know better than to refuse a summons and run for you life! If you would face these perils and are not blind, deaf, and dumb, come!"

 

[Vindictus]

So I guess I'm the only one who wants Kirche to summon the Horde, yes, all of it?

 

[Jans]

Hah!

[X] Plan Chibi-Reaper

 

[Larekko12]

Wait what the... How the hell does this work? How in god's name did Kirche get into here past first year without being a veritable genius of fire magic and not get drummed into making money the merchant way back home?

 

[Chibi-Reaper]

Family wants foreign legitimacy?

Money's all you need in Germania, but other countries look down their nose at you if you don't have the magics?

 

[Biigoh]

And all this time Kirche just wants to make money as a "charming fairy"~

Let's try to derail the plot to get Kirche as a full time employee of the Charming Fairy inn~

 

[Nekraa]

But there is a powerful force trying to prevent her dreams from happening. A dark force known as plot.

 

[Larekko12]

... if you ever, ever expect this thread to have a regular update schedule, you are a hopeless fool.



You are Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst, known as Kirche the Zero, and you are almost free of the stifling hellhole known as the Tristainian Academy of Magic.

Your parents sent you to attend school here rather than in your native Germania out of embarrassment at your continued inability to use magic, along with a hope that a change in scenery might properly motivate you into giving a damn about your studies. After all, there's a Vallière prodigy in your year, here; surely family pride won't permit you to lose to one of those uptight ninnies, right?

Apparently, it will. Louise Françoise Le Blanc de la Vallière is easily top of every class, while you continue to coast on your (considerable) charm... something 'Louise the Blowhard' ("That's 'the Howling Gale'!" ) couldn't do with a thousand years of practice; that Tabitha girl is her only actual friend, as opposed her many hangers-on. She's the one who came up with your Runic name - 'zero magical talent, zero ambition, and zero modesty'.

You don't mind the 'talent' and 'modesty' digs - why argue with the truth? - but you take exception to 'no ambition'. You have plenty of ambition.

And all of it is focused on getting expelled.

If you're expelled, you don't have to answer to anyone anymore. Your parents will stop shoving fiancés twice your age at you - ooh, if you get expelled disgracefully enough they might even disown you! Then you could go work at that darling little inn you found on your last Voidsday excursion and they couldn't say a word about it. Mademoiselle Scarron said he'd hire you in a second; said you'd be the star of the rue aux Suifs.

Now that's something you have actual talent in. That's an ambition you could happily chase.

Click to shrink...

Family wants foreign legitimacy?

Money's all you need in Germania, but other countries look down their nose at you if you don't have the magics?

Click to shrink...

But that's the thing.

Why would they send Kirche here and how would she get in with all of her canon 'ttude and none of the canon world recognized pyrotechnic badass that's respected in Tristain?

Ya know the country they have a history of wars with and general are called barbarians by.

I mean there's the whole well reasoned canon back up of how exact much an unrealized void mage is fucked in a fight which is the major source of Louises troubles.


And Louise was hanging on by the tril threads of over acing theory, being a hop skip and a jump from royalty, and having two Square mage war heroes for parents.

And well is this Kirche even trying? What the hell do the Zerbst have over Osmond that won't get her kicked out if she actively trying to get kicked with the Zero moniker?

Zero Talent, no Ambition, trying to get kicked out, foreigner mage.

What does Osmond already know about the V? Or the Zerbst have a favor owed from the emperor and are getting him to tie her staying in to the treaty?

Cause I'm having trouble seeing why she wouldn't married off to some triangle, being taught to run her he own business to make her own living, or in a convent.

 

[Carrnage]

[X] Storm, Earth and Fire, heed my call!

 

[EnderofWorlds]

But that's the thing.

Why would they send Kirche here and how would she get in with all of her canon 'ttude and none of the canon world recognized pyrotechnic badass that's respected in Tristain?

Ya know the country they have a history of wars with and general are called barbarians by.

I mean there's the whole well reasoned canon back up of how exact much an unrealized void mage is fucked in a fight which is the major source of Louises troubles.


And Louise was hanging on by the tril threads of over acing theory, being a hop skip and a jump from royalty, and having two Square mage war heroes for parents.

And well is this Kirche even trying? What the hell do the Zerbst have over Osmond that won't get her kicked out if she actively trying to get kicked with the Zero moniker?

