OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

"Hello, Toshaka!" said the heavily accented girl standing on her doorstep, as soon as Rin answered the ring. "It's been a while! Professor Waver sent me to check how you were doing and-"

Rin closed the door on her face.

"Who is it, Neesama?" asked Sakura's voice from the breakfast table.

"Nobody!" Rin shouted.

"You can't escape reality by denying it, Tohsaka!" said the girl at the other side of the front door. "Believe me, I should know!"

"You got the wrong house, the Tohsakas lived down the street but moved away recently!" Rin said, pinching her own nose.

"You look and sound exactly like my old friend and classmate Tohsaka Rin!" the voice waiting outside said.

"Tohsaka Rin-sama was very popular here so we copied her good looks and fashion!" Rin insisted, forcing her most annoying nasal tone. "Besides, you never were her friend!"

Sakura had already gotten up from the table and approached her sister. "Is she the 'just bothersome' kind of Clock Tower student, or the 'potentially murderous' kind?" she asked Rin in a whisper.

Rin gestured at her with a hand to stay silent.

"I can blow the door in if I want to, you know!" the third girl said.

Sakura sighed, pushed her sister aside, and opened the door again. She smiled her best and closed her eyes. "Good morning, how can we help you? I'm Sakura, the second Tohsaka heiress..."

"Ah, yes, I've heard of you too," nodded the pink haired, quirkily beautiful older girl with the star shaped eyepatch. Several huge luggage backs were set down at each side of her. "Well, take my things inside and start preparing my guest room, will you? I'll have to stay for a while, I'm afraid..."

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here," Rin squinted her eyes icily at the newcomer.

The single exposed eye blinked. "Oh, weren't you contacted to announce my arrival? Didn't you get the Professor's e-mail?"

"We don't have e-mail," Rin said while Sakura, after a heavy sigh, began collecting this strange person's luggage and pulling it inside.

"Yes, that would explain why you wouldn't receive it," the eyepatched female stepped in without a single care. "Where is your Servant? You haven't lost it yet, have you? I have to assume you haven't, or you'd be cowering in the church under that priest friend of yours..."

"He's not my friend either!" Rin growled as she began helping Sakura with the bags.

The foreigner plopped down on a couch and crossed her legs. "There's a whole lot of people you aren't friends with, Tohsaka," she said. "That's bound to cause trouble for you in the future! You should learn from me, other than Luvia, I don't have any enemies anywhere..."

"Sakura," Rin hissed, throwing the last of the annoyance's luggage inside and slamming the door after them. "This is Yvette L. Lehrman, a classmate under Professor Waver Velvet..."

"Ahhhh!" Yvette sighed at the mention of the name, hearts fluttering out of her. "Profesor Charisma...!"

"Is he so sick of you already that he sent you here to trouble me instead?" Rin asked, while Sakura noticed a strange movement inside of one of the bags and lifted an eyebrow at it. "I'd prefer even Flatt over you..."

Yvette frowned briefly. "Now that's an insult, what have I ever done to you to deserve that? By the way, Sakura, you should let Ruby out, I see she's getting claustrophobic in there. And then she'll bitch on for hours..."

Rin's eyes bugged out. "Ruby?!"

"Who is Ruby?" Sakura asked innocently. "A familiar?"

"Sort of," Yvette said, waving a hand at the bag that was moving. "It's that one, unzip it and let the little troublemaker out, it can't be helped..."

"No!" Rin said. "No, don't do it, nothing good can come from it!"

But Sakura was already kneeling by the heavy bag and opening its zipper, genuinely curious. And then a long staff with small wings at the tip flew upwards out of the bag, almost reaching the ceiling and screaming with a squeaky feminine voice. "At last, my big moment is here...! After being teased for so long, Magical Ruby debuts to take no prisoners and give no craps...! Ushering on a new era of lovely justice through magical genocide, the pure hearted beacon of righteousness has arrived...!"

Rin pointed angrily at Yvette. "I blame YOU of whatever happens from this point!"

Yvette snorted loudly. "You're always such a pain! No wonder the Professor didn't want you handling this! So, where's that Servant already, huh? He's a hunky big man, isn't he? That is why you're hiding him from me...?"

 

[OverMaster]

Interlude:

Seeing Hakari leave Library Island with her roommate and one of the librarians, a girl with short black hair stood at a distance of the bridge leading to terra firma.

She was dressed in a boyish style, complete with masculine pants and a long sleeved white dress shirt. As usual, she kept her observations from afar, and she started moving along to follow them as best as she could, while keeping her binoculars well in hand.

"She isn't with him right now," she said, radioing someone, "but she's still with Inda. She looks worried for some reason."

The voice at the other end of the line hummed. "I see. So soon after entering..."

"Do you want me to bug the place after this?" she asked. "It's obvious that something is starting to happen in there, involving the three of them."

"Yes, you should do that," the voice approved. "I'll give her a couple weeks more. If she hasn't left him by then, you know what to do."

"Yes, Ma'am. Of course, Ma'am," the young woman said as the communication was cut. For now.

Ojou-sama, what are you thinking?! she wondered in her mind. The Mistress might even allow you a normal relationship, but never something like this...!

At some point, Hakari slowed down and looked aside intently. "What's wrong?" Karane asked.

"I don't know," Hakari replied, confused. "I felt, for a moment, that someone was watching me..."

"Someone is watching us," said Haruna. "Not too close, and I don't think they've got any ill intent, but they are," she added, without ever stopping.

"And how the hell can you be that sure?" Karane said.

Haruna smiled proudly. "My father is Saotome Ranma!"

"Who?" Karane asked.

"The demigod of martial arts! Master of attack and defense!" Haruna proclaimed. "I inherited his keen senses, sharper than a panther's! And, well, Auntie Kodachi has a ninja retainer too, Sasuke-san. He taught me a couple things," she shrugged.

"I'm sorry I asked," Karane moved on.

Hakari hummed to herself, and then smiled. "Oh, I see, so it's only that! Never mind then! When one is beautiful, rich and popular, one has secret admirers watching from the shadows all the time! It's no big deal!"

"People like you inevitably end up kidnapped at some point of their lives, didn't you know that?!" Karane foreshadowed.

Still on the prowl after them, Tsugumi Seishirou despaired inwardly. Oh, Ojou-sama...! Why did I have to report you? Nobody, anywhere, could understand my pain for you...!

"Wow, Setsuna-san," Asuna was saying somewhere else in the campus. "I had no idea someone could sneeze THAT strongly! It made your wings pop out and everything!"

"I swear it'd never happened before!" Setsuna gasped, hastily trying to pull her long white wings back, ashamed of them.

 

[OverMaster]

Omake!

"You know what, we should fish out all of your girlfriends already!" Haruna decided.

"Eh? What's the hurry?!" Karane said.

"It'll take too long otherwise!" Haruna argued. "And there's too much else to do as well! The Grail War! Negi-kun's search for his dad! The pony sidestory! That World God Only Knows spinoff that we never got started!"

"Pony sidestory?" Hakari blinked.

"We'll post advertisements in the school newspaper, so girls come here and look at your face, Senpai!" Paru told Rentarou. "That way, the proccess will be much faster! 'See if you can find the love of your life'! We'll charge for the chance to look at your face, and we'll make a mint!"

"... why would anyone want me to be the love of their life before they even meet me?" Rentarou asked.

"..." Haruna said. Slowly, she began rubbing her chin, then she sped the rubbing up, and when her hand was starting to sizzle against her flesh, with tiny sparks flying off, she brightened up with a huge smile before the Senpais could stop her in concern. "Ah! Of course! Negi-kun is popular everywhere, so we'll charge to get a good look at him, and you'll usher them in, so you share a look in their way in...!"

Hakari sighed and looked at Shizuka. "Yoshimoto-san, if you would please."

Shizuka tossed her notebook on Haruna's head.

 

[OverMaster]

Yue pulled Shizuka against herself immediately, as a strange tall woman clothed quite suspiciously strode into the room with those long legs of hers. In a hand, she held a long chain attached to two small daggers, one at each end.

Nodoka grabbed her neck pendant, anf it flashed, turning into a long staff. Shizuka couldn't see this quite clearly herself, pressed against Ayase, as she was. "Rider-san!" Nodoka said.

"How would you know about me?" the beautiful lady said.

"I'm friends with Saber-san," Nodoka said, materializing an open book in her left hand.

"I see," the Legendary Spirit said. "Then I have an actual reason to destroy you, don't I?"

"Then she'll be even more furious at you when she gets here," Nodoka said, standing her ground. Rentarou had moved before Shizuka and Yue to shield them, Yue still holding Yoshimoto still while using her other hand to text Shirou in silence.

Rider smiled. "I never expected anything for a duel to the death next time we fought," she said, slowly stepping towards the youngsters and swinging her chain in circles. "That wouldn't change anything."

Nodoka took a very deep breath. "Please, Medusa-san, don't do this..."

Rider stopped, eyes widening behind the blindfold. After a moment of mutism, she scowled. "I have even less reasons to let you live now."

The tip of Nodoka's staff touched the pages of the book. This, Shizuka could see it, managing to look past Yue and Rentarou and gasping softly to herself. "Don't you want to know how I learned it?" she tried to negotiate, knowing well that she could kill them all, and leave before Saber could arrive.

