OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Moby Dick.

One gray Autumn midday, the crew found Moby Dick's large white dead body, placidly resting on a beach.

The cormorans and seagulls were pecking on it, ripping large chunks avidly. Bristling in anger, Captain Ahab pulled his guns out and killed as many of them as he could.

His crewmen were actually afraid he'd start killing them afterwards, as well. But on another level, they were relieved. Captain Ahab's pursuit had ended before it could drag them all to a tragic fate; without a demon to chase, what was he anymore, but another sea captain?

Captain Ahab finished the current trip without a complain, although he clearly was unhappy. But after returning to shore, with all of his men alive and well paid, he called his quits and retired to the mainland, as far from the sea as a man could get.

He bought himself a small cabin in the mountains with his meager savings, and there he brooded.

Moby Dick, after all, was nothing but another dumb animal. Less than an animal, now, just bones picked from a rotting carcass. Ahab felt like an idiot. He had wasted his life.

Now, he had been left with nothing. Not even his hatred. Not even his rage.

Moby Dick was dead. And it never could return.

Not even in dreams, of revenge or otherwise, because Captain Ahab couldn't dream anymore.

 

[OverMaster]

Life after Death.

Mikado Ryoko held up a crying ghost baby before the proud parents.

"Congratulations!" Mikado-sensei said, while Sayo and Negi held hands and smiled brightly. Behind the doctor, Oshizu sniffled in joy. "It's a healthy abortion!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Wisdom of Solomon.

One day two women came to King Solomon, and one of them said: "Your Majesty, this woman and I live in the same house. Not long ago my baby was born at home, and three days later her baby was born. Nobody else was there with us. One night while we were all asleep, she rolled over on her baby, and he died. Then while I was still asleep, she got up and took my son out of my bed. She put him in her bed, then she put her dead baby next to me. In the morning when I got up to feed my son, I saw that he was dead. But when I looked at him in the light, I knew he wasn't my son."

"No!" the other woman shouted. "He was your son. My baby is alive!"

"The dead baby is yours," the first woman yelled. "Mine is alive!"

They argued back and forth in front of Solomon, until finally he said, "Both of you say this live baby is yours. Someone bring me a sword."

A sword was brought, and Solomon ordered, "Cut the baby in half! That way each of you can have part of him."

The two women, paused, startled. Then, after several moments of shocked silence, both nodded.

"If you say so," the first woman said, "then that is fine with me. As long as she doesn't have him..."

"Same thing here," the other woman said. "I always can have another one."

The King blinked, stared blankly at them, and then, with a sigh, swung the sword and sliced both of their necks.

---

Ritsuka winced. "That... That isn't the way I remember the story going..."

Sheba shrugged. "For what it's worth, I heard it from a second hand source. He didn't like to talk about his job in the bed chambers..."

 

[OverMaster]

Cooking Mama.

"This... This is actually delicious!" an impressed Chisame said after finishing the stew. "When did you become such a great cook, Kugimiya?"

"Me? Oh, no, I didn't cook this time!" Madoka told the guests.

Chisame blinked at Misa. "You, then? I had no idea that you had it in you!"

"I don't," Misa deadpanned. "There are things I wouldn't do even for Negi-kun."

"It was me!" Sakurako smiled. "I really wanted to show Satomi-chan I can do it!"

"Well..." Chisame hesitated. "Can you give me the recipe?"

"Sorry, but I can't," Shiina said.

"Why not?" Satomi asked.

"Because I don't know how I did it," Sakurako confessed. "I just threw things at random into the pot, turned the stove on, and this stew came out."

"Okay..." Chamo said, with a large drop of sweat on his head. "That makes sense, coming from you, Neechan..."

 

[OverMaster]

Lucky Shot.

Sakurako smiled widely, holding a pregnancy test up.

"Girls, guess what! I'm with Negi-kun's child...!"

Chisame, Satomi, Misa, Misora, Louise, Ayaka, Fukawa, Yue and Natsumi all looked down at their own tests. They were negative.

"We shouldn't even be surprised about this kind of thing anymore..." Chisame mused dryly.

"Negi-kuuuun!" Misa called out, starting to pull her clothes off. "Sakurako-chan needs to tell you something, but first, snugglies, okay?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Trick Shot.

"Oh, so you're pregnant by Negi-kun!" Yuuna smiled. "Congratulations, Saku-chan! What a happy coincidence, I'm pregnant as well!"

She grinned and held up a positive maternity test.

Chisame, Louise, Misora, Misa, Yue, Ayaka, Natsumi, Fukawa, Satomi and even Sakurako herself looked horrified.

"What?" Yuuna frowned. "No, I haven't even touched Negi-kun! No offense, but... I'm not a Shotacon. Just because I kissed him once in an emergency? Come on!"

Chisame gulped. "Then... who is the father...?"

Yuuna smirked very cattily.

The other girls looked downright disgusted now.

Yuuna frowned once again. "I haven't even told you it's him!"

"Oh!" Ayaka sighed. "So... It's not him, then?"

"Well, no, actually, it IS him."

The other girls all facefaulted hard. Except for Sakurako and Satomi, who only sighed and shook their heads.

 

[OverMaster]

Precision Shot.

"I see. Congratulations are in order," Chachamaru said, and then bowed at Sakurako and Yuuna. She straightened and smiled, producing a positive test of her own from a small compartiment in her right wrist. "I am sure we will keep good company to each other in this adventure."

"Whaaaaaaaaaa?!" Chisame said. "How, how could this come to be?!"

Hakase grinned smugly. She stepped before Chachamaru and slammed a fist on her own chest. "Glad you asked! I recently installed a cloning storage unit within Chachamaru's lower belly, effectively creating a womb for her!"

She patted the gynoid's lower midsection. "Sensei's sperm, released from his body and into Chachamaru's through their romantic endeavors, was automatically collected and used to create a genetic duplicate, spliced up with traits matching those of Chachamaru! Such as her hair color, her evocative eyes, her flesh tone... Chachamaru can even select the child's gender and guide its development accordingly."

She looked at her daughter. "So, is it going to be a boy or a girl?"

"I have decided that I would have an easier time handling the upbringing of a daughter, as my contact with males is still limited. Of course, if you wish otherwise..."

"No, no, a daughter suits you best," the proud grandmother said. "During nine months, the baby will develop within Chachamaru until it is time for her to be ejected safely through a procedure that simulates a painless natural childbirth! Ahhhh, I've surpassed myself this time...!" she swooned, hugging herself.

Ayaka was not quite as amused. "Let me guess. You did put some of *your* genetic material there as well, didn't you?"

"Of course," Satomi said. "Eggs are still necessary so they can be fertilized, and Chachamaru couldn't supply her own, so I gave her some of mine."

"Then it's less like Sensei's clone, and more like your child with him!" Ayaka yelled.

"It's not quite as simple as that, but if you prefer to think of it that way..." Satomi shrugged.

Louise began wailing, pointing at Chachamaru. "I want to be angry at her, so much...! But for some reason, I just cannot...! Why, why...?!"

Misora patted her head. "There, there. We know the feeling, we all have been there..."

 

[OverMaster]

Explosions Fix Everything!

"I have learned a lot under Konoka!" Megumin smiled proudly, flipping the brim of her hat with two fingers. "Thanks to her, my magic is now much more powerful and diverse!"

"Oh?" Kazuma said. "You actually accepted to learn anything other than Explosion?"

"Geh! Of course not!" Megumin said, disgusted. "I've told you, I will stick to Explosion to the day of my death in glorious battle! But she made me realize I was not paying Explosion its due tribute if I didn't diversify!"

"How so?" Darkness asked.

Megumin smirked and snapped her fingers. "I need a wounded volunteer for my first demonstration!"

Darkness began turning her sword on herself. "Let me..." she asked, but then, before she could stab herself, Chachazero drew a large knife out and stabbed Chamo right under the heart.

"ANIMAL ABUSSSSEEEEEE!" Chamo wailed, blood bursting from him into every direction.

"CHAMOOOOOO!" Negi and Nana screamed.

Darkness blinked, disappointed, just as Megumin slammed her staff down and shouted, "HEALING EXPLOSION!"

A huge expanding wave of blessed energy swept the area, and Chamo began feeling his chest all over. "I'm saved! Thank you, Megumin-chan...!"

