OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

I Never Doubted Your Capacity.

"Sensei, may I come in?" Kay Sanders smiled, peeking in while knocking on his door.

Negi smiled. "Ah, Kay-san! Come in, come in!" he beckoned her into the office. "Nice to see you again!"

"Likewise, Sensei!" the American girl beamed as she stepped in. "Let me stress from everyone in CLAMP Gakuen that we are as happy to have you and your team back, as much as Ohtori, Honnouji, and even Mahora itself!"

Negi nodded, happy to see how closer the schools had become since the Mahorafest. That they had grown closer mostly out of sexual attraction towards him, and occasionally Rentarou, never crossed his mind. "Thank you. And thanks for all the help against Cosmo Entelecheia, too…"

"It's the least we could have done for you!" Kay reassured him. "By the way, what should we do with the statue?"

Negi blinked. "Statue?"

"Yeah," the blonde said. "When you all disappeared in that explosion in Wales, most of us were certain you had died, so we commissioned a gigantic memorial statue for the White Wings! We were thinking of placing it before the entrance to Mahora, but your Headmaster says that it'd be in bad taste now that you're back alive!"

"…" Negi said.

They ended up placing it on Ayaka's front lawn. It made a nice enough conversation piece with visitors, but it also was a bitch for poor Fubuki-san to keep clean…

 

[OverMaster]

Going against the wishes of someone who is highly unstable, immature, and holding the reins of Hercules himself is generally not the best of ideas, so after some objections Ala Alba had stripped down to their underwear and joined Illya and Sayoko in the pool.

Chisame tried to tell herself that this was not that different from bathing in swimsuits in Evangeline's resort, and Negi apparently felt more or less the sound, since he looked more at ease now, after his earlier embarrassment. Ayaka, though, seemed hypnotized by Negi's bared chest, and simply sat there with unblinking fixed eyes, a small red stain on her nose.

"We have reasons to believe that the Caster might be Medea, the Greek sorceress of myth, the disciple of Circe," Negi was telling Illya. "However, the man we thought might be her Master hasn't given any signs of being involved with the Grail War, and we have kept tabs on him for nearly two weeks now."

"Oh, yes?" Illya asked. "And how did you come to suspect of that man, and about Medea being the Servant you are looking for?"

"I... I'm not sure you will believe me..." Negi said.

"You have to tell me regardless," the albino replied.

He breathed deeply. "It was told to us by a dimensional traveler we met in Kyoto, one who was the sister to your counterpart in a parallel world."

Illya frowned. "Well!" she said indignantly. "I suppose that I brought this answer upon myself!"

"I swear I'm not trying to make-"

Illya raised a hand to impose silence. "I understand! You have your sources, and we have ours! As long as your data is reliable I couldn't care any less about the origins. Medea, huh... A formidable mage like her would secure a proper power source before doing anything else, so your first destination should've been obvious."

"We thought of the World Tree as well," Negi said, "but I have circled it several times and I couldn't feel any disturbance in its magical pulses."

"You're so naive!" his sister said. "A mage from the Age of Gods like Medea could mask her presence from modern magicians easily. If she doesn't want to be detected, she won't show her hand unless another Servant approaches her. You should send Saber there and see if that provokes Caster into acting; Sabers and Casters are sort of natural enemies so it might move the witch into action."

"Why don't you send Berserker there yourself?" Matoi asked.

"Because I'm not interested, you're the ones who want to find Caster so that's on you," Illya sneered. "We don't have an interest on fighting Servants who won't have the galls to come out and fight heads on."

"You aren't going to win the War thinking like that," Tsunetsuki warned. "In a war, there's no such thing as a small enemy."

"Shut up!" Illya said. "The vermin will take care of each other, why should I bother?"

"He... He isn't here right now, is he?" Chisame asked. "Berserker, I mean..."

Illya smirked. "No, he is guarding the perimeter. But I can call him if you want me to!"

"I'll pass, thanks," Chisame grimaced.

"Ah, yes, you're into smaller and younger men, aren't you?" Illya pondered idly. "What about Assassin? Aren't you worried about Assassin?"

"We have reasons to think that we'll find Assassin as soon as we find Caster," Negi informed her.

"Oh, an unholy alliance?" Illya said. "That makes sense, the weaker Servants might need to work together to stand a chance. How about Archer then?"

"Archer... We aren't sure how to find Archer," Negi confessed. "Actually, our sources told us that Tohsaka Rin-san should be the Master of Archer, but... obviously, that is not so."

"Search for all the recent entries in Mahora, any outsiders who may have moved in recently," Illya suggested. "That's your best bet out of waiting and hoping."

"We're doing that, but it's taking time," Negi sighed. "The recent Honnouji exodus is pouring a lot of new arrivals into the Mahora area. That school is growing too unrestiful and conflictful, but we haven't had the time to look into it yet, what with everything else going on."

"Illya," Asuna spoke at last, "if the Grail isn't cursed after all and you happened to win the War, what will you wish for?"

Illya blinked. "Oh? What brought this sudden interest on me?"

"You're Sensei's sister after all," Chisame said dryly. "We aren't that inhuman! We pretty much have to care!"

Illya absorbed these words in wide eyed silence for a moment, before closing her eyes and making a small smile. She shook her head. "You really don't get how the Heaven's Feel works yet, do you? The Grail isn't just going to magically appear out of nowhere when all Servants but one are dead. I mean, yes, it will do that... but it also needs a vessel to manifest itself."

"What kind of vessel?" Negi asked. "Saber and Rider haven't mentioned that..."

"Well, I imagine that it would be a touchy issue for Saber," Illya said. "The vessel needs to be a living entity, a human, or better yet, an improved take on human life. Such as my mother was in the Fourth War. We, the elite Einzbern homunculi, have been created with such a purpose in mind."

Negi and the girls pulled back in stark realization, freezing in shock. Even Ayaka had been snapped from her fascination with Negi's youthful flesh.

Illya laughed weakly and patted the water with a hand. "That's fine. It's what I want, too. Reaching the Root, the Source of all magic, is what any true practicioner should wish for. Personal wants are meaningless, and once I achieve mine by killing you and Shirou, well... after all... that's what I'm meant to do..."

"No," Negi said, standing up, his hands tightening into fists. "NO!"

Illya frowned again. "You won't tell me what to do with my life..."

"NO!" he insisted. "You aren't going to throw your life away! As your brother, I forbid you to!"

"You are the little brother, you do as I say and not the other way around! And besides, this is the opposite of throwing one's life away! It's the best and brightest any magus could ever hope for...!"

He threw himself against her and hugged her tightly. "I haven't even gotten to know you yet! I'm not going to lose you like I lost our father!"

Illya blushed and shivered against him. "L-Let me go! What are you saying, you idiot?! I don't have a choice anyway, as the Servants die, I'll be transforming into the Grail regardless!"

"Then no Servant will die," Negi promised, holding her close. "So you don't have to, either. I don't know how I will do it, but I'll keep you safe, no matter what anyone might say, even you. This, I swear..."

Elsewhere, the Judge patrolled the perimeter of the Mary Magdalene church, cackling to himself. Soon, all sinners and criminals would pay. He could feel it in his bones.

There had been growing reports of more fights between Servants happening across the campus, and it wouldn't be long before they started turning to lethal skirmishes. Dark blood for the cup of Death, which would overflow and wipe all life off. That would be so glorious, so...

