[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[dragon_cloud16]

How's this for a idea for a bit of Dragonslayer.

Jaune was often times stuck in bed from being so sickly. The only people he could talk to was his family at least until his mother signs him up for a penpal program. And he suddenly finds himself having to write letters to a Yang Xiao Long. Who surprisingly writes him back, to the point that they are pretty much their only friends that can be completely honest and blunt with each other.

Years go by, with Yang keeping up the habit of writting to Jaune who accepts and consoles her over everything that she had to do to support her little sister, father, and uncle. And Yang understands and supports him as he laments his denied chance to become a huntsman, his time spent studying medicine, and his slowly recovering/improving body. They send pictures rarely, and think that the other is cute.

Cue their arrival at Beacon, where Yang gets her boots thrown up on by Jaune. Although she is a bit more mature about it, even saying her best friend has motion sickness. It wouldn't be until she is passing by his locker, right when Pyrrha and Weiss are standing by it that she learns the guy that threw up on her boots was HER Jaune.

HER Jaune that didn't have a unlocked aura, didn't get combat training, and was often stuck in bed as a kid...

She tries to get his attention and instead gets partnered up with him during orientation. Leaving Weiss and Pyrrha to team up, Ren and Ruby, and Nora with Blake. She unlocks him aura damn near the next moment she gets even as she chews him out. But it isn't out of fear for him but because she cares for him.

And now the butterfly effect is fully in the air. How will Weiss and Pyrrha react to the sight of Yang literally pushing her bed against Jaune's to sleep with him on cold nights? How will Weiss react to Yang and Jaune being quite friendly and not as rambunctious since she doesn't have to push herself forward for Ruby' s sake?

How long until Nora breaks Blake's legs for getting into trouble and dragging her Renny into it?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Yang and Jaune rushed into the common room and changed the channel. They then sat down on the couch. Weiss and Blake scowled at them.

Weiss: "I was watching the news!"

Blake: "So was I!"

Yang: "What are you, sixty? ValeWatch is on!"

Weiss: "You're watching... Valewatch. The show about barely clad lifeguards who are also Hunters? Why?"

Yang: "Because it's trashy and terrible and hilarious!"

Jaune: "Totally!"

Nora: pops in "YEAH!"

Ren: "I believe the term is 'so bad it's good.'"

Blake: groans "There are literally dozens of better television series to watch than this trash."

Jaune: "Yeah, and I like those. But we also like this."

Yang: "Totally! Don't be so salty, Weiss! You'll sea the appeal!"

Weiss: "Uggggh... Wait, Ruby? Why are you watching?!"

Ruby: "I mean I don't really care about the acting or the drama or anything else... But I love the hardware! All the product placement of Winchester Armaments and Nachfolger Autocannons! It's so blatant but the gear is soooo cool!"

Yang: "And the hot studs don't hurt, either."

Ruby: bright red "YAAAANNNG!"

Yang: "What? I'm glad! I was afraid you'd end up with Crescent Rose as your boyfriend!"

Ruby: "That's sick and weird, Yang! He's my son!"

Pyrrha: sighs "Oh no... This show..."

Jaune: "Come on Pyr, it's great fun! Why are you so-?"

The opening credits reveal Pyrrha... In a tight red swimsuit... With her weapons... Jogging towards the camera on the beach. With 'And starring Pyrrha Nikos as Diana Prince.'

Jaune: "... Oh... Wow."

Yang: "HAHAHA! Seriously Cereal Girl?!"

Weiss: "What?!"

Pyrrha: bright red "It-It was for one season! My agent made me star on it! It was terrible!"

Jaune: "How bad could it be?"

One hour of thoroughly terrible television later...

Weiss: "... Let me get this straight. Diamond smugglers used a rocket powered surfboard to smuggle their stolen goods... And then it got eaten by a killer octopus... While terrorists held everyone in an airship that was about to explode... While Rich Masterson, aka Dave Hoff, had to give a charity concert?"

Blake: "... I have read fanfics that made more sense than this."