Chachazero hummed, pulling another knife out. "Maybe we should check it wasn't only a fluke?"

Misa looked at herself in her hand mirror. "Well, just look at that...! It even took care of that impossible pimple on my cheek...!"

Hikaru, Yukino, Tsuwabuki, Sakurako, Negi, Wendy, Makie, Happy and Lucy all began clapping. "Bravo, Megumin! Bravo...!"

Konoka smiled, hands on her own hips. "It was all a matter of motivating her properly! An explosion is, after all, a means through which to carry magic out, and it can be used for many purposes!"

"Not so many, however," Evangeline said. "There is a clear limit for the applications of explosive magic, since it's primarily offensive."

"What? No! Explosions can be used for ANYTHING!" Megumin protested. "That's why they are the ultimate form of magic! Check this out! WATER EXPLOSION!"

A gigantic ball of water exploded all around them, drenching everyone from head to toe.

Megumin smiled back at Konoka. "Once again, I'm so, so thankful, Supervisor!"

"You... You are welcome..." Konoka said dryly (heh) while wiping her soaked hair off her face. Setsuna just stared mutely at how her white shirt clung to her.

Aqua smiled, moved her fingers, and left herself dry instantly. "A good trick for a little mage, but nothing that a goddess of water can't surpass easily! You'll have to do better than that to impress me!"

Megumin fumed. "Okay, you asked for it... Not impressed yet, huh? I'll show you the spell all of you fear the most!"

Chisame gasped. "W-Wait, do you mean...!?"

"FLANS EXARMATIO EXPLOSION!"

Every piece of clothing in the whole district exploded into so many tiny pieces.

It was decided that from then on Megumin would study with Anya instead.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

ThunderCats.

"Mumm-Ra!" Lion-O shouted defiantly, swinging his mighty Sword of Omens as he strode into the final chamber of the black pyramid. "I have defeated all of your Mutants! It is time to stop your evil, once and for all!"

"No, Lion-O," Mumm-Ra said gravely, with Vultureman standing by his side. "Not all of them."

The muscular overlord snapped his fingers, and Vultureman turned on a tiny device in his right hand. It produced a small red light, which the Mutant then began moving all over the chamber, randomly, from a side to another.

Lion-O's eyes shone. Instantly, he dropped his sword and began hopping on all fours after the pointer's light. He ran back and forth, trying to follow and catch it.

Mumm-Ra then pulled a gigantic black blade out, jumped onto Lion-O's back, and beheaded him.

Mumm-Ra then sighed. "I should have thought of this so long ago..."

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Visits Chaldea!

---

Nom du Plume.

"Oh, how cute!" Haruna cooed, crouching before the child. "You must be the famous Jeanne Alter Lily Santa Arcade Hyper Turbo Champion Edition with Almonds Guest Starring Dante from the Devil may Cry Series and Knuckles 3.0+1.0!"

Jeanne blinked a few times, then began bawling. "You... You're mocking my nature...!"

Haruna stopped smiling. "You just can't take a joke, can you?" she asked, while Jack loomed behind her, with a huge knife in each hand...

EMIYA barely managed to stop her in time.

 

[OverMaster]

The Not So Glorious Debut of Unequally Persona!

The other young man-- probably a couple years younger than himself, Mamoru estimated-- smiled enigmatically.

"My name, you said?" he asked. "Sure, why not. Pay attention, I will only say it once. You can call me... The Joker."

Tuxedo Kamen raised an eyebrow under the mask. "Seriously, man? Seriously?!"

"Um," Joker said after a moment. "Men also call me the Trickster..."

"Like that other insane criminal from Central City?" Tuxedo Kamen asked.

The Phantom Thief bit his tongue. "And my forces call me The Leader..."

"That's another crazy supervillain. Fights the Hulk," the other man frowned, tapping a foot.

"..." Joker said. An icy nocturnal breeze blew across the rooftop.

---

Sitting in his apartment, Amamiya Ren despaired. "He is right! He is completely right...! What in the world is wrong with me...?!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Waiting Game.

Dress of Heaven, EMIYA Assassin, Muramasa, Cupid, Ishtar, Cu Chulainn and Manannan mac Lir all waited behind Ritsuka as she approached the circle to summon the newest Servant. All of their weapons were ready and firmly held.

Ritsuka winced. "Do you need to do this every time?" she asked. "What are the odds 'that person' will show up? And in any case, you don't need to jump on him on arrival! You always can settle things later!"

Gilgamesh smiled, standing at the opposite corner and holding a filming cellphone. "Let them! It is much more entertaining this way..."

 

[OverMaster]

"We need," Saotome Haruna said, in a very serious tone of voice, "to prepare a birthday party for Negi."

Chisame raised an eyebrow. "It's not May yet," she said.

"Think, Chi-chan, think," Haruna said, poking both pointer fingers on her own temples. "I was making calculations of how long we spent in Evas resort, and then in Mundus Magicus, where time passed differently, and I've realized that we were there almost a full year! Negi's about to turn eleven... next week!"

"Oh, has it really been that long?" Konoe Konoka mused quietly, sitting at the large table with Haruna, Chisame, Setsuna, Tsukuyomi, Alice, Louise, Misora, Cocone, Ayaka and Natsumi. Setsuna just glared ominously at Tsukuyomi the whole time, fingers resting on the handle of her blade, which Tsukuyomi seemed to enjoy greatly. "Wait, when are OUR birthdays coming yet?"

"Oh, Ojou-sama wants a birthday gift already?" Tsukuyomi said maliciously. "Greedy Ojou-sama! You have everything but you're always wanting more from us plebs! Well, I may not have any money but I can give you-- Ahh! Ahhhh! Confound this thing!" she whined, taking fingers to her throat as the thin, stylish metal collar placed there began beeping loudly, flashing intense lights. "This is an ongoing attack on my freedom of speech...!"

"I'm really shocked it hasn't blown your head off yet," Natsumi observed dryly.

"Elsie-san has a good heart for a demon..." Misora mused aloud.

"Okay..." Hasegawa hummed. "I guess it'll lift his spirits, so I'm fine with it..."

"Yes, of course!" Ayaka nodded vigorously. "He needs to distract his thoughts from the horrible, awful beast his father has become...!"

"It's not like that was Mr. Nagi's choice..." Alice said quietly, with a large drop of sweat growing on her head, proof positive that she was starting to spend too long in Japan.

"Same difference!" Ayaka said. "I don't want to see Sensei obsessed about that anymore!"

"So you don't want him to be him anymore?" Tsukuyomi asked, still massaging her pained neck.

"I mean, I know we'll have to tackle at some time, probably in a dire final battle where Chisame-san will die tragically causing Sensei more angst..." Ayaka exposed. Then she paused. "Ah. You were here?" she asked calmly.

"Yes, always," Tsunetsuki Matoi hissed, pressing a very small knife against Ayaka's throat from behind.

Chisame frowned and clapped. "Tsunetsuki!" she growled.

"Yes, Chisame-sama," Matoi said, melding back behind her.

Tsukuyomi frowned. "Why doesn't she get to wear a restraining collar? How unfair!"

Konoka giggled. "She doesn't mean it! She was using the dull edge...!"

"... could've fooled me," Ayaka mused, running two fingers over the fresh marks on her throat. "Anyway, Sensei must be kept happy until then, so he goes into battle with a clear mind and he recovers quickly from the loss of Chisame-san!"

She then ducked under the small knife thrown her way, which embedded itself into the wall. Louise, Alice and Natsumi winced visibly, while everyone else just looked completely used to it.

Chisame still lightly slapped the back of Matoi's head. "Cut that out already!"

"I was trying to..." Matoi defended herself, sulking.

Konoka slapped her hands together. "All right! Let's do this! If we all work together, I'm sure we can give Negi-kun a wonderful party he'll never forget!"

"Is he going to have two birthdays a year, or will you adjust it all eventually?" Louise grumbled.

Alice gained a troubled expression on her cute face. "This is the manner of train of thought that ends up in celebrating three hundred sixty four unbirthdays a year..."

"That sounds wonderful, actually...!" Konoka said, with a faraway look in her eyes.

"No, it doesn't!" Chisame, Alice and Louise said at the same time.

