What it means to bargain
OurLadyOfWires
Uh-oh, better hide those FOALS!
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- Jan 7, 2024
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You are Velvet Pride.
And right now, you are having a very important conversation.
It is the weekend, and the clock is less than an hour away from striking noon. However, in a departure from the routine you had when you first moved here, you are still in Ponyville. In fact, you have been returning to your home in Canterlot less and less, these past few weeks. And for all that your father clearly instructed you to do so, you think your excuses to refuse his command have been… sufficiently adequate.
Still, your mind is as far away from Canterlot as your body is right now. And again, you are having a very important conversation, which is consuming the entirety of your attention and then some.
This is an important subject. A nerve-wracking subject. Something that keeps you awake at night, and that you are as hesitant to talk about as you are desperate for proper guidance.
And that subject is…
"So, tell me about this mare we have been hearing about back in Canterlot."
As always, your dear uncle is as caring as he is ruthless, and he asks you that question the moment he sits down on one of the chairs of your office.
He has a smile on his face, yes. But then again, he always has a smile on his face. And for all that he is family, and your elder, you can't help but worry if his smile is hiding any judgment.
You can feel your heart thumping inside your chest, and a chill running down your spine.
But still, you invited him here today. You want to have this conversation.
So, you can only hope that you won't mess this up spectacularly.
"Her name is Axe, uncle. Velvet Axe. And she is a…" you brace yourself to deliver the first, and perhaps most egregious piece of information that you have. "… she is an earth pony mare."
You watch as your uncle gives you a sagely nod, his smile not faltering for a second.
Is he surprised? You are absolutely sure that talk about her race has already reached Canterlot. And you know for a fact that your father has more ways to keep track of this estate than just the reports you give him when you meet. But still, you have hoped that reports on your dear beloved had been sketchy at best. So, is your uncle surprised to be hearing this confirmation from your own mouth? That you are not interested in a unicorn, as you should?
Is he surprised? Shocked? Disappointed?
"B-but she is a foreigner! Or so I am told," you quickly continue, nearly tripping over your words as you do. Because he might still have a smile on his face, but you are keenly aware of how well ponies in your family can hide their real emotions. "And truly, you need to see her with your own eyes, uncle. The way she ties her mane, and that entrancing sheen she has on her coat and…"
Another chill runs through your body as you realize how close you are to swooning over your dear Axe, and you immediately clamp up.
You are having this conversation because you hope to win your uncle over! Not to fawn over your distant beloved.
"I mean," you say, getting a hold of yourself and letting out a dry cough. "She is a very interesting mare, uncle. And I was hoping you could advise me on how to proceed with this situation."
You say that, and you realize all too late that you have not been looking at your uncle this entire time. Instead, you have been so nervous that you have been pacing around your office. Quite literally walking circles around the chair your uncle is sitting on.
Still, you only admonish yourself for half a second before you turn to face your uncle again. Trying your best to remember all the lessons you were taught about negotiation.
But your mind goes entirely blank when you look at your uncle, and you realize he has a… very peculiar smile on his face.
"Ohohoh? Is that right, dear nephew?" he says, his eyes narrowed as if he could read something that is written on your horn. "This Axe mare must be quite the something, for you to be like this."
You feel a trickle of sweat forming on the base of your horn. But what in Celestia's name are you supposed to say?
You know that you won't be able to enter any serious relationships unless your father approves it. And you know that, unlike the circumstances that led to your sister marrying a pegasus, your father will probably never approve of you so much as courting an earth pony.
That is, unless you manage to bring your uncle to your side.
But… but how do you do that?
And what does that damn wry smile on his face means?!
"Well then, why don't you tell me a bit more about her?" he says, letting out a cough that couldn't possibly be a chuckle. "Because yes, certain bits and gossips do reach the main house. But some of it is so fragmented or… well, unbelievable, that I'd rather hear it from you, nephew."
You give him a hard nod, one that is perhaps too eager or mechanical. But you understand the subtext of what he is telling you.