He felt a presence approaching the church. "Gilgamesssssh?" he asked, raising his guns.

"No," a mocking voice came from the darkness. "Not exactly, Bro. Sorry! Do I dissssssapoint?"

"Who are you? Sssssshow yourssssself!" the cadaveric monster demanded. Surely that golden idiot was out again, enjoying himself with frivolities. It didn't matter. He'd have this killing all to himself.

Someone stepped into sight, wearing bright yellow, and staring at Judge with bugging, bloodshot eyes. His face was a just as primaru and stark green, with a huge demented grin twisting it upwards.

"Bersssssserker?" Judge asked.

"Ssssssorry, missssed again!" the other Servant cackled, still mocking his accent. "Try Trickssssster! The landlord ssssent me ssssince you're long overdue your rent!"

Judge opened fire madly on the incoming Trickster, who charged at him while laughing loudly. "Trickssssster!? Never heard of you! Doesssssn't matter! Sssssoon you won't be anything but a-!"

The insane intruder, pumped full of holes but never slowing down, grabbed Judge by the helmet and crushed it in his hand. "The veredict issss reached!" he laughed. "Guilty as sssssssin, you heard it here firssssst, ladiessss an' germsssss! And moi? Why, moi, like alwaysssss, issss just plain-"

There was a bloodcurling scream, drowned down by the echoes of that deranged laugh.

"Ssssssmokin'!"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Garfield.

"Jon, it's time for dinner. I'm hungry…"

When Garfield walked into the room, his owner was hanging from the ceiling.

There was a note under him, on the floor.

Garfield picked it up and read it.

Liz has left me. Nothing makes sense anymore.

The cat blinked, then stared at the calendar on the wall.

He frowned and looked at the audience.

"This is why I hate Mondays. Now who's going to feed me?"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs.

Water splashed everywhere when she moved abruptly, startled.

"Ah! Sayo-chan, you were here! You scared me!"

"Waah! Sorry, Akashi-san…!" the naked ghost said.

Haruna glared at them. "No, this isn't what that is about! That's a full series of its own, with its own cast…!"

 

[OverMaster]

Many Names Have I.

"Rider, this is Skuld, one of our best friends, whom we happened to meet in a recent class trip to Kyoto," Negi said, gesturing towards a black haired girl with fair skin wearing a pink dress. "She also happens to be a—"

Rider had just recoiled in abject fear, interrupting the young teacher's words. "Atropos!" she said, terrified out of her wits.

Negi sighed. "Ah, yes, I should have expected something like this, shouldn't I?" He looked at Skuld. "But, I thought you'd be Clotho…?"

"No, that's Urd. And Lachesis is Belldandy," Skuld said.

"But," Negi argued, "Atropos is supposed to be the eldest sister, isn't that right…?"

Skuld sighed while Rider tried to edge slowly behind a stonefaced Saber. "It's complicated. But Urd, that is Clotho for the purposes of this discussion, deals with fertility and birth, the origin of all things, since her domain is past. As Atropos, I deal with death, the inevitable future fate of all things, but that in turn becomes rebirth, so I flow into Urd, Urd flows into me, and Belldandy acts as our link. I am the youngest, yes, but existence itself is a loop, so when the Future bleeds into a new Past, we shift as well."

"Um… okay," Negi said, for once not actually understanding anything.

"Atropos is also known for being the smallest of all three Moirae," Hakase supplied.

Skuld hissed her way. "I'm still taller than you! Not that much, but since I have a twelve years old body, you still have no right to say that!"

"So you're a goddess of death on top of everything else," Yuuna pondered quietly. "Okay, this is extra creepy, I won't be able to sleep at peace now, with you in the same room…"

"You room with her?!" Rider gasped.

Makie only smiled. "For real, Yuuna-chan? Well, I'm glad! That means that someday, when I'm all old and gray, Sku-chan will come for me and take me with her forever…!"

"I hope you're very old and gray by then. The later the better!" Skuld rasped, looking away. Knowing my luck, someone must be summoning Brynhildr for that stupid European War right now, too…

Being a genius goddess, she was correct.

 

[OverMaster]

Shinji's New Mom.

"You're so skinny..." Shirou said, looking up and down at the younger Master. "What does your mother feed you with?"

"Um, actually, my parents are always overseas working. I have a special license to live alone," Ikari-kun said.

"I see..." a troubled Shirou said. He looked at Rider. "What do YOU feed him with, then?"

"No, Master is the one who cooks at home," Medusa answered.

Shirou grew rigid like a plank.

---

"You have done WHAT?!" Saber demanded, as Shinji and Rider sat at their table and Shirou served an extra large helping on Shirou's plate.

"This is part of helping those in need as a hero of justice!" Emiya said.

"But what will the Headmaster say?!" Saber protested.

"It'll be fine! He won't mind! It's a favor to my father!"

"I'm sure he doesn't owe Kiritsugu THAT many favors, at least not by now!" the blonde said.

"I like your room better than mine, let's trade," Rider calmly told her, taking her acceptance as a given.

 

[OverMaster]

... and Mordred's Old Dad.

"Father!" Mordred slammed the door of Artoria's new bedroom open just as the latter was finishing moving her boxes in. "I just heard it from Rider! You have given the best room in the house to HER and not ME, your legit heir?!"

"... I was unaware that you would be staying as well," the older Saber said icily.

"Well, Master hasn't finished his research yet and he's an old colleague of this Kiritsugu guy, so your Master told him that he'd be welcome... but you are changing the issue! It is me who should have received that room!"

"You never asked for it."

"The King I knew could see his subjects' needs from a single glance!"

"Obviously I couldn't, or else they wouldn't have turned against me!" Artoria said, irritated.

And Mordred blinked, confused. "Is that character development?"

"Forget about that! The best room in the house is Shirou's anyway!"

Mordred paused. "... oh. That would make sense, wouldn't it? Well, I wouldn't kick a house owner out of his own room, but I suppose that I could sleep with him..."

"Absolutely not!"

"We're both men, it doesn't matter!"

Artoria sighed. "Fine. If I give you this, the third best room in the house, will you stop complaining?"

Mordred nodded. "I'm a reasonable man after all."

"Fine. Take me to your former room then, and I'll move in there..."

---

Artoria squirmed to fit better into the broom closet she'd been given to set her futon in. "I'm sure we had better rooms than this!" she murmured to herself.

 

[OverMaster]

We Could be Changing the World.

Saber, Saber, Rider, Monster and Vigilante sat around the lunch table, bored out of their minds.

"There must be something we all can enjoy doing together, other than killing each other," Artoria said after a while. "This is no way to waste a second chance at life."

"You know, it occurs to me that even without wishing on the Grail, we could be changing the world," Vigilante mused. "We are blessed with abilities and power far beyond those of humans--"

"You are a duck," Mordred reminded him.

Vigilante clenched his beak and ignored her stoically. "-- so we should be using those gifts to go out there and make a difference! This world needs guiding lights in these troubled times!"

"I thought you were a creature of darkness," Medusa said apathetically.

"You understand the principle!"

"Uuuu?" Fran said, which translates as 'I am the Monster of Frankenstein and I cannot show my face in public without being hounded by mobs wielding torches, so why should I bother?'

"What she said, basically," Medusa nodded.

"Ah, yeah, all of that," Mordred said. "I'll do it as soon as I'm King."