"It won't be too expensive, will it?" Setsuna asked warily. "Spending too much in a party will be seen as a frivolous waste, while we still are rebuilding the school..."

"It's Negi-kun, Setchan, nobody will object," Konoka waved her observation away. "We'll need dinosaurs! Negi-kun loves dinosaurs!"

"I'm sure Kobayashi-san won't mind lending Tohru-san and Kanna-san so we can make them perform, after a makeover," Ayaka pondered.

"That's SO bound to end up with the idiot crushing for real on one of the two," Louise predicted gloomily.

"Well, Negi-kun and Kanna-chan would make a very cute couple..." Haruna said, with a hand on her own cheek.

"What did Ayase do to deserve a friend like you?" Chisame asked.

"What else gets Negi-kun happy no matter what, after his dad and dinosaurs?" Misora hewed, rubbing her chin. "Damn, that's hard... I've known him for so long, and yet... Ah! Of course! Kotaro-kun's humiliation!"

"Can be done," Louise said, while all of the others nodded, except for Alice, who just facepalmed.

"I'll bring the finest tea in Japan for him!" Ayaka resolved.

"This is becoming more and more like an unbirthday party!" Alice almost despaired.

"I'll fight him, letting him beat me up black and blue!" Tsukuyomi declared with a lecherous leer and a tiny leak of drool from the corner of her mouth. The collar began beeping a soft warning.

"Are you trying to make him happy, or us?" Matoi asked.

"No, no, she's actually right," Chisame sighed. "That stupid Kotaro spent too long in gladiatorial combats with him, and then there was Rakan, so he's become kind of a fighting nut himself..."

"Just like an Englishman, get them started on the violence and you'll never get them stopped, no matter how prim and proper they were before," Tsukuyomi said. "That's why I like the British."

"Right, so we can arrange some friendly matches for him, preferably not involving Tsukuyomi, and a dinosaur act, and enough food and drink that he likes... that should be enough," Chisame said. "There's no need for anything flashy like--"

"I know! A trip to my private island!" Ayaka gushed giddily.

"We aren't going into any trips anywhere soon, after what just happened in the last one...!" Chisame said.

"Yeah. We might get to meet another Louise!" Misora said.

Louise pulled the riding crop out and began lightly whacking it on the palm of her own hand.

"But we didn't do that arc when it was the due time for it!" Ayaka protested. "It's still not too late...!"

Matoi pulled another knife out.

"How many of those do you have on yourself?!" Ayaka demanded.

"As many as it takes..."

And so, it was decided to prepare a very big and happy unbirthday party for Negi Springfield, in his hour of need.

"Don't call it that, please!" Alice said.

 

[OverMaster]

The Mahora Laboratories, Wing G-56:

"What are you doing here?" Skuld asked, without turning to look back at him. "And who let you in?"

"Shiguma-san did," Negi said, standing there in a gray suit with a white tie for once. "She's worried about your wellbeing. She says you aren't resting enough..."

"Funny, I've heard the same about you," the young Norn said, running her fingers over the holographic surface of the model she was creating. "But you don't see me butting into your business."

"This is my project after all," Negi reminded her.

"No, you came up with the original idea, but you aren't qualified to work on the specifics," Skuld said. Her fingertips tapped a few times on a cooling wing, expanding it and then reducing it a bit when she estimated it had grown too unwieldy and impractical. "Magical genius or not, you don't know the first thing about advanced aerospatial development."

The boy sighed. "Professor Richards and his think-tank can handle most of that work. Don't you think you owe your sister a visit, at least? You worked so hard to save her, so why are you avoiding her now?"

"If I don't fulfill my obligations with Blue Mars, I won't be able to look at Belldandy in the eye again," Skuld replied, tapping on the projection thrice with a black pen, making one of the side towers stretching up into the simulated sky narrow and grow even taller. "Keiichi and Urd are looking after her. I'd only get in the way."

Negi pouted. "That's not all there is to it."

"Oh, can it!" Skuld snapped. "And you people can stop spying on us, too!"

From behind a nearby large and thick pillar, Shiguma Rika, Soryu Asuka Langley and Sekijou Sawako all peeked out, frowning.

"I told you guys we should have done this through a drone," Asuka said.

"Skuld, you know that everyone present in the laboratories and working on any given project at any given time is required to undergo constant surveillance from the rest of the team," Sawako lectured. "Otherwise, we end up with rampaging mutant gorillas with cybernetic implants again!"

"That's just your excuse to watch over me!" Skuld growled, a vein popping on her forehead. "My personal life is nothing that should concern any of you, okay?!"

"Come on, you don't need to do this to yourself over what you did to Asuna," Negi told her. "She's forgiven you already, why won't you forgive yourself?"

"You're terrible at guessing the reasons of others. Don't even try," Skuld said stubbornly, still without looking back.

"Come on, Skuld-chan!" Rika groaned. "You shouldn't leave your boyfriend alone with your gorgeous perfect sister for so long! You're begging for her to--"

NOW did Skuld glare back, with burning red eyes that would put the fear of God into anyone, and a teeth baring scowl to match. Asuka, Rika and Sawako all yelped, flinching back, and even Negi, who had stood face to face against Ialda Baoth, Lord Zagato and the Joker, was taken aback.

"H-Hey, the pervert only made an observation!" Asuka said, raising her hands. "You don't have to take it that way!"

"Fine, then what about Kaji-san and your stepmother?!" Skuld barked at her.

"What, what about them?!" Asuka yelled back. "There's been nothing between them for years! Otherwise Mom would have killed them both already!"

"... I'll pretend that last exchange never took place and that I have just misheard," Sawako decided quite wisely.

"We honestly care about you, Sku-chan, you're our friend already, whether you like it or not," Rika said. "Don't be like that! You don't have to become as self-destructive as Chao-chan or Negi-sensei..."

Negi blinked. "I am what now?"

"We know that you just spent three whole days locked up crying about your father," Sawako said bluntly, while slapping Rika's absently wandering hand approaching her ass.

"Your eyes are still swollen and red," Asuka added.

Negi closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. "For all of her scientific rigor, Satomi is prone to exaggeration upon describing emotional situations, as she still isn't all that used to handling them herself. No doubt she misread some logical displays of stress and has blown them out of proportion..."

Asuka, Rika and Sawako held their cellphones up and began running videos of Negi wailing hysterically.

"Don't blame her, she was worried about you so she consulted us," Rika said. "Just like you're doing now for Sku-chan..."

"Well," Skuld said acidly, "she sure chose the worst ever possible trio of people to ask about emotional counseling!"

"I'll let you know that I have read on all the major scholars of psichology and psichiatry, from Freud to Lipschitz!" an offended Asuka boasted.

"And... what was your advice for her?" Negi said, dreading to ask.

"I decided the best thing to do would be playing on your chronic hero syndrome, so I told her to convince you to cope by going out and help any other dupe with their own issues, as that's what your old man would have liked," Soryu said, brutally honest.

"... another dupe, huh?" Skuld fumed.

"Yeah," Asuka shrugged.

"It worked, didn't it?" Sawako asked. "Since you're here now, and not crying anymore..."

Negi thought about that for a moment, and then deflated into a sigh and a shake of his head. "You girls are just too much for me."

Rika smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. Her other hand moved towards his ass, but Skuld punted it aside. Rika soldiered through the pain, despite the kick being a big one. "We worry about you too, Sensei, almost as much as we worry about Sku-chan. Rika knows you're both undergoing a lot of emotional distress, but beating yourselves up like this isn't gonna make anything better! Right, Sawachin?"

"Right, other than the stupid pet name that I refuse to accept," Sekijou nodded.

"Right, Asuchin?"

"Call me that again and you fucking die," Asuka said.

"So let's get you to take some fresh air and clear your minds off!" Rika said as if no threat had just been issued, her other hand going to rest on Skuld's shoulder. Even though it still hurt like crazy. "You'll work twice as better after some rest and relaxation, Rika promises!"

"Uh, thank you, Shiguma-san, but--" Negi began.

"It's Rika, my name's Rika!" Shiguma laughed easily, even as Asuka grimaced and began edging towards the door. "Don't be paranoid, it's not like this is going to be a five-way date between us or anything!"

