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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Reader mode
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Iwai Tsukuyomi.

"This," the light haired girl said bitterly, picking herself up from the station's floor, "is all your fault!"

"I, I guess so," Negi admitted, coughing some water up before noticing she was still on her knees, feeling all around. He saw her glasses close to him, and so picked them up and handed them to her. It took her a moment of squinting to actually realize what they were, and she put them on with an angry huff. "But, if you'd contacted us and explained yourself...!"

"I still don't understand any of this," Chisame said, helping Misa back up. "Then you weren't trying to kidnap Konoe after all?"

"I was working from inside their organization," the smaller girl grumbled, tossing her wet hair back and fixing it primly. "And I had the perfect chance to stop them tonight! I had just earned enough of Chigusa's trust to be brought for the kidnapping itself! Now, thanks to you, all of that hard work is ruined!"

"I suspect you are still their accomplice, and they left you behind to hinder us," Satomi said coldly, aiming an armored gauntlet at her. "If they truly are professionals, they wouldn't leave anything to chance! Not for all the millions Konoe-san is worth!"

"Money!" she said, slapping the metal extremity aside with surprising strenght. "Do you seriously think this is about money?! Are you just starting in the world of magic?!"

"Um, well, actually," Chisame began, uneasily.

The swordsgirl blinked at her, then winced. "Oh Kami-sama. Oh, don't tell me you're just nobodies who stumbled into this...!"

"Miss," Negi frowned. "There isn't any time to waste, and if you really want to help Konoka-san, we may just be your only option, so you'd better start telling us where they've taken her."

She glared at him before sighing deeply. "Fine. I'm Oneesama's, I mean, Sakurazaki-san's half sister."

"You don't look like her at all," Misa observed.

"My father is a gaijin, okay?!" she explained irritably. "We were raised in the same compound as Konoka-Ojousama for years, but fate conspired against us and I was sent away. Even so, during all the days of my dark path, I never forgot Ojousama, her kindness, her beauty, her devotion towards us, and--"

"Wait," Misa said. "If Setsuna was also raised along with her, why did she just help that witch take her away?"

The short girl shrugged. "How should I know? I was apart from them for years, remember? I literally just said it. It's possible, I suppose, that the injustices she suffered herself from Ojousama's mother might have turned her against the Konoe clan, unlikely as that might have seemed to me before."

"Maybe we should continue this discussion in the hotel," Chamo said, perking his ears up at the sirens of approaching patrol cars. "Just a suggestion, mind."

"Kagurazaka is going to kill us so badly," Chisame shuddered bitterly. "Are you sure we can't just run away and move to another country before she wakes up...?"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.
---

Inugami Moroha.

"You'll never leave this place alive!" the little girl with long black hair grinned, stamping a foot down and blocking the way. "I've been sent to wipe you out! And this wolf never fails to get her prey!"

Haruna, Negi and Chisame stared on, perplexed, at the girl who now closed her eyes smugly, chuckling to herself.

Finally, Haruna made an eerily wide, bright eyed smile and cooed loudly, swinging her hips in place.

"You're so cuuuuuuuute!"

Negi blinked. "Wait... That's the exact same thing, in the same exact tone, you said when you first saw me! I thought we had something special?"

Chisame bopped her fist across his head. "Get back in character, blockhead! Who do you think you are, Anything that Moves you?"

The stranger huffed, puffing her flat chest up. "Cute? Cute, me?! You fool! I'm the Crimson Night Demon of National Destruction!"

"Cute and chuuni too!" Haruna further gushed, with pink hearts in her eyes. "Can you get any better?!"

"Saotome, control yourself!" Chisame scolded her. "You don't even know half about all of this!"

Negi narrowed his eyes, facing the little girl and pulling his sleeves up. "I assume you are allied with Konoka-san's kidnappers?"

"As long as the pay's right and the check clears, I don't care whether they're kidnapping girls, boys, or grannies with adorable kittens!" she boasted, pulling a bow from her back and placing an arrow in it. "If you're thinking of talking me down just 'cause I'm a girl, think again! I'm-- What the hell, can't you see I'm giving a badass intro speech!" she screeched, a foot darting ahead and shoving Haruna back, planting itself in the advancing mangaka's head to push her before she could grope her. "Are you some sort of child predator?!"

"Well, yes, she is, but don't hold it against us," Chisame deadpanned while Haruna staggered back, blinking and nursing the fresh three storied bump on her head.

The girl with the wild eyes huffed. "I see! Well, then I'm working for good after all! The Ojou'll be safer with the old hag than with you!"

Chisame looked at her teacher. "Negi, I hate to admit it, but maybe this pipsqueak's right. Why don't we head back and let them be?"

"Asuna-san will kill us," Negi reminded her, keeping his eyes on the girl's bow and arrow as they were trained on them.

Chisame sighed. "There's no escape no matter what we do, huh..."

"You got that right, Geek Neesan," Negi's apparent age peer said, and shot.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Amagasaki Chigusa.

She staggered through the woods, holding the wound in her side and breathing heavily.

At one point, while supporting herself on a tree, she heard the rustling of grass and bushes behind her, and the blood froze in her veins. The first thing her mind conjured was the Dark Evangel appearing again, then jumping on her to drink her blood and make a mindless thrall out of her. She readied a paper charm, not to fight, but to kill herself before the indignity was visited upon her.

To her mild relief, it was the boy who stepped into sight, similarly battered and sweaty despite the coldness of the night.

"It's over," he told her. "You'll have to surrender."

"I suppose it is so," the woman admitted, exhaling and shaking her head. "But can you subdue me, the way you are now?"

"The others will be arriving shortly," he said, "and you aren't in much better shape. Please. They won't give you a chance to give up peacefully."

"Of course they won't," she replied. "Are they the kind of people you want to be supporting, boy?"

"You shouldn't be talking," he wheezed. "You were the one who has just tried to summon a demon god."

"Yes. That was a mistake, I see it now. I have toyed with forces beyond my capacity..."

They both paused, looking at each other with quiet intensity. She half smiled, sensing something she'd never expected to sense from a gaijin. A certain amount of strange kinship.

"Did Tsukuyomi tell you what happened to her and Setsuna?" Chigusa asked.