"You are a very young Heroic Spirit, aren't you?" Artoria told Vigilante. "I admire your reserves of hope, but believe me, for some of us, the best we can do is fading away like the mistakes of history we are..."

"Seriously, what the hell happened to you?" her son asked. "You used to be cool, Father!"

"YOU happened!"

Rider and Monster, each sitting at a side of her, slapped her across the back of her head.

"What, what was that for?!" Artoria demanded, rubbing her head.

"See, even they can see you for the neglectful abusive father you are, and they've just met me!" Mordred said, feeling reinvidicated.

"They are my enemies too, I'm sure that colors their judgement!" Artoria argued.

"I am your ally," Vigilante said, "and I also think that's no way to address your child..."

Mordred struggled not to sniffle. "You understand! You are worth your title after all! See, Father, even a duck is smarter than you!"

"On second thought..." Vigilante began.

In the end they settled with playing football to spend their time. Since there were only five of them, Vigilante was made the referee after some discussion on whether making him the ball or not.

 

[OverMaster]

Twice Used Tricks.

"Now, a good comedian isn't afraid of stealing gimmicks that work," the Joker said as he paced back and forth before the two tied up security guards. "Or even gimmicks that don't, if the comedian feels he can make 'em work! So here's what we'll do."

He grinned, stopping and producing a silver shiny dollar from his sleeve. "Two-Face's coin. You know the drill. Heads you win, tails I do. You first, blondie."

He flipped, and then showed them the toss result. The blond guard sighed in relief as the unmarred face of the two-faced coin had turned up.

But then the Joker shot him through the head.

"Boss!" his henchman gasped, while the balding guard screamed, his colleague's skull splattered over his face. "But, the coin toss...!"

"Oh, for the luvva, Jimmy!" Joker snarled. "What kind of guy would I be if a stupid coin told me what to do?!" He flipped again. "Now as for you, Baldy!"

He caught the coin, and showed it again. Tails. "Well, will you just see that, now..."

Without missing a beat, the Joker shot the second guard in the head, too.

"Boss!" Jimmy said. "You said that--!"

"I know, I know!" Joker interrupted, then pocketed the coin back in. "But it had just started talking good sense at last!"

 

[OverMaster]

Little Brother Instinct.

"Still looking for a way to save Illya, huh?" Chisame asked sympathetically, setting the bags of groceries by the door and taking her shoes off.

Negi was still sitting where they'd left him, with his sleeves rolled up and huge stack of books by his side. If anything, the pile seemed to have grown taller in the absence of Chisame and Satomi. "Yes. Master doesn't know how to make homunculi, the principles behind her dolls are vastly different, but she still lent me some books that might shed light on the subject. I took the rest from the hidden sections of Library Island..."

"And Skuld?" Matoi asked, appearing behind Chisame.

"Not her field of expertise, either," Negi sighed. "She says that creating organic life, as opposed to robotic life, would be playing God."

The three girls stared at him. "..."

"That is, God as her father, not 'a god' generally speaking," Negi explained.

"Is that a real issue?" Satomi asked. "As long as her brain doesn't suffer organic degeneration along the rest of her body, all I would need to do is cutting it out and putting it in a robot body."

Negi, Chisame and Matoi stared at her now.

Satomi smiled smugly. "I'm confident on my capacity to achieve that!"

Negi sighed. "I'm not sure, her brain should suffer the same degree of decay as everything else, but... we'll keep it in mind as an option."

Chisame scowled. "I guess that makes sense as a last resort, but... isn't this the kind of thing that should be approved by her first?"

"Can you put me in an adult body with big breasts?" asked Illya's voice, from where she was in the bedroom, resting on her stomach in Negi's bunk and reading a manga.

"Sure, that wouldn't be a real issue," Hakase said.

"And could I have rocket fists? And repulsor jets in my feet?"

"As long as you supply the funds, sure thing, why not?"

Chisame turned back for the door. "That's it. For my own safety, I'm asking for that transfer to Tomobiki right now..."

 

[OverMaster]

My Big Little Sister Can't be this Cute.

"So Illya is staying with you?" Misora asked over lunch.

"Yeah," Chisame said. "Negi is running tests on her and he says she'll be safer in the dormitories than in the old castle away from everyone..."

Gilgamesh walked into the fortress with his hands in his pockets and looked all around. "Hmmm. Kirei has a lot of explaining to do. The King's time is not to be wasted..."

He headed for the kitchens. "I wonder if they have wine stashed somewhere...?"

"And, and you're okay with Berserker just hanging around?!" Misora panicked.

"He spends all the time in his astral form, not like he would fit inside otherwise..."

"Even so!" Misora said. "Who knows if he looks at you while invisible! Even in the shower!"

"I don't think he has enough of a mind to care about that..."

"Chisame, he's a Greek! And the son of Zeus! Even I know what that means!" Misora waved her arms. "What good is there from having them in your apartment?!"

Sayoko walked in. "Chisame-sama, I bought you the pastries you wanted," she said, handing her a small wrapped package. "I also brought some for Tsunetsuki-sama," she added, extending another package towards a nearby tree.

A short haired blur of motion moved to Sayoko, snatched the gift with a grumbling "Thank you" and quickly retreated back behind the tree.

"I also washed, dryed and ironed all of your clothes, prepared dinner, and found and threw out all of Chamo's cigarette stashes," the maid informed, bowing at Hasegawa.

Chisame looked at the perplexed Misora. "Actually, there are a few upsides..."

 

[OverMaster]

Miss Kobayashi and the Early Bird Cameo.

"Emiya-kun, I don't think she can leave for home in that state..." Otoko-san said as they looked at the pink haired slim woman with glasses, almost comatose and resting on the bar of the Copenhagen, with an empty glass in a hand. "But Father says that he'll kick her out if she won't stand up and leave on her own..."

Shirou sighed. The work of a helpful hero never ended...

Not that he would have it any other way, but the people back at home might think differently about what he was about to do.

---

"She isn't going to stay here, is she?" Artoria asked while Shirou and Rider carried the hiccuping, fixed-eyed woman towards a futon in a room that was better than the broom closet.

"I told you already, no, she isn't!" her Master said. "She has her own apartment, she'll leave by the morning!"

"Maybe it would help if I just suctioned some of the alcohol out of her system..." Medusa offered.

"You are just looking for any excuse to suck her blood!" the Saber pointed out.

Kobayashi burped while being set down on the futon. "No, this is not needed, I can drive myself home..." she slurred, still not giving any signs of actually recognizing anyone in the room. "Well, I could if I had a car..."

"This wreck could actually pay herself an apartment?" Artoria asked, crouching down and poking her forehead with a finger, only to see if she reacted. She didn't.

"She's apparently well paid enough, if all she spends in the pub every week is any indication," Shirou said.

"You know what, Saber," Rider said, "I think both of us have better chances of surviving past the Grail War than her."

"Sadly, I must concur..."

---

At the breakfast table, Taiga was frowning at Kairi. "So, how did you get those scars?" she coldly asked this man who claimed being an old friend of Kiritsugu.

"It was in Gotham," the man began reminiscing, "I was just walking down a street minding my own business when suddenly I heard a laugh and--"

He was interrupted by two loud shrieks of surprise coming from the bathroom. Taiga looked at Shirou now. "Did you bring Kobayashi again?"

Shirou threw his hands up while Rider rushed off to help Shinji. "You know how she can get! Damn, I really should have told Shinji about her, too... My bad."