"Ah, no?" Negi said, sounding somewhat relieved now for some reason.

"No. It'll be a four-way date instead since Asuka-chan already fled," Rika answered, pointing at the empty spot where Soryu had stood moments ago.

"... oh," Negi said.

"Like Nifelheim!" Skuld blurted out. "You must be insane if you think I'll waste my time while there's still so much to do!"

"There'll be ice cream," Rika promised.

Skuld bit on her lower lip, face reddening. "You... You can't just buy me with ice cream as if I were a toddler...!"

"Rika will pay," Rika promised solemnly. "Rika has just made a lot of money from those weapons she tested in public during the demonic invasion!"

Negi paled a bit. "You... You haven't just sold weapons to Honnouji, have you...?!"

Sawako began rubbing the back of her neck. "Couldn't we go for some udon instead? I, I happen to know a nice place where the waitress is really cute, I mean, efficient..."

 

[OverMaster]

A Family Thing.

Kikukawa Yukino still wasn't very sure about how she'd been roped into this lifestyle.

It wasn't that she disliked Negi-kun. Far from it. She'd always found him patient and likable, agreeable and soft spoken, and she found his company to be rather pleasant. All the same, she'd never thought about bearing his children.

When she learned that, during her disappearance, Haruka-chan had engaged herself to Negi-kun in a rather typical Haruka-chan fashion involving a misunderstanding, blind luck, and copious amounts of Honor Before Reason, Yukino had turned downright hostile to him at first. Yet, Haruka-chan would never change her mind on anything, and if she ever even noticed Yukino's discomfort at all, she still found a way to rope her into her and Negi-kun's bedding arrangements, along with the others.

It wasn't, again, that Yukino hated that either, at least not by now. It would be pointless to deny that Negi-kun was a great and considerate lover and supplier. Even so, it still mildly horrified Yukino to see how fertile she was. Without meaning to, she'd already taken the lead among the group, with three children and another on the way.

She sighed, breastfeeding her youngest so far. The baby boy suckled in silence, grasping onto her, until a loud sucking sound distracted mother and son. They looked aside, and sure enough, Haruka-chan sat there, with her baby daughter in her arms, breastfeeding her.

The eyes of Yukino's son widened at the sight of Haruka's bosom. And he began bawling, reaching over for the blonde's chest.

Haruka smiled at her longtime friend.

With a sigh, Yukino handed her the boy. Haruka took him along happily and placed him next to her free breast. All too eagerly, the child clamped onto the large and round mammary and began eating away, avidly.

Yukino exhaled as she covered her modest chest again. Well, she thought. He IS my son after all…!

 

[OverMaster]

Tales of Mundus Magicus.

---

Writing My Little Pony is Autism, Naturally.

"Chachamaru," Negi smiled, struggling not to weep as the green haired girl's rocket feet slowed down, softly bringing her down to ground level. "Chachamaru! I have been so--"

And then Karakuri Chachamaru grabbed him, tightly holding him against herself, and pressing his body between her slender but powerful arms.

"Chachamaru," Negi gasped, "I've grown more powerful, but this still is... is...!"

"My... My apologies, Sensei," the gynoid said, pulling back from him, but still holding him by the arms. "It's just that I... I have just been overwhelmed by the sensorial impressions..."

"Yes, this is Chachamaru, alright," Chisame sighed, still in her loli form with the cat ears and tail. "Glad to see you again. Where had you been all of this time?"

Behind Chisame, Twilight Sparkle gasped, recognizing the figures coming down from the hot air balloon that had just landed behind Karakuri. "You... I have heard of you!" she said, addressing the six other ponies walking out of the vehicle. "The Elements of Harmony! The saviors of Equestria!"

The blue (?) unicorn at the lead smiled. "Oh, so our reputation preceeds us even here! Then again, I suppose we shouldn't have expected any less from the Princess' own disciple. Yes, indeed, greetings from Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle! The Great and Powerful Trixie Lulamoon, Element of Magic, is pleased to please you with her acquaintance!"

"Ah," Chisame told Chachamaru, who had crouched before Negi and was petting his hair almost obsessively. "So you fell into a land of cute cartoon animals. No wonder you took so long to find us..."

"I apologize once again. I must admit I had a pleasurable time upon my arrival," Chachamaru said, still caressing Negi's scalp. "But I went looking for you once I learned you hadn't been so fortunate..."

"I apologize once again. I must admit I had a pleasurable time upon my arrival," Chachamaru said, still caressing Negi's scalp. "But I went looking for you once I learned you hadn't been so fortunate..."

A gray pegasus with light blonde mane and tail sat on the ground, raising a fore hoof. Her golden eyes were visibly lopsided from each other, each pupil pointing in a different direction. "How do you do," she greeted in a strangely stilted but visibly happy tone, every word with an odd cadence and short pause to it. "I'm Derpy. But you can call me Ditzy. But I've been told that I should be called Muffins, so you can do that if you want..."

"..." Chisame, Rito, Asuna, Yue, Tsukuyomi, Skuld, Nodoka, Kotaro, Collet, Louise and Sayo said.

"Ah. I'm the Element of Loyalty. I've been told that I should introduce myself saying that, too," she added then.

"Like, forgive Muffins here and her manners, please?" asked an Earth pony sitting next to her, sporting her reddish mane and tail in thick, messy dreadlocks, a flower-stamped cloth tied around her head. "She marches to the groove of her own drum, y'know, like a free spirit and all. I'm Tree Hugger, like the Element of Honesty and stuff. Blessings."

Then her head cocked aside, distracted by the erratic flight of a passing butterfly, and she nodded to it as it went, completely detached from the group now.

"... okay..." Rito said.

A white unicorn sighed, running a hoof in circles on her own forehead, right under the sharp horn. "Please don't get the wrong impression, dears, we actually are a fairly focused team that has saved Equestria several times already, and we will also aid you in your-- Ohhhh, what a fabulous dress!" she gushed, looking at Tsukuyomi's stylish white number. "It is just plain a-do-ra-ble on you, darling! I see we are going to be in tune with each other! Who is the designer, may I ask?!"

"I have no idea!" Tsukuyomi smiled brightly. "I just ran into a debutante, beat her up, and took this for myself!"

The white unicorn grimaced. "Ah... Ah, I see! W-Well, my name is Rarity, and I am the Element of Generosity, and--"

"And I'm Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter!" a bright pink (??) Earth pony literally bounced from behind her, then hopping to jump in ever closing circles around Ala Alba. "Nice to meetcha! Oboy oboy! My SECOND time befriending wanted criminals spreading terror everywhere! This is so, so, so incredibly cool and thrilling in a dangerous way! Which reminds me, Fluttershy, how is Discord doing?"

Rarity blushed, then grabbed her and pinned her down, although Pinkie kept on bopping in place under her pressing hooves, with a wide and deranged grin. "Would you terribly mind?! I wasn't finished with my introduction yet! You could have waited until I was done!"

"But we don't have all day long...!" Pinkie said. "And generally OM likes his segments around 1,000 words long, not too long nor too short...!"

Asuna looked back and forth between them, then told Chisame, "Iinchou and Maki-chan."

Chisame nodded. "Pretty much, it seems..."

Chachamaru, who had finally let go of Negi, walked back to the balloon, grabbed the last pony of the herd, and gently lifted her, placing her before her teacher and friends. "And this is Fluttershy-sama, Element of Kindness, who protected me when I arrive, disoriented and lost, and has given me shelter for weeks. I owe my very survival to her."

"Ah, ah, it was nothing, really," said the small, frail looking pegasus, creamy furred cheeks growing red, and avoiding to make eye contact with the others. "You are very strong, Chachamaru, you would have been fine all the same..."

This person reminds me of someone I met a long time ago, but I cannot remember who it was, Nodoka thought, intrigued. How curious.

"Rest assured, friends of Chachamaru, we WILL clear your collective name!" Trixie said grandiosely, slamming a hoof on her chest. The pointy hat perched on her head tilted aside slightly as the butterfly stopped on it. Tree Hugger's gaze followed it there, fascinated. "When the Elements of Harmony get in a case, nopony can stop us until the goal is achieved! You have the honorable word of the Great and Wise Trixie on this! We have defeated Nightmare Moon! Discord! Tirek! The Lich! Sylvia the Chimera!"