"I always could just torture it out of you."

Nodoka's mind went through everything she remembered from Kuro's descriptions back in Kyoto. Rider was apparently inhuman, and used a cold survival logic, but otherwise could be reasoned with. At least, she hoped that world's Rider was like this one, in that regard. Otherwise... "Please, Medusa-san. You aren't a monster. And killing us won't get you anywhere."

"I need your mana, right now," Rider began advancing towards them again.

"Monster-san is with our circle of allies right now," Nodoka said, while Yue placed a hand on Rentarou's mouth and stopped him from talking. "You don't know the truth about the Holy Grail yet. Achieving it wouldn't do any of you any good..."

"I'll be the judge of that," Rider said, hefting one of the daggers, poised for a death strike.

Nodoka sighed and slammed the open book. "Saber!" she shouted, summoning the Servant card, the anomaly in her collection.

The room seemed to explode in a surge of white light.

---

 

[OverMaster]

Astolfo vs. Unequally.

They stood on the rooftop of a tall building, overlooking the battlefield as everyone was leaving.

"I see!" Rider said, messily stroking his chin in a way that made it look like he was slapping it instead. "Well, don't worry, Master! I'm sure I can win this War!"

Celenike stared at him dubiously. "Oh, for real? With all of the monsters and crazies everywhere on these grounds?"

Rider put a fist behind his head and laughed. "Ah ha ha ha ha! Sure thing, sure thing! That only makes it easier! Madness is where Astolfo works best...!"

---

He rested, pleased, at the middle of the huge tangle of naked bodies. "Do you see now, Master? I told you I'd make everyone in this Academy submit!"

Celenike blinked, idly twiddling her fingers on a traumatized Shirou's chest. "Okay, but... how does this help us get any closer to the Grail?"

Angra Mainyu hiccuped weakly. "You can have it if you want. There's no way I could outdo all the evil that was commited today..."

"Our love is pure and noble!" Mordred growled, hugging the catatonic Artoria tightly.

 

[OverMaster]

Shiori thought she had heard some noise coming from the back room, and since the only thing to do right now was putting the Oberon Sexton books in order, she headed back there to see if something was happening.

The door was closed when Shiori got back there, but before she could open it, Nodoka was sent out flying through it, wearing some sort of long blue dress, and holding a sword in a hand. She crashed against Shiori's midsection, knocking her down and out as she dropped on her.

"G-Gah!" the younger student scrambled up, panicking at what she'd just done. "Senpai!"

Rider walked out, still swinging her chain around casually. "I told you that this would be pointless. Even if you can take a Servant's appearance, you obviously cannot fight like one…"

"Remains to be seen!" Nodoka said, lunging ahead with her blade and pushing Rider back from Shiori's prone, swirly-eyed body.

"Cute," the actual Servant said, easily dodging the strike by arching her back away from Nodoka. "You seem to have a lot of mana, you'll do better than that girl…"

"Leave her alone!" Rentarou and Yue found themselves screaming at the same time. Shizuka looked around desperately for anything she could use to help. This was a serious matter, so just tossing a book at that woman definitely wouldn't work…

"Don't make this harder for yourself," Rider asked softly, kicking Nodoka in the chin and sending her stumbling back. "I can tell your body isn't up to par with your spirit."

"I have a lot of mana," Nodoka said stubbornly, pulling out a Clow card and using it. "Windy!"

Rider was blown off her feet and flew against a wall, which genuinely startled her. "What are you?" she wondered, trying to toss her chain at Nodoka, only to find that the compact streams of air she was being bombarded with now made it impossible for her main weapon to connect. "That is not a Saber's style!"

Rentarou held Yue and Shizuka up, holding each under an arm. "I, I'll come back with help!" he promised, taking off running with both. Since the fight was blocking the way out, he had no choice but fleeing deeper into the Library, even though he didn't know the place all that well. Usually he'd mostly resort to reading e-books. "I promise!"

"No, let me go!" Yue gasped. "I, I can't leave Nodoka like that!"

"There's nothing you can do!" the boy said, and Yue lowered her head, having to admit that was the case indeed. If only I had made a Pactio with Negi-sensei, like everyone else…! she thought regretfully.

Shizuka made a small, choked hiccup. "N-N-Nodoka."

She was, actually, amazed by how fast this boy could move, carrying both of them at once. Even though they were small and light, he hadn't thought him likely to pull such a feat, since he wasn't remarkably big or muscular.

Even though her first thoughts were with Nodoka, she couldn't help feel swooned by him as well. He was like a knight in shining armor, taking his damsel away from danger…

A tiny Rentarou appeared at a lower corner of the screen, scratching his chin with a finger and sweatdropping. "Come on, I'm only escaping…! I'm a Sir Robin at best!"

Well, that's still better than nothing, right?

 

[OverMaster]

Bad Ending # 650:

"Join me, Saber," Caster purred, extending a hand towards her. "We can reach and share the Grail as a team. And then, we might even film a video about it!"

"A video?" Saber hesitated. "What, may I ask, would its title be?"

Caster smiled. "Two Girls, One Cup, naturally..."

---

Kirei looked in disgust at the television screen. "That... That is repulsive!"

Gilgamesh's serpentine eyes glowed as he smirked. "Yet I cannot take my sight away from it..."

 

[OverMaster]

"You two stay here, okay?" Rentarou asked, finally setting Shizuka and Yue down under a table, several empty hallways apart from the battle. It was as far as he could take them since he had hit a dead end. "I'll go see if there's another exit…"

"From here, the only way out is the front," Yue informed him while Shizuka grabbed him by a sleeve. "You're thinking of heading back, aren't you? Don't."

Rentarou paused. "I'm sorry, but if there's anything I can do…"

"You can't even imagine the power of someone like that Rider woman," Yue said, pulling herself out from under the table. "Stay here and look after Yoshimoto-san. I'll go instead, as I'm a trained library defender…"

Shizuka shook her head vehemently, now grabbing her sleeve as well.

Yue looked down at her. "I'm sorry, but Nodoka… I can't just stand back and let Nodoka fight alone, okay?! There must be something that I can—Never mind, looks like they've settled the matter for us," she finished, sweating a large drop as she saw Nodoka being hurled their way from around a corner.

Yue, rather quickly, threw herself ahead to catch Nodoka in her arms, diving down for a save. The other girl was battered and bruised all over, and if not for the powerup the Class card had given her, she would be unconscious or worse right now. "UQ Holder 187…" she muttered groggily. "It's UQ Holder 187 all over again…"

"D-Don't say that!" Yue gasped, even as Rentarou and Shizuka moved in to see to her wounds, and Rider appeared again, stalking towards them in long lurches. "Please, Nodoka, hold on…!"

Miyazaki breathed very deeply, pulling herself back up and softly pushing Yue back. She half smiled at the incoming Rider. "Jump," she said, summoning another card and using it to start bouncing around the Servant, hitting her with her staff from every angle.

Rentarou hugged Shizuka, who was just hiccupping with horror now. "Dammit! When did this story become this grimly serious?! There must be something we can do!"

Rider blocked Nodoka's blows with her forearm, expertly stopping each with the experience granted by years of fighting and killing Greek heroes. "I'm sorry to tell you this," she said, a hand becoming a blur of motion. She took Nodoka by an ankle and slammed her on a shelf, sending books flying everywhere and making Yue scream. "But you aren't even starting to inconvenience me."

She held the stunned Card Captor up and brought her neck towards her mouth, as she bared her teeth. "Regardless, you can provide me with richer mana than your friend. There is no need for them to—"

And then Rentarou threw himself at Rider's legs, hugging them before she could drain Nodoka. "NO!" he shouted. "Take me in her place!"

Rider looked down. "Excuse me?"

"You, you didn't come here for her in the first place, did you?! Whatever you're going to do, you can do it to me instead! But please leave them alone!"

Yue had to restrain Shizuka, who was trying to reach over to them and drag him back as best as she could.

Rider looked hard and long at this pitiful creature clinging to her. Her eyes were hidden, and yet she somehow seemed to be studying his eyes, looking for sincerity or falsehood there. She didn't feel any special spark—if anything, there was something instinctively repulsive about this boy—and yet she couldn't feel second intents or selfish purposes in him either.

She was mostly unused to see people sacrificing their lives for others. Even those who would visit the Shapeless Island would most often just look for personal glory, thinking they would succeed easily, rather than thinking of the greater good. Deep inside, the woman who cared dearly about her sisters thought of these small young men scattered around her, confused and in fear, and she felt ashamed about herself.

"You may be a better person than me," she told Rentarou, gently setting Nodoka on the floor and grabbing him by the throat, pulling him up like you could lift a kitten. "So be it, then. Thanks on their behalf."

"Suh-Senpai!" Shizuka screamed, struggling free from Yue and stumbling towards them.

But Rider already had sunk her teeth on Rentarou's neck and started suckling.

Then she was punched in the back by a metal gauntlet, and she was forced to throw the dizzy Rentarou aside, as she spun around to see a familiar valiant figure standing there, blocking the way she had come from.