"Is this a frequent ocurrence?" Artoria asked, quite worried.

"Why do you think I didn't give you that room?" her Master asked in turn. "We have to keep it in reserve for emergencies like this..."

 

[OverMaster]

Different Strokes.

Lancer walked out the kitchen. "Hey, Master," he said casually, seeing Bazett all but slumped over the phone with a miserable expression. "What happened?"

Without saying a word, the redhead pressed a button on the phone.

"Good morning, Ms. Mc Remitz," Negi's voice said. "Sorry to bother you, but there's been several recent developments that you should know of. We have located Rider and she and her Master are living with Emiya-san. So is another Saber and her Master, from another Grail War currently developing in Europe. And Illya is staying with me since I am going to find a way to prevent her from becoming the Grail's vessel. This is all I can tell you through this line, the rest of it is delicate so we would need talking in private. Please call me back when you can."

Lancer grinned. "And what's wrong with all of that? It sounds awesomely challenging!"

Bazett only groaned.

 

[OverMaster]

Weren't we Supposed to be Having a War?

When Artoria peeked out, startled by the abrupt rise of prana in the area, she saw Mordred, in armor, and Lancer battling it out in the backyard.

"Don't worry, they're just sparring," Medusa said, sitting on the back porch with Vigilante and eating Cheesy Poofs. Fran was splayed a few steps apart from them, napping in the warmth like a big lazy guard dog. "The truce is still in effect."

"You aren't bad!" Mordred laughed, as blade and spear collided sending sparks everywhere. "If you survive this, make sure of stopping by Trifas! Whether as enemy or ally, it would make for an interesting experience!"

Lancer grinned, flash stepping aside and attacking the knight from another angle. "You aren't bad yourself, but that thing makes you slow on your feet! Why don't you try fighting without it?"

"Take it off through force if you can!" Mordred challenged, taking advantage of his proximity to cut him in a flank, a wound that was only surface level as he moved back too fast for her.

"... he could have at least knocked before coming to see what was happening," Artoria said blandly, as she took a handful from Rider's bag without asking for permission.

"Your own fault, you have lowered your guard too much and now anyone can just enter your domain at will and do whatever they want," Rider said just as flatly, pulling the bag from her.

The older Saber frowned and then ducked, as Lancer's latest spear sweep sent Mordred flying over her head and into the house, crashing through a wall.

"GAHHH!" Shirou's voice screamed. "What the--?!"

"Aah ha ha ha ha!" Mordred's voice resounded. "I like you the best out of everyone in this War, Lancer...!"

"Good to see someone is having a good time at the very least," Vigilante observed, quietly scratching Fran's scalp.

 

[OverMaster]

The Terrible Mana Transfer.

All of the Servants gathered so far sat around the table while everyone else in the house did their best to stay in another room pretending they weren't home.

"So both of your Masters are completely incompetent as Magi," Lancer told Medusa and Artoria. "How do you recharge mana then?"

Artoria scoffed. "She drains innocents out of their blood, can you imagine that...?"

"Actually, that's only when Master's mana reserves prove insufficient for large scale tasks," Rider said. "Otherwise, he supplies me himself."

Mordred blinked. "Him? But how does he..." Then she winced, visibly disgusted. "EEEEWWWWW!"

"Our bonds are pure and noble and I regret nothing," Rider declared firmly.

"How old is he, thirteen?!" Mordred demanded.

"He'll be fifteen next month. That reminds me, I need to pick a good gift for him soon, in the event I don't survive the War..."

Mordred waved a hand at her. "Away with you! You sicken me, you should have found yourself a better way, just like Father!" Then she paused and asked Artoria, with a markedly chilling tone, "Because you haven't gone that far with a mere commoner, have you? I refuse to believe that from you..."

"Of course I wouldn't take advantage of Shirou," Artoria said, offended. "Semen isn't the only body fluid that can be used for mana transfers."

Lancer raised an eyebrow. "Wait, I've fought you. Are you seriously telling me that you can keep a level like that working only through saliva?"

Artoria sighed, then clapped. "Negi, Chisame!" she called out. "Could you come here for a moment, please?"

Breathing out with resignation, the two young visitors walked in from the next room and stopped before the Saber.

Artoria reached behind Chisame and pulled Matoi out, seemingly from nowhere.

"Ah!" Lancer gasped. "You were there?!"

"Yes, alwHHHHMMMPHHH!" she said as Artoria mashed her lips against hers.

Mordred's eyes bugged out through the helmet.

While Matoi was still dizzy and drained, Artoria grabbed methodically Chisame next and kissed her in the mouth as well.

Mordred began hiccuping desperately, twitching.

Finally, Artoria grabbed Negi and Frenched him deeply.

Mordred fell back and convulsed, calling for her mother.

"Thank you, that will be all for now," Artoria said primly, gently setting Negi back and wiping her mouth with a tissue. She smiled softly at Lancer. "Not a single supply of saliva. A general must learn to rely on the whole of their forces, after all."

"Hey, I'm not judging, I was his age when I had my son," Lancer shrugged it off.

Vigilante looked down at Mordred, then grabbed her helmet. "Let me take this thing off," he said sympathetically. "Looks like you're about to suffocate in there."

"NO! I DON'T WISH FOR MY FACE TO BE SEEN EVER AGAIN...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Predictably Enough...

Negi approached Lancer. "Cu Chulainn, Sir, might I ask you something, please?"

"Just call me Lancer, lad. It's what I am now, after all."

"Oh," the boy paused. "Thank you for allowing me this familiarity..."

"It's not about familiarity, Rider and Second Saber don't know my true name yet and they could overhear you," the spearman in blue said. "What is it?"

"Um, well. As I understand, part of your legend involves your vast knowledge of ancient runes, which can be used even to predict the future and read events happening far away, so I was wondering if you could... I mean, my father has been lost for years, and...."

"Oh, that. Sorry, but no. Not only my predictions always came out a bit fuzzy... or else I wouldn't have done many of the things I did in life... but as a Lancer, my knowledge on how to use runes is kind of restricted. If I'd been summoned as a Caster, sure thing."

"I see," he breathed out, sounding as if he'd been expecting that. "Thanks for answering regardless. Ah, you also mentioned having a child when you were my age..."

"Those were different times," the Lancer cautioned. Then he looked up and down at Negi. "But seeing the kind of girls you surround yourself with, I can understand why you'd want my advice on the subject."

Negi blushed. "It's, it's not that...!"

Lancer shrugged. "But I'm afraid I can't help you there, either. I never was the best of fathers, you know? Hell, I ended up killing the poor boy, but I can tell you what NOT to do, and it's what I did. Never get away from your children, no matter what, no matter how logical it can seem, no matter how troublesome the mother can get. Clench your teeth and bear it for the child's sake. Or else you'll end up skewering them someday in a fight since you couldn't recognize them."

"Do you think that's what MY father might end up doing to me someday?" Negi asked, a bit worried now.

"I have no way of knowing, but all the same, wearing protective armor until you find him should not hurt..."

---

"Okay, that almost makes sense, but even here?" Chisame frowned as they sat at the dinner table, back at the apartment. "Do you really think he'll just walk in through that door and challenge you to a duel?"

"The ways of great powerful men often can seem strange and erratic, but there is always tragic gravity to them," Negi said, wearing his new suit of armor as he buttered his bread. "Better safe than sorry..."

