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Teacher Nightmare [Naruto]

We're trying to drop Sakura at a bare minimum and would at least look after either Sasuke or Naruto if we had to.
 
So all throughout this update I kept having to decide whether to just assume you guys will take a particular option or to actually give you the choice.
On the one hand, low micromanagement and fast pace. On the other, hand player control and detail (believe me, those scenes could have taken entire updates each).

Ended up going with low-micro. Let me know if you want more granularity.

[X]Sakura has been deemed irreproachably broken, and we recommend immediate incarceration in the nearest Psych ward until Forever. The only possible way to make that mess of a person usable would be to split her, something you cannot do.
[X]Sasuke and Naruto have been deemed as salvageable cases, but their ability to function as a team is currently deemed impossible.
[X]We recommend Sasuke be assigned a suitable and stable temporary mentor until a team can be found for him.
[X]We recommend Naruto receive basic individual re-education on Shinobi Conduct. Possibly from a ANBU agent.
[X]We would like to note that we are willing to consider taking on one of the aforesaid positions of tutor/mentor ship. However we respectfully decline anything to do with Sakura. Even on pain of everything.

You leave the kids outside the forest with words of ambivalence and head over to the Hokage tower to make your report. Best get this over with before your students get a chance to talk.

You start by stating that you judge the team unsalvageable.

Uh oh, the Hokage looks peeved already.

"Now explain how exactly you managed to fail one of the most important missions I've ever assigned you?"

You give a brief outline of events, skipping Naruto's injury entirely.

"You decided you'd throw a completely new gennin team with known personality conflicts into a life or death situation (and I'm going to want the details on that later), without a chance to get used to working with one another and then you're surprised when they fail to work together properly?"

You open your mouth to reply, but he stops you while he massages his temples.

"... Carry on."

You recount the rest of the week, the Hokage seems to grow more and more puzzled as you describe Sakura's behavior before suddenly going completely poker faced.

"Thank you Kakashi. Sakura will be seen to by a specialist team and will be returned to you if and when she is fixed. As for Naruto and Sasuke, part of your mission was to get them to work together and turn Naruto into a disciplined shinobi. If you need assistance then talk to Kurenai or one of the other jounin-senseis. Dismissed."

You're just thankful he seems to have forgotten about the tiger. Though it's odd... it takes a LOT for the Hokage to lose control like that.

You go to the Academy to ask Iruka about Sakura's behavior. It's obviously unusual in some way.

He's surprised too. As far as he knew she was intelligent and stable, just with a slight obsession towards Sasuke she picked up with the rest of the girls a few years back, though admittedly to a greater extent. He'd never heard anything about babbled arguments and expresses concern for his ex-student.

It's then that you realize you just told Iruka that your test finished inconclusively. Naruto will go for some comfort food. Iruka will go find him to reassure him. Naruto will tell Iruka what happened. Iruka will blow a gasket.

Thankfully, that week of observation is enough for a viable impersonation of Naruto, and Iruka was never very good at detecting genjutsu so he doesn't realize he's nowhere near Ichiraku's. You feel like a real dick afterwards though, so you impersonate Iruka to Naruto as well.

Phew. Crisis averted. ^_^

Hmm... Sakura.

You apply your super stealthy ninja skills and manage to track her and her ANBU escort all the way into Konoha's immense underground before some instinct tells you to get the fuck away.

Those instincts have kept you alive on many an S-rank mission and you aren't going to start doubting them now so you "swim" up to the surface again, avoiding the obvious security seals. Looks like that's out of your hands for now.

The shadow clone you sent to tail Sasuke reports that he's been restocking equipment and is now practicing jutsu in an empty training ground.

Kurenai is nowhere to be found. Asuma says she's just been assigned to an unranked mission that somehow takes precedence over even her sensei duties. He's introducing her team to meditation to tide them over.

Ino suggests a group exercise. You think she just wants to see Sasuke and Sakura again.

Anyway, you have two students left (both happy about not being sent back to the Academy), what shall you do with them?
 
[X] Try and emphasis to those two idiots just WHY it's important for nins to WORK in teams.
- - [X] Despite how AWESOME you are, and how S-rank nins can be... they STILL need a frame work to operate in.
- - [X] Why just NOTE that even certain legendary S-rank Missing Nins such as an UNNAMED clan killer? He's last seen with a partner... and is working for a company of mercenaries.
- - [X] LOOK meaningfully at Naruto now.
- - [X] Explain that IF he wants to be team leader or some hotshit... he's going to have to EARN that by getting better, luckily he's got a sensei whose willing to TEACH him, ne?
 
[X] Try and emphasis to those two idiots just WHY it's important for nins to WORK in teams.
- - [X] Despite how AWESOME you are, and how S-rank nins can be... they STILL need a frame work to operate in.
- - [X] Why just NOTE that even certain legendary S-rank Missing Nins such as an UNNAMED clan killer? He's last seen with a partner... and is working for a company of mercenaries.
- - [X] LOOK meaningfully at Naruto now.
- - [X] Explain that IF he wants to be team leader or some hotshit... he's going to have to EARN that by getting better, luckily he's got a sensei whose willing to TEACH him, ne?
 