"Yes," Negi said. "But that's not the point. The system may be flawed, but--"

"Don't tell me about the system. The system killed my family, my friends, my beloved, when we rose against it. You're still a child. You haven't seen enough yet, of the way the world works."

Negi sighed and looked back. "They're sure taking their time..."

"What do you think the Thousand Master did, when faced with an unjust system?" she asked next, and that rattled him inside.

At his glare, she shrugged, although it ached, doing so. "He may have been a Western mage, but of course we know about him. Everyone does. A champion of the so-called small guy, the oppressed, the underdog. They called him a menace to the order, to the stability, to all what was good and decent." She extended her white hands towards him, with great dignity for someone only clad in the barest rags of a torn kimono. "Whatever you do with me, make sure to ask Konoe Eishun about it."

Negi lowered his head and muttered. "If you ever move your hand against Konoka-san again," he promised, "You'll wish I had delivered you to them."

She bowed. "Thank you." She reached into the rags and pulled a small bottle out, throwing it at him. He caught it in his hand. "That'll help you recover faster, since Ojousama shouldn't be in conditions to heal anyone for a while, after that remarkable feat."

"Hmmmm," Negi said.

"It's not poison. Make them look into it first, if you want," the beautiful lady said, turning around and beginning to walk away from him. "It's just the least I can do for you, after all the problems I caused you. Good night, Negi Springfield. For a foreigner, you are a decent person. Make sure they don't ruin you, as you become a man."

He said nothing, seeing her disappearing into the woodlands, limping slightly with each step. Moments after, Chisame finally arrived, along Tsukuyomi and Haruna, and he let himself drop in exhaustion into his roommate's arms.

But as he did, he could swear he could hear something else, a few more words in Amagasaki's voice.

"We'll meet again, someday..."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Suzumiya Haruhi.

"Why do I have to do this?" Negi complained from behind the dressing screen. "I'm not even sure this is allowed at all by academy regulations!"

"With great power comes great responsibility!" Haruhi said, wagging a finger as the rest of the Brigade stood behind her stoically. "When you signed as our sponsor teacher, you tied your fate to ours! Come out already and let me see what we got! I'm sure you'll sell a lot of copies for us and-- and-- aaaaaaaannnd..." she trailed off as he finally stepped out and into sight.

Negi blushed adorably, the fake bunny ears on his head drooping slightly. "Everyone's just going to laugh at me...!" he said, awkwardly covering his crotch with both hands, feeling himself constricted by the tight fabric of the Playboy outfit.

A thin line of blood trickled from Haruhi's nose.

Kyonko blushed even brighter than Negi, then averted her gaze in panic.

Itsuki raised her right eyebrow with interest. "Ara ara..."

Mikuru began choking in her saliva, hyperventilating.

Even Nagato seemed quietly fascinated, although she still wouldn't move or make any sound at all.

Finally, Haruhi lurched ahead and tightly gripped Negi's shoulders with both hands, smiling stiffly. "On second hand," she said, "we can't just let you walk out like that, you're bound to cause a public catastrophe. You'll have to stay here with us all day long, as a constant reminder of the importance of our mission...!"

"I have to teach classes too!" the boy protested, feeling her hands threatening to crush and snap his shoulder bones.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Tohsaka Rin.

Chamo sighed. "It doesn't work that way..." he said. "Chao-nee said it herself, it only can work to the degree allowed by the Tree's mana output, so it only can take you, at most, a few hours back."

"Eeeehhh?!" Asuna said. "Not fair! I wanted to see the Prohibition era! All those fine looking gentlemen in suits!"

Eva sneered. "You aren't missing out on much."

"I really wanted to see dinosaurs..." Negi pouted.

Rin snatched the watch from his hands and began inspecting it. "Let me see, I wouldn't trust that huckster with anything that she says. She must be fooling you, the principles of True Magic state that only a tiny handful of grandmasters in the world can bend the rules of time!"

Sakura gasped. "Neesan! Perhaps you shouldn't--!"

There was a large flash of light.

---

"That is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard," King Arthur coldly said, majestically sitting on her throne. "Couldn't you have invented something more plausible?"

Negi sighed. "Somewhere, up there, someone must be laughing at me."

"The time travel part, despite everything, I can understand," Rin said, still bewildered. "I'd just like to know, how did it also displace us from Japan all the way to Great Britain!"

Sakura averted her gaze. "It's you, Neesan, no more explanation is needed..."

Asuna smiled coquettishly at an uneasy Lancelot while Galahad glared in silence. "Don't be so harsh on your sister, Senpai, I'm sure she didn't mean to..."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Yukihiro Ayaka.

She sat on a bench by the boulevard, smiling pleasantly as she held Negi's head on her lap.

The boy, still wearing his Tamamo-no-Mae costume, slept soundly, making no sound but that of his soft, exhausted breathing.

Around a corner, hiding in a thick bush, an identical blonde wearing the same Morrigan costume seethed.

"The nerve of that wench!" she whimpered to herself, biting on a white silk handkerchief. "Lustfully holding my Negi-sensei like that...!"

"Iinchou, that's just you from an hour in the past," Asuna reminded her patiently, crouched by her side.

"We must have landed in a parallel timeline!" Ayaka said indignantly, struggling to keep her voice low. "Just look at the glint in her eyes, I never could be that shameless!"

"That's just you, any day of the week, ever!"

After another moment of doubt, the Ayaka on the bench leaned down and daintly kissed Negi's forehead.

The Ayaka watching that nearly shrieked. "She's so lucky.,.! I wish that'd be me...!"

"You already did that, moron!" Asuna slapped the back of her head and pulled the Cassiopeia away from her. "Screw this, I think I'll just give it back to Tohsaka-senpai! Maybe I can meet a handsome pirate now. I wonder what Blackbeard was really like...?"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Artoria Pendragon.

Chao smiled, advancing towards Negi. As the smoke cleared out, he became visible as a small kneeling form, further supporting himself on a hand planted on the cracked ground.

He coughed, looking up at her as she stopped before him. "I win, then," she told him. "As promised, you're going to join me, Negi-bouzou..."

He pushed himself back up and readied his fists. "No, this isn't finished just yet..."

Chao's smile turned slightly sad, and she pulled an arm back, preparing a punch, but then blinking in surprise. Someone had just grabbed her by the wrist, then casually flipped her across the air, sending her crashing several feet away from Negi and the newcomer.