This is it. Your battle has begun. And although the fact that your uncle has not immediately kicked you down, as soon as he heard your dear Axe is not a unicorn, is encouraging… well, the fact remains that he is right now probing for more information.
He is still withholding his judgment. Which means you still have a chance to succeed, but also to fail.
"Well, she has quite an adventurous spirit, for starters," you say, trying to paint her in the best light possible. "My Lady sister told me that she frequently sets out to explore parts unknown of Equestria. So she definitely has a wealth of knowledge on several subjects."
You say that, and other things besides. You leave out what your sister told you, about her being rather intractable. And you try to focus (and maybe even embellish) the good things you know about her. Painting her as a wondering foreigner who, naturally, would be a wonderful asset for the Velvet family.
You don't outright lie to your uncle. You don't think you have enough skill to do so. But still… well, you try.
However, your heart sinks more than a little when you finish your tale, and your dear uncle answers you with a dismissive wave of his hoof.
"Yes, yes, that all sounds very wonderful. A picture painted by Princess Cadance herself," he says, and you don't even have enough time to try and figure out what that expression means. "But more importantly, is it true that you fell for her at first sight? Is it true that you ran after her through the garden, and practically bowed down to her on the entrance hall?"
Your heart, that was beating so furiously until a second ago, almost freezes as your uncle so brazenly asks that. As he so quickly asks about that particular story, about that particular day.
And surely, the way he is leaning towards you, and the gleam you see in his eyes, can only be the harsh gaze of judgment, right? Your uncle's posture couldn't possibly mean that he is asking this just for the sake of interest and gossiping, no?
Of course not. Your uncle is one of the ruthless heads of the Velvet family. He would never be hooked in by something as base and simple as a stallion's first love.
Which means that… you are in deep, deep water. Because yes, the first day you met your dear Axe is a day you still hold fondly in your heart. But you also must admit that the way you handled that was the first and greatest mistake you made, when it comes to making your family accept her.
But what in Celestia's name are you supposed to do?! If that story reached the main house so accurately, what hope do you have of downplaying it?
"Well, I," you start to say, and then you stop, your thoughts trampling over each other as you try to figure out how to navigate this. "I would never say the heir of the Velvet family was struck by such a fairytale concept, uncle."
Your uncle coughs. Cantrip, who is standing by the door, also coughs. But your mind is so overwhelmed that you don't even register it.
And yes, they definitely coughed just now. It couldn't possibly be that they are chuckling.
"Instead, it as more that I… immediately saw her value. Yes, that is what happened!" you say, almost triumphantly.
Of course, that's how you will spin this. Make a point of how valuable and unique your beloved Axe is, and make yourself look good by being the first one to spot it!
You can only hope that the detail about her slapping your hoof away never reached the main house, and also that…
"Ah, of course, of course," your uncle says. "Yes, you always had a keen eye, so it makes sense that you would spot a diamond in the rough before anypony else."
You think his chest is trembling a little bit, and at the same time he is hiding his mouth with a hoof. He is probably just scratching his beard, you think.
Cantrip, also, seems to be having some trouble with her maid uniform. Because why else would she be so desperately inspecting her skirt? For what other reason would she have turned her face in another direction so suddenly?
Still, none of that matters. What matters is that it worked! It worked, your uncle bought your story, and you are that much closer to winning him over.
"Still, dear nephew, I am sure that the stories that reach the main house are more than just incomplete. So tell me, what else has been going on between you and this oh-so-interesting mare?"
"Of course! Well, I…" you begin to say, but you quickly trail off. Because what exactly should you tell him? Should you keep to your transactional and asset-oriented story? Should you try to pivot in another direction? "Well, I was able to secure some time with fair Axe. A few weeks ago, when my Lady Sister's daughter got her cutie mark, I managed to schedule with Axe fo-"
"Ohoh, so you asked her out on a date?" your uncle interrupts you, almost standing up from his chair with an inexplicably wide smile on his face.
And you are immediately taken aback. Is this a trap? Have you been lured into an ambush? After all, asking a mare out on a date, without your fathers approval, would be unthinkable. Especially when it comes to an earth pony.
So is this it? Are you done for?!