Artoria Pendragon's bright green eyes glowered at her in righteous anger. In her hand, the air around the invisible blade seemed to shimmer and shift in constant flux.

"Rider!" the Saber said. "Let us finish what we started in the observatory!"

 

[OverMaster]

What am I Good For?

"Vigilante, we're going to have dinner with Emiya-kun!" Rin called out while pulling a jacket on. "Look after the house for us, okay?"

The duck Servant materialized, blinked. "Eh? Am I not coming along? That's my duty!"

"No, Monster is coming with us," Rin said while Fran materialized next to Sakura. "We're only going to discuss strategies with him and Saber, it's not like we're going to have a H-scene! But the house can't be left alone, any enemy Servants might sneak in and wreck everything!"

And so, the three women in the house were gone.

Vigilante blinked as he just stood there.

Then he ran a hand down his face. "I can tell I'm not wanted in this story... It's not my fault I was written in! That wasn't my call, you know!"

Rin peeked back in. "By the way, be helpful and leave the breakfast ready for tomorrow, all right? We might have to sleep late after all that negotiating! Bye!"

She closed after herself, and then she was actually gone.

Vigilante blinked again. "..."

Finally, he headed for the phone. "Hello? I want to order two large pizzas with everything, a super size Cola, and a chocolate cake. You'll leave them on the doorstep of this address I'll be giving you, and you can charge it to this account... Let's see..." he hummed, reaching over for the sisters' phone agenda.

---

"So, where's the breakfast?" Rin asked, looking quizzically at her Servant as he rested on the couch binging Netflix and munching on some chocolate cake.

"I think there's some leftover pizza in the fridge, you can reheat it before going to school..." he said indifferently.

 

[OverMaster]

Not Easy, Just Approachable.

The sun was setting down the horizon, and Aijo Rentarou was heading back home, simply minding his own businesses and those of all women associated with him.

Then the black haired young man stopped, as his eyes had just met those of a girl, slightly older than him, heading the opposite way, towards the female dormitories.

Her hair was done in a pony tail restrained by a large red ribbon, and she kept her hands buried inside the sleeves of her school uniform; possibly because it was a size or two too big for her. The zipper on the side of her skirt was open an ostensibly welcoming manner.

She looked back with those large, docile dark eyes of hers, and an extremely easygoing spark flew between the two of them.

Rentarou's heart beat faster.

"Good... Good afternoon. How do you do? My name is Aijo Rentarou," he said.

She smiled. "Oora Kanako..." she said placidly, as if barely putting any effort on the words.

He gulped. "You're pretty..." he had to say. "Sorry, that was too forward of me!" he gasped, not knowing why he'd just said that.

"I don't mind..." she replied, vacant and spaced out.

He blinked. "Um... You know... There's still some time left before the curfew. Mind if I treat you to snacks and soda?"

"I'm fine with that..." she shrugged with the most token shoulder motion.

He swallowed hard. "Would... Would you like being my girlfriend?!"

"I don't see why not..."

"But..." he hesitated, "I have to be honest, I'm also going to have another 99 girls as my other girlfriends."

"Ah," she paused, expression still fixed and gaze still lost away. And then, "That should be fun..."

---

Now he stood on the rooftop, introducing her to Hakari, Shizuka and Karane. "And due to recent events, I have to ask you, would you please accept Oora Kanako-chan as my newest girlfriend?"

The black haired girl didn't seem to look at any of the others, as if lost in her own world. "It's nice here..."

Karane pointed and screamed. "Class 3-F! She's Class 3-F! Nobody told me there'd be 3-F students in this...!"

 

[OverMaster]

How Does she Use the Bathroom?

The big-breasted woman smiled. "I'm Servant Ruler!" she said. "And I'm here to enforce the rules of the Holy Grail War!"

Saber and Shirou stared at her, then Saber extended a hand in a hesitant gesture of peace. "Well... from the data given by the Grail, you are a neutral party then... Be it known that I will try fighting honorably and without endangering the innocent..."

"That is good to know, Saber-san," Princess Himiko said, "but I'm sorry, I'm afraid I won't be able to shake your hand."

"Why not?" Shirou asked.

Himiko laughed softly, hands still crossed behind her head. "I'm stuck in this position, I believe! It's the only pose fan artists ever draw me in, so I lost my capacity to move my arms!"

"..." Saber and Shirou said.

The blonde then sighed and moved behind the taller female. "Allow me, then..." She grabbed Himiko's wrists and began pulling, only to see that they wouldn't budge. "Confound it...! You are right...!"

Himiko kept on laughing uneasily. "Ow! Ow! Ah ha ha ha, that kind of hurts...!"

"Shirou, bring me a crowbar!" Saber said, clenching her teeth while tugging and tugging. Ruler's back was starting to arch backwards, as the Japanese legend stopped smiling and began squealing, eyes popping up. "Or better yet, a blowtorch...!"

Shirou slumped in place. "We should've gotten Jeanne D'Arc or someone like that."

 

[OverMaster]

Miss Kobayashi's Phantasmal Beast Maid.

Tohru looked up and down at Saber.

Saber looked up and down at Tohru.

"O Knight," Tohru said, taking a step back and assuming a fighting stance. "Are you here to slay me?"

"O Dragon," Saber said, also taking a step back in the opposite direction and drawing Invisible Air out, "I stopped hunting for your kind long ago, but if you still serve the cause of Chaos, I also still will have to battle you."

"I left the faction some time ago," Tohru informed, still ready to fight. "But if you don't trust my word, I will accept your challenge regardless."

"Then so be it..."

"Saber!" Shirou barked. "Stop making a scene, will you?!"

"Tohru!" Kobayashi clapped angrily. "This isn't the time, nor the place!"

Both blondes pouted and headed towards the table.

"Civilization has ruined humanity," one of them said in a low voice on their way there.

"Shhhh, they'll hear you," the other one replied.

 

[OverMaster]

Miss Kobayashi and the Fourth Wall.

Tohru gasped as she was led in. "Wow! Kobayashi-san! These are your living quarters?! So impressive…!"

Kobayashi blinked, looking around a few times. "What? It didn't get any bigger while I was away. It's rather on the small side. I thought that you'd be disappointed, living in that huge underground complex and all…"

"Well, yes, but judging from how jaded you were to everything, I thought you lived in a much smaller hut!" the dragon in human form replied.

A small vein bulged on the smaller woman's temple. "So you've got a funny mouth on you, huh…"

"I didn't mean to offend! Sorry!" Tohru laughed, rubbing the back of her own head. She paused. "Um, sorry, I hadn't realized it, but I don't know your full name yet…"

Her hostess looked aside uneasily. "I don't like my first name all that much, actually…"

"Come on!" the busty one urged. "You'll have to tell me eventually, won't you? I promise I won't laugh no matter what!"

So Kobayashi told her.

"Huh?" Tohru blinked. "That didn't sound like a bad name to me. Why didn't you tell them?" she asked, pointing at us.

"They don't have to know," Kobayashi huffed, refusing to look at the readers.

"Why can't they know? Are you like a Fifth Dimension imp or a d'jinn, do they gain power over you if they learn your real name…"

"There's some things a lady just has to keep to herself, okay?!"

"Maybe you are indeed a d'jinn," Tohru said, looking around. "Living here must be like living in a lamp, it is small when you pay attention…"

 

[OverMaster]

"I don't like this friend of yours," Vigilante deadpanned, seeing Yvette laughing hysterically while slapping her knee over and over.

"I told you she isn't my friend!" Rin growled before grabbing Yvette by the collar and jerking her up so they were face to face. "Okay, enough of that! So what if he looks like that?! As long as he can fight, it's all the same! I didn't summon a boyfriend but a fighter?!"

"That, that thing can fight?" Yvette chortled, right before getting a light bop on the head from behind. Since that bop had just been given by Monster's mace, it wasn't actually all that gentle, and she winced in pain. "Hey, what gives?!" she said, grabbing her head and instantly stopping laughing.

"Monster and Vigilante have grown close," Sakura said with a smile. "They are good friends."

"Uuuh," Monster confirmed.

"I like you already!" Ruby said, flying in circles around Sakura's head. "What if you take me away from that numbskull and use me as you see fit? I'll bet you'd look great in Mahou Shoujo attire! A bit too busty, maybe, but you're still the youngest one here..."

Yvette grabbed Ruby and pulled her down. "That's out of the question!" the girl snapped before telling Rin, "Look, you can't deny he's too small, unless all other Servants are pygmies, what chances does he have?"

"That's my business, not yours," Rin said, folding her arms. "You're here only to take care of the Class cards, right? Just look for them, collect all seven, and then leave the way you came! That's all, and then we can forget we ever knew each other!"

"Nothing would make me happier," Yvette said, all pretenses of good humor dropped by then. "But remember, as the guardian of these grounds, you are obligated to house me in the meanwhile. And I don't want my room to be blown away just because your Servants couldn't watch over your house properly!"

"Saber is our ally, we have an arrangement of sorts with Lancer's Master, Berserker's Master isn't really interested on us, and Negi-sensei is negotiating with Rider as we speak," Rin said. Briefly, she glanced at the screen and said, "The events of this chapter take place shortly after the third chapter of the 108 Girlfriends story." She went back to addressing Yvette, who was blinking in confusion. "That only leaves Caster, Archer and Assassin as unknown factors."