"What in the world, The Lich?!" Louise gasped. "You mean you defeated the dread Lich of all things, commanding a fashionista, a social inept, and three autists?! Seriously, they are even more autistic than OverMaster!"

"Louise, that wasn't politically correct at all. What the heck," Asuna said.

"Remember that this world is like two centuries behind ours in social progress," Chisame told her. "They can be excused on having backwater mindsets."

"You... You're doing it too..." Nodoka said.

Impulsing himself up from Twilight's back to look over her head, Spike stared on, with his eyes replaced by large crimson hearts, at Rarity. "What... How can this be..." he mouthed off, breathless. "How can any single creature concentrate so much beauty...?!"

Rarity noticed and smiled, coquettishly swatting her mane aside. "It's a combination of relentless long term effort and being born gifted, naturally!"

Somewhere in Mahora Academy, Utsukushisugi Mimimi sneezed rather splendidly, of course.

 

[OverMaster]

Mindscrew.

When Osana Najimi decided she wanted to be part of Negi's collective, she asked Lala for her Pai Pai Rocket-kun and instructions on how to operate it.

Then she locked herself up in a room, spent half an hour there, and emerged a full girl for certain.

To this date nobody is even sure she ever turned the darn thing on at all. Lala said she'd found no signs of recent use after retrieving it, but Lala is so scatterbrained…

 

[OverMaster]

Another Mindscrew.

Tadano and his new wife walked into the room.

"Hello, guys!" Najimi greeted them, waving a hand from her bed. "Been a while!"

"Hey, Osana. Looking fine," Tadano smiled a bit awkwardly, as the couple approached the bed. He looked down at the baby in Osana's arms, wrapped in warm yellow blankets up to the neck, and gifted with the most adorable chubby rosy cheeks. "The baby, too. What a cutie…!"

There was a pause, then, one that was rather uncomfortable from the husband and wife's side. Finally, and surprising everyone, it was Shoko who dared asking the question.

"So… Is it a girl or a boy?"

Osana grinned, cheekily. "Why, it's an Osana, of course…!"

Tadano closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know why I was expecting for anything different."

Here we go again.

 

[OverMaster]

Now they all sat around a large campfire, talking and getting to know each other better, with Chachamaru being a frequent topic of discussion, much to the silent discomfort of the gynoid.

Only Skuld stood aside, looking at the sky. Eventually, Negi noticed, and excused himself to go see what was bothering her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked, stopping shortly behind the young goddess.

"According to the established timeline," Skuld took him without looking back, "Makie and Yuuna should have shown up today, instead of Chachamaru. A small delegation of Mundus Magicus nobles should have appeared shortly after them, instead of these... Elements of Harmony."

Negi blinked. "Oh! Um, I know you're very worried about Makie-san and Yuuna-san, but they are resourceful, and their cards are still functional, so I'm certain that they're fine..."

Skuld sighed. "One of those nobles who was supposed to meet you would have been the other Princess in Rakan's movie, Theodora. She would have given you a boon that would have allowed you win the match. But, if she isn't coming along..."

Negi took those news with a short, surprised silence, and then tried to soldier on as usual. "Skuld-san. There's always a way. When Fate closes a door, it opens a window..."

"I suppose," she said, briskly turning around and walking past him, back towards the campfire. She clapped loudly, several times. "Listen, everyone!" she announced. "I have an important announcement to make!"

Muffins or whatever her name was blinked a few times, very slowly. "Everyone?"

"That's the way they say 'everypony', darling," Rarity said, while Spike rested by her side, elbows on the dirt and cheeks on his face, watching up at her lovingly.

"Ah," said Muffins. "But why the 'one'? Isn't she addressing several of us at once?"

"It's because they aren't ponies," Trixie replied.

"But I thought we were all ponies at heart?"

Skuld rasped very loudly to impose silence. "I didn't want to resort to these desperate measures, but it seems it's going to be necessary! The timeline has been altered from how it should have gone originally, and so certain persons of interest who should have been here tonight won't be gracing us with their presence, apparently!"

"What in the world is she saying?" Pinkie Pie asked Chisame.

"You'll see, this may be difficult to accept, but she is a goddess of the future, and she is supposed to know how the future goes," Chisame said. "Not like that has helped us to avoid being attacked, scattered across an alien world, and then being hunted like wild dogs for months...."

"Give me a break, the timeline tends to flow following certain patterns, so even if you try to avoid them, time finds a way!" Skuld protested. "It could have been much worse if not for me, seriously!"

"And yet," Nodoka said, "this pattern you speak of, which would have allowed us to meet such important and helpful individuals, isn't coming to happen regardless..."

Skuld glared at her. "I liked you better when you had no spine."

Nodoka shrugged. "I can see why you would."

Skuld sighed. "The person I'm talking about is Princess Theodora from Hellas Empire."

"Who?" Asuna asked.

"You know," Skuld said, annoyed. "The one from Rakan's mockbuster."

"Ah, the loli with horns?" Tsukuyomi asked.

"She's not a loli anymore," Skuld said.

"Pass, then. I'm not into old hags. Nothing of any value was lost," Tsukuyomi pouted, looking aside.

"This isn't about meeting the standards of your lust, get that into your head already!" Skuld growled at her.

Pinkie Pie laughed. "Ah ha ha ha! You're funny! Goddess of the Future? You should be the Goddess of Funny instead! I like you already!"

Chisame stared at her. "You... I said 'this may be difficult for you to accept' when I told you she's a goddess!"

"We are familiar with the immortal Goddess Empress of Equestria," Rarity said. "Why should we be incredulous about that?"

Chisame slammed both hands on her own face. "I'm talking about our respective divine acquaintances with pastel colored mares... Why did my life have to take this path...?"

"Girls, please, let Sku-chan explain herself already," Rito pleaded. "What was this Princess going to do that is so important, Sku-chan?"

"Um, sorry for like being so rude and stuff, but I'd like to like ask a question of my own first," Tree Hugger said from where she sat next to Rito. "Why is your hand on my plot?"

"Your... what?" Rito asked, and then he realized his right hand was squeezing Tree Hugger's hindquarters, right behind the Cutie Mark. "GAHHHHHH!" he screamed, pulling the hand back as if it was on fire. "Sorry, sorry, sorry! Sometimes it does that on its own! Please don't retaliate violently!"

"Chill down, man," Tree Hugger said benevolently. "I'm a pacifist. I will never resort to the way of violence."

"On the other hand, since she can't do that, I'll do it for her if you do that again," Rarity warned him, making Spike sigh loudly.

Rito winced. "You would....?"

Rarity nodded, made a motion of stabbing with her horn, and added, "Part of Generosity is doing the things your friends can't do for them!"

"... bunch of clowns..." Skuld muttered. "Listen, Princess Theodora was going to make a Pactio with Negi. Said Pactio would have allowed him access to an artifact he could have used to defeat Jack Rakan..."

Trixie spat all of the drink she'd been sipping, putting the campfire off, and then screamed at the top of her lungs, "JACK RAKAN?!"

"She mentioned his name before," Yue said. "Why are you so shocked only now?"

"She only mentioned his mockbuster!" Trixie ranted frantically. "And everyone who has been trained in the Great Mysteries and has the money to pay its outrageous prices has watched that piece! But, but are you saying that you actually know HIM, and that you're going to engage HIM in combat?!"

"A flesh and blood goddess didn't impress you, but the mention of Jack Rakan does?!" Chisame said.

"Look, we love Princess Celestia dearly, but everypony knows that if the Jack Rakan of legend were to turn mad and invade Equestria, he would kick the Princess' plot," Rarity said.

"What?! No, lies and slander!" Twilight gasped. "Princess Celestia is unbeatable!" she argued, horrified. "What kind of citizen are you?!"

"It could go either way...!" Trixie said, hooves on her own head. "But there's only way one duel between this foal and Jack Rakan could ever go! Absolute and total defeat! No two ways around it!"

"I'm not a foal, I'm a boy," Negi reminded her.

"By the time he's done with you, you'll only be a stain!" Trixie predicted.

Louise's face began twitching. "I knew all of this was an awfully dumb idea...!"

Skuld clapped several times, even harder than before. "Shut up, everyone! I have a plan!"