Zero Talent, no Ambition, trying to get kicked out, foreigner mage.

What does Osmond already know about the V? Or the Zerbst have a favor owed from the emperor and are getting him to tie her staying in to the treaty?

Cause I'm having trouble seeing why she wouldn't married off to some triangle, being taught to run her he own business to make her own living, or in a convent.

Click to shrink...

You see Larekko, this is called a 'plot hole'; something that is very common in comic book plots due to constantly changing writers who don't fully know what their predecessors were trying to portray or were working towards, causing contradictions within the story. This also occurs in fanfiction when one writes about a series they're not too familiar with or a series that's still ongoing and has later plot points that contradict what they've written in the story that covers those same points when they weren't made.

Now, in some cases it is ok to point out the plot hole; but in others, like in this jovial, not so serious quest, it makes no difference and really doesn't matter. So just let your SOD cover this one, lest you act like a Nasuverse Fan pointing out every little detail off.

 

[FurikoMaru]

I knew I was gonna have trouble with you when I started this thing. XD You were the one who had all the nitpicks when I mentioned this idea on SB.

Enda-kun is quite correct. The whole point of this quest is to relax and have a nonsensical time; it's a pretty cracky premise anyway.

However, my personal obsession is with fixing broken things, so let's see if I can't bullshit some answers to your frustrations, shall we?

How in god's name did Kirche get into here past first year without being a veritable genius of fire magic and not get drummed into making money the merchant way back home?

Click to shrink...

The Zerbsts are military rivals to the Vallière family, which to me suggests they have to be fucking loaded; mounts, food, and equipment for soldiers and mercenaries aren't cheap, and the Vallières didn't just suddenly become badass when Karin married in. They're the margraves of Tristain; and if they're that big a deal, their enemies have to be just as capable. If the Anhalt-Zerbst lands aren't as large (and by extension as capable of overwhelming their enemies with numbers), and if they aren't as prominent in their own land with imperial backing as the Vallière have royal, then they have to have money.

If it explains how half-bright rich kids can get into decent schools and programs that they're grossly under-qualified to be in in the real world, it doesn't take much for me to buy it in fantasy-land

Why would they send Kirche here and how would she get in with all of her canon 'ttude and none of the canon world recognized pyrotechnic badass that's respected in Tristain?

Click to shrink...

Her parents aren't quite as strict as Karin (I think we figured that out around the time she threw an engagement back in their faces and they kept paying for her room, board and tuition in a foreign country), and she's seen people of renown and power without magic her whole life before coming to Tristain. Some of them are her relatives, even. There's no reason for her to feel like she ought to have magic to get respect, because the only people who have expressed this opinion are her very worried parents and a bunch of Tristainians. And because she's the heiress of the Five-Towered Fortress, raised to hold her head high and not care about slutshaming or Germania-bashing (because some family traditions have to be upheld, by god! I will tolerate a merchant daughter if I must, but never a monogamist!), why should she care about the opinions of a bunch of Tristainian kids?

Ya know the country they have a history of wars with and general are called barbarians by.

Click to shrink...

There's an amusing pattern in French and German history wherein no matter how much they hated each other and how many wars they fought, there were always German scholars who wanted to study in France and parents who wanted their children to go to their excellent schools. Tristain isn't France, sure, it's Belgium-now-with-Japanese-conception-of-French-ness, but I'm not particularly fussed about it being 'implausible' for the 18th century based on Europe's 18th century to be rather like that 18th century unless specific changes are made in the matter under discussion.

And Louise was hanging on by the tril threads of over acing theory, being a hop skip and a jump from royalty, and having two Square mage war heroes for parents.

Click to shrink...

Is the aceing theory thing canon? I thought people made it up to cover the plothole of how she could go an entire year without learning anything and not get kicked out. And I thought Karin being Louise's mom was on the DL. Well, I guess it makes sense the Headmaster would know, at least.

Anyway, from the writings of Casanova and biographies of every notable 19th century literary figure ever, I get the impression that for the well-organized noble mind, school is one of those things you go through to meet people, and as long as your parents keep paying, the staff will overlook anything short of defacement of school property or knocking up a kitchen-maid. As this whole thing was originally titled Gemütlichkeit of Zero, it is that attitude I shall cleave to.