"Assassin alone is reason enough to worry!" protested Yvette, who had read enough on how a Grail War was supposed to go. Professir Velvet had been part of one, after all, so it was her duty as a fangirl to document herself on them. "What guarantees are there I won't be killed in my sleep?"

"They are decreasing steadily the longer this conversation goes," Rin confessed.

"That was a good one!" Ruby chirped. "You'd have made a great Mahou Shoujo when you were young!"

"I am young!" Rin sizzled. "Anyway, take it or leave, Lehrman. Unless you can get me a stronger Servant, not that you could summon anyone but a Playgirl centerfold model..."

Yvette threw her hands up. "Fine, fine! I can look after myself anyway."

Rin smiled. "Don't be so gloomy now! Just to get me off my hair as soon as possible, I'll even give you the first card!"

"Eh?" Yvette blinked. "You have it already?"

"Not me," Rin admitted, "but I know the girl who caught it. It's the current heiress of Clow Reed's legacy."

"Oh, so Kerberos is around!" Ruby said excitedly. "I can't wait to see the old dumbass again...!"

Rin gave her a level, weary glare before half-sighing. "I doubt he'll feel the same way, but that's between the two of you. Anyway, she caught the Saber, and as everyone knows, Sabers are the best of all Servants, so--"

"Master," Vigilante said, slightly irritated by that remark, "you shouldn't just assume that Miss Nodoka will want to hand the card over. She earned it through a fair fight with it, after all, and it's in her every right to keep it..."

---

Library Island:

Miyazaki Nodoka nodded and quickly handed the ecstatic Yvette the Saber card. "Of course, I'll be glad to, Senpai!" the younger, shorter girl said. "I also think it should be returned where it belongs, along all the other cards of its kind!"

"Aaahhhh!" Yvette almost weeped, holding the card tightly. "The Professor will be so proud...! I'll have them all before I even know it...!"

Rin sweatdropped. "This was only a stroke of luck, you'll have to work for all the others..." Then she looked at Nodoka. "Are you sure about this? Will you just give it up like that?"

"It's the correct thing to do," Nodoka said. "And if we don't do the correct things, karma will find a way to punish us and have us sliced like dogs to suffer an ignominious death on the surface of Pluto."

"Nodo-chan, UQ Holder isn't canon for this story and nobody's saying that will ever happen here, just let it go already," Saotome Haruna advised.

"It's not easy, believe me," Ayase Yue said, then addressed Rin. "If it means Servants and Servant-related cards will stop attacking us so much after sensing the card's energy, then it'll be well worth it."

"Where is Kero? Where is Kero?!" Ruby demanded, flapping in place excitedly. "I want to speak with him again! I want to see him reduced to a pitiful plushie and laugh at him, since that must be how he is now if the Clow cards are lost! C'mon, call him here...!"

"He's back at home," Nodoka said. "He'd rather risk being sighted in public as little as possible..."

"Oh, that's his eternal excuse, he's just lazy and likes to stay indoors stuffing his mouth! Get it? Stuffing? Because he's a stuffed toy...!" Ruby said. "Then take me there, we'll have a better conversation that way!"

"I'm not sure we want any of you in our apartment, actually," Yue said bluntly.

"Yue..." Nodoka said.

"Oh, don't worry, the feeling is mutual after all," Yvette said casually. "As a matter of fact, I'll be showering intensely right after going back home, just to get this place's smell off myself. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not extremely grateful to you, it's just that, well...! You know...!"

Yoshimoto Shizuka frowned, wrote something on her notebook, and pointed at the new lines on its pages. I'm afraid visit hours are just over! Please leave now, it's been a pleasure...

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Jurassic Park.

John Hammond sat at the front steps of his ruined dream, right under the 'Out of Service' sign.

"Make them paleontologically accurate, they said! And I listened to them!" he lamented. "Nobody wants to see giant chickens running around…! Feathers were a mistake…!"

A gigantic chicken craned its neck over the fence, from the other side, and chomped Hammond's head off.

 

[OverMaster]

How does it Work?

"Ne, Rider-san…" Sasaki Makie said.

Medusa didn't look up from the book she was reading. "Yes, Miss Makie?"

"That look of yours that turns people into stone, it doesn't work if people aren't looking at you, right?"

"You're right, it doesn't then. That is a well known part of my myth, so why are you asking?"

"I'm not too familiar with that kind of fairy tale," Makie admitted.

"It's not a fairy tale…"

"Whatever! And when you turn them to stone, they become stone clothes and all, right?"

"Of course! What kind of question is that?"

"If the clothes don't have eyes, why do they become stone as well? They aren't the ones looking at you! It can't be that you turn everything you look at into stone, or your blindfold and glasses would turn to stone too!"

Medusa lowered the book and stared fixedly ahead. "…"

---

"Rider?" her Master asked from the bedroom. "Something wrong? What is taking you so long…?"

Medusa was kneeling by the window, putting her hands together and praying. "Please, Poseidon! If you still are somewhere out there, you have to answer! This won't let me be now…!"

 

[OverMaster]

The world had gone completely insane.

This thought just wouldn't leave Aijo's mind as he recovered as best as he could, grabbed Shizuka, and raced with her in his arms, bridal style, past where Saber and Rider were now colliding in close quarters, hitting each other with incredible amounts of brutality. Yue was also doing the same with the stunned Nodoka, once again surprising Rentarou with how strong she could get despite her diminutive size.

"Rider, you must listen!" the blonde said, whacking the taller woman against the wall. "The Grail may be cursed! Activating it would be flirting with disaster!"

"Must you resort to lies to get the better of me, Saber?" Rider growled, lashing out with a kick, and managing to hit Saber across the jaw thanks to the lenght of her legs. "It won't work! I'll only surrender the Cup with my very life!"

"God, are they always like that?" Rentarou said, then screeching to a halt as they ran into Shirou, who was entering the main hall where Shiori was still unconscious by the door of the back room. "Ah! Emiya-san!" he recognized him.

"We'll talk later!" the redhead promised, running past them without ever stopping, and heading towards the site of the battle between the Servants.

Rentarou looked after him. "Should we...?"

"Yes. Yes, we should!" Yue said, getting ahead with Nodoka through the front door. "Trust them! They're used to this!"

Once outside, they still keep running for a few minutes, until they had crossed the bridge. Yue, out of breath, stopped by a tree and placed Nodoka on the roots, catching her breath back in loud gasps. "Shiori-san..." she said. "We should..."

"On it," Rentarou said, also setting Shizuka down and running back to the Library. Shizuka, giving a small terrified hiccup, tried to run after him, but stumbled on her own feet and fell on her face, allowing him to get away.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Yue asked, helping her back up. Shizuka shook her head, wincing a bit as two crossed band-aids suddenly appeared on her face for just a moment, like a visual gag in a manga. Yue pulled her cellphone out. "We should have signal now we're here, let me call Sensei..."

Shizuka, very pale and confused, looked back towards the building, and breathed out only when she saw Rentarou sprinting back with Shiori flung over a shoulder. He panted and wheezed while stopping by them, putting the sleeping librarian next to a slowly waking Miyazaki. "I'm... I'm sorry you had to see this..." he apologized to Shizuka.

She blinked, and then shook her head briskly. "N-No..." she managed to say.

He smiled sadly, and then put a hand on her head. He waited until Rider's latest blood curling scream finished, and then told Shizuka. "No. I must be honest with you. This... This is the kind of life I've been dragged off, more or less. To be fair... it's more like I entered it, out of my own will..."

"... No, I'd say that this has nothing to do with what happened to you," Yue opined, fanning Nodoka back into full consciousness. "Completely different kinds of strangeness..."

Rentarou exhaled. "Maybe. But even so, I can't deny what my life has become, and what that implies for anyone approaching me. I'm really sorry, Shizuka-chan. Yes, indeed, not only I have two girlfriends already, but... I might have to get myself more, actually, horrible as that may sound. And every day of my life, of our lives, from now on will probably be filled with oddity and craziness. Still, I'll do my best to protect Hakari, and Karane, and everyone else around me, no matter what. That includes you, naturally, no matter what you decide to do about me."

Shizuka looked up at him, with large, shiny eyes that almost seemed to swallow him whole.

A pair of students passed by, coming from the library and leaving the sounds of shattering glass everywhere behind. "I don't know what's happened to the management...!" one of them was telling the other. "You can't study in peace there anymore...!"

When they were gone, Rentarou sighed and spoke again. "Shizuka-chan. I really, really, really like you," he confessed. "The last thing I'd want is to see you brought to harm by my proximity. It's okay if you just want to walk away from me, but please, someday, we should talk about this subject again. Maybe by then, things have changed enough as to-"

"I..." a weak sound erupted from Shizuka's throat, struggling to be heard. "I... I like... you... too..."

He blinked, then blushed, even as Nodoka and Yue paid close attention and even the KOed Shiori perked an ear up, cheeks flushing. "Shizuka-chan?" the boy gulped. "Are you sure...?"

Shizuka tried to speak once more, failed, and then desperately made hand gestures at Yue.