"Y-Your Majesty!" Negi gasped.

Chao sprang back, wincing with pain, and then eyed the short blonde who had just stepped in between her and Negi. "Who are you?" the Chinese girl demanded.

"I am Arthur, King of the Britons," the other female said stoically, in a thick foreign accent that made her difficult to understand. "I am stranded in this time and country because of Professor Negi, yet I recognize a young man of honor in him, and one who has sworn to return us home. He shall not be felled by a social rabble rouser who sells overpriced food, not before we are sent back to the glory that is Camelot."

"What are you saying, our prices are the best in the business! And 'glory' my foot, Camelot was a silly place! All of the serious historical research shows that--" Chao snapped, then blinked and looked at Negi once more. "Wait, King Arthur?!"

"Mmmmm," Negi rasped with a slight blush.

"What in the world have you been doing with Cassiopeia?!" Chao cried out. "Didn't I tell you to be careful with it?!"

"I... I only lent it to Tohsaka Rin-san, and I'm not saying any of this is her fault either, but... things happened, beyond the control of any of us..."

"Any of this?!" Chao yelled. "Things happened?!"

"Aren't you supposed to be a genius?" the blonde asked. "Shouldn't you be able to express yourself better than just repeating what others just said?"

"Quiet, you! I never voted for you!" Chao told her. She ran her hands through her own hair. "No wonder Sailor Pluto wanted to kill me today... How many more have you brought here, Negi-bouzou?!"

Gareth walked in from around a corner. "Oh, Your Majesty, there you are! Please come with me, Mordred's started a fight with Lady Raikou again, and won't listen to reason...!"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Konoe Konoka.

"Chisame-chan told me," she said, advancing towards the edge of the platform Negi was sitting on, "that you are planning to go into this 'Mundus Magicus'. The origin of all supernatural creatures... or something like that?"

Negi sighed. "You're going to try and dissuade me from going too, aren't you?"

"No," Konoka said firmly.

"Then you'll want to come with me, like Iinchou," Negi said a bit irritably. "Look, I'm so sorry, Konoka-san, but this is a family matter, and I can't possibly endanger--"

"There are bird demons in Mundus Magicus too, right?"

Negi paused at the interruption, and bit his tongue before answering reluctantly. "Yes... there are..."

Konoka sat down by his side. "Do you think Setchan might have fled there? To be with her kind?"

"That's highly unlikely," the teacher reasoned, "since Setsuna-san's species is native to Earth..."

"Ah well. Might as well check there too while we are at it," Konoka said, pensively picking a pebble laying nearby. "When do we leave?"

"Konoka-san, please, don't force me to be unpleasantly outright about this. Your family wouldn't approve..."

"Maybe I want to spend more time with you, who are my new family, than with them," Konoka mused aloud, flipping the pebble in her hand. "Anyway, I'm also involved with your family affairs, since you kissed me and thus owe me marriage, so why wouldn't I go with my fiance?"

Negi blushed. "D-Don't tease me right after saying such serious things!"

"Teasing? I'm still quite serious about everything, Negi-kun," she tossed the pebble into the abyss below. "And by the way, so is Tsukuyomi-chan, who is also adamant on finding Setchan at all costs."

Negi felt a blade pressed against his throat from behind, as a sound to make Matoi envious cut through the air. Jiiiiiiiiiii...

Negi dared to gulp, feeling the caress of the edge. "Next week."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Nekane Springfield.

"I must say you have impressed me," Tsunetsuki told her as they bathed. "I have loved deeply, often and very intensely, but even I never went as far as to travel overseas, disguising myself as a man, and stalking the night fighting the supernatural just to be close to a loved one."

"That... That's all just familiar love, however!" Nekane said.

"Why, I never implied otherwise," Matoi said with airs of innocence. "What made you think that was what I implied...?"

"Um, I'm so sorry to point this out," Ai piped in shyly, "but actually, you once did try to ship yourself to England after Lelouch-san, and you have dressed as a man to follow a c-crush before, that time you--"

Matoi placed a hand on Ai's mouth, watching how a blushing Nekane sank into the bath water to her nose. "Quiet now, Ai-chan, you're derailing the conversation..."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Louise Francoise le Blanc de la Valliere.

"Back off, commoner!" the pink haired petite said, pushing the big lug back with a hand, making sure only her fingertips made contact with his chest. "And mind your manners when talking about him! He is Nagi Springfield, my powerful familiar, simply the best of the best!"

After the predictable massive brawl was over, Negi sighed, walking away from the inn with Louise. "I don't get it, Master," he said. "You always keep telling me I'm only a dog, but then you claim I'm the best of the best and I deserve respect?"

"Well, of course that, to me, you're just a dog…" she began, haughtily as ever.

And then she glanced back at him over her shoulder, favored him with a beautiful smile, and winked an eye. "But being mine, you're a dog with the best pedigree ever!"

He smiled back, despite everything.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Skuld.

"... how could you?" Negi said after several moments of shock. "How could you even think about doing that to Asuna!?"

The young goddess glared at him. "I'm sorry," she said coldly. "But can you blame me? If you had to sacrifice her for Nekane-san and a whole world, you would do the same thing. Belldandy is my sister. I have always made it clear to all of you, she is my first and only priority."

"Asuna trusted you!" Negi said, struggling against his binds.

"Don't try to guilt trip me," Skuld hissed, "and don't even hope you'll free yourself either. Your transformation was incomplete, precisely because of Asuna herself! But even if you had reached the same evolutionary level as Evangeline, those are literal Divine Chains. Programmed from the Code of Yggdrasil itself! Just let me work in peace, Negi. Even Asuna herself will agree."

Stubbornly, he kept on pulling, electricity running through his body, lengthening his hair. His teeth clenched. "There's always another way..."

"Yes, yes, ask Chao if those will work," she told him, tapping a foot down. "You're so foolish! Nothing but a child, running into a situation you don't understand. For a thinker, you're as dumb as your father, or Rakan, at the end of the day. You don't even have any idea how you will deal with this!"