"No brother of mine is going to teach classes dressed like that!" Illya protested. "They'll brand us as a family of lunatics!"

 

[OverMaster]

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You is the creation and intellectual property of Nakamura Rikito, Nozawa Yukiko and Shueisha.

All other characters and franchises mentioned in this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.

---

The 108 Girlfriends who Really, Like Really, I mean it, Man, Really Love You, Dude.

---

Chapter Four: What are you Doing Here so Early?

---

"Ah, Morisato-senpai, Hasegawa-senpai, thank you for coming!" Rentarou smiled, seeing them come down the street. "Sorry to bother you like this, so suddenly!"

"Good morning, Rentarou-kun," Hasegawa Sora bowed. "It's not a bother, rather I should be thankful to you for giving me the chance to have some spotlight at last..."

"So this is your uncle's house?" Morisato Keiichi said, looking up at the large house Rentarou was standing in front of. "It looks like it hasn't been taken care of for some time."

"Yeah," the younger man nodded. "He and my cousin had spent a few years in Neo-Tokyo, but he had to come back over a job assignation. So they want me to help them fix the air conditioners and the rest of the electric system. But, since Emiya-senpai is busy with that whole War thing..."

"What kind of man is he?" Sora asked, pushing her large round glasses up her nose. "Anything we should know about him before meeting him?"

"Actually, Uncle Hiro won't be here today, he's got a lot to handle at his new office," Rentarou explained, heading for the front door as the college students followed him. "But that's okay, his daughter is here, he said over the phone, and I'm sure she's a nice girl. If she's anything like him..."

"You mean you don't know her personally?" Keiichi asked.

"No, Uncle couldn't spend a lot of time with me even before she was born," Rentarou said, knocking on the door since the bell hadn't been reinstalled yet. "But he and Auntie were both wonderful people, and he speaks very highly of Chiyo-chan through the phone, so I'm certain she's as sweet as they come."

Keiichi and Sora shared a brief, slightly concerned silent look behind him.

Oblivious to this, Rentarou smiled and waited happily.

After a moment, the door was opened from the inside, and out peeked a small, short girl. The first thing about her that was visible were her glasses, even bigger and rounder than Sora's, protecting large, soulful dark eyes, almost as innocent and fetching as Shizuka's. With her slick black hair pulled into short curved twintails and her thin build, she bore a passing resemblance to Hakase, but she was even smaller and more frail looking.

"Good morning," Keiichi smiled at her, while Sora almost stepped back, her eyes darting towards Rentarou's paralyzed face. "Glad to meet you... Iin Chiyo-chan, right? This is your cousin Rentarou, and we're Morisato Keiichi and Hasegawa Sora, two friends of his. We come to... ah... ohh," he understood, as Sora quietly tugged on his sleeve from behind.

Morisato looked at Rentarou's suddenly very sweaty face, the boy's eyes wide open and his mouth vaguely open. Then he looked at the little girl, who was blushing and staring at her cousin, some vapor faintly drifting from the collar of her shirt.

"Oh drat," Keiichi murmured to himself. "Was this kind of thing even supposed to happen before we found Negi's mom?"

 

[OverMaster]

That is How He Thinks.

"Why are you actually doing this?" Illya asked him.

Negi sighed, still comparing the two sheets of research he was currently entangled into. "I've told you already, you're my sister..."

"So you wouldn't be doing this if I were a complete stranger?" she asked, turning around so she wasn't lying on her stomach on his bed, but sitting on it.

"Yes, of course I would, because that's the decent thing to do..." Negi said patiently.

"Then," she said, "you aren't doing it because I'm your sister."

Negi actually took a moment to frown at her.

"And I actually still am a complete stranger to you," Illya said. "One that tried to kill you, even."

"One shouldn't hold grudges against family members," Negi lectured.

"Does that, too, apply to non-relatives?" Illya prodded him. "Because then that's another thing where our bloodties actually don't have anything to do with it."

"Why do you want to stop him from saving you so badly?" Chamo asked from the floor.

"Silence, you," she said. She told Negi, "Your posture is very hypocritical. You aren't actually doing this because you care about our actual ties, which don't exist past a biological connection that you didn't even know existed. You're just doing it because it's the thing that you were taught is right, and because you wouldn't feel well about yourself if you ignored it. In the end, it's only about you."

"That," Chamo observed, "is the real reason why you are here."

She looked down at him. "What?"

The ermine chuckled. "He doesn't need to have you here 24/7 to perform his research, you know? And Berserker can just repel anyone who attacked your castle."

Negi rasped. "We can't be sure of that..."

Chamo continued. "But he wants to know you better, he really wants to. He's the kind who yearns to love, and he wants his every word about your relationship to actually become true. So it's not about his duty, but about actual feelings shared between you. He wants to come to love you as much as he loves Nekane. So yeah, it still is about you, and what the two of you could come to share. Trust me. I know how he thinks, better than anyone!"

Negi said nothing, taking a page from Chisame's book and refusing to make eye contact as he kept on working.

Illya looked at him for a while, and then said, "In that case, I guess I could just leave right now..."

Negi tensed up.

"But I don't want to," Illya decided, flopping back down on the bed. "Maybe you aren't selfish, but I am. And this place may be tiny, but I still kind of like it for some reason. I will stay even if I am a bother!"

Negi smiled. "Welcome home, stranger."

 

[OverMaster]

Modern Love.

"Haruna-chan," a distraught Rito said. "I… I have something to confess… b-but odds are you'll hate me for it…"

Paru blinked at him. "Hating you? Rito-chan, why would I ever do that?"

"I have… I have been unfaithful to you!" Rito wailed.

"Oh, Rito-chan…!" Haruna smiled. "So you and Lala-chan, at last…!"

"What?! NO! I mean… That is… Haruna-chan! Sorry, I was weak! I had fantasies about one of your classmates and masturbated to them!" the orange haired boy broke into tears.

"Rito-chan, don't be silly!" Saotome said. "You know I'm into open relationships! That's all? You didn't even touch her but yourself? Tch, that's nothing! I masturbate all the time to thoughts of Negi, and Nodoka, and Yue, and Lala-chan, and Emiya-senpai, and Saber-san, and Shizuka-chan, and Shiori-chan, and Konoka, and Morisato-senpai, and Itoshiki-sensei, and Rentarou…"

"W-Wait, Rentarou? I thought he disgusted you!" Rito gasped.

"He does, but I masturbate to things that disgust me too, that's another fetish I have," Haruna said casually. "Like Chamo, and Suzumiya-senpai, and Nitta-sensei, and—"

"I… I see…" a very pale Rito said, supporting himself on a wall.

The girl grinned at her. "So, who was it? Chisame? Asuna? Iinchou? Konoka? Yue? Nodoka? Misa?"

"… Izumi-san," Rito said miserably.

Haruna blinked again. "Ako? But you never interact with Ako… Are you even sure you know who is she? Maybe you're mistaking her with someone else, and you're actually thinking of Mana or Kaede…"

Rito sniffled. "The assistant nurse."

Haruna paused. "But when did you ever meet her? I don't think I have ever introduced--- Ohhh, of course! Stupid me…"

---

"Senpai, you need to be more careful with where you step," Ako said warmly as she bandaged his bruises. "Most girls nowadays can defend themselves, and even if you didn't mean to, they'll react as soon as they're touched against their will…"

"Sorry…" Rito said sheepishly.