"I-I…" you stammer, almost taking a half-step back at your uncle's sudden burst of energy. "Of course not, uncle, don't be ridiculous. I merely… managed to schedule… for us to, uh… discuss business, yes. In Canterlot, at a later date."
"Yes, a later date," your uncle says, nodding to himself. "By the way, Cantrip dear could you bring me another glass of this? I think I'm getting quite parched."
He says that, but you are so concerned about his sudden "date" jab that you don't even notice that… well, that his glass of wine is still half full. And that Cantrip almost runs out of the room, as soon as he asks her that. And that a burst of laughter comes from behind the door as soon as your faithful maid leaves your office.
You don't notice any of that, because you are too worried about how easily your uncle has cornered you in this battle of yours.
"B-but unfortunately, well, we were not able to meet," you say, and for all that your voice is urgent, you are truly being sincere right now. "That… that dreadful business that happened with my sister. It left everypony scrambling. And our arrangement just slipped out of our mind, I think."
"Oh, right, that makes sense…" your uncle says, his smile turning into a frown as he thinks about the terrible occurrence that happened to your sister. "But come on, kiddo, you can't just leave her at that. Ask her out again!" he says, once again reigniting his smile.
But you-
"-couldn't possibly do that again, uncle. Asking her out even once was almost impossible to begin with!"
You answer him so quickly that you don't even realize how honest you were, just now. Or how horribly you just slipped.
But who cares? You are right! It can't be done. Asking the rare and radiant Axe out once already required a degree of courage you do not possess. And you couldn't possibly beseech Lady Mareinette's aid once again.
So it can't be done. It simply cannot!
"What you mean you can't do it again? So that's just it?" you uncle asks, "you are just going to let this once-in-a-lifetime mare that has you gobsmacked drift away because you didn't have the guts to ask her out?"
Your uncle says that, and his words cut you oh so deep. Not just because they are harsh, but also because they are true!
What are you doing? Why don't you just ask her out again?!
And not for the first time your mind is overwhelmed by the thought, by the possibilities, of what you could do to win fair Axe's favor. This is a familiar rush, for these thoughts batter against the walls of your mind more often than not. But still, you can't help but feel thrilled, and frightened, as if it was happening for the first time once again.
"But uncle, it just isn't that simple!" you finally say, the more cautious (or perhaps cowardly) side of your brain once again winning out. "You haven't met fair Axe yet. You just don't understand!"
You say that, and your barely notice Cantrip walking back towards the door, to keep waiting on both you and your uncle.
Because how could you even spare her a glance? You have much more pressing concerns right now.
"Oh, that's nonsense and you know it, nephew. Just walk up to her and ask her out! You already did it once, so it wouldn't be strange to do it again. And besides, the two of you must talk all the time, for you to be this smitten. So you just need to drop the question during one of your chats."
Your uncle says that, and you…
… you…
… you freeze.
You freeze, because well… it seems one of the few things your uncle didn't quite know has just come to light.
You freeze… and he immediately notices it.
"Hold old," you uncle says, once again narrowing his eyes, as if he could read your thoughts right off from your mane. "You two do speak frequently, right…?"
You don't answer. You don't answer, and you don't open your mouth, and you don't even move.
But alas, such camouflage tactics only work when the predator doesn't already has his eyes on you.
"Nephew, do you mean to tell me…" your uncle says, finally standing up from his chair, walking towards you, and patiently putting a foreleg around your neck in a half hug. And then, he pulls your head towards his, looking you in the eye so closely your horns almost touch. "You mean to tell me you have been swooning over this mare this entire time, and you haven't even properly spoken to her?"
You don't answer. You dare not answer. You wouldn't be able to live with his disappointment if you ever answered.
But your throat… it's just so dry right now.
Your throat is so dry that you can't stop yourself from gulping something down.
And that, you know, is all the answer your uncle needs.
"Princesses' throne, Pride… I thought… wow, we have a lot of work to do," he says to himself, the humor in his face completely eclipsed by a sudden burst of disbelief. "But hay, no time like the present. So be honest, what DO you know about her? And don't give me half-answers or made up stories. Tell me the truth."