Yang: "And written them. But that's the charm! Also, damn Cereal Girl! You did take acting lessons, right?"

Pyrrha: moans, face in her hands "I tried. I really did... I was just so nervous..."

Jaune: "Well, um... For what it's worth, I thought you did a good job as a villainous femme fatale... At least when you weren't speaking."

Pyrrha: "R-Really?" brightens

Jaune: "Yeah! Also... Hahahahaha! Oh man... That guy cast the opposite of you was so dense! His character can't tell your character was into him?! What a numbskull! There's nobody that dense in real life!"

Pyrrha: "Ha... Haha... Y-Yes..."

Nora: "I liked the explosions! Though I think they just reused them from the last season!"

Yang: "Yeah, those were dope. Crazy part? This isn't even the first time they had a terrorist plot with diamond smuggling and a giant killer octopus."

Jaune: "Oh man, and that alien abduction episode? What was that about?"

Yang: "I know right?!"

Weiss: "Ruby... Please tell me you did not enjoy that travesty."

Ruby: "Did you see those rescue airships?! The latest Wayland Tigertails! Ooh, I think they got the upgraded IFF sensor nodes, too!"

Weiss: "... I'm the only sane one here, aren't I?"

Blake: "Ha. Please."

Yang: "So... You don't want to watch more?"

Weiss: "..." sighs "Fine."

Yang and Jaune: "WOO!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Blake: "What's next? Lifeguards fighting samurai? Or ninjas? Or ninja samurai?!"

Jaune: "Actually, they already had episodes with samurai. And ninja. And ninja samurai."

Blake: "Wait. What."

Yang: "Yeah! Dave Hoff put away a Fuujin crimelord and when he gets out of jail, he comes after Dave to try and kill him and his family! With his team of ninjas!"

Weiss: "... How did a lifeguard put a Fuujin crimelord in jail?"

Yang: "Those kinds of questions don't matter when it comes to Valewatch."

Jaune: "Honestly, asking any more questions than necessary kind of defeats the point of watching it."

Blake: "So... Don't think about it?"

Yang: "Nope!"

Jaune: "Not too hard, or you'll give yourself a stroke."

Weiss: "And so much is explained about you two blond bimbos."

Yang and Jaune: "Hey!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Once again, our heroes are tuning in for another episode of ValeWatch. Even Weiss has gotten into making fun of the stupid show.

Weiss: "Vikings... Frozen Vikings from Solitas. They were in an ice berg, unfroze, and attacked the city."

Yang: laughing her ass off

Jaune: ditto

Ruby: "Ugh... Those axes and swords are all wrong! They're modern Dust refined steel, not forged!"

Nora: "I know right?! My enjoyment of this episode is severely impaired!"

Ren: "More caramel popcorn?"

Nora: "Thanks Renny! I am appeased!"

Weiss: groans "Well at least Pyrrha is in the episode to-"

Pyrrha on screen: "Hey you! Stop that! You Vikings! Are! So bad! I will defeat you!"

Weiss: Stares at Pyrrha "... How many acting classes did you take again?"

Pyrrha: blush "I was nervous!"

Jaune: "Still, this is a great fight scene. You're the best at those, Pyr!"

Pyrrha: "I-Oh, w-well, thank you!"

Yang: "Hmph. I could do better fight scenes..."

Jaune: "Huh?"

Yang: louder "Yeah, that was basically the only saving grace of this show: Cool fight scenes, hot guys and girls, and total insanity."

Weiss: "Wait, was? It was cancelled?!"

Jaune: "Yeah. I'm guessing they brought Pyr on as a desperate hail mary?"

Pyrrha: "Unfortunately, yes. Then they made a spin off set in Menagerie and um... Well that lasted four episodes before being canceled."

Ruby: "I heard the producer got thrown out of a window in his office building."

Stares

Ruby: "He was fine after!"

Nora: "Oh good! That's what I was worried about!"

Yang: "So, you've gotta have all kinds of dirt from behind the scenes, Cereal Girl-Right?"