"If... If you only helped me..." he said, pleading with his eyes, which surprised her. Even knowing of his patience, she had been expecting for him to hate her at this point. True, there was a tense determination on his face, and a steely snarl to his voice. But his eyes spoke of frustration rather than actual anger, and above it all, they begged rather than demand. They reminded her of Belldandy's eyes whenever she actually-

No, she told herself, shaking those thoughts out of her head. No, she had to stay her course. She would succeed where Chao had failed. That was the only possible outcome.

"It's you who doesn't want to help me," the young goddess said, turning around and beginning to walk away. "Your unfortunate opposition will make it difficult to retrieve the Key, but I have a secondary plan. Even if you won't, the rest of the team will surely-"

Then the floor trembled, and she stopped abruptly.

Skuld glanced back over her shoulder, startled. The chains she had forged herself with her expertise, perfect duplicates of those that would restrain even Heracles, were cracking at his pulls.

"No," she said. "N-No, why are you doing this-?!"

With a fierce light in his eyes, and a new power surge through his body, Negi flexed his muscles, jerked his arms, and the chains shattered.

As the pieces of her instrument flew across the chamber, Skuld marveled at his idiocy, and wondered about its limits, if there were any.

She knew she had to hate him now, if he was going to stand in her way to Belldandy again.

But she couldn't help but admire, to some degree, the strength of a love almost as powerful as hers.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Narutaki Fumika.

Negi smiled at her. "How are you, Fuuka-san? It's so good to see you again..."

The girl lost her own radiant smile. "Sensei... I'm Fumika! How could you forget, you always could remember us before!"

Negi paled starkly. "Oh... Oh! S-So sorry about that! It's been so long, longer than it seems...!"

"You've been gone only two weeks!" Fumika protested.

"It's been several months for us, longer than Sensei's been teaching us classes," Chisame explained tiredly. "Were this a manga, this would've taken about half of the run."

"Oh... seriously?" the small pink girl nodded.

Chisame and Negi nodded.

Fumika rubbed her chin pensively. "I guess that explains why Yuuna-chan's boobs have grown so much so quickly."

"I'm glad you've noticed from just a glance, but there's still a floating fortress full of demons above us!" Yuuna said, shooting another incoming wave of minor flying creatures. "Can we go back to that now, please?!"

So they did. Yuuna could be a real spoilsport when she wanted to.

---

Narutaki Fuuka.

Fuuka blinked, bewildered, and her jaw hung loose.

"N-No way!" she gasped. "All of that happened behind our backs?!"

Negi nodded reluctantly.

"You hid all of that from us, the whole time?!" Fuuka demanded further.

Negi nodded again.

"How dare you, Negi-kun!" Fuuka stomped a foot furiously. "You've taken the whole lot of us for fools! You never took us to risk our lives in romantical magical adventures! Girls!" She turned to the rest of the class. "Let's take revenge on this enemy of all women, chasing him all around the campus!"

"What a dumb thing to do, what's the point?" Haruna asked.

"I'm not chasing anyone, I was told long ago," Misa said.

"Ditto for me," Makie nodded.

"It took a bit longer with me, but I've sorta coped with that since," Natsumi said.

The twins stared on before turning slowly to Kaede with a faint air of suspicion.

"Kaede-nee...?" Fuuka whined.

Kaede smiled apologetically. "This one is sorry, Fuuka-dono. But this one has known since the trip to Kyoto."

Fuuka screeched, pulling on her pigtails. "NNNGHHHH! We've been robbed! We even got our segments after everyone else, and they both suck!"

"Actually, I don't even have mine yet," Yue said quietly.

Regardless, Fuuka and Fumika spent the rest of the day chasing Negi across the campus by themselves.

"What a stupid thing to do, really," Haruna said as she watched on, eating detachedly from a bag of Cheesy Poofs.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Itoshiki Nozomu.

"I loved your father," the pale, black haired woman confessed finally. "No, not like I'd love my brothers. Not like I'd love a friend. I came to love him like a woman loves a man, with all the passion of my young heart. But alas, he only could love another, the truly remarkable woman who would become your mother..."

Predictably enough, she threw her hands up and all elegance and composure were forgotten with her scream. "I'M IN DESPAIR! BEING SCORNED IN LOVE HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"Oh dear," Negi said. "So it was that... It was... my father's fault? Did his rejection push you into this constant suicidal state?"

She looked at him. "Eh? Oh, no, I already had a death wish when I first met him." She smiled nostalgically. "I tried to convince him so we'd die together, but he only called me a kid and told me to look for professional help..."

Negi's eyes became two tiny dots.

The female teacher hummed, stroking her chin. "Do you think that might have had something to do with his refusal...?"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Shizuki Hitomi.

Sayaka smiled to herself, tightening a fist close to her heart as she walked on.

"I'm going to do it," she decided, happily swinging her school bag in the other hand. "I'll move on from Kyosuke-kun! Yeah, I'll forge my own fate from now on! The competition will be tough, but they don't come any tougher than me!"

"Good for you... I guess..." Kyoko said, half apathetic and half genuinely hurt, as she marched behind her, holding her bag in both hands and keeping both arms folded behind her back.

"Negi-sensei!" Sayaka said, pushing the door of his office open. "I, I have something important to tell you...!"

Then her eyes became two large saucers.

"Aaaaaaaand PACTIOOOOO!" a small white animal was cheering, waving two small fans in his hands while Hitomi and Negi kissed in the mouth. Then he stopped and looked at the two newcomers. "Eh? Oh, it's you..."

Kyoko lifted an eyebrow.

Negi pulled back from the kiss as Hitomi eagerly caught a card floating from above. "Huh? Oh, oh, Miki-san, Sakura-san, this... I can explain, if you'll just let me--"

Sayaka screamed.

---

Somewhere else, Kyubey lifted his head. I feel a great disturbance in The Force... A major missed opportunity of--

Homura squeezed him under her foot again. "Don't even think about it."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Katsuragi Misato.

"Major!" the boy hastily said, falling into a rigid military salute. "Sorry, I hadn't noticed you were here!"

"Hm?" the dark haired woman turned back from the hallway's water fountain, then returned the salute playfully. "Oh, hey, Negi-kun! What are you doing here?"

"I… I was bringing Satomi-san her dinner," he told the laboratories' military liaison. "You know, she often forgets it if we leave her to her own devices…"

"Ah yes, her literal devices," Misato tossed the now empty paper cup in the trash bin and scratched herself on a cheek. "On the topic of girls who are real cases, Negi-kun, you're heading back to the dorms now, aren't you?"