"You're just lucky it was Takagi-senpai and not Bujushima-senpai, the last boy to ever get fresh with her is still in traction…" Ako said.

---

Back to the present day, Ako shuddered. "I suddenly feel like I should shower," she said in faint disgust.

Mikado-sensei looked up from the pills she was preparing. "Eh?"

 

[OverMaster]

Tales from Mundus Magicus.

---

Long Distance Romances.

"And that's how you access the photo gallery," Chisame finished the explanation. Then, she handed the phone over to Mirajane. "Now try it yourself."

Erza, Lucy, Juvia and Cana all looked curiously over Mira's shoulders as she checked through the pictures, humming to herself. "Let's see, let's see… Who is this?"

"Haruna. Perverted pain in the ass," Chisame said.

"And this one?" Juvia asked.

"Matoi-cha—I mean, Tsunetsuki," Chisame corrected herself with a small blush. "If you ever meet, I have a hunch you two will get along great."

"This?" Lucy asked next.

"Emiya-senpai. He's away right now, saving the world… It's complicated," Hasegawa sighed.

"And this?" Cana inquired.

"Oh, that… that is Tohru-san, she… she is someone we met during the School Festival."

"Ew," Erza frowned at the sight of a black haired boy. "Why do you have a pic of someone like this?"

"That's Rentarou-senpai, actually, we all have a photo of him saved, since Sensei says it's for the best if we show them around," Chisame began. "That's even more complicated, and I don't think it even works the way Sensei says it could, but—"

She was interrupted by a long, loud heartfelt sigh coming from Mirajane.

The other Fairy Tail girls looked at the silver haired beauty as she swung her generous hips in place, hearts floating out of her head, eyes starry. "Why, he is so gorgeous…!"

Cana, Lucy, Erza and Juvia all backed away from her, shocked.

Chisame blinked. "Huh, what do you say to that? It does work after all..."

 

[OverMaster]

108 Girlfriends.

---

Keiichi and Sora stood there, waiting in silence for the two cousins to stop simply staring at each other in rapture. After having enough of that, Keiichi sighed and began heading inside past the loli.

The loli, without stopping looking at Aijou, simply reached over with an arm and grabbed Morisato by the wrist, forcing him to halt.

"Senpai," she said, with an adorable tiny voice. At least, I'm assuming that's how she sounds. For all I know the eventual anime will give her Kuroko's voice and I'll look like an idiot again. "Your jacket."

Keiichi blinked. "My jacket?" he repeated.

Moving in a flash at a speed that would have impressed Lancer and Rider, Chiyo moved before Keiichi, tugged his jacket off while frowning, and quickly folded it neatly, then leaving it properly hanged by the door.

"It's too wrinkled," she said sternly. "I'll iron it before lunch."

Before Keiichi could even apologize, the diminutive girl had zoomed off to stand before Sora, putting her hands on the older girl's hips...

"Ah!" Sora gasped. "C-Chiyo-san?!"

Chiyo began patting Sora's short skirt, smoothing the cloth down until it was neat looking enough for her comfort. "This is better..." she observed, finally letting go.

"Ah... Th-Thank you?" Sora swallowed.

And then Chiyo was standing before her cousin, placing both hands on his chest.

Rentarou raised both eyebrows. "Chiyo-chan? Now what...?"

For a moment, her hands became a blur of motion, and then the front of his dress shirt was completely smoothed down.

Chiyo took a step back and blushed, lowering her head. "I'm sorry..." she said. "Whenever I see something out of place, I simply need to straighten it..."

Oh, no, not another strange person... Keiichi thought.

Good thing Chisame didn't come along... Sora thought.

She... She is SO CUUUUTE! Rentarou thought, cheeks heating and growing colored.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!" Chiyo bowed deeply, and now Keiichi and Sora were reminded of Ai. "I didn't mean to offend! It's just that living in this house that hasn't been fully repaired yet has given me a lot of stress...!"

Rentarou blinked slowly and then smiled, placing his hands on her shoulders. "That's fine... I think being responsible and orderly is very cute in a girl. I'm glad that Uncle taught you so well..."

"Y-Yes, that's what we are here for anyway, Chiyo-san," Sora said, visibly scared. "We'll help you so your house is all fine and... nice..."

"Thank you so very much," Chiyo nodded, then grabbed Keiichi's jacket and began walking back inside, as her elders took their shoes off and left them by the door, more carefully than they normally would have. "I am a Class Representative, so I have to live honestly through the same codes I expect from my peers. It wouldn't do if I were a messy person in my private life while putting on a facade outside..."

Somewhere in Ohtori Academy, Miyazawa Yukino sneezed.

She glanced at the camera. "Oh, the author remembered I exist! Maybe there's hope for me yet? There hasn't been a single KareKano fanfic in this archive since 2016..."

 

[OverMaster]

A Nightmare in Mahora Street.

"There's something I have to ask you," Negi said hesitantly. He was well aware that that was starting this conversation off in what had to be one of the worst of all possible ways.

"Then ask," replied Nagi, smiling calm, gently at him.

For a moment, he considered Nagi Springfield, the Thousand Master. His father. A man only slightly taller than Itoshiki-sensei, and--

"Negi-sensei, I heard you just found your father!" Aijo Rentarou said happily, entering the room. "Congratulations on... on... on..."

Negi's eyes widened as he looked at the way Rentarou and Nagi had just locked gazes.

Low, sensuous music began filling the room...

----

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Negi screamed, bolting up on the bed.

Illya, who had been sleeping in the same bunk in a totally non sexual way, for real people, blinked several times, forcing herself to wake up. "Wha? Wha? What happened!?"

While Negi trembled and hugged his legs, Chisame grumbled from her own bunk. "He must've been having that dream about Aijo-senpai again... Honestly, I miss the days when he only had nightmares about his burning village..."

 

[OverMaster]

At This Rate, They'll Grow Guts.

Shirou was practicing Reinforcing in his room like Evangeline had told him to, when he saw Artoria pass by his open door, holding a metal cutting saw in a hand.

His curiosity piqued, he followed her to Kiritsugu's shed, where she grabbed a long discarded steel tube and began sawing it to pieces, all of it. When it was fully reduced to over two dozens of metallic rings, she gathered them all and walked away. Shirou, still mute on the subject, followed her again.

Behind the house, Shirou saw her distributing the rings between herself, Mordred, Rider, Vigilante and Lancer. Then they all lined up and began taking turns throwing the rings at the long forehead horn of Monster, who sat stoically on the grass.

Shirou walked back inside, mildly perplexed. He sat down next to Kairi-san, who was doing maintenance on his guns.

"Maybe Tohsaka is right, this inactivity is doing things to them…"

Mana Mia!

Shinji sat at the kotatsu doing nothing at all, with his gaze lost into the distance and an extremely pale face.

Shirou looked at him from a distance and then went to sit down next to Kairi-san, who was studying through a book he'd borrowed from Library Island's classified section.

"I'm worried for Ikari-san," the young man said. "No matter how much I feed him, he keeps getting even paler and skinnier…"

"Your own fault," the bigger man said gruffly.

"Mine? Why?!"

"You told Rider she couldn't go out and drink blood anymore," the mercenary explained. "So where do you think she gets all of her mana now?"

Shirou blinked, and then saw a pleasantly smiling Rider pass by, wearing a light white robe and holding a bath basket in her hands. He thought he could hear her humming sweetly to herself.

Shirou facepalmed.