"Great, now I am scared," Nodoka said.

"All that time spent with Illya-chan sure marked you, huh, Bookstore?" Asuna wondered aloud.

"In the absence of Princess Theodora, I will take that role upon myself!" Skuld proclaimed, aiming a pointer finger upwards. "I'm going to become Negi's Magistra, so he can deploy his undefeatable Artifact!"

Everyone paused and stared at her in stunned shock. This included Chachamaru, who had been restarting the fire diligently, Fluttershy, who had been feeding some passing lizards, and Rito, whose hand was unconsciously wandering towards Tree Hugger's plot again.

Predictably enough, the scene of collective paralysis was only broken when Louise sprang up and slammed her riding crop downwards, on Skuld's face.

 

[OverMaster]

Take my Concerns Away.

"Sorry to disturb," the young maid who had just appeared on Takahata's doorstep said. "Perhaps you don't recognize me. My name is Fabiola Iglesias, and I am part of the domestic staff at Yukihiro Manor."

"Ah... Yes, of course, one of Ayaka-kun's employees. Nice to meet you, Fabiola-san, but I'm afraid I haven't gotten any recent news about--"

She stoically raised a hand to silence him. "We know that you are organizing a rescue party to venture into Mundus Magicus and retrieve Ojou-sama and her classmates. And teacher. The boy as well, of course," she added, somewhat reluctantly.

The teacher raised an eyebrow. "How do you know--"

"The Zaibatsu has eyes and ears everywhere, dear sir," Fabiola said politely.

He sighed. "Did Mr. Yukihiro send you?"

"No. The Master seems to trust you on the subject, perhaps foolishly," she said, now sounding much more blunt and callous than moments ago. "This is an initiative we have been forced to take within the staff of the manor. We beg you to take Roberta-san with you."

"Roberta...?"

Fabiola frowned. "You do know well who is she. The Bloodhound of Florencia."

Takahata's lips tightened. "Why should we take a person with such a past record with us, then?"

"Because otherwise she'll end up killing us before long," Fabiola said, pulling down on her collar and showing him a large fresh scar running along her collarbone. "The stress is making her more and more unstable each passing day. Losing Ojou-sama is turning her borderline homicidal, and all we can barely do is holding her back so she doesn't flee to look for her alone. Since she has no way to access Mundus Magicus on her own, of course, she'll end up just turning completely insane and killing everyone on her path..."

"I have to repeat myself," Takahata said. "Why should we take a person with such a personality and behavior with us in a mission this important?"

"You're taking Deadpool with you. You have no excuse, you fucking hypocrite..."

"..." Takahata said.

"Please don't make me fall to my knees and beg," Fabiola said, frowning deeply. "I would really hate that."

---

"So!?" Fubuki said, as she, Siesta, Sebastian and Taeko all held onto a large rattling cage, desperately trying to keep it steady and closed as a brutal force trapped inisde pushed and shoved violently, growling in an inhuman way. All of them were badly battered and beaten down, their clothes ripped and torn. "What did he say?!"

"They're coming for her this Friday," Fabiola said, reaching for her electrical prod and calmly approaching the cage. "But I'm not sure we'll be able to keep her quiet until then, not on our own. You'd better call your friend Kogarashi right now, after all..."

 

[OverMaster]

After Chisame calmed Louise down and Yue fixed Skuld's nose, Skuld began drawing a magical circle on the ground.

"Oboy, a Pactio creation," Trixie said eagerly, leaning ahead. "I'd never seen a Pactio creation before!"

Twilight looked at her. "Seriously?"

"I mean, between humans," Trixie amended quickly. "Someone as learned and experienced as the Great and Powerful Trixie has seen plenty of Pactios before, of course! Not that I've ever made any myself since I have too much power already, but I've seen them happen everywhere during my adventures! Oh ho ho!" she laughed.

Twilight and Spike, who weren't fooled, just keep on staring at her. "Of course..." the former agreed blandly.

Louise fumed, forced to sit on Chisame's lap while the taller girl sat on the ground herself. "I can't believe you let these things happen all the time...!"

"I can't believe it either," deadpanned Chisame. "Funny how that works, huh?"

"You've spoiled him!" Louise said. "Men need to be treated with discipline and rigor!" Then she whacked Rito's face as his hands, while still bound together, absently found their way to her ass while the boy just watched at the procceedings in the middle of the clearing.

Rito didn't even yelp. Clearly, he was getting used to this kind of thing by now.

"Now, this isn't going to be enough on its own," Skuld warned, stepping back from the completed circle and wiping her forehead. "Princess Theodora was supposed to come with two other allies who would have taught you and Kotaro further techniques to use along the way, Negi. But we can improvise. Fairy Tail is only a call away, so we'll ask Erza, Natsu and Gray to replace them. I'm sure those morons can teach you a few tricks."

"But there's not enough time for training before the match!" Collet said.

"Yes, there is," Skuld answered. "With materials taken from Evangeline's scroll, I can duplicate a time distortion capsule acting much like the resort, where you can train for a few hours that will be days inside. That should be enough, what with your crazy learning capacity being what it is."

Negi gulped. "Thank you so very much, Skuld. I don't know how can I ever repay you..."

"Yes, you do," she said, motioning at him to come closer as she stood on the circle. "Let's just make this fast, for starters."

"Must you be the one doing it?" Nodoka asked. "Why not Twilight-san? She is extremely powerful as well..."

"I'm more powerful than her!" Trixie said. "Not that I want to kiss a human boy or anything, but...!"

"By this point Negi has surpassed Twilight Sparkle's magical capacity, if they tried to establish an alliance he'd turn out the Magister," Skuld said while Negi walked over to stand before her. "I may lack fully fledged magics, but I'm still a goddess with links to Yggdrasil. I'm bound to be the Magistra no matter what."

"And..." Muffins said, "he shouldn't be the other thing that is not the Magister because..."

Skuld sizzled in annoyance. "I told you already, he can't summon Pactio partners into an arena battle! But he can use a Pactio card of his own just fine, that's part of the equipment allowed by the rules!"

"But, Skuld..." Negi doubted. "You once told Keiichi-san and Makie that they couldn't have any more Pactios after yours. Does that mean that I won't be able to make any new Pactios after this, either?"

"You want to keep kissing even more girls?!" Chisame and Louise screamed as one.

"Oh, but I am the Perverted Beast," Rito droned.

"Relax, what that means is that nobody else will be able to be your Magistra ever again, only me." She took a moment to, after pausing in doubt, gently touch his cheeks with her thumbs. "This... This will bring us together for all of eternity forever, in a way, j-just like with Keiichi and Makie, since you, too, will be my acolyte. But you will be able to keep on making others your Ministra regardless. It's turn that, in turn, they will be my acolytes too by proxy..."

"Suddenly I don't like this idea a very whole lot anymore," Yue said.

"I trust you," Skuld added, patting Negi's cheeks. "Otherwise, I wouldn't have come here with you. If anyone in this world can help me save my sister, that's you. So don't disappoint my trust. Okay, boy? That's it. Good boy."

"Aaaand the mood has suddenly turned very romantic for some reason!" Tsukuyomi giggled while Collet blushed.

Louise and Yue frowned and, each from a side, slapped her on the back of the head.

"What is 'nobody' and 'anyone'?" Muffins asked.

"We have been through this already, Muffs," Pinkie said.

"No, you told me what is 'everyone', which is 'everypony', but--"

"Well, this is 'nopony' and 'anypony'!" Trixie said, exasperated.

"Ah. But why do they--"

"I don't know!" Trixie said, just to stop her talking. "There are things that even the Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't know, okay?!"

"What a fearsome thing to consider," Rarity said slyly.

"Hey, Sku-chan," Asuna said, pointing down. "If the circle works, why isn't it glowing yet, they always gl--"

Skuld stomped a foot down, and the circle began glowing a ghostly blue. Sayo trembled and hid behind a sighing Kotaro.

"Oh, well, that'll show me, I suppose!" Kagurazaka said.

"Well, here we go," Skuld drew a deep breath, struggling not to blush and keeping Negi's face in her hands. "A victory charm. The blessing of a goddess."

Negi blinked. "I-If you don't want to, we don't have to--"

Skuld pulled his face towards hers and kissed him in the mouth.