 

[Biigoh]

FurikoMaru.... if... if you gotta make it plausible... you gotta go full bore!

No panties!

^______^

 

[Guile]

FurikoMaru.... if... if you gotta make it plausible... you gotta go full bore!

No panties!

^______^

Click to shrink...

The one bit of historical accuracy we all care about.

 

[Biigoh]

The one bit of historical accuracy we all care about.

Click to shrink...

Indeed... I mean I laughed at seeing the first night when Louise stripped down in front of Saito... and went... but panties don't exist in those times...

And then !!!!, wait, she stripped naked in front of a guy? XD

 

[FurikoMaru]

Of course not! Kirche has a few pairs of drawers because some boys are into that, but the only people in this who'll be wearing underwear are the maids.

'Cause you've gotta have undies when your job involves crouching and reaching under beds and dusting the corners of ten-foot-ceilings on a ladder and so on.

 

[Biigoh]

Hahahahahaha!!! fanservice!

Maids get bloomers, while nobles go "noble" as the saying goes?

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Y'know....I think I know who I want Kirche to summon. It's deliciously ironic on multiple levels. Hopefully Furiko is familiar (hey-oh!) with the source material.

Flattest succubus ever, lazy, prone to temper tantrums, and yet somehow I see her and Kirche getting along.

Only problem is, well, it's Etna. She's not top dog but she still breaks the power curve.

 

[Pipeman]

Only problem is, well, it's Etna. She's not top dog but she still breaks the power curve.

Click to shrink...

Which would go quite nicely with the theme of ruining Kirche's chances to just drop out.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Which would go quite nicely with the theme of ruining Kirche's chances to just drop out.

Click to shrink...

An excellent point!

We've even seen Etna pull out fire magic. Didn't work on Flonne, but hey, she's got it.

 

[FurikoMaru]

I only know Disgaaa is a thing because Mid-Boss exists and is pretty. Sorry, dude.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

My soul, it is crushed.

 

[Biigoh]

Because in another world, Louise did EXTRA HERETICAL things for big boobs~

http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/196457

 

[Guile]

I only know Disgaaa is a thing because Mid-Boss exists and is pretty. Sorry, dude.

Click to shrink...

I was actually really surprised there were as many Disgaea-fans as there were on this board.

 

[Chibi-Reaper]

Obviously, making it with all the dudes just isn't cutting it to get our parents upset.

We have to start in with the ladies as well. Hell-o- Montmorency~ Is it really so bad if Guiche looks at other women, as long as the other woman is looking at you~?

 

[Larekko12]

Acceptable Comportment of Self.

Click to shrink...

More than Acceptable really. Good work. ;D


[X]By the powers vested in me by the Holy Void, my unconquerable knight who exists in the Comsos here my cry and Come!

 

[Vindictus]

I only know Disgaaa is a thing because Mid-Boss exists and is pretty. Sorry, dude.

Click to shrink...

Crap. You've never played it?

At least watched teh Anime?

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] "Come." It's all that really needs to be said, after all.


There is a loud *BAMF!* Like something out of a play, a huge puff of smoke erupts into being and obscures the summoning field.

O.O Uh... what?

How could you have overpowered the spell? You weren't casting!

"As expected of a Zerbst," Louise says at a volume that, for her, counts as under her breath. "All their magic is good for is... causing... a nuisance..."

She trails off, no doubt seeing the same shadow in the smoke that you do.

... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-

[X] If Kirche doesn't care, why should I? My tastes lean toward wanting a historical figure, but I know you guys have a ton of write-ins held in reserve for occasions like these. My criteria, aside from having to know the source material well enough (I think I can wing it with ZnT, but not with two series at once), are simple.

1) Fuck your feels, I'm not writing Louise or canon-Kirche or Tabitha or Saito or Siesta or whoever as a summon.

2) Vin, you're not allowed to vote for Dante or Alucard. Be patient, I have a Vergil Reincarnation Quest that someone's probably eventually going to convince me to do.

And nope. I tried to get through the first episode of the anime, because I was told there would be a shirtless demon that I saw in someone's distracting forum avatar. And then Flonne descended and I couldn't give a fuck.

 

[Guile]

[X] Is Oscar Wilde historical enough? Because Oscar Wilde, goddamn.