"You can't save everyone," Kairi said, "it's time you learned that, just like your father did…"

"Please shut up."

 

[OverMaster]

Ruler.

Saber, Saber, Rider, Vigilante, Monster and Lancer are sitting alone in Shirou house. They know they are alone in the whole world: every other living thing is dead. The doorbell rings.

Vigilante frowned. "Nobody has died yet..."

"We aren't so lucky," Mordred said, since she was a villain after all.

Artoria sighed and got up. "I can't feel any other Servant, so it should be safe seeing who is it..."

Nobody objected against that, and nobody offered to open the door instead of her, so she walked to the door and did it.

When she did it, for a moment she thought someone was holding a mirror before her. This person's face, at the very least, matched the King's own. It was that of a woman with hair that was golden blonde, yet dark enough as to almost resemble the colour of straw. Her irises were tinted in a pleasant emerald green, and her shapely, athletic body clad in a long sleeved modest white blouse and long black skirt, plus tall black boots, casual enough for the city and yet also more than fitting for hitchhiking. In a hand she held a rolled up map, and from her shoulder hung a large and worn brown travel bag. Her thick and high soles made her look even taller than she was, towering over the Saber.

"Yes?" Artoria asked. "May I help you with something? Are you lost?" Please, say that you are lost, I don't want to cope with any more of this... she thought.

With a gentle shake of her head, the stranger answered. "Thank you very much, but far from it. I'm right where I need to be. I'm really sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I can tell you are a noble person, and no harm shouldever befall you," she said in a regretful tone, while Mordred perked up, her Son Sense tingling.

Lancer sighed and materialized his spear in a hand. "And here we go.. I guess I shouldn't complain, this should be better than the ring throwing game..."

Sighing sadly, the newcomer slammed a boot against the doorstep, and a sudden, sharp flash of white lightning enveloped her from above, making Artoria step back. It was gone in a blink, and then the outsider stood now wearing her long hair combed back into a thick braid falling down to her waist, and wearing form fitting, but still somehow modest and humble, gray from toe to neck. The sort of ensemble that would be functional for battle without being flashy at all, allowing maximum freedom of motion without sacrificing practicality.

In a hand she held a sharp standard with a white flag at its top; and a thin silver sword hung from her waist.

"O Lord... I shall raise my flag once again for the salvation of this nation... Nay, for the salvation of this world!" she shouted. "All things righteous are about to burn away. All that is holy is about to perish. Within a mere second, our future may be taken from us. Hear me! O, Heroic Spirits, mighty warriors who have gathered here. Though we may be rivals, we must stand together now!"

"Uuu," Monster said, making her mace appear in her hands and getting up to her feet.

"My True Name is Jeanne d'Arc. In the name of our Lord, I shall become your shield!" the weirdo said. "This battle will be a long journey that takes us back through human history. However, there is no need for despair. There are thousands of encounters waiting for you!"

"Woman, you can't just announce yourself from the get-go!" Mordred protested, unsheathing her perverse blade. "There are RULES to this kinda thing!"

"Even if this entire planet becomes a battleground for the Holy Grail War. Even if everything on this land turns into eternal ruinous grounds!" the intruder proclaimed grandly, with tears in her eyes from the intensity of her speech. "Even if powerful enemies await us at the end of our journey... Our fate has not yet been decided. So, let the battle begin, comrades!"

"... you are here for me, aren't you?" Mordred guessed, while the other Servants just stared on, perplexed. "Look, I know that I should've been in Trifas several days ago, but... um... no, sorry, I can't come with any actual good excuse, I suppose we've just slacked the hell here. The food is good."

The woman with the standard sniffled loudly."I'm sorry I got so emotional! It's just that I wrote something so moving, even though I've rehearsed it so many times! My dialogue is so cool, truly I was inspired by God...!"

"Okay, then, that'll be enough of this!" Mordred pushed her father aside and punted the woman in the stomach, sending her flying across the front yard.

It was another average day in the Emiya household.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Crying Freeman.

Batman looked over the weeping executive, who was balled up on the floor of his office.

"Lucius," the masked man finally said, "you really didn't have to do this just to deliver a stupid joke..."

---

Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid.

"Don't say nonsense," Kobayashi-san said, looking away. "Loving me? Someday I'll die, and you'll keep on living for God knows how long. Are you sure you want that?"

Tohru made an actually small smile, but still a rather sweet one. "I know. It's still what I want."

"The heart wants what it wants, doesn't it? And you don't have a choice..."

"No, I choose to love you. I choose not to leave you and forget. I could make others make me forget, through magic. But I don't want to. I'll never want to. It's my own decision."

Kobayashi made a long pause. "... It'd be much better if I had been like you," she said at last.

"I'm sorry, but I also have to say no to that. Because then... you wouldn't be Kobayashi-san."

She still refused to look back at Tohru.

She didn't want her to see the wetness in her eyes.

 

[OverMaster]

Monster, of all those present, was the first one to throw herself out, dashing towards the newcomer before she could recover. She moved with the blunt, steamrolling might expected from a Berserker, but with no Mad Enhancement clouding her mind. While she didn't seem particularly bright in strategy or eloquence, she moved in a way that was primarily offensive without leaving any major holes in her defense. Right off the bat, and just as the other woman got back up, she was forcing the blonde to play a more defensive game herself, dashing from one side to another while swinging with her standard at her, but most of those strikes would be deflected by her mace, and even those that hit, she would just charge back from shortly after, apparently none the worse.

Mordred was about to join in when the other Saber stepped into her path, blocking it.

"Why did you just attack her like that?!" her father demanded.

"She'd started talking nonsense about being talked to by God!" her knight said. "That's a sure sign of being insane!"

"God talked to me through a vision and told me to look for the original Holy Grail!" Artoria reminded her.

"That doesn't contradict what I've just said!"

Her being technically not alive on three different fronts (Servant, probably a machine, probably some revived mockery of life even in her previous existence) meant the (assumed) Saint of Orleans wasn't holding back, but even so, Monster had the upper hand so far. Of course, that was partly due to her being half of a combined offense.

Rider also joined the melee, moving fast as ever from one side to another, launching lightning strikes to their foe's sides with her chain hooks; so much that it was really difficult to pinpoint their exact location at any given moment. And while in comparison Jeanne seemed slow and yet more precise, she only looked that sedate for Servant standards, given how her speed seemed like a match for Monster's.

Vigilante sighed, pulling his gas gun out. "Aren't you joining in?" he asked the man standing by his side.

Lancer stood with his arms folded and yet still holding the spear between them. "Monster seems to have it covered. Besides, there's no honor, or anything else really, to be gained from meddling in a fight between ladies…"

D'Arc countered Rider's moves with better thought, more strategic clarity, persevering through the punishing onslaught of the faster and taller Spirit with stoicism. Her standard spun around to deflect most of Rider's attacks successfully, slowly but surely pushing the mana lacking Medusa back, until she was all but on her, swatting Monster aside as best as she could whenever she got too close to help Rider. Soon enough she was overpowering Rider and slamming her against the rocky ground with strong bashes of her pole weapon.

"She is Jeanne d'Arc!" Artoria was arguing, still preventing Mordred from throwing her lot in with them. "Do you even know what her legend says about her?!"

"We're from the Isles, why are we supposed to believe a Frenchwoman of all people?! That's even assuming she's actually d'Arc and not an impostor or a madwoman saying mad things!"