"Ah, sign language," Ayase said flatly. "Yes, of course I understand." She looked blandly at Rentarou. "Senpai, she isn't afraid of living an exciting, dangerous, romantic adventure with you everyday, but she says she's kind of afraid all the same, because your love is forbidden..."

"Hakari and Karane won't object," Rentarou told Shizuka. "Well, Karane might, but that's just her being Tsundere!"

Yue almost gagged. "What, what kind of answer is that? Do you realize how sexist are you- Huh?" she blinked at Shizuka's newest hand signs. "Seriously? You would be willing to give it a try...?"

Shizuka blushed again and nodded.

Rentarou beamed. "Ah! Shizuka-chan!"

Yue facepalmed. "For the love of God! I can't believe it, even for the standards of Ala Alba this is too-"

A sharp male cry of "SABER!" interrupted her, right before Rider was blasted out a window, then flew across the air over the bridge, crashlanding vilently several steps away from them.

A few moments of stunned stupor from them later, a badly battered Rider rose back on wobbly legs, even as Saber also jumped out that window to land on her feet before the other Heroic Spirit, much phsyically better and still ready to keep on fighting. "So, Rider..." the blonde said, "You were saying?"

"I might just hear after all, since you have made... a convincing case so far..." Medusa coughed.

Haruna walked into sight, with Ako, Hakari, and an already groaning Karane in tow. "Oh my God, our windows," the librarian gasped, staring up at the building. "I swear, if a single book was damaged in there, I'm so killing all of you...!"

"U-Us as well?" Nodoka stammered nervously.

"Friendship is one thing and the line of duty is another!" Haruna said with a fist on her heart. "You knew the responsibilities when you made the Club's Oath!"

 

[OverMaster]

108 Girlfriends Preview.

---

"This is the miracle drug of my own design that cured Karane-chan's Tsundereness, yep yep!" Kusuri smiled, holding a syringe up. "Since you're friends of Satomi-chan, I'll do you a favor and cure Chisame-san for free so you, too, can--"

Then she found Tsunetsuki's steel fingers tightly wrapped around her throat.

"Orkkk onnn ffffecond thhhhughtt, iffff yuuuhhh wiiike her gggetter disss way, we khan lefffff her wiiike dat, yep yep?" Kusuri gasped, her face slowly going purple.

Matoi nodded calmy while letting go of Kusuri's neck. "That would be awfully considerate of you, yes. Thank you."

Kusuri coughed a few times, then smiled again, turning towards Asuna. "However, we still can prove this wonderful drug on Kagurazaka-san, yep y--"

Innocently staring into another direction, Ayaka accidentally brought her elbow down on Kusuri's head before Asuna could say anything. HARD.

 

[OverMaster]

Omake!

"Ah ha ha, roommates with Hasegawa-san's type of personality can be quite a handful, can't they?" Hakari laughed a bit stiffly, sitting down to have lunch with Hakase. "I can sympathize with you. Why, sometimes I wish I could move out! Would you believe that there are actual girls who fantasize about having roommates of that kind... to tame their wild personalities... to enjoy the newfound tenderness under the brash surface... to appreciate the warmth of such fiery hearts... and then... maybe... to walk hand in hand with them towards a sunset, across a nudist beach or something like that?" She panted heavily to herself, cheeks red, pupils turned into pink hearts, and a thin line of drool running down one side of her mouth. "Truly, those are deviants, w-wouldn't you agree...?"

Satomi expulsed some steam out of her ears, and nodded rigidly. "I, I, I believe I do...!"

Sitting at some distance having lunch with Chisame, Karane dragged her fork against her plate, growling along the awful screech. Her head was a web of pulsing arteries. "We can hear you easily from here, you know...?!"

 

[OverMaster]

When Shiori woke up, she was in a clean bed in the infirmary. That oddly likable Katsuragi-san sat by her bedside, playing a galge in his PFP, and Izumi Ako and Haruna stood at each side of him.

"Ah, you're awake now," the boy noted calmly, briefly putting the portable console now. "Are you feeling well?"

"... Y-Yes," Shiomiya stuttered, blushing brightly. "Katsuragi-san, why are you here...?"

"Oh, he heard you were here so he came to see you!" Haruna smiled. "He's been here for the last half hour, never leaving your side!"

The boy rasped uneasily. "It's the least I should do after how you helped me..."

Shiori paused, wide eyed, while Ako took her pulse. "Th-Thanks..." She looked at Haruna. "What, what happened? I thought I saw..."

Haruna moved a hand in circles. "Just a troublemaker throwing a tantrum and tossing books around! That's all!"

"Ah," Shiori said. "But I thought-"

"She might have been wearing some sort of costume but that's all what was strange about her!" Haruna said while Ako rolled her eyes back subtly. Like most of the school knew already anyway, so why to keep these farces at random? Maybe Chao was right after all. "Yue and Nodoka are cleaning up now since it happened under their watch!"

"Ah," Shiori said. "And Shizuka-san? Is she feeling better now?"

Paru giggled. "Oh, yes! I gave her an early leave since she's gone on a date, believe it or not...!"

---

"We came to put on posters!" Hakari said, passing by the janitor with the wary Karane, neither of them carrying posters anywhere.

The man hummed from his chair, indolently reading his latest super interesting volume of To Love Ru. "Ah, again...? Well, don't take too long..." he yawned.

Hakari smiled as they went up the stairs of the already mostly deserted building of the malae academy. "I told you. Pay up!"

Karane groaned, pulling her wallet out and slapping two bills on Hakari's open hand. "Why do you need money? You're rich!"

They reached the rooftop, and sure enough, Rentarou stood there with Shizuka. "Ah, good you could make it!" he smiled at the duo. "I trust you didn't have any problems?"

"It's not like I'd be here if getting in were difficult!" Karane folded her arms and glared aside. "N-Not like you're worth the extra effort or anything, b-baka!"

Shizuka blinked. Was this girl for real, or she just liked acting like a manga character?

Rentarou drew a deep breath. "I took the liberty of calling you here since, in light of all the recent events, and after considering a lot of our life choices in the face of deadly danger, I have decided that-"

"Don't start a long ass speech, just give us the short notes!" Karane snapped. "We know everything that transpired, okay?!"

"... not everything," Rentarou had to point out meekly. "That is the key of the matter, I have decided that I can't live without Shizuka-chan any more than I could live without you, and she can't live, I mean, she doesn't want to live without me either, so please, if it's not much of a bother, could you accept her as my girlfriend out of the goodness of your hearts?"

Shizuka's eyes grew to the size of saucers and she began trembling violently, almost weeping. Had he really just put it like that...?!

"ARE YOU DELUSIONAL OR SUMTHIN', YOU SENSELESS MOTHERFUCKA?!" Inda screamed, eyes bugging out. "THE HELL IS THAT A WAY OF PHRASING SUCH A STUPID THING?!"

"I know it's a lot to take in so quickly, but you didn't have an issue with sharing with each other before!" he pleaded, raising his hands.

"THAT'S DIFFERENT! Hanezono, and I, well, we are not friends or anything, but we have learned to tolerate each other!" She then realized how Shizuka was on the verge of tears and made an abrupt swerve, blushing as she apologized. "I mean, sorry, you look tolerable enough, more than this slut here, but, ah, ah, you tell her, Hanezono!" She turned to her roommate. "Explain why it's kind of okay with you, not that I care if you even try or not!"

Hakari bit on her thumb. "Rentarou-kun...!"

He swallowed. "Y-Yes? Hakari-chan?"

"Thank you for not only not dumping me, but even consulting my opinion before having an affair...!" Hakari wailed. "I had no idea I meant THAT much to you...!"

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, ARE YOU THAT ARISTOCRATS JOKE GIVEN LIFE?!" Inda demanded.

Streams of tears began descending from Rentarou's eyes. "Oh, Hakari-chan! You are so understanding...!"

"BRAIN DAMAGED IS MORE LIKE IT!" Karane roared.

Rentarou turned to Shizuka and pulled a small wrapped package up. "Since the girls have accepted you, Shizuka-chan, I can give you this..."

"AH!?" Hakari gasped, making an emotional U turn. "A WEDDING RING ALREADY?! NO, NO, NO, NOT BEFORE ME, THAT, I'LL DEFINITELY NOT APPROVE...!"

He looked at her reassuringly. "I'm not going to propose marriage to anyone yet, Hakari-chan."

"Oh, in that case, please go on. My apologies."

"*I* HAVEN'T SAID I'M OKAY WITH IT!" Karane loudly reminded them.

He gave her a worried look. "Oh? I assumed you were being Tsundere, Karane-chan. Do you actually have an issue with it?"

"DO YOU NEED TO EVEN ASK?! Of course I... I... I...!" she stammered, taking another look at Shizuka's small, vulnerable, tender form about to break into tears again. Karane shuddered at the force of this all too cute vision of kawaiines and, like in an old outdated Western gag anime, she felt her head replaced by a giant shoe heel reading 'First Class Heel' for a moment. Then she humphed, blushed, and again her head whipped aside. "Of course I'm consistent on these matters! Do as you wish, as if I'm gonna stop you!"