 

[OverMaster]

Clothes Make the Deception.

"Here, Lady Rarity!" Spike said eagerly, setting a large basket full of washed and nearly folded clothes before her. "I washed all of your clothes, like you asked me in your note!"

"Ah? But, these aren't mine," she said, then leaned down to sniff the pleasantly fragrant basket and its contents. "I barely wear any clothes ever, myself... but when I do, they are much finer and in better taste than these!"

Tsukuyomi walked in. "Well, nobody asked for your opinion!" she said indignantly, grabbing the basket, picking it up, and walking away with it.

Spike stared after her. "..."

"Tonight, you sneak into her room and blow some fire on them," Rarity advised. "I won't hold it against you."

"That... That is a very dangerous thing to try, but maybe when I know she's not in there..." Spike blabbed.

 

[OverMaster]

"So you have a Pactio with him?" Rika asked over the table, sitting next to Sawako, who in turn was just looking aside longingly, watching how Ogata Rizu tended other tables. There were less customers than usual, as many had fled the area after the demon attacks, but Ogata was still too busy since there were no other employees at the time. "Wait, then why didn't you use it during the attack on Mahora, Sensei?"

Negi sighed. "As you'll see, the Artifact's efficiency is somewhat limited when dealing with multiple high speed enemies at the same time." Then he looked at the pensive Skuld, who sat by his side. "O-Of course, it still was extremely useful in the fight against Rakan-san! I'll always be grateful to you!"

Rika chuckled. "Rika had no idea you two were actually so close...! Why don't you throw your hat in the competition for Sensei instead of going after that Senpai, Skuld-chan?"

"I'm going after neither!" Skuld growled.

Sawako's phone rang. She picked the call, still looking at Rizu from a distance. "Yes? Oh, it's you. Yes, Sensei is here with us. Rika and I are having dinner with him and Skuld-chan to cheer them up. Uh-huh. Right, I'll tell him..."

"Satomi-san?" Negi asked.

Sawako nodded. "Yeah. She says that you left your phone and the cards back at home. You're growing careless, Sensei..."

"I did?" Negi gasped, starting to feel all over his jacket. "Oh feathers, that's right! I left them in the other jacket..."

"You two are a mess lately, I can tell and I'm not even that close to either of you," Sawako chided them. "I get that you've been under tons of family pressure, but if you don't start relaxing and get your acts together, you'll collapse even without having to tackle that whole thing about your crazy monster dad...."

"He's not crazy, it's just magical posession," Negi said.

"Psychiatry isn't our field of expertise," Rika said. "All the same, Sawako-chan's correct, you're both burning the candle from both sides. Is there some sort of deadline you have to meet to face your father again? Do you even know where you have to look for him this time?"

"Even I am not sure, too much has been changed from the proper course of the timeline," Skuld said. Ogata passed by again, obliviously, and Sawako's gaze drifted after her again. "What's so funny?" she asked at Negi's sudden little snicker.

The boy smiled at Sawako. "Sekijou-san, you should be more honest with your feelings. It has worked well for Setsuna-san."

"What feelings? What are you talking about?" demanded Sekijou.

"Romance in these troubled times is a waste of time best spent otherwise," Skuld grumbled. "I suppose you have a point about the need for emotional relief before tackling the next relevant task, but--"

"You know all of us will be glad to help you, Skuld-chan," Rika said. "We've just helped you beat back a demon invasion, it's just natural that we help you against their masters next!"

"You have no idea about the true nature of Ialda Baoth," Skuld said. "Singlehandledy, the creature can demolish whole large teams of experienced, powerful adventurers on its own. And that's without going on what it's able to when it's got support from its creations. You? You are all only amateurs who have had plenty of good luck so far!"

Sawako gulped. "W-When you put it like that..."

"If this Ialda succeeds, nobody will be safe anywhere anyway, right?" Rika shrugged, finishing her plate. "For better or worse, we have been brought together by circumstances and Rika won't be able to abandon Satomi-chan, Chao-chan, Skuld-chan and Sensei after all we've been through together. What kind of creep would Rika be then? Rika would be the kind of creep everyone accuses Rika of being, that's what!"

"You have a very romantic and misguided view of all of this..." Skuld sighed.

"Fine, then give Rika a Pactio so Rika is equiped enough to lend you a hand," Shiguma said. "What you need is an army, strenght on numbers, if even all you've got by now won't be enough..."

"Oh, please!" Skuld scoffed.

"Rika is serious!" Shiguma protested. "Look, Rika can be support, backup behind the front lines, Rika knows she's no fighter! But you can't deny that you need technical help to handle your side of this whole project, Skuld-chan!"

Ogata approached the table, and Sawako stiffened visibly. "I overheard you talking about that phenomenon your kind calls the pactio," the bespectacled girl said, hands holding a tray before her lap. "Uruka-san said that she was interested on one too, and so she wanted me to ask you how she can establish one with Nariyuki-san. For that matter, I also might be interested on the topic..."

"Y-Yuiga-kun can't make a Pactio with anyone, because he's not a mage, and neither are you!" Sawako protested.

Negi looked around, finally realizing that nobody was even batting an eye at the other tables. "This district has changed so much over the last few months..." he observed.

"And all of that is your doing," Skuld groaned, planting a hand on her own face.

"What should Nariyuki-san or I do if we want to become 'mages', then?" Ogata asked innocently.

"That, that's not something that can be decided and done so lightly!" Sawako gasped. "I mean, okay, yes, fine, your talents are considerable and exceptional, Ogata Rizu, but, but even so...!"

"Does this Nariyuki-san even want to be a mage, or is that something you're asking for him entirely on your own?" Skuld correctly guessed.

Negi raised an eyebrow at Rika. "So, you would stay far from the enemy lines, right?"

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally UQ Holder Epilogue- A Preview.

Year 2135.

Lala was as beautiful, young and vital as ever, which came to no surprise for Haruna.

Now, the deposed princess and the revived mangaka sat together under the nocturnal sky of Cetus, staring at unfamiliar constellations while a gente breeze blew over the fields.

"I think I'm ready now," Haruna said eventually. "Tell me, Lalachi, how did Rito-chan die?"

And Lala smiled. "Surrounded by our grandchildren, saying your name, and with his face firmly planted on his nurse's crotch."

Haruna laughed a bit, melancholically. "Then I'm happy for him."

And truly, she was.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally UQ Holder Epilogue- Another Preview.

"Maki-chan!" Asuna gasped. "Maki-chan, is that really you?!"

"Yes! Yes, of course it's me, Asuna-chan!" a joyous Sasaki Makie said, throwing herself into her now open arms. "I'm so glad to see you all again, Asuna-chan…!"

"How?" Yue asked. "How are you still alive?"

Makie giggled, pulling back from Asuna. She pointed at the small, pink, crescent moon shaped marks on her cheeks and forehead. "Oh, I just took Sku-chan's offer and became a goddess by her side after it was my time!"

"So you married?" Nodoka asked, smiling.

"A-yep!" Makie nodded with an impish grin.

Skuld rasped, blushed, and glared aside. "It's a long and complicated story…"

"What is your domain as a goddess, Makie?" Negi asked.

"Oh, you'll never believe it, Negi-kun!" she said. "My domains are everywhere! I am very powerful because of it! I am…" she proclaimed grandiously, "the goddess of Idiocy and Ignorance!"

All of Ala Alba stared on blankly.

Raising a pointer finger, Makie ranted, victorious. "Saint Matron of Nitwits and Half-wits! Protector of Fools and Morons! Fortune Deity for the hopelessly dumb and slow-of-mind…!"

Chisame looked at Skuld. "There wasn't a lot of job openings in Heaven, huh?"

"Not for someone with her qualifications, no," Skuld sighed. "On the other hand, I've gotta admit she does a bang-up job at it…"

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally UQ Holder Epilogue- Another Preview.

"And… where is Keiichi-san?" Negi asked. "He took the same offer as Makie, right?"

Makie froze in place, horrified, and although the horses already were out of the stable, she began waving her pointer fingers frantically, from a side to the other, behind Skuld's back.

Skuld's mouth contorted into a grimace and, once again, she avoided eye contact.

"He did… He did take Belldandy's offer! They're fine, thanks for asking!"