Pyrrha: "Oh, well... Not really. Mister Hoff was actually very nice. He tried to help me with acting and even gave me advice for a singing career... Which um... I didn't go for. Not fully."

Jaune: "I bet you sing great!"

Pyrrha: bright red "Th-Thank you!"

Yang: scowls "I also sing, ya know."

Jaune: "Oh, I'm sorry Yang. I'd love to hear you sing too!"

Weiss: "I am literally a professional singer!"

Jaune: blinks "But I've already heard you sing, Weiss."

Weiss: "Hmph!"

Jaune: ... Women.

Jaune: "Anyway! Next episode!"

Weiss: "Please tell me this isn't as crazy as the last one?"

Yang: "It totally isn't! In fact, Blake? Stop reading your smut fics and watch with us! I think you'll find it hilarious!"

Blake: "I somehow doubt it."

They watch... And...

Blake: "... Let me get this straight. The Straw Feminist and Faunus Rights Activist who died an episode ago... Is reincarnated as a dog."

Yang: "Eeyup!"

Jaune: "Totally!"

Blake: "... And this episode's writer's other credits include?"

Jaune: "Mostly 'World's Blankiest Blank' kind of stuff."

Blake: "Well, at least they're consistent."

Weiss: smirk "Oh, I am just loving this~."

Blake: "You would, racist!"

Weiss: "Brat!"

Blake: "Sow!"

Weiss: "Hypocrite!"

Jaune: sighs as Weiss and Blake argue "Maybe this was a bad idea."

Yang: "At least it wasn't the Cat People Episode. We'd never hear the end of it."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Sage Ayana has the Semblance of Psychometry.

Sage: "Jaune. May I examine your sword?"

Jaune: "Hm? Oh, sure."

Sage: "I like to try my Semblance on older weapons, and since yours is the oldest one here, I think it would be a unique experience."

Jaune: "Er... Sure."

Sage touches Crocea Mors. His Semblance activates and he hums thoughtfully.

Sage: "... Huh. Shirou, your great-grandfather, killed a LOT of soldiers with this."

Jaune: "Oh yeah. A lot."

Sage: "So did your great-great grandfather. And a lot of Grimm."

Jaune: "Uh huh...?"

Sage: "On many battlefields. Impressive... I am seeing the Battles of Camelot, Camlenn, Argus, the siege of Mantle..."

Jaune: "That's incredible!"

Sage: "... Your Nana was quite attractive. Like, REALLY attractive. How were those things real? Wow, she was just the hottest-"

Jaune: takes his sword back "Okay, that's enough of that."

Sage: clears his throat "Sorry about that."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The Beacon Academy JNPR common room was a lively mess, with snack wrappers and open books strewn across the table, the late evening light filtering through the windows. Team SSSN and Jaune Arc sprawled across the couches, the air thick with banter and the faint hum of Aura from their earlier training. Jaune, in his black hoodie and white armor, leaned back, his blonde hair slightly mussed.

"It is nice to train with guys once in a while," Jaune observed.

"And Neptune," Scarlet snarked, cleaning his sword.

"Haha," Neptune huffed, working on his goggles.

"No problem, Jaune!" Sun grinned. "Any friend of Blake's is a friend of ours!"

"More or less," Sage observed. At Jaune's stare, Sage blinked. "That was a joke."

"Oh," Jaune mumbled, thinking of Ren. He wondered if he and Sage met in secret to work on being deadpan together.

"Woah! Who is the babe?!"

Jaune looked over at Neptune, who was holding up a framed picture of Jaune's family. Jaune scowled.

"That's my mom," Jaune growled.

"She's like the ultimate MILF!" Neptune crowed, "Hot Damn!"

"Neptune, answer me honestly," Jaune said, his voice teasing but sharp. "How would you personally feel if I was enjoying the view of your mother?"

Neptune, his blue hair catching the light, froze, his goggles slipping from his fingers. His voice was flat, defensive. "My mom's not a babe."

Jaune's eyebrow arched, his grin widening.

"What if she was one at our age?"