He says that and you immediately fold. Your reserves of willpower are all spent, and there is nothing else you can do but scrape and beg for your uncle's aid on this. And if he eventually decides to vouch against your beloved Axe, then so be it.
But right now, you are drowning. You are drowning, and your trusted uncle is the closest thing you have to a lifeline. So, there is nothing you can do but grasp at it.
"Well, I… I know bits and pieces about her schedule. I know there are a few ponies who seem to be on good terms with her. And I think I have a grasp on certain things that she likes."
You say that, and you can only watch as your uncle's expression slowly turns into one of… concern?
By the sun, what the hay did you do wrong now?!
"My dear nephew, I must admit that list is… quite peculiar. Pray tell, how exactly have you learned those things? Especially given how you refuse to talk to this mare?"
He asks that, and for the first time in a long while your eyes finally light up. Because yes, this is definitely something you have a good grasp on.
In fact, you are almost excited to explain him about this!
"Ah, this is one of the secrets I figured out, uncle! Here, let me show you," you say as you go towards the window of your office.
Because this being your office, this is also the place you spend most of your days in. So, you light up your horn to move your lavish office chair, and you reveal to your uncle the item that was hiding behind said chair.
"Nephew, why do you have a telescope hiding behind your chair? And why is it pointing towards your window?" your uncle asks. His voice completely curious, and not at all increasingly worried.
You also hear Cantrip do… something. Yes, of course, she just sighed in approval. Because why would she ever let out a tired "here we go again" sigh?
"As you know, uncle, the window behind my desk has a view of the mansion's garden," you explain. More than just that, you usher your uncle towards you. "And the secret I discovered is that… fair Axe seems to be on good terms with my Lady Sister's daughter! The pegasus one, that is."
"This Axe mare is friends with Silky Stream?" your uncle asks, although his expression is still conflicted as he approaches the telescope. "But what the hay does any of that has to do with this?"
Ah, so that is the pegasus' name? You should try to remember that for the future.
"Just take a look, dear uncle. And you will see the great strides I have made to gaining fair Axe's favor!"
You say that, and you watch as your uncle peers through the telescope.
The telescope is, of course, aimed at one of the corners of the garden. At a particular spot that is under the shade of one of the larger trees.
"Is that…?" he asks.
"Yes! That is a fully furbished tea party," you say, describing the image your uncle is seeing. "I have learned that the little pegasus is quite fond of those, so I have the servants keep that place ready during the afternoon."
You say that, beaming with your namesake pride. And you watch as your uncle takes a confused step away from the telescope, after gazing through it.
No doubt, he is at a loss for words because of how impressed he is!
"And without fail, almost every afternoon, the little pegasus sniffs the tea party out and goes to play with it. Following that, three out of four times fair Axe appears to join her. This is a genius way for me to be able to gaze at her… that is, without any risk of making a mistake!"
"There… there is a term for ponies who do this kind of thing, in the noble circles…"
"Pardon, uncle, what was that?"
"I… Pride, kiddo, let me get this absolutely straight. The way you have been learning about this Axe mare is… by spying her from a distance?" he asks.
To which you can only reply with confusion.
"Spying? Why, I would never! How could you possibly say th-"
"Pride, look at me. Just look at me. You have a telescope aimed at a tea-party shaped trap that you have set up for your niece. All in the hopes of… catching a sight of this Axe?"
"Well, when you put it that way…"
You trail off, because your uncle does have a point. At least when you look at this from a very specific perspective.
But still, what else could you possibly do? Every time you spoke with your beloved Axe was an utter disaster! She is so perfect that she is quite literally unreachable. So what hope do you have for joy in this life, if not to simply gaze at her from a distance?
"But still, uncle, well…" you say that as you peer from the telescope, more out of habit than anything else.
And despite your predicament, your heart soars as you realize what you see through the telescope.
"Wait, wait! Look, uncle. The little pegasus is there again!" you say, as you watch the sight of your pegasus niece poking her head out of a nearby bush, gazing at the tea party like a small animal might look at a morsel.