Shizuka thought this wasn't exactly the most reassuring way to express acceptance, but since she was far more accomodating herself, she gave a small nod while receiving Senpai's gift, and then unwrapped it.

"It's a new smartphone I paid Hakase-san for," Rentarou explained as she held it in wonder. "It comes with an app that allows you for a fast copy of manuscript data, either downloaded from its Internet connection or saved through this memory card. It will be much faster to write in than the notebook, and it comes with an e-book copy of 'Circlet Love Story'..."

Shizuka gave several sobbing shudders.

He smiled again and put a hand on her shoulder. "That way, it'll be much easier for you find quotes to express your feelings through."

"She didn't do that all that often in this chapter, did she?" Karane wondered. "More like just once."

"It's easier for the author that way," Hakari explained.

Shizuka sniffled, then quickly typed a reply, which she immediately showed Rentarou.

In a distracted world,
full of barely controlled chaos,
when you lock your eyes onto mine,
focusing, listening, hearing, caring,
the comfort and pleasure you create
is priceless.
By Joanna Fuchs.

"Awwwww!" Rentarou cried Manly Sensitive Tears as she drew her into a hug. "I don't deserve any of this, any of you! But please, I beg of you, if any of you feels like I'm not living up to your expectations... that I'm making you unhappy or something... tell me honestly, and-"

He made a proper serious pause, and then declared with every note of solemnity, "- I will commit seppuku!"

Shizuka stiffened in place and her eyes grew several sizes.

"You... You have just spent far too long with Itoshiki-sensei, haven't you...?" Karane sweatdropped.

"You're not a samurai, Rentarou-dono, I mean sama, I mean kun!" Hakari panicked.

"Whether I am or not, I am still just as tied to the responsibilities I have with you," he said, gaze high and fixed. "If I failed at them, I would be scum, the worst of the worst. There is no bigger crime than making girls unhappy. I have already ordered a dagger through Amazon, and Setsuna-san has agreed to be my kaishakunin in case of need..."

"I'M PRETTY SURE THAT AIN'T EVEN LEGAL NOWADAYS!" Karane yelled. "HOMICIDE, SHE'D BE CHARGED WITH HOMICIDE!"

Shizuka began hiccuping several times, very loud, and clung onto him for his dear life.

Fight on, Rentarou! You are only left with 105 more to go...!

---

To be Continued.

---

Next: Someone Debuts Way Before her Intended Time!

 

[OverMaster]

What Came First, the Egg or Setsuna?

"I made breakfast!" Setsuna said, entering the resort's dining room and starting serving everyone.

"Oh, this looks and smells great!" Negi said. And indeed, as they began eating, they noticed it was a very tasty meal.

"Wow, Setsuna-san, I never knew you'd be a good cook!" Asuna said.

Setsuna actually smiled with pride. "Thank you, Asuna-san. I grew with a self-sufficient mentality and I have no roommate, so I'd like to think I've become proficient enough."

"The eggs are the best part, but why are they so big?" Chisame said, suddenly stopping. "They aren't from some wild magical bird hiding in the woods, right?"

"Ahhhh, not exactly..." Setsuna said, awkwardly scratching herself on a cheek. "You... You know how hens will always keep laying eggs regularly, even without a rooster, don't you? Well... same basic principle..."

Everyone around the table stopped eating then, and immediately most of them began choking on their mouthfuls.

Konoka's eyes shone and she just extended her plate towards Setsuna. "SECONDS, PLEASE!"

 

[OverMaster]

Fate is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type Moon.

---

Fate Summer Night.

---

When Artoria Pendragon opened the front door, she saw a person in white and red armor standing on her Master's doorstep, their head hidden within a horned helmet, and with a white and red sword sheathed by their side.

"Father! I have come to challenge you to a duel!" this individual boasted loudly, voice echoing from inside the evil looking headpiece.

The short, green eyed blonde in the white blouse and long blue skirt blinked.

"Yes, it is me! Mordred, your legit son and heir!" the stranger yelled, while Saber felt a thin sheet of icy sweat cover her face, and she wiped it down with a hand. "I have come to claim my birthright! I clearly was fated to, as even death could not stop me from-!"

Saber closed the door on this person's face and turned around, applying her back onto the door and hiding her face in her hands, bitterly mumbling curses in ancient Welsh to herself.

The person at the other side banged loud and angrily on the door. "You realize that I can just blow this thing off its hinges with the greatest ease, don't you...?!"

"Saber, what is that?" Emiya Shirou's voice called from the kitchen. "Is someone here to kill me again?"

"No, they definitely came over for me," his Servant said, allowing a burst of mana run over her, changing her into her full blue battle dress, with the handle of Invisible Air tightly gripped in a metal gauntlet. "I am genuinely sorry for this..."

Shirou peeked out of the kitchen, after feeling the pull on his mana. "Saber, who is it? You look pale," he observed, walking closer in a white muscle shirt and blue jeans, wiping his hands dry with a cloth. "It's Archer, right? I doubt you'd react like that to an Assassin or Caster..."

"I am a Saber, actually!" Mordred's voice roared. "Father, who is that?! A man who would call himself your Master?!"

Artoria clenched her teeth. "Not here!" she barked. "Not where innocents can be harmed in a suburban environment!"

"I did say I just came to issue a challenge, not to duel you yet, didn't I?!" Mordred's voice demanded just as Shirou lifted the blinds of the window and looked outside curiously. Saber gave an angry hiss and yanked him back, shaking her head. "Give me credit for this much at least, I wouldn't settle for anything less than a Camlann for our decisive rematch!"

Artoria paused, frowning.

Shirou looked at her in a mixture of puzzlement and concern, then opened his mouth to say something. "I think-"

"Don't!" Saber growled, putting a hand on his mouth to silence him, and then turning back and angrily opening the door again. "How did you find me? I didn't even have any idea you existed again!"

"I will admit I had some help," the other Servant, for they had to be that, said, grabbing the helmet and pulling it off. Shirou gasped loudly. Because that act had just uncovered a gorgeous face, identical to Saber's but framed by slightly scruffier golden hair and a furious, sour expression. "But that matters not! Despite what my allies might want for, this is still a personal matter between you and me!"

"Ah!" Shirou said. "You are... a girl?!"

Artoria moved a fist back and hit him in the face with his armored back. Yelping in pain, the young man dropped on his back, curling up into a writhing ball and grasping at his features.

Mordred blinked. "Why did you do that?!"

"To spare him from your doing so, which would have been much more brutal," the King glacially told her.

"I only do that when they keep doing it! I always give people a stern fair warning first, do you really not remember that?!"

Artoria was silent for a few moments, and then gloomily scratched herself on a cheek. "You left us shortly after revealing your gender, and I wasn't paying much attention back then, so no, I did not..."

"Father," Mordred said, helping Shirou back up, "you are such an idiot."

"On second thought, let us do battle right here and now, after all!" the Lion of Camelot snarled, slamming the door closed after her son.

 

[OverMaster]

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

---

Caster.

"Dammit!" Ritsuka bit on his lower lip as they were surrounded from every angle by screeching wraiths."Things look really bad!"

"You tell me!" his Servant said. "Looks like there's only one thing left to do! I'll use my Noble Phantasm!"

And he lied back on the floor, folded his hands on his chest, and fell asleep.

Twenty years later, he woke up. The first thing he saw was a frowning, very cute young girl with short hair. "Ah! Good morning, or afternoon, as the case may be. I trust we did end up winning?" he asked her.

"Yes. Yes, we did, Mr. Van Winkle," she said coldly, then tightened the fist with the Command Seals on it. "Now kill yourself!"

 

[OverMaster]

"Very well, start explaining yourself now," Artoria demanded while Mordred calmly ate from the plate of warmed leftovers Shirou had served her after apologizing for not having anything better at the time. It amazed him, actually, seeing someone with Saber's face not just leaving the plate clean in a couple of mouthfuls. It was even starting to scare him a little. "We have been patient, but if you don't start telling us why were you even summoned despite that being impossible, I will have to-"

"Truth is, I wasn't actually summoned here," Mordred said, chewing on a mouthful before swallowing it down. Well, at the very least, she did have some of Saber's table manners, Shirou thought. "You could say that... I come from outta town. I never was meant to fight in whatever War you have going on here."

Shirou grew worried. "You mean... that there's another Grail War happening elsewhere? Why weren't we ever told about this?"

Mordred threw her hands up. "Look, mages are idiots and will keep doing idiotic things no matter how bad they've gone before, okay? You should know that since you're a mage and you look like an idiot yourself!"

"I'm not that much of a magus, I mean, an idiot, I mean-" Shirou growled and ran a hand down his face. "Oh, forget it!"

"Where is your Master, and why have they allowed you to come here if not to fight me directly?" Artoria asked suspiciously.

"My Master is a free range kind of guy and understands I need to make my own decisions like befits a king," Mordred smiled proudly, pushing the now empty plate towards Shirou. "Seconds!"

Oh, so she actually was Saber's daughter, or son, whatever. "Okay, okay," Shirou sighed, taking the plate and heading over to the kitchen for more leftovers to heat.

Artoria wasn't convinced just yet. "There cannot be a Grail War without a Holy Grail, and the only Holy Grail is the one attached to Mahora after Fuyuki's leylines burned."