Biigoh said:
- - [X] Why just NOTE that even certain legendary S-rank Missing Nins such as an UNNAMED clan killer? He's last seen with a partner... and is working for a company of mercenaries.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
That's actually not public knowledge (in canon I don't think Kakashi even finds out until after the chunin exams). You are technically authorized to release this information, but it'll cause raised eyebrows.
 
It likely would be in the Bingo Books that Itachi is typically seen with XXXX nin...
 
Biigoh said:
It likely would be in the Bingo Books that Itachi is typically seen with XXXX nin...
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Itachi ish a stealthy ninja.
ninja
 
We could just mention that he has a partner and Sasuke might need one to keep him busy well he fights the unnamed clan killer.
 
GoC said:
Itachi ish a stealthy ninja.
ninja
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Itachi... stealt... stealthy... ah hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

The DUDE wears his fucking scratched headband, goes around a black cloak and red clouds, the fucker is NOT stealthy. He's a MASSIVE PR thing like the other S-rank nins in Akasuki.
 
[X] Try and emphasis to those two idiots just WHY it's important for nins to WORK in teams.
- - [X] Despite how AWESOME you are, and how S-rank nins can be... they STILL need a frame work to operate in.
- - [X] Why just NOTE that even certain legendary S-rank Missing Nins such as an UNNAMED clan killer? He's last seen with a partner... and is working for a company of mercenaries.
- - [X] LOOK meaningfully at Naruto now.
- - [X] Explain that IF he wants to be team leader or some hotshit... he's going to have to EARN that by getting better, luckily he's got a sensei whose willing to TEACH him, ne?
 
The problem with the 'Even S-Rank ninja need backup' argument? As far as Sasuke (or for that matter, Kakashi) knows, Itachi's most infamous accomplishment, the complete massacre of a populous clan, was done entirely on his own.

Instead:
[X] Sasuke. You want to become stronger. But do you think S-Rank ninja just appear out of nowhere? That they gain their skills spontaniously? No. Allies are a necessary part of a ninja's growth - teachers to learn from, friends to spar with, rivals to test against, and teammates to watch your back while you gain combat experience.
 
Too tired today, update tomorrow.

EDIT: Gah, still smashed. More waiting I'm afraid.

EDIT2: Looks like it'll have to be the weekend. Work is kicking my arse.
 
[X] Try and emphasis to those two idiots just WHY it's important for nins to WORK in teams.
- - [X] Despite how AWESOME you are, and how S-rank nins can be... they STILL need a frame work to operate in.
- - [X] Why just NOTE that even certain legendary S-rank Missing Nins such as an UNNAMED clan killer? He's last seen with a partner... and is working for a company of mercenaries.
- - [X] LOOK meaningfully at Naruto now.
- - [X] Explain that IF he wants to be team leader or some hotshit... he's going to have to EARN that by getting better, luckily he's got a sensei whose willing to TEACH him, ne?

You tape notes to your boy's doors telling them to meet you at training ground 9 tomorrow at dawn.

They arrive both on time and looking serious.

You start your lecture.

Sasuke loses focus when you mention the sighting of his brother, in fact you think he's trying to figure out how he can research high powered ninja mercenary groups.

Naruto actually seems a bit confused...

"But sensei, I'm already an awesome ninja! What did Sasuke do to earn leadership?"

Sasuke snaps out of it. "Sensei, I know how useful teams are. I saw Ino, Shikamaru and Choji in team exercises and their power doubles when working together. But Naruto, for all his power, would be a liability in a conflict against a skilled genjutsu user and you saw Sakura disables her own allies."

"Hey! I'd never turn against my team mates! Not even you!"

Sasuke ignores him and continues, "Of the recent graduates only Sakura and Naruto have the power to be useful in a fight and for the rest of a mission they are a liability."

"Don't ignore me bas-"

He actually stops and gets a hold of himself. Ok, that is a very positive sign.

Sasuke glances curiously at him.

"Well done Naruto! Being able to keep cool is one of the most important skills for a leader!" you beam at him.

He replies with a rueful grin.

You turn to Sasuke.

"If Naruto is vulnerable to genjutsu why don't you help him get better at defending against them? You have the sharingan."

Sasuke actually seems to consider this for a moment before shaking his head.

"It is not just a matter of learning some tricks for detecting genjutsu. It's about being able to think, spot patterns and observe in detail the objects and people around you. If the first you know of Him is when battle starts then you have already lost."

Something tickles the back of your mind at that but you can't quite pin it down...

Sasuke seems quite good at rationalization. Perhaps a subtle approach is needed?

Additionally, how are you going to be training these kids? Handing out techniques like candy (what focus?)? Letting them figure out how to train on their own while you read porn? Exercises against/with the other Konoha teams? D-rank missions? C-ranks? Take them with you for a B-rank?
 