And soon enough, your niece disappears into the bush once again, only to reemerge seconds later with a fancy hat (that, given its size, probably belongs to your Lady Sister) and a rather expensive filly-sized dress.
By the life of you, you have no idea where she gets those things so quickly.
Still, more importantly, you watch as your niece sits down on one of the chairs, and begins pouring herself some tea.
"This is great! And you will see, uncle. I will show you. As soon as Axe appears, you will understand what I mean," you say, still looking through the telescope. "You will understand that… well, that I can't possibly bear to take any risks! Not when a mare like her is on the line."
You say that, and several things more, as you peer through the telescope.
Although, you can't help but realize that… well, that your uncle isn't exactly responding.
And as the seconds stretch long, you can't help but feel a pang of concern because… well, your uncle did seem a little hesitant about this, now that you think about this. The more you recall the expression he had on his face just now, the more you realize that he wasn't impressed as much as he was…
"Uncle… I know… I know this looks, well, rather unsightly. But I promise you, I just need to understand Axe a little better before I…"
You trail off. You trail off because, again, you would never be able to tell a believable lie to your uncle. But more than that, you don't want to lie to him.
You don't want to lie to yourself either.
"Oh, who am I kidding. I just don't know what to do, uncle. Please, please help me. Because every night before I sleep, I think about her. Every day when I wake up, her face is the first thing that comes to my mind. But given how I haven't even been able to converse with her yet, I… I don't… I just…!"
You say that as you let out a long and pained sigh. Shaking your head as you take your eye out of the telescope.
And in truth, you feel truly downtrodden, perhaps even ashamed, as you turn around to face your dear uncle. Because you realize how low you must look in his eyes, right now, and how pathetic and desperate y-…
… wait, what?
"Uncle? Uncle Steppes?" you say, looking around the room.
Because where the hay is your uncle?
You look at the chair he was sitting on, then the corners of your office, until your eyes finally settle on your trusted Cantrip, who is standing by the door with the most awkward and embarrassed of expressions.
"My Lord Pride, your Lord uncle has left… around four minute ago?" she says.
And your heart sinks as, somehow, the exact meaning of this dawns upon you.
It doesn't make any sense. You don't even know how you know this. But you just do. For some reason, you immediately understand exactly what is going on.
You turn your face back towards the telescope so quickly that you almost hurt your neck. And you almost poke your eye with the telescope as you peer into it.
But sure enough, you are immediately greeted by the sight of your pegasus niece sitting on the fancy garden chair, in front of a fully furbished tea table… having a delightful conversation with a noble unicorn wearing a full suit.
Your heart nearly jumps out of your mouth as you realize your uncle simply went there and did something you have never dared to do even in your wildest dreams.
Your hoofs almost scrape the wooden door, as your gallop out of your office and down the stairs, towards the garden.
- - -
How did you end up in this situation?
How could you, you, the youngest son of the Velvet family, be in a place like this? Doing something like this?
"But I must say, Lady River, I was hoping to see your sister here today. It has been too long since I last saw her."
"Ah, but haven't you heard, Lord Mountain? My dear sister has been crowned a Princess! So, she is so very busy now, I am afraid she doesn't have time even for myself."
"Is that quite right? I will make sure to pay Princess Selene my respects then. But do tell, when was the coronation?"
And how can your uncle possibly be so nonchalant about all this?!
You are… you are currently…
There is no way to sugarcoat it. You are at a foal's tea party.
Granted, it is a true tea party in every sense of the word. You did instruct your servants to prepare something like this, after all. So, you are sitting on a nice and comfortable garden chair, in front of a metal-and-glass table, with a teacup and a plate full of sweet treats in front of you. All of that on a nice corner of the central garden, under the shade of a tree, where the wind blows just enough to keep everything cool and comfortable.
But that's not the point.
The point is that, right next to you, is sitting a pegasus filly. You are at a tea party, with a pegasus filly. And to your right, sipping from his tea and engaging in make-belief talk as if nothing was wrong, is your uncle Velvet Steppes.
