Starring (part 21)
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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11th October 1999
08:02 GMT
Well… That's… Completely terrifying.
At Secondary School we didn't have separate biology, physics and chemistry G.C.S.E.s. Instead, we had something called Science Double Award G.C.S.E. which compressed the three down into two. I'm not sure what the difference would have been, but… Physics wasn't my best subject. So much of what is supposedly true about the nature of spacetime just sounds so ridiculous…
And that's a black hole.
I've read Stargate Command's records on the incident, and… And honestly, it made me want to go and live in a universe with sensible physical laws. But between Am-heh's ancestor's understanding of real physics and my own desire for the stupid suck-hole to leave me alone-.
"-od we can still-."
The man I believe to be Major Boyd jerks around, taking in his still-stationary comrades and.. the man hanging in the air next to them, and then looking up at me.
"Are you..? Am I dead?"
"No."
"Oh fuck."
"You're not really my type, but get a few drinks in me and who knows where the evening might take us?"
He stares at me.
"What?"
"Better. Now, my name is Lord Mammon. I am currently Stargate Command's leading supplier of naquada and I'm here to… Ah, let's be generous and say 'rescue' you."
He considers that. Then he looks up at the black hole in the sky behind us. "How?"
"Gravity shielding. Technically, any species with artificial gravity technology could do this, I'm just better at it."
He nods distractedly. "My team?"
"I thought that briefing the team leader first would be the thing to do. My plan is to take the five of you back to my homeworld while your superiors arrange the novel plant varieties that I want to trade you for, then send you on your way."
"And which of us is getting a snake in our head?"
"As long as the snake is a consenting adult, I'd frankly rather not know. Are you coming, or do you want to stay-" I point my right thumb at the black hole. "-here?"
11th October 1999
12:37 GMT
I sit up in my lounger and take a long sip through my banana milkshake's straw. Oh, Neper grows a sort of plantain-marrow thing on Cannett, but it's not the same. And then I lean back as the ring continues to scan right through that cloaking field the nox have around their flying city. No weapons worth anything, but their anti-gravity system is jolly interesting and cloaking something with that sort of power output is no mean feat.
"Hello?"
I tilt my head-. Ah, one of the local hippies. A young male.
"Good morning." I grip my milkshake and shake it at him. "Want one?"
He gives me the mildest frown imaginable. "I was wondering… Do you know why I can't feel you?"
"Because you're not touching me?"
"No. It's like… You have no life force at all?"
"Is that some sort of… Extra sensory perception thing? Because I'm wearing a force field, so it might be blocking it."
I could scan him. The nox are supposed to have some sort of innate biological ability to heal others. If I could create a cell suspension that duplicated it, we could do away with the sarcophagus. Or I could give a mindless clone to Bastet…
No, too much risk. I'll just be happy with what I'm getting.
"Huh. Yes."
"I mean, I'm not an expert on your abilities-."
"I would like one."
"Rightoh." I focus on my desire to give the young hippy who's probably never known another way of life at least one benefit of consumer society and a new milkshake appears in the air before him. "Enjoy."
He takes the glass in both hands and takes a sip. Then he pulls a face.
"I don't like it. Is there milk in it? I'm not a baby."
"It's a milkshake; it's mostly milk. You don't like it, don't drink it."
He drops it, spilling it on the ground, and then looks around. "Are you hunting? That doesn't usually work very well."
"No. Not hunting. It doesn't usually work very well."
"Then what are you here for?"
I shrug. "Got any good fruit?"
12th October 1999
16:52 GMT
The stargate closes and those naughty robots of Altair finally stroll through. Stargate Command's reports say that they buried the gate, so I decided to borrow Lord Bastet's calculation system and locate this planet manually. Of course, they haven't buried the gate, and Harlan is awkwardly heading for the gate to welcome them back.
Stealth drones built with a combination of goa'uld and nox technology have scoured the facility and the land outside. Their shielding protects them from the intense radiation and acid rain, and I've already identified dozens of sites of interest. I'm not really sure who used to live here, but a cursory examination suggests that their technology was at least equal to that of the goa'uld.
Messing up your world this badly takes effort.
I could break into the facility with force, or hack into the entrance computers, but I think something a little less confrontational would be better.
Plug that drone into the exterior communication system…
Transmit.
"Hello Altair base. Please respond."
The ring shows me the team looking around, and then looking at Harlan's retreating back. He leads them into some sort of command centre-.
"Comtrya?"
"Comtrya to you, too. My name is Mammon, and I'm a merchant. I have a proposition for you and your colleagues. Might I have your permission to enter your home and discuss it?"
O'Neil 2 nudges Harlan aside. "And what happens if we say 'no'?"
"Then I salvage the surface on my own and then leave you to it. Some jolly interesting stuff up here. I.. think that's a space ship. Oh, I've also got a better battery system, stargate network map, goa'uld scientific and technical tools and farm fresh produce, and… I also acquired a full record of every episode of The Simpsons?"
O'Neil looks around, getting nods from his team and a confused shrug from Harlan.
"Alright. We'll meet you by the main door."