"Huh. That didn't end too well, or did it?" Chisame said.

"What are you talking about, of course it ended up well! Very well for them, that is! You won't ever find a sweeter couple anywhere…!"

"That is what you always wanted, though, wasn't it?" Urd asked stoically.

"It never was about what I wanted, but about her! All about her! I wasted the best years of my eternity, simping after her, keeping my hands off her man, and yet, they can't even be bothered to show up today…! Makie and I haven't even seen them since our wedding…!"

"What a delicious excellent cake that was," Makie reminisced with an absent look. "Sorry you guys never got to taste it!"

A week later, they got an e-mail from Morisato-senpai. He was really glad about their return, but Belldandy and him were too afraid of Skuld nowadays, so as long as she was there, they'd rather keep their distance…

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally UQ Holder Epilogue- Another Preview.

"And... what happened to Emiya-san?" Negi asked.

"Shirou?" Makie asked. "Oh, he kept pursuing his dreams of being a hero of justice. He grew taller, and tanned, and began traveling the world... We'd see him less and less as time went on... until then we didn't see him anymore. I wonder what happened to him?"

"He made enemies with the wrong people in the Middle East, then they caught him and hung him," Skuld said.

"They did? That's awful!" Makie cried.

"I'd rather not have heard that..." Nodoka said.

Skuld wagged a finger. "That's fine. He'll keep on running forever until he meets Saber again, in the eternal fields of Avalon, and they will spend forever together."

"Running through where? He's dead!" Chisame said.

Skuld snorted. "Did you forget Rukia already? There's no shortage of things to do in Soul Society."

"Oh, so he became a Shinigami," Negi said. "Good for him, I suppose that's a nice use of his talents."

"Actually, he's an outlaw there too," Skuld cautioned. "He's not really policeman material, he's more suited to be a vigilante."

"Are you sure he's going to meet Saber-san?" Asuna asked. "Won't that be one of the things that changed with the timeline?"

"No," Skuld said. "That is a constant no matter what happens. They are fated to be. She is to wait continuously, and he is to pursue endlessly. They will realize that it is impossible to succeed, yet at the same time they will be capable of enduring patiently."

"That takes an awful lot of active agency out of Saber-san's hands," Yue disapproved. "She is the King of Britain, and all she can do is waiting for a man? Why doesn't she go look for him as well?"

"Well, you always could run endlessly all the way there yourself, and ask her why she's okay with it," Skuld smiled. "Besides, she keeps herself busy in the meanwhile, answering to Chaldea's calls to preserve human history..."

"... okay. Chaldea, right. Can we send her a message through you, so she can know that we're fine and care?" Asuna asked.

Skuld frowned. "What have you just asked of me?"

"C'mon! You and Maki-chan are both goddesses, after all...!"

---

Ishtar peeked into Artoria's room, smiling widely. "Seibah! You've got e-mail from some old friends!" she said, holding a cellphone up for her to see.

Artoria looked up from the book she'd been reading on the bed. "What?"

 

[OverMaster]

The battle raged on everywhere, in all directions, at a frantic pace that was almost too much for Chisame to follow. In all honesty, and while she wouldn't and couldn't say it out loud right now, she saw no possible way out of this, other than the obvious one of losing.

To go back to the darkness, right after being offered such a big ray of light and hope. What a cruel joke of fate.

A massive, multi armed demon wielding several curved blades raced towards her and Chachamaru now. Once again, Chachamaru took aim and prepared herself to shoot, but...

There was a cry in a feminine, determined voice that sounded vaguely familiar.

"Mikuru... BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!"

A gigantic discharge of pure energy flashed from behind them, erupting from somewhere and passing right between Chachamaru and Chisame. The colossal blast flew into the demon and obliterated it, reducing it to ashes immediately.

Having been given a momentary respite, Chachamaru and Chisame briefly glanced back to look at the person who had just appeared behind their backs. It was a tall, busty, shapely woman with long light brown hair and large brown eyes, wearing a tight white shirt and black pants, and holding two fingers in a scissor gesture around one of her eyes, which seemed to smoke ever so slightly.

"Asahina-senpai?" Chachamaru asked.

"Who?" Chisame asked in turn.

"Apologies over being late," quietly said another, shorter female with short gray hair, leaping down from... somewhere to stand next to the first newcomer. This one, Chisame recognized her, especially since she was wearing a Mahora uniform for some reason. "I have just been granted a permission protocol to assist you in the control of the current situation."

"Y-You are... that girl from Kugimiya's club, right?" Hasegawa asked, struggling to remember events from so long a lifetime ago, wrapped in grayish mists. "What was your name...?"

"I'm getting a transmission," Chachamaru informed, "from a voice matching Sextum-san's. She says she has just found a breach through the Lifemaker's defenses. Now she can patch us the survivors of our allies."

"The... what?" Chisame asked. "What do you mean with--"

Then there was a loud booming sound, and something went flying right above them, heading towards the heart of the battle. A bewildered Chisame followed the black and white streak with her eyes. "What was that?! A bird?! A plane?! Here?!"

"You have made a grave mistake," Dynamis' deep voice intoned, as the transformed shadow user, in his hulking demonic form, grabbed Ku Fei and slammed her down on the rocky ground. "You should have stayed with us. This time, I will make sure there is no return for you. Nothing left to--"

Then he felt something stopping right before him, hovering in midair.

"You know," Dynamis said calmly, lifting his eyes, "there is something very rude about interrupting--"

He paused, looking at the muscular figure clad in tight black and white, where once primary and bright blue and red had defined the otherwise identical model of uniform. A long cape flowed in the low gravity behind the man, who had a strong square jaw and a face marked with heavy cheekbones by his age. He also had black hair with large gray streaks at the temples, and on his wide chest, there was the stylized emblem of a 'S'.

"Are you still alive?" Dynamis asked.

"Nobody reads newspapers anymore," Superman sighed, and then punched Dynamis in the jaw and far away from the planet's orbit.

 

[OverMaster]

Karin's Goodbye.

She drew a very deep breath. "Touta," she said then. "I'm leaving with Ala Alba."

"Wha—What?!" he gasped. Standing shortly behind him, Kirie and Kuromaru looked similarly stunned. "But… I thought we had a—"

She ran a hand over his cheek and smiled. "We do. But I got to know them first, for a long time, and we've got a lot of catching up to do. Besides, they are mortals, and you aren't. I need to spend the next few decades with them, while they're still there. I promise we'll spend the next millennia after that together, okay? While waiting for Lady Evangeline."

"Aren't you calling her 'Yukihime-sama' anymore?" Kirie asked.

"Are you aware of how relatively little time she used going by that name?" Karin asked back. "She only used it while she was a known fugitive in Japan."

Ciel peeked into the room. "Mother, did you finally tell them already?"

Her mother made a slightly irritated noise. "Yes, yes, I just did… Well, I'm going to pack my bags now, Touta. You're welcome to help, of course. I love you too, of course, it's just that… well, I already told you."

She patted his cheek fondly and walked out of the room, following Ciel.

Touta stared after her. "…"

"We'll love you twice as much to make up for her until her eventual return," Kuromaru promised solemnly.

"Can you do it in outer space?" asked Touta. "I loved it when we did it in outer space."

"I think I can…" Kuromaru hummed. "But maybe first I should ask Dana-sama or someone, just in case…"

Kirie grimaced. "I'm going to have a hard time catching up."

 

[OverMaster]

Re: Zero.

Sextum handed Chachazero's immobile form to Chachamaru. "This was amidst Evangeline's belongings. Despite everyone's best efforts to reactivate her, she has been inert for nearly fifty years now."

Chachamaru made a small sad smile. "My poor big sister… I hope your spark is in a better place now…"

"Allow me," Chisame said, taking the doll from her hand. Then she rattled Chachazero violently, threw her hard against the floor, and stomped angrily on her several times. "Work, stupid thing! WORK!"

A moment after Chisame stopped, Chachazero's eyes opened and lit up. "What… What is going on?" the doll asked. "Which year is this? Whom do I have to kill now…?"

Chisame faced everyone else, scowling at their shocked expressions. "What?!" she yelled. "Over 100 years in the future and everyone's already forgotten how you're supposed to make defective machines work?!"