"Why, yes," he nodded.

"Good, then you save me a trip." She reached into a pocket of her jacket and handed him a plastic card. "Rei-chan left her ID during today's tests, would you mind giving it to her on your way home?"

"I'll be glad to." He smiled, and after a few more casual exchanges, the boy left. It was only then that Ritsuko peeked out the next cubicle.

"A reliable child, isn't he?" the doctor mused aloud.

"Yeah, you bet," Katsuragi nodded with a pleasant smile, still looking the way he'd taken. "Even Asuka… well, she tolerates him, and she hates all other children."

Ritsuko stepped closer, pouring water for herself. "Rather mature for his age."

"Yes," Misato agreed. "I bet he'll be a real hottie, too…"

Ritsuko looked at her in a mixture of amusement and criticism.

After a moment, the other shoe dropped, and Misato waved a hand. "H-Hey! I'm not desperate enough I'd jump on a kid! I'm just saying that, someday, he might be what Asuka-chan needs…"

"Or Rei," Doctor Akagi pointed out dryly.

"Yes. Or Rei."

There was a moment of silence.

"Ours was an unlucky generation," one of them said then.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Kitami Reika.

He showed up in her office, holding a golden watch with a long chain in his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said, head low. "I tried to save you."

She looked up from the medical papers she had been examining, since for all her flaws she still did her job and did not spend her whole day plotting evil. "What are you talking about?"

"I tried to bend the rules," he said, making even less sense, "I even found a way to go twelve years back, but... all it did was create an alternate timeline. I'm so sorry."

The blonde folded her arms on the table. "Wait a second. Are you trying to tell me that's some sort of... time machine?"

He nodded.

"That's True Magic, how could you even achieve it?" she asked, visibly interested.

"It's a gift from a friend," he answered. "But don't even think about it. Like I just said, it doesn't actually change your past."

She stood and moved around the desk to encircle him like a shark. "Am I supposed to believe that, after all I did, and how hard you fought to stop me... You still went to the past to save me from this fate? That's even harder to believe than the True Magic compressed into a watch."

"I saw the kind of person you were back then," the boy replied. "A person I always suspected was there, inside of you, since I first met you. All this did was confirming it."

"You're a fool," she shook her head as she placed herself on a knee before him. She grabbed him by the shoulders. "Negi. I cannot be saved. I'm a soul of pure evil, tainted by the devil herself. There's no point in going back. That girl is dead forever."

"I still won't believe that," he argued. "Nobody is pure evil. I have seen pain and regret over a misspent life even in the Joker's eyes. And yours tell me that--"

She just placed a finger on his lips. "Nobody can save me," she said, matter of factly.

And then, much to his surprise, she hugged him tightly. "But if anyone ever could, that would be you."

She sobbed over this lost soul, and placed his face against her shoulder.

"Of course," she added, "if you still want to help me, you could provide me with one of your students so I can possess her body."

"I told you before, Sensei, that's out of the question. Besides, I don't think there are any virgins in the classroom anymore."

"Well, that's also partially my fault, I suppose..."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Cocone Fatima Rosa.

"Did she ever tell you about them?" Negi asked Misora as they waited.

"Nope," Misora said. "As you might have noticed, Cocone-chan keeps things to herself."

"I don't why, but I was under the impression she never even knew them. You?"

Misora shrugged. "I must've figured out they'd be important, if she was chosen for the Immigration Program. I mean, even Siesta is…"

"Hmmm," Negi said, folding his arms. "Of course, this makes no difference for us."

"No. No, it doesn't," Misora agreed.

Cocone walked out and took each by a hand. "They want to meet you," she said as quietly as ever, pulling them in and past the gates, despite Misora's brief shudder of protest.

Misora had never liked creepy places of death like this one, but she still didn't voice her discomfort as Cocone brought them before the two large coffins bathed on bronze at the deep end of the mausoleum.

"Mother, father," the tiny brown girl said. "These are the people I love."

Now, this, on the other hand, was enough to make both Misora and Negi yelp in surprise.

---

Sextum Averruncus.

"How dare you?!" he raged as his fist exploded against her face again.

She retaliated with a kick to his stomach, her sole blowing the midsection of his shirt off. He barely was pushed back. And while she was not going out with lethal force just yet, it was a remarkable testimony of how powerful he had grown, so soon.

A truly fascinating individual, after all.

"They are my partners!" he roared, lighting trailing after him as he tackled her into a mountain. "You will not hurt them!"
If only he could be converted for the cause…

Then exchanged brutal blows that rattled the whole landscape. The icy vapor emanating from her clashed with the fiery crackles surrounding him, wrapping them both in a heat the exposed flesh amidst their battle tattered rags could not diminish.

This was something the sixth unit had never experienced before.

"Negi-kun!" came Konoka's shout from far below, as they collided in midair. "They're okay! They all will live! Please, don't get yourself killed!"

The words barely registered, as the two young titans hit each other until collapsing, plummeting together in a heap at the middle of a large crater. A crater that hadn't been there moments ago.

They breathed hard, looking angrily into each other's eyes. The anger was mostly his, but she also experienced this new feeling of outrage, of being challenged by a lesser, and mostly, of being topped by a mere man.

"I hate you," she decided, taking advantage of the pause to gently stroke his bloodied cheek with a hand. She felt something prodding against her lower front as they were face to face. Although inexperienced, she was intelligent. She knew what that was.

A whole new world, this one he was showing her.

"I hate you, Negi Springfield," she said, and kissed his mouth passionately, exchanging the blood coming out of them.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Karakuri Chachamaru.

As they sat at the table eating, Sakurako asked, "Chacha-chan? You can eat, just like any of us, so... I hope you won't mind me asking, but do you go to the toilet? I've never seen you going there..."

Chachamaru finished with her latest mouthful before answering properly. "No, Shiina-san. I do not defecate or urinate."

Misa raised an eyebrow. "Then what do you do with everything you eat and drink? It has to go somewhere, right?"

Hakase smiled. "I'm glad you asked. Chachamaru, show them!"

"Yes," the gynoid said, pulling her shirt up, and a set of two small faucets came out of her belly.