"That you know of," Mordred pointed out.

Artoria frowned. "Explain yourself."

"It seems that after that mess ten years ago, some of those magical idiots took samples of the mess in Fuyuki City and somehow managed to fabricate a counterfeit Grail in Europe," Mordred said. "My Master was chosen to participate in that War, but he suspects foul play, so before we go there, we dropped by here so he could research on the Fuyuki situation, up close and personal."

"So it wasn't your decision to come to these grounds, actually," Artoria said evenly.

Mordred scowled. "Here as in this school? No, I've got to admit it. But after the Master gathered some info on the recent sightings of reckless brawlers across the area, I recognized your signs immediately."

"How so? I have been extremely careful not to be seen by anyone but my allies, who wouldn't speak to you, or my enemies, who wouldn't share information with you or anyone willingly."

"We looked into the police files, actually," Mordred deadpanned. "All those cheap crooks sent to jail after being captured by a mysterious vigilante calling herself Heroine X? You didn't even entertain the possibility one of us would be summoned here, did you?"

Saber mildly panicked, gesturing at her to be quiet while Shirou came back and served Mordred another plateful. "What was that you were just talking about?" he asked.

"Nothing," Mordred said, happily starting to dig in. "Anyway, after learning you were alive and kicking around this area, Master thought it'd be good to check the house of the Master of Saber in the last Grail War. What do you know, it actually paid off! I owe that bastard a dinner now, maybe you can help with that?" she asked, looking at Shirou.

Artoria sighed, feeling a sharp migraine coming in even though she wasn't the Saberface who should be afflicted by those. "I assume you will be leaving for that other Grail War shortly, then?"

Shirou blinked. "Where is that other Grail War? I mean, Grails don't just pop up anywhere like mushrooms, right? Someone had to-"

"It's gonna be in Europe, okay?! What do you care, worry about your own Grail, it's not like I care about yours!" Mordred scolded him, then nodded at her father. "Of course, I will have to duel you before that, unless you make a solemn promise of holding up alive until I have finished claiming my Grail. That would make it even better, making it a contest between two victors, we can even compare Grails and-"

"An European Holy Grail, seriously?!" Shiru gasped. "I mean, how convoluted can this thing get?!"

"Don't repeat what I've just said! This isn't 2814!" Mordred looked angrily at him, and then shrugged. "Franchising, everything nowadays has to be about franchising..."

"Shirou, call Rin," Artoria said, extremely serious. "She will want to hear about this."

 

[OverMaster]

My First Love.

"Yukihime!" the boy said, advancing towards him. "Yukihime, it's me, Touta! Ah, that's right, surely you don't—YEEEAAAARRGHH!" he said, as she jumped onto him and tore his throat apart, then beginning to feast on his blood.

---

Ala Alba sat there, collectively horrified.

"What?" Evangeline groaned. "I was young! I still had to control my thirst! And I've got to admit he was a great help for that, he just wouldn't die no matter what, so I drank from him until I got fed up for a long time…"

"What… What happened to him afterwards?" Negi asked.

Eva shrugged. "I threw him down a hitch or something somewhere. I can't remember, I was drunk that day…"

---

Somewhere else, a horrified Batman stared at what he'd just dug out. "Ra's," he gasped at the sight of the emaciated, comatose boy in nothing but torn black pants. "How could you…?"

Ra's al Ghul raised an eyebrow. "I swear I never knew this was buried down there, Detective. Well, I guess that might explain why these waters gained their miraculous properties, then. I am just content to have learned why my Lazarus Pits had been pitching that horrible whine of late…"

 

[OverMaster]

"Agggggh!" screamed Rin. "I don't want to hear about thiiiiiiis!"

"Wow, you still suck at understanding hot women," Mordred opined, looking faintly amused.

"I understood Guinevere rather well, it is just that our issues could not be solved through all of the understanding in the world," her father defended herself, the two of them and Shirou standing in the living room of Tohsaka's house along Sakura, Monster and Vigilante.

Tohsaka was now walking from one side to another, ranting. "Why didn't Kirei tell me about this?! Wait, Kirei, stupid question. Why didn't Yvette tell me about this?! Professor Velvet must have known! That two-faced bitch…!"

"Why don't you just call her?" Sakura said patiently, extending a cellphone over to her. "She can't be that busy right now, at most she's only fighting a card and not a real Servant."

Yvette winced as the Rider card, looking much rather Rider herself but sporting a crazed evil grin, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her over and over against a lamppost. "Goddamn!" the Card Captor in Saber gear gasped. "Damn! This is much harder than I thought! Ruby! Do something…!"

Rin looked at the cellphone with squinting eyes. "Sakura, you know I can't use that thing!"

Mordred blinked. "You don't know how…? I know how to, and that didn't come with my modern knowledge package, it only took a quick explanation from the old man! It's easy! I think I'm starting to understand why you only could summon a duck…"

"Oh, the duck is feeble and weak just because he's small. I'd never heard that one before!" Vigilante huffed, folding his arms and looking aside.

"I don't have anything against small animals, rabbits are real terrifying little bastards, for instance," Mordred made clear. "But everyone knows that rabbits will always beat ducks, no matter what…"

"Uuuh," Fran said in defense of her friend.

Someone rang at the door.

Shirou sighed and went over to answer. "That must be Rider. I'll go check—"

Artoria had effortlessly outpaced him and opened the door instead before he could finish covering the distance. "I see you got our call," she blandly told Rider, who stood at the doorstep with a shy looking, small, thin and frail black haired teenager in a white shirt and black pants and shoes. "You didn't need to bring your Master, however…"

"I wasn't going to leave him alone, what if you were pulling me apart from him so your Assassin ally ambushed him at home?" Rider argued, walking in as the boy followed her.

"My Assassin ally? I don't even know who Assassin is supposed to be!" Saber said, closing after them.

"That's what you say," Rider said. She materialized her chain and hooks in her hands. "You have allied yourself with so many Servants already that I wouldn't discard this being a massive conspiracy against us before you start turning on each other."

"That is rich, coming from someone who conspired with Matou to kidnap me and lure Oneesama into a trap," Sakura reminisced dryly.

Rider didn't seem offended by the remark. "We did what we felt had to be done. I wouldn't even resent this being a trap, but I will have to stand alert regardless…"

"Rider, please, no," her companion sighed. He looked at Mordred, who stood there regarding him silently in her full armor. "Um, good evening, Sir, my name is Ikari Shinji and I'm Rider's Master…"

"Okay," Mordred said without any emotion. "Hadn't you said that you were on good terms with Lancer's Master? Won't they be coming as well?" she asked the other Saber.

"Relative good terms," her father said. "She is a professional magus, so she will not be walking into what, for all she knows, could be a trap unless she deems it absolutely necessary."

Rider and Shinji sweated a small drop each. So we are idiots here, just for coming when you called...?

"I see," Mordred said. "So, except for that woman and probably the Masters who remain unknown, this Grail War is nothing but a bundle of children who somehow bungled into summoning Servants?"

"I'd like to protest against that observation, but seeing the present company, I suppose that I can't deny your point," Rin sighed.

"Tohsaka..." Shirou grumbled.

"What about your Master?" Artoria asked her spawn. "Can he be called a man of honor when he isn't here with us for a reunion this important? Or is he one of those unscrupulous Masters who stick to the shadows plotting horrible moves based on murder and deceit, like some people whose names I will not mention to avoid offending their offspring?"

"You already have done that regardless, you know!" Emiya observed.

"What's wrong with that kind of people?" Mordred asked. "You never had any issue with You-Know-Who in our ranks."

"Oh, so you two have a history together," Rider smiled.

"That's not important right now!" Artoria said, raising her hands in a 'Stop that train of ideas already' gesture.

"My Master is outside right now, overseeing this house with a sniper rifle and several explosive charges from a safe vantage point," Mordred confided them. "So in the event any of you is plotting any funny stuff... You'd better forget it, because he'll get you even if you slipped past me."

Her father scowled. "So he is that kind of man too..."

"Gathering intelligence, even through questionable means, and being prepared for any eventuality, are also important parts of strategy, Saber," Rin lectured King Arthur even when she had no grounds for doing so. "And speaking of that..."

She gestured at Sakura, who sighed and pulled her cellphone out. "Negi-sensei?" the youngest Tohsaka asked. "Oneesama would like to know how is your surveillance going... Yes, yes, I see... That is... good, I suppose? Sorry to bother you this way... You're too kind... Very well, then, bye."

She cut the call and told her sister, "No, they are checking on Kuzuki-sensei again and he still doesn't seem to have summoned anyone. Of course, they can't get too close, but Chachamaru-san's sensors have good range, and yet..."

"What is all of this about?" Mordred inquired.

"There is a teacher in Mahora who we have reasons to believe might be Caster's Master," Shirou explained, recalling what Ala Alba had been told in Kyoto, "but apparently it isn't so. This is bad, how can we move onto a foreign War without taking care of the one here first?"

"You just leave that to me, it's what I was called for," Mordred said. "All I want is proof on the Grail being cursed, because if it is so, then the copies made from it would be as well."

"Copies?" Shinji echoed.

"Besides the one in Europe, the American magi are supposed to be developing one as well," the new Saber confided.