"I have good reasons to think she's the real Jeanne, because her face looks just like mine!"

"What? That doesn't even make any sense!"

"You'd understand if you'd fought in the Fourth War!"

"You fight bravely, Rider," the Saint grimly said, standing over the dazed and groaning buxom Servant splayed across the dirt before her now. "I really wish we could have fought together for the greater good, instead of being cruelly set against each other like this. However-"

And then Monster made something that vaguely approached a small smile and charged her weapon with electricity stored in her body, ramming it on Jeanne, shocking her and forcing her to stagger back and away from the Gorgon, in pain. "Ahhhhh!" the blonde cried, rubbing herself in the hit area and squinting warily at Monster and how she stood her ground stubbornly. "This isn't the way this contest is supposed to be played out! These unholy alliances shall only lead to greater chaos...!"

"ENOUGH!" the Lion of Camelot roared, and so powerful was the force of the voice, that everyone came to an immediate halt, looking at her. "No more of this foolishness! You will ruin Shirou's roses!"

Lancer raised an eyebrow.

The other Saberface (no, not that other one, the other other one. The newer one) breathed heavily and clicked her heels together, saluting martially as Artoria approached her. "My apologies, Your Majesty. I know our countries have long been bitter foes, and that I fought your ranks without any doubt, but today, I wouldn't have raised my hand if I hadn't been attacked first, and after such a moving peace speech, even…"

"I apologize in the name of my rash, treacherous subject," Artoria said while Mordred made faces at her behind her back. "What manner of Servant are you? Why couldn't I feel your presence upon arrival?"

"I am Ruler, the special arbiter of the Holy Grail War," Ruler bowed. "As such, I am actually here to serve you collectively, not to act as your enemy."

"The Church is supposed to handle that," Lancer said from the door, leaning on its frame.

"I am part of the Lord's Church," the Saint argued, with a hand on her chest.

There was a brief silence as Vigilante and Monster helped Rider come back to her feet.

"I need to know something before we discuss anything else," Artoria told Ruler then. "Exactly what was your relationship with a disgusting, vile, bug eyed reprobate who would fancy himself a Caster?"

Ruler's mouth hung cutely open for a moment, and then she smiled brightly. "You have met Gilles…?!"

"On second thought," Artoria told Mordred, "perhaps you actually were right to do that."

 

[OverMaster]

The Landmark First Yuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Unequally Crossover!

Yuna and Oshizu looked at Sayo, mildly startled at what she had just said.

Finally, both of them smiled sweetly. "Awww, Sayo-chan, you just can't help it! You're only eighty years old, after all!" Yuna said.

"Our silly Sayo-baby...!" Oshizu cooed, patting Sayo's head.

Sayo blushed and looked down. "I'm sorry...!"

The End.

Chamo blinked. "... That's all?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Dude, Where is my Body?

"Wait," Vigilante held a hand up, blocking their way into the house. "Before anything else, this must be settled... You don't look like the Jeanne d'Arc recorded by history, she was shorter, far less curvaceous, and had short dark hair."

"Oh, yes, about that," Ruler rasped into her fist. "I can explain! Due to the special circumstances of my summoning, I had to inhabit a human body to roam the Earth. I took the most compatible one, that of a descendant of my family."

"Your descendant just happened to live in Japan?" Lancer asked.

"Goodness, no," Ruler said. "She lived in France, I had to take a flight all the way here."

"Using her money..." Mordred said.

"She actually didn't have that much, so I had to make her quit her job and use the severance package to buy the ticket here," Ruler elaborated.

"So basically, even if you don't get her body killed, you still have left her basically penniless and without a job..." Rider said.

"..." Ruler said. And then, very meekly, "I did what I had to do..."

After a long pause of her own, Artoria spoke very coldly. "You truly are a comrade of Gilles de Rais..."

Ruler drooped her head and sobbed a little. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't inhabit any wealthy person with money to spare...! None of them were compatible, all of them were too vile, except for Bruce Wayne, but he just willpowered me out! I, I thought that was sort of rude of him, I wouldn't even have made him wear female undergarments...!"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Superman.

The Man of Steel and Doomsday, the savage alien destroyer, punched each other brutally at the heart of Metropolis. Several city blocks had been evacuated, and the force of every superhuman blow sent shockwaves that shattered more and more of the buildings around them.

Then Doomsday paused. The hideous rocky beast gestured at Superman to stop as well. The Last Son of Krypton did so and, confused, looked down the way Doomsday was pointing at now.

"GWWWWWRRRLF!"

"Oh, for the love of…" Kal-El sighed, taking his red cape off and handing it to Doomsday. The hulking monster quickly wrapped it around his own waist and tugged the tattered shorts underneath off.

"RRRRRFFFFWWW?"

Superman turned around and began walking away. "Follow me. No tricks!"

He led the villain to another district of the city, where some stores were still open. They entered a tailor shop and Superman addressed the man behind the counter. "Hello, Tony. Sorry to disturb, but we need a quick fix here, if it's not too much of a bother."

"Rrrwwrrrr," Doomsday said, setting his green shorts, with a large hole in the groin, on the counter.

The tailor looked at them, picked them, and nodded. "As you wish, Superman."

He walked into the backstore and Superman and Doomsday sat down to wait.

Doomsday twiddled his massive fingers together, clearly uneasy. Superman pulled a small phone out of his shirt. "Lois? Yeah. No, I'm fine. No, I don't think so. I have this, really. Uh-huh… Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great. No, no, it's what you cook best, really. Okay. Love."

Doomsday had picked an old magazine up and was pretending to read it (even though he held it upside down) when Tony walked back out with a new set of green shorts. "Cash, plastic or transfer?" he asked.

"Cash…" Superman sighed, pulling a few dollar bills out of his shirt and paying the man, while Doomsday badly stuffed himself in a dressing booth and pulled the shorts on.

"RRRRRR?" he asked, handing Superman the cape back.

"Um, no, you can keep it, thanks," Clark winced at the smell of Doomcrotch. "I'm sure you can get a few bucks from it in eBay. Look, we can call it a day now and—"

Doomsday shook his head stubbornly. "NNNNNNOOOOO!"

Kal sighed again. "All right, then…"

They walked in silence back to the site of their epic confrontation.

The Man of Steel and Doomsday, the savage alien destroyer, punched each other brutally at the heart of Metropolis. Several city blocks had been evacuated, and the force of every superhuman blow sent shockwaves that shattered more and more of the buildings around them.

 

[OverMaster]

Miss Kobayashi's Phantasmal Beast Maid.

---

Miss Kobayashi and the Drinking Problem.

"I'm thirsty!" Tohru sighed as she settled into the apartment. "It's a long way from Mahora…"

"There's a can of soda in the fridge," Kobayashi said, casually pointing towards the kitchenette. "You can take it if you want…"

"Ah! Thank you, Kobayashi-san!" Tohru merrily skipped her way there, opened the icebox, and… she blanched.

The fridge was full of beer cans and bottle of liquor everywhere, leaving no room for any kind of foodstuff.

Noticing the blonde's shock, Kobayashi walked over. "What?" She reached behind one of the Ebisu cans and pulled out a single Soder Cola, holding it before Tohru. "It WAS there! You only had to take a better look…"

Tohru facepalmed. "You're going to kill yourself this way…"

"Eh? Why, because of a single can of soda? I know, these things are bad for your health, as they have too much sugar, but one every once in a while won't hurt…"