"Everything ingested by Chachamaru is processed by her body into a highly nutritive protein drink I consume regularly!" Satomi said proudly. "It's approved by the State Committee of Health, even! You're welcome to taste it as well!"

All the other girls recoiled in shock and, in most cases, disgust.

After a few moments, however, Haruna shrugged, grabbed a glass, and began pouring for herself. "Eh, why not! I'll try anything at least once...!"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Megumin.

Louise came back from bathing in the river, a towel wrapped around her body as she dried her hair with another.

"Hey," she asked the girls around the campfire, "where are Negi and the delusional one?"

From around the hill, there came a hiccuping, orgasmic scream of "E-e-E-e- EXPLOSION!" followed immediately by a gigantic boom that startled Louise.

Asuna sighed, pulling the fish out of the fire. "Guess..."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Yuuki Riko.

Haruna paused in surprise at his confession, then shook her head gently.

"No, I'm sorry," she said, much more softly than her custom. She ran a hand down her face. "I'm so sorry, but... I can't commit. Maybe if you'd asked first..."

"You already have someone else," he said, sounding and looking as if the life had just been crushed out of him,

She smiled sadly. "Yes. It's a relationship that... we got into during our class trip."

Rito's mind boggled at the mental image of Haruna-san hooking with one of her classmates. But which one? One of her library colleagues, no doubt...

Not that it mattered. Not as she leaned over to kiss his forehead. "I hope you'll get yourself a better girl," she said. "You deserve it, Senpai."

And she was gone, just as he dropped to his knees. He'd been so devastated that he didn't even trip and grope her ass accidentally on her way out.

Over the next few days he just went through life like a zombie, worrying Mikan and Nao. He wouldn't say why, but he didn't need to, as they both knew him better than he did. They figured out it was for the best. That he, like Haruna-san had hoped, would find himself a better girl at some point.

They were right. They just had no idea of how.

"What does this one do?" Rito said apathetically, holding one of Lala's devices. "It'll turn me into a dog, a mouse, or what?"

"Oh, no, no, far from it!" Lala said. "If activated, it'd simply change your gender to that of a female!"

Rito raised an eyebrow. "Would it...?"

In a pretty short skirted dress, she introduced herself to Haruna.

"Excuse me... Do I know you?"

"Haruna-san... It's me! Yuuki Rito!"

"Ah, Senpai!" she said, sounding fairly less surprised than she'd expected her to be. "No joke? Is that really you...?"

They went to sit by a playground, and Haruna laughed lightly at her naivete. "So, did you think... Oh, no! No! I mean, you could say that yes, I also like Nodo-chan and Yue-chan that way, a fair lot, but... I was meaning a boy back then, actually..."

Rito felt herself just as shattered as the first time. "What...?!"

She'd made this sacrifice for nothing. How stupid. Mikan and Nao had warned him...

She was about to cry, cursing her own idiocy, when Haruna stroked her cheek and, much to her shock, kissed her mouth.

"But now, like this, we can be together..." she purred. "Tell me, can you change back into a boy, too?"

"Ah! Ah, ah, I think Lala could fix something...!"

"Good." Haruna kissed her again. "Negi could use a support cock for us as much as he could use your pussy."

Rito panicked inwardly, rattled to her core by what this beautiful, depraved creature had just decided for her fate so casually, but then, before that outrage could be expressed, she was kissed again, and she knew she had lost that hopeless battle for good.

The things we do for love.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Lois Lane.

She breathed heavily, laying by his side and resting one of her arms on her forehead.

"Oh damn," she said at last. "When will I stop taking personal interest in my stories? Perry's gonna kill me..."

"I'm sorry," the boy she'd been sent to interview about the Blue Mars project said very quietly.

"No, no, it's my own fault," the woman said, reaching for her handbag and lighting a cigarette up. As she puffed nervously under his worried gaze, she smiled shakily. "But I've gotta tell you, that's the best time a man's ever shown me..."

Negi sighed. "There's no need to lie, Miss Lane. I know there's no way I can compare to Superman."

She blinked at him. "What does Superman have to do with any of this?"

"Um, well, you know."

"Oh... Oh! Oh, they buy that tabloid crap even all the way here?!" she marveled. "Well, I guess it makes the Internet rounds all across the world anyway. Negi, there's no need to believe all you hear in the news. Superman? Superman would rip me by half! I mean, he's Superman! Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex! What would we do, doing it with kryptonite under the pillow? That'd kill him! We're good friends, of course, but he's actually with Wonder Woman."

It was Negi's turn to blink in surprise, too distracted to even ask about red sunlight radiation. "Wonder Woman? Isn't she with Batman!?"

"What have I just told you about rumors and so-called news on the love lives of the famous...?"

"Negi-kun!" Asakura stormed in, panting eagerly. "Here you are! Chisame told me THE Lois Lane came to interv-- v-- vuhhhh---" she trailed off, looking at their naked forms in the bed.

Negi blushed and coughed into a fist. "Miss Lane, this is Kazumi-chan, a major fan of yours, and--"

Kazumi fainted on the spot with a gleeful loud sigh.

"-- she'll probably want a threesome when she wakes up, but I'm sure you don't lean that way," he completed stoically.

Lois shrugged, blowing smoke from the cigarette. "She's cute. Not as cute as Supergirl but she'll do."

He was bewildered again. "You and Supergirl?!"

"I've just had sex with you, is she that surprising then?"

"Yes! Because, wouldn't she rip you by half?!"

"Of course not, what kind of dumb question is that? Supergirl doesn't have a penis!"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Anya Yuriana Cocolova.

He paced back and forth across the room.

"I've something to tell you, Anya…" he said to himself.

He ran his hands through his hair. "No, no! She'll only tell me I've never been a man!"

He tried again. "Anya, first of all, let me tell you that while I appreciate you, you have no real saying on how I live my life, anymore than I have with yours…"

He bashed his head against the nearest wall. "Aaarrgh, that's even worse! How rude!"

He gulped and breathed in. "Anya. A growing boy has needs you'll no doubt understand despite not sharing them, and my partners—"

He groaned. "That only implies they are in better synch with me than her! It may be true, but she'll never forgive me! So how do I tell her…?"

Then Anya burst into the room, wrapped in flames all over. "NEGIIIIII!" she roared. "I'LL KILL YOUUUUUU!"