[X] "All very valid points, Sasuke. However, people need to start somewhere... after all, isn't that what being a a kawaii genin is, to learn and to share your learning with your teammates. After all, you learned how to throw kunai, use ninja wire as a student, and now it's so natural to just use your skill, ne? Helping your teammate be better only gives you a better force amplifier."
- - [X] "Naruto, I can sympathize that you need to get people's attentions. However, you're now a shinobi. No longer a civilian, no longer a student. Being loud and not thinking things ahead is going to get people killed. You, your teammates, OTHER people who depend on your team, like the civilians of Konoha, the civilian clients that you might be assigned to. Do you TRULY want their deaths on your hands?"
- - - - [X] Do the monument of Konoha speech and explain once more that Ninja who disobey orders are trash, those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. The two of them are going to work together, and when Sakura returns from her medical leave, the three of them are going to work together.
 
I find it amusing that the second vote was already

[X] Tanuki Train.

Perhaps Blades is a wee bit psychic today~?
 
because...

[X] Tanuki Train

comes from cats loving Tanuki... :3
 
[x]"Thinking and patterns. Sorta like the skills needed in tracking the patrols to find the opening the paint the Monument?
[x]And Tanuki Train.
[x]Teaching Train basics Skill and give projects that they figure out on their own with. Reward significant success with useful cornerstone techniques.
 
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[X] "All very valid points, Sasuke. However, people need to start somewhere... after all, isn't that what being a a kawaii genin is, to learn and to share your learning with your teammates. After all, you learned how to throw kunai, use ninja wire as a student, and now it's so natural to just use your skill, ne? Helping your teammate be better only gives you a better force amplifier."
- - [X] "Naruto, I can sympathize that you need to get people's attentions. However, you're now a shinobi. No longer a civilian, no longer a student. Being loud and not thinking things ahead is going to get people killed. You, your teammates, OTHER people who depend on your team, like the civilians of Konoha, the civilian clients that you might be assigned to. Do you TRULY want their deaths on your hands?"
- - - - [X] Do the monument of Konoha speech and explain once more that Ninja who disobey orders are trash, those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. The two of them are going to work together, and when Sakura returns from her medical leave, the three of them are going to work together.

Sasuke sighs, "No matter how much I train with Naruto, his temperament and personality aren't going to change."

Naruto scowls at this but holds his tongue. You give Sasuke a look.

"I will give him genjutsu resistance training." he scowls.

You turn to Naruto.

"Naruto, I can sympathize that you need to get people's attentions. However, you're now a shinobi. No longer a civilian, no longer a student. Being loud and not thinking things ahead is going to get people killed. You, your teammates, OTHER people who depend on your team, like the civilians of Konoha, the civilian clients that you might be assigned to. Do you TRULY want their deaths on your hands?"

Naruto looks scared and worried.

"No, Sensei."

Sasuke doesn't react to your monument speech, Naruto just nods seriously.

"I will look after my team, sensei! We're going to be the best team ever!"

"Sasuke?"

"... Sakura... She's finally snapped hasn't she? And she's been taken to the Yamanaka to be rewritten..."

You don't think the Yamakana actually have any techniques that can do that... There's an S-rank technique to read and alter memories, and there are others to influence emotions, but none of their techniques work on bijuu (and thus half of Sakura... maybe) anyway.

"No, Sasuke. That is impossible in several ways."

He looks... conflicted. You guess thinking someone you hate (but whom has been a fixture in your life for the past three years) will be replaced by a new person would do that. Still a surprisingly persistent rumor amongst the more paranoid gennin.

You don't think he fears for himself though. He's a model ninja after all, isn't he?

"Sensei, what is he talking about?" asks Naruto.

"He thinks the Yamanaka are going to turn Sakura into a zombie slave."

"That's silly. Ino has been trying to turn Sasuke into her slave for ages! If she could do that Sasuke would be having sloppy makeout sessions with her all the time!" he laughs.

"Anyway, Ino is Sakura's friend, right? So she wouldn't let her dad turn Sakura into a zombie."

Sasuke just grunts.

Well, hopefully their teamwork will improve faster now. So how will you conduct your gennin-training?

*is anxious to try out some of his mission options* :D
 
[X] Operation ground and pound. You will grind your cute little genin into the dirt with physical conditioning, pound teamwork into their heads with a rusty hammer, and force them to improve.
-->[X] Or in other words, ANBU basic training, but for three times as long and without the option of dropping out.
 
[X] Get Naruto BASIC training... proper basic training...
- - [X] With usage of Kage Bunshin haxx... YOU did after all READ the report on HOW Naruto had taken out Mizuki.
- - - - [X] The boy is going to be worn out to the bone with his clones doing the basic work/studies...
[X] While the clones help Naruto learn, you're going to get the boys to do Tree Walking exercise to build up control and stamina.

[X] Once every seven days, the boys and you do D-rank missions designed to foster teamwork and teach basic skill sets.

[X] A temporary TEAM-MATE? A genin who didn't quite make the cut for elite team training is assigned...
- - [X] Looks like Ami has grown up?

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Ami
 
BWAHAHAHA! I have started a trend! >:D
 
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