"I will see you shortly."
08:02 GMT
Well… That's… Completely terrifying.
At Secondary School we didn't have separate biology, physics and chemistry G.C.S.E.s. Instead, we had something called Science Double Award G.C.S.E. which compressed the three down into two. I'm not sure what the difference would have been, but… Physics wasn't my best subject. So much of what is supposedly true about the nature of spacetime just sounds so ridiculous…
And that's a black hole.
I've read Stargate Command's records on the incident, and… And honestly, it made me want to go and live in a universe with sensible physical laws. But between Am-heh's ancestor's understanding of real physics and my own desire for the stupid suck-hole to leave me alone-.
"-od we can still-."
The man I believe to be Major Boyd jerks around, taking in his still-stationary comrades and.. the man hanging in the air next to them, and then looking up at me.
"Are you..? Am I dead?"
"No."
"Oh fuck."
"You're not really my type, but get a few drinks in me and who knows where the evening might take us?"
He stares at me.
"What?"
"Better. Now, my name is Lord Mammon. I am currently Stargate Command's leading supplier of naquada and I'm here to… Ah, let's be generous and say 'rescue' you."
He considers that. Then he looks up at the black hole in the sky behind us. "How?"
"Gravity shielding. Technically, any species with artificial gravity technology could do this, I'm just better at it."
He nods distractedly. "My team?"
"I thought that briefing the team leader first would be the thing to do. My plan is to take the five of you back to my homeworld while your superiors arrange the novel plant varieties that I want to trade you for, then send you on your way."
"And which of us is getting a snake in our head?"
"As long as the snake is a consenting adult, I'd frankly rather not know. Are you coming, or do you want to stay-" I point my right thumb at the black hole. "-here?"
11th October 1999
12:37 GMT
I sit up in my lounger and take a long sip through my banana milkshake's straw. Oh, Neper grows a sort of plantain-marrow thing on Cannett, but it's not the same. And then I lean back as the ring continues to scan right through that cloaking field the nox have around their flying city. No weapons worth anything, but their anti-gravity system is jolly interesting and cloaking something with that sort of power output is no mean feat.
"Hello?"
I tilt my head-. Ah, one of the local hippies. A young male.
"Good morning." I grip my milkshake and shake it at him. "Want one?"
He gives me the mildest frown imaginable. "I was wondering… Do you know why I can't feel you?"
"Because you're not touching me?"
"No. It's like… You have no life force at all?"
"Is that some sort of… Extra sensory perception thing? Because I'm wearing a force field, so it might be blocking it."
I could scan him. The nox are supposed to have some sort of innate biological ability to heal others. If I could create a cell suspension that duplicated it, we could do away with the sarcophagus. Or I could give a mindless clone to Bastet…
No, too much risk. I'll just be happy with what I'm getting.
"Huh. Yes."
"I mean, I'm not an expert on your abilities-."
"I would like one."
"Rightoh." I focus on my desire to give the young hippy who's probably never known another way of life at least one benefit of consumer society and a new milkshake appears in the air before him. "Enjoy."
He takes the glass in both hands and takes a sip. Then he pulls a face.
"I don't like it. Is there milk in it? I'm not a baby."
"It's a milkshake; it's mostly milk. You don't like it, don't drink it."
He drops it, spilling it on the ground, and then looks around. "Are you hunting? That doesn't usually work very well."
"No. Not hunting. It doesn't usually work very well."
"Then what are you here for?"
I shrug. "Got any good fruit?"
12th October 1999
16:52 GMT
The stargate closes and those naughty robots of Altair finally stroll through. Stargate Command's reports say that they buried the gate, so I decided to borrow Lord Bastet's calculation system and locate this planet manually. Of course, they haven't buried the gate, and Harlan is awkwardly heading for the gate to welcome them back.
Stealth drones built with a combination of goa'uld and nox technology have scoured the facility and the land outside. Their shielding protects them from the intense radiation and acid rain, and I've already identified dozens of sites of interest. I'm not really sure who used to live here, but a cursory examination suggests that their technology was at least equal to that of the goa'uld.
Messing up your world this badly takes effort.
I could break into the facility with force, or hack into the entrance computers, but I think something a little less confrontational would be better.
Plug that drone into the exterior communication system…
Transmit.
"Hello Altair base. Please respond."
The ring shows me the team looking around, and then looking at Harlan's retreating back. He leads them into some sort of command centre-.
"Comtrya?"
"Comtrya to you, too. My name is Mammon, and I'm a merchant. I have a proposition for you and your colleagues. Might I have your permission to enter your home and discuss it?"
O'Neil 2 nudges Harlan aside. "And what happens if we say 'no'?"
"Then I salvage the surface on my own and then leave you to it. Some jolly interesting stuff up here. I.. think that's a space ship. Oh, I've also got a better battery system, stargate network map, goa'uld scientific and technical tools and farm fresh produce, and… I also acquired a full record of every episode of The Simpsons?"
O'Neil looks around, getting nods from his team and a confused shrug from Harlan.
"Alright. We'll meet you by the main door."
"I will see you shortly."
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