Neptune's eyes narrowed, his eyebrow twitching irritably. "Then she's not my mom, is she?"

Sun Wukong, lounging nearby, his tail swishing lazily, chimed in, his voice dripping with amusement.

"Dude, I know I'm a little late on the upkeep, but before you dig yourself deeper, I gotta let ya know something. A while back, I was walking in the park and saw Jaune helping a bunch of little kids get their ball back from a tree. The look their moms gave him afterward? Like they were starving and he was a plate of prime rib. So, I'm just saying… there's a good chance he seduces your mom outright."

Neptune's jaw dropped, his voice a yelp. "He would not!"

Scarlet's grin turned wicked, his eyes glinting. "He has Professor Goodwitch's Scroll number."

"HE WHAT?!" Neptune squawked, his face reddening.

Jaune waved his hands, his voice flustered.

"It's just because she's tutoring me, and I'm working as a teaching assistant!"

Sun leaned forward, undeterred, his voice sly.

"You also have the number for Blake's mom! Don't deny it, I saw the caller I.D. yesterday!"

Jaune's blush deepened, his voice defensive. "Well, I'm trying to help Blake reconnect with her parents!"

Neptune's eyes bulged, his voice a shout.

"Why are you doing that?!"

"She asked me to?" Jaune said, his tone bewildered, his hands raised.

Scarlet, perched on the armrest, smirked. Jaune prayed he wouldn't stoke the flames any further... But his prayers were not answered.

"What about that white-haired woman who kept saying she was Weiss's mom?"

Jaune groaned, rubbing his neck. "She was friends with my parents!"

Sage Ayana crossed his arms, his green hair catching the light, his voice calm but pointed.

"What about that strange raven-haired woman who looked like an older version of Yang and tried to throttle you last week?"

Jaune's face darkened, his voice sharp.

"That's Yang's mom. She's a bitch. My mom tried to make her come home and apologize to Yang for abandoning her."

Sun placed a hand on Neptune's shoulder, his voice mock-solemn.

"Still, dude, you're four for four on moms right now. I'm sorry, man, he'll seduce your mom. It's inevitable at this point."

Neptune's face was now a brilliant shade of red, his voice a strangled growl. Jaune flailed, his voice desperate. "No, no, no! My parents are trying to make Raven apologize to Yang! I don't—She's not hot!"

Sage's eyebrow arched, his voice dry. "She's a near one-to-one copy of Yang. Are you saying Yang's not hot?"

Jaune's eyes widened, his voice a frantic scramble.

"Physically, yes! But she abandoned her entire family and is a bandit! She's terrible! That kills any arousal at all."

"Then why is she following you around?" Neptune demanded. Jaune shrugged helplessly.

"I have no idea!"

Neptune was turning red at this moment, huffing like an angry bull.

"And anyway, it doesn't matter! I haven't met Neptune's mom!" Jaune added.

Sage held up his Scroll and projected an image of a very attractive older woman in a suit with a skirt with long blue hair. Jaune stared, and blushed.

"Oh... Wow... She's uh... I-I mean she looks... Nice?"

"And she's coming for the Vytal Festival," Sun grinned.

Scarlet placed a hand on Neptune's other shoulder, his voice teasing. "Tsk, tsk, sorry, Nep. Looks like Jaune's gonna seduce your mom."

Neptune's control snapped, his voice a roar. "YOU BASTARD!"

He launched himself at Jaune, hands aiming for his throat.

"HURK!" Jaune gasped, stumbling back as Neptune tackled him, the two crashing into the couch.

Sun cackled, leaning back, while Scarlet snorted, his voice dry. "Why exactly did we do this?"

Sage shook his head, his voice calm but amused. "It means he's now one of us."

"Having Neptune freak out and try to strangle us?" Scarlet asked.

Sun nodded.

"Totally! We all went through that!"

Scarlet hummed and shrugged as Jaune yelped in desperation.

"Fair enough."

- - -

There you go, no Jaune harem antics. Just Neptune freaking out and losing his control and Team SSSN being trolls.