Ah, of course. The girls had saved him the effort.

How nice of them, he thought as her flaming foot connected with his face.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Kagurazaka Asuna.

Ayaka-chan had been very sick for weeks. She had stopped coming to classes, and the best doctors paid by her family couldn't do anything about it.

Then, one morning, Asuna-chan and Konoka-chan had arrived in a visit, and Asuna held a large, steaming bowl in her small hands.

"Hot porridge," the expressionless redhead said, prodding a large spoonful, thick and smelly, against Ayaka-chan's pale lips. "It'll make you better… not that it could make you any worse."

Ayaka-chan averted her mouth. "I'm not hungry," she said weakly, and that had been an uncontestable truth for weeks.

Asuna-chan simply shoved the spoon into Ayaka-chan's mouth, and then bopped her on the head with it. "Kono-chan worked hard on this! Eat!"

The maids moved ahead to punish her, but Mr. Yukihiro stopped them with a hand gesture.

Whimpering, Ayaka-chan accepted the next spoonful, and the one after that, and so on.

The day after, the child felt much better, and the day after, she was walking around. She retook her spot as the Iinchou the next week, and for a while, she was nicer to Asuna-chan.

Mr. Yukihiro called Konoka-chan aside. "Thank you very much, Ojou-chan," he told the little cherub. "How can we repay you?"

Konoka-chan smiled. "There's no need! Actually, Asuna-chan did most of the work…"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Ishtar.

Skuld watched warily as her newly manifested fellow goddess tested her new body, first stretching her limbs, then arching her back sensually, making Negi and even Rin herself stare in silence.

"You... You look like me now," Rin could say at last.

"Such a mistress of the obvious," Ishtar said. "Thankfully I didn't select you for your brainpower."

"Why... Why did you make yourself look like me?!" Rin gasped.

"I am going to need a physical body if I am going to manifest myself in this world for long, and naturally, I couldn't copy Skuld's appearance, or the boy's," the goddess said aloofly. "You should be thankful for this great honor, mongrel!"

Rin winced. "Out of all insults... that's the only one I really don't want to hear from you or anyone else at all ever again..."

"They are more alike than either cares to admit," Skuld nodded.

Ishtar frowned, then slapped the back of Skuld's neck. "Ow!" the Norn said.

---

Ereshkigal.

Skuld facepalmed. "Not this again..."

"Behold, my new form!" the goddess gestured grandly, arm sweeping up. "It is a step down or a dozen from my actual self, but--!"

"You too?!" Rin stomped a foot down. "Look, I know that maybe I should be flattered, but--!"

Ereshkigal silenced her with just a curious stare. "What is this 'you too' business?"

"Your sister also adopted Rin-san's shape," Negi said.

Ereshkigal cringed in disgust. "S-She did?! Oh, that miserable wench...! That tart...! Always doing the same thing, wearing the same dresses as me whenever Father would throw a party...!"

"This time's not her fault though, she did it first," Skuld deadpanned.

Ereshkigal flickered a finger against Skuld's forehead and dropped her on her back onto the floor. Negi gasped aloud.

"This is why I hate goddesses of the dead!" Skuld shouted from the floor.

"I see I have no choice but to change to a new form then," Ereshkigal said proudly. "It will not do, having the same disgusting face as that inferior, troublesome useless goddess...!"

"That's my face you're talking about!" Rin growled.

"And even us can't change to another physical form once we've settled for one!" Skuld said, as Negi helped her back up. "Who do you think you are, Zeus?!"

Ereshkigal gave a haughty smile. "It is a child's play for me, fool! Observe!"

She snapped her fingers, and her own hair turned blonde.

"... you've only changed your hair color," Rin said.

"That's all she can do under the circumstances," Skuld said.

"I look completely different now!" an offended Ereshkigal lifted her nose. "Not even Ishtar will recognize me under this guise!"

Rin began tugging on her own hair. "That's it, damn it! Enough is enough! When we get to Kama's temple I'm just showing her a picture of Sakura and telling her to just go with that!"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Harleen Quinzel.

The Joker began advancing towards him, nonchalantly. "I heard Harley's hanging around your little gang now," he said.

Negi narrowed his eyes. "That's no business of yours."

"So uppity!" the clown said, unafraid. "Back in my day we respected our elders! Well, some of us did anyway. It may shock you, but I was more of a delinquent. I think. Anyway—"

"You should surrender now," Negi said patiently.

There was a low, raspy chortle. "You act more confident than the last time we met. And the girls around you… I can smell the upgrade from the whole lotta you, yanno. I've seen a lot of weird crap, kid, and—"

Negi raised a hand. "Stop. I'm not interested on what Haruna calls Hannibal Lectures."

The chortle grew into a short, sinister burst of laughter. "Even using your yobisute now! I knew it! Let me tell you something about Harley that will shock you, she—"

Negi punched him in the teeth.

Really, children nowadays. They couldn't get the protocol correctly, ever.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Murakami Natsumi.

"I'm going away," Natsumi told him one afternoon, as they sat in the garden.

He smiled sadly, patting his knees. "Well, we both knew that would happen. You're returning to Earth, right?"

"Ah-hah," Natsumi said. "With Negi-sensei and the others."

Drake patted her shoulder. "That's your home, you belong there. Just remember to write, okay?"

Natsumi sighed. "You've been so good to me, Mr. Mallard. Please don't get mad at me..."

He blinked. "Why would I?"

She explained everything, reluctantly at first and without ever looking at his face. From the brief coughs and muted gasps she heard from him, however, she could realize his feelings just as clearly. By the time she was done her voice was more steady, but she still felt sad and ashamed.

"W-Well?" the freckled girl asked. "I'll bet you hate me now, don't you?"

"D-- Geez, Natsumi, is all of that for real?" he asked. "Please tell me you're pulling my leg..."

At her uneasy silence, he replied with a troubled sigh. "I'm not your father," he said after a moment. "So I can't stop you, and honestly, I'm not sure I could or should judge you, either."

"But you still think it's a bad idea, don't you?"

"Why, yes. He may be a prince and you all may love him, but... I don't think that's something that could possibly be achieved by anyone regardless," he said just as uncomfortably. "Then again, if anyone can achieve the impossible, again, that's you guys."