"Oh, for the love of-!" Rin facepalmed. "This never ends, or does it?"

The front door went open then, and all of the Servants pulled their weapons out, startled. Then they saw a young woman, badly bruised and beaten and wearing a tattered copy of Saber's battle gown, stumbling into the house. She looked at Rider with the eye not covered by a patch, and smiled weak and nervously.

"Ah ha ha ha, oh wow, you came all the way here for me..." Yvette stuttered, and then fainted, dropping on her face as Shinji shrieked.

"Miss!" Shirou gasped, rushing to her side to aid.

Rider blinked visibly under the blindfold. "Um, I have no idea what is she talking about. This is the first time I have ever seen this person."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't hold it against you anyway," Rin deadpanned.

"Woo, I'm beat!" Ruby said, floating towards the kitchen with two bandages crossed on its tip, as Mordred looked at her with puzzled curiosity. "Sakura-chan, massage me a little after putting ice on me, will you? Thank you, you're a dearie...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Low Hanging Fruit.

"I thought they didn't execute anyone by hanging in this era," Mordred observed as she and her father passed under a large tree.

"Hmmm?" Artoria looked up at the man hanging from a branch. "No, this is Professor Itoshiki. A friend of ours. He does this all the time."

"Ahhhh," said Mordred, unfazed. "A pity, I was starting to have hope for these times again."

There was a pause.

"So, how long did it take him to know you, for him to start doing this?"

"As soon as I get him down, I am going to hurt you!" Artoria promised, going to look for a ladder.

 

[OverMaster]

An Interesting Way to Spend April 1st.

"I'm not sure," Negi doubted. "They'll take it badly…!"

"Oh, come on, it's in the spirit of the day!" Misora said. "Some day, soon, we'll look back at this and all of us will laugh a lot…!"

"Oh, very well," Negi sighed, waiting into the room where Chisame, Ayaka, Misa and Haruka were waiting for him. "Girls, thank you for coming. I called you because I have something very important to tell you… I'm gay."

---

Mikado Ryoko looked over the beds where the girls lied comatose but twitching. "All of them at once…!" she said, rather impressed. "How could it happen? All four of them are so young and healthy…!"

Misora looked aside intently, rasping and blushing while Negi bawled his eyes out. "T-Truly a mystery, we may never know…" she said, staring fixedly at the door.

Ako facepalmed.

 

[OverMaster]

Why Didn't Unequally Kirei Steal Lancer from Bazett?

"Kirei, I was wondering," Gilgamesh said from the couch, where he rested indolently sipping wine, "why didn't you steal the red haired woman's Servant from her after all? I seem to recall that was your original intent."

The priest paused grimly from the church budget he was reviewing. "Indeed," he said at last. "But when she entered these premises to register Lancer in, she had him constantly on guard. So I never could hope to stand a chance past the defenses of the Hound of Ulster."

"Oh?" Gilgamesh said. "I thought you had her full trust."

"So did I," Kirei admitted. "But in hindsight, there was a moment where I failed. A single instant that must have changed her perception of me. Had things gone differently, Lancer would be under our control now. But I was weak, back then. It happened during a joint mission in France, five or six years ago. She was just a child, and she would follow me anywhere without a single question. We set camp by a river, and then, during the middle of the night, while she slept..."

The blond man raised an eyebrow. "Kirei! I never thought your appetites would get the best of you like that..."

"... I stole the pudding she had been saving for the next day," Kotomine finished, dropping his head.

The King of Heroes seethed. "You bastard...! So it's long been a vice of yours...!"

"I don't even like pudding, I just crave to see your faces when I do it...!"

 

[OverMaster]

There was a castle in the woods, high up the mountains surrounding the Mahora District. The Mahora Einzbern Castle, one of several such fortresses built by the Einzberns close to Japan's most important leylines, was not as great and large as the ruins of the one near Fuyuki that had once housed Saber and Irisviel, but it still was gigantic enough as to keep most locals away, scared by rumors of ghosts haunting its halls.

In truth, there were no ghosts of any kind in the building, since Illya and Sayoko were the first people to actually live there after shaking a lot of spider webs and dust off. But it had done an excellent job of preventing unwanted visits until today.

"You have got a lot of nerve, coming here," Illya told Negi, Chisame, Asuna, Ayaka and Chamo as they were brought before her presence by Sayoko.

The small albino, in slippers and a wine-purple gown, rested lazily on a large throne-like chair at the end of an otherwise empty room, eating ice cream from a huge bucket and with a PFP resting by her side. Chisame was having strong Evangeline-Skuld vibes already. How old was this brat anyway, if the other two were any indication?

"We felt we had to speak with you," Negi said respectfully. "We have been informed by Shirou-san that there may be another Grail War brewing in Europe as we speak."

"So?" Illya said. "Did you come for information on that? Why should you care, you aren't even a Master anyway. Or have you manifested Seals already?"

"How… How long have you known?" Ayaka blinked, surprised.

"That was a concern of Grandfather since before sending me here, apparently the Magus Association was looking for alternatives to what they deem the Japanese Problem," Illya told them.

"And you never thought it necessary to tell your own brothers?!" Ayaka demanded.

"Since I originally came here to kill said brothers, no, why should I have?" Illya asked back matter of factly. "How did you learn anyway? Did Tohsaka tell you?"

"She was as surprised as we were," Negi said.

Illya chuckled. "No wonder! Heh, her family's fallen so hard, that they didn't even care about informing her…"

"Well, your family isn't involved either," Asuna said. "So it's not like you guys have much of an advantage…"

"Who says we aren't? Grandfather likes covering all angles," Illya said. "He said he was sending someone there just in case, it's not hard for him since as a founder of the System he can just graft Seals on any homunculus he creates…"

She paused, looking at the surprise on her visitors' faces. "What? He's got a cold heart. For him, I am replaceable, and he wouldn't ever place all of his hopes on me, even if I happen to own Heracles. That's the kind of man he is." Then she added, "Before I deign to share any more information, I demand for an answer to my question. Who did tell you?"

"A second Saber just showed up out of nowhere and told Saber-san about that," Matoi said.

Sayoko and Illya recoiled, surprised by her presence. "Ah!" the latter said. "You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded. "But she only mentioned it taking place on Europe, not exactly where…"

Illya sighed. "Transylvania," she said. "A rogue group of magi known as the Yggdmillennia have fortified themselves there and have secured the lands gestating the second Grail."

"Transylvania? The land of Count Dracula?" Asuna blinked.

"Oh, so you aren't that ignorant after all!" Illya said condescendingly. "Then again, I have to assume you know that only from movies and cartoons."

Asuna pouted. "What matters is that I got it right!"

"This second agent of your clan, who would it happen to be?" Ayaka asked warily, a subtle, looming image of an evilly grinning Kuro-san beginning to emerge from the back of her mind, and making the skin on the back of her neck crawl. "Have you met her or him? What kind of person would they be?"

"I make a point of not interacting with the labor homunculi unless absolutely necessary, that is why I chose coming with Sayoko instead," Illya sneered, pointing at the black haired maid, who smiled softly. "I don't know, I think Grandfather was creating that person when I was sent here. Since I follow the same template as my mother and our Third War representative, I suppose this person also does. Probably cloned from me using the genetic material Grandfather keeps in storage…"

Chisame, Ayaka and Asuna all repressed a quiet urge to scream, the Kuro image now hugely looming over all three of them and giggling nastily.

"I see, thank you, that is very helpful," Negi breathed out. "In return, I will tell you that we have managed to contact the Rider."

"And you surely haven't taken the chance to kill them or their Master," Illya scoffed.

"Illya," Negi said. "It's for the best if everyone makes a common front here, rather than doing what the Grail wants and unleashing a bloodbath on Mahora…"

"Yeah," Matoi said blandly. "That's why we want you to help us find the Caster, Archer and Assassin and complete the set." A beat. "Preferably without having your jolly gray giant killing them."

"You make a lot of demands to someone whose property you have just intruded into," Illya chided them, coming off the seat. "But I might be persuaded to play along for the time being, if only because I'm curious exactly what do you plan to do. If nothing else, seeing you fail before Heracles plows through all of those inferior Servants in a sweep will make for a spectacular endgame, and it'll be convenient having them all in a single place for it."

"Confident of herself, isn't she," Asuna said, as Illya gestured at them to follow her, which they did, down a narrow corridor further into the fortress. Chisame kept on mumbling something about traps between her teeth.

"She should, if the other Servants are the same as Kuro-chan told us, then she's got a clear edge over everyone," Chamo answered in a low voice. "But those other Servants, who knows, Kuro-chan never said anything about that…"

Illya had stopped before a large indoors pool, and undid her gown, letting it drop around her feet. Negi and the girls gasped as she stepped out of her slippers and into the water, clad only in white panties. "We will discuss our terms over a soak, this country is too hot for my tastes and I need refreshing. Don't worry, you are allowed to come in your undergarments or nude if you prefer it so…"

Negi made a long, choked, high pitched sound.

Chamo dropped from Negi's shoulder, falling on his back and crashing against the floor with a loud sound.

Absently, Sayoko kicked the ermine back and out of the room even as she began stripping.