"What do you think Darkwing Duck would do in this situation?" he mused, hugging her legs.

"I'm Darkwing Duck," the fanduck come hero said very seriously, "and Darkwing Duck would do nothing to stop anyone else's freedom of choice. Much less that of a good friend."

She sniffled. "Thank you," she said, genuinely moved. "I'll never forget this..."

He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. "Friends don't stop being friends just because they don't agree with the way the other lives their life, Natsumi. After all, if you are okay with me risking my life against gun toting maniacs every night..."

She half smiled, finally looking at him with teary eyes. "It's not the same though, is it? What I'm going to do is much riskier. I'm going to be dealing with Louise-san and Misa and Haruka-senpai every night..."

"They won't dare to do anything to you," he promised, "or they'll have to deal with me then!"

She hugged him tightly and began weeping on his chest.

He patted her head paternally as he looked into the setting sunfall, and wondered if he was doing the right thing.

That, too, is part of being a hero. The uneasy, painful part of the hard decisions.
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Akashi Yuuna.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about Dad?" Yuuna asked.

"I always told you plenty about him," Yuuko said.

"Not the most important part!" her daughter protested.

"The most important part, and the only one that actually matters, is that he loved us with all of his heart, and you always knew that."

Yuuna bit on her lower lip. "You're... You're just making excuses for yourself! You know what I mean! All I've learned about him, well, that just showed me I didn't ever know the real him! Or the real you, for that matter! You never trusted me!"

Yuuko closed her eyes. "You're acting very immature about this, so in the end, those fears were--"

"Bull!" Yuuna said. "You never planned to tell me, no matter how mature I'd become, did you?!"

Yuuko recoiled at this and, unable to refute it, sulked in silence for a moment. "It was all for your own good..." she finally said. "This life, as you have seen by now, is too dangerous..."

Yuuna sniffled. "Dangerous enough to claim him, yeah. All the same, didn't I deserve to even know how he really died?!"

"He died," Yuuko soberly said, "begging me to never tell you."

Now it was Yuuna who had all the words blown out of her.

They were quietly sobbing on each other by the time Konoemon dared to peek in to check on them.

---

Akashi Yuuko.

"Okay," Yuuna deadpanned, standing at the bedroom's doorstep. "Now you're just being a bitch in the name of doing the best for me!"

Yuuko shrugged while Negi tried to hide in shame under the bed covers. "I had to make sure he wasn't under an evil demonic influence, if he was doing this that early. For my daughter, I would even break any taboo established by human or magical society."

"How many times have you done this for me tonight?" Yuuna said coldly.

"Well, demonic possession is always difficult to verify or discard, and naturally, I haven't ever done it this way before, so I had to try... five times to be completely sure. Thankfully, Negi-kun was very understanding of my suspicions."

Negi hiccuped nervously.

Yuuna hummed, eyeing her mother's chest, and began pulling on her clothes. "You'd break any taboo for me, you just said...?"
 
That Bad, Huh?

"I stared up at the Joker," the abyss said grimly, "and the Joker gazed back."
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Shan Pu.

"What?!" Chisame cried. "Sensei, I can't believe it! Don't you have any limits?!"

"Hey, what's up, Chi-chan?" Haruna protested for him. "You're going to lay boundaries up only now? What difference does she make by this point? What has she ever done to you?"

"It's not about what she's done, it's about what will happen!" Chisame said. She pointed at the Amazon's belly. "What if that curse is hereditary?! Your children are going to be cats half of the time!"

"… I fail to see the problem with that," Sakurako said, petting Yoruichi's head.

"That's absolutely fine with me. If it's like that, I can babysit," Doctor Akagi said.

"For real, what are you mad about?" Minagi Mikoto cocked her head aside curiously.

"Kittens are a blessing for all those around them," Chachamaru opined.

Sakaki only nodded in silence.

Chisame sighed, already defeated. "Okay, have it your way, but you're the ones telling Moroha, Sevensheep and Collet…"
 
Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Death.

The Joker grinned demonically and aimed his gun at the other man's chest.

"Have you ever danced with the devil under the pale moonlight?" he asked him.

"Oh, no, please, boss, no!" the hapless henchman begged. "I swear I didn't mean to!"

BLAM! BLAM! the Clown Prince's weapon went, and Bobby was shot six times through the torso…

… only that he didn't fall. Instead he stood there, bleeding copiously from each wound but apparently none the worse to wear.

"Hey, what gives?!" the man gasped. "I'm immortal?!"

After a moment of befuddlement of his own, Joker scowled. "Dammit," he said. "Negi!"

Elsewhere, they cuddled naked in the boy's bed.

"I hate having to say this," Negi said at last, "but aren't you expected at your job by now?"

"It was scheduled to be a slow day," the pale black haired Endless smiled, caressing his neck fondly. "I'm sure they can wait a bit…"

---

Collet Farandole.

The main guard at the pass station was a hulking, hairy man with hostile eyes topped by eyebrows as thick as paintbrushes.

"It says here," he growled at Collet, "that your name is Collet Farandole from Ariadne Academy. Right?"

"That's correct, sir!" she nodded peppily.

He squinted at the other card in his read, deciphering the foreign language, and added just as gruffly, "And this is your sister, one Yue Farandole who looks a lot like one of those wanted terrorists…"

Yue gulped. The disguise glasses were not always fully effective, after all, and the ones she was wearing were old.

"You are correct again, sir," Collet said.

"You're a dark skinned demihuman and she's a fair skinned human, how can you be sisters?" he demanded. "And if she's adopted, I'm going to need an orphanage address or the names of her biological parents…"

"We're half sisters, sir," Collet lied patiently.

"Even then," the guard began circling a quietly nervous Yue, "she should have a few demihuman traits, like the ears or… where's your tail? Show me your tail! Pull that skirt up!"

Collet grinned, then gave Yue a discreet kick on a shin.

Yue sighed. "Woof," she said blandly. "Woof!"

The large man blinked.

After a moment, those wide shoulders shrugged and he began stamping their passports. "Alright, that's fine enough for me…!"

"Your world needs a better, much more coordinated international security system," Yue told Collet as they left the border pass behind, passing by the Joker, who was whistling and holding a massive bomb in his hands. "I was terrible back there, didn't I…?"

"Woof," Collet said non-commitally.
 
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