Or rather, "Lord Mountain", currently discussing crown politiks with "Lady River".
Curse your legs for galloping here. And curse your lack of courage for not turning around the moment your uncle introduced you to your niece.
The only bit of luck you have is that fair Axe herself is not here. After all, you are sure that all the servants are watching, and they must all be laughing their flanks off at the indignity you are going through right now. But still, at least your dear Axe is not here to see you like this.
However, you are suddenly snapped out of your thoughts as "Lord Mountain" magnanimously waves a hoof towards you.
"Now, I realize our good Baron Diamond is not one for words. He is from a distant land, you see, and our language is not yet his forte," your uncle says.
And the condescending nod the little pegasus gives you is… how will your pride ever recover?
"That is quite alright, my good Lord. I am well-acquainted with ponies from distant lands," the filly says, as she reaches for yet another treat from the nearby assortment of pastries.
"Is that right? But it is oh so rare for ponies to come from outside our Princesses' domain. Who is it that you already know, who shares this exotic honor?" your uncle asks.
And despite the turmoil of rebellion and indignities that is coursing through your mind, your thoughts immediately focus as you realize that…
It couldn't possibly, could it?
Is your uncle… did he really plan this far ahead? The way he was steering this make-believe conversation this entire time, could he possibly have been planning for the filly to…?!
"Why, I happen to know one Princess Axe of Snaketon," the filly says, and your ears immediately perk up in attention. "She is also from a distant land, from what I know. And also a mare of very few words."
Your eyes go wide in surprise, and your mouth nearly opens for you to ask something, anything, from the filly.
But before you have the chance to do any of that, your uncle continues to talk as if nothing miraculous had just happened.
"Princess Axe? You live in very good company indeed, Lady River. I am truly privileged to be here with you today."
"Well, I will have you know you are just as good of a company, Lord Mountain."
Their back and forth banter continues. And you need to hold yourself back not to just jump in.
Ask her something more, uncle. Ask her anything. Please!
"Now, good Baron Diamond here, he comes from a very rich region," your uncle says, putting a hoof on your shoulder, as the pegasus filly gives him a long nod with her all-too-large fancy hat. "As his name implies, he is the owner of several deep mines, from which his servants dig up trove upon trove of precious stones."
"That must be quite the impressive sight, my good Baron," the filly says, turning her attention to you for perhaps the second time since you sat down.
She was largely hesitant about your presence, ever since you arrived, until your uncle managed to convince her to rope you into her little play. But now, she is looking at you as if you were one of her own playmates.
And for some reason, despite her being a pegasus, you don't really… mind?
Well, not when she seems to know so much about your beloved.
"Yes… quite the sight…" you say, rather awkwardly. And the filly lets out a small giggle as she mistakes your hesitation for a feigned accent.
"However, he also told me he has been looking to form a business relationship with other foreign ponies. And we were hoping you could help us bridge the gap," your uncle says. And your heart begins to drum inside your chest as you realize where he is taking this. "And I was quite intrigued by this Princess of Snaketon. So, if you don't mind favoring us, how could we best approach her for thisbusiness relationship plan our Baron here is hoping for?"
He asks that, and you… you…!
You want to do several things at the same time.
You want to run away, for starters. And you want to shake your uncle for the sheer temerity he has. And you also want to bring out a scroll and pen to write down every last syllable the filly is about to speak.
Because part of you realize you don't deserve this. That whatever secret knowledge this filly has is not meant for a mere and lowly mortal such as yourself. But another part… oh another part of you can't help to yearn for it.
Still, as always, you don't do anything. You are frozen by your own indecision, and you can only watch as fate plays its own cards before you.
Which means you can do nothing but wait, with your mouth closed shut, as the pegasus filly speaks.
"Ah, Princess Axe, yes," she begins to say.
But for some reason, her expression begins to shift. It is hard to say that a filly as young and innocent as her looks serious, but you don't really know any other way to describe it.
She might not even realize it. But for a moment, your niece seems to drop her make-believe act, and her tone becomes strangely focused as she speaks.
"I think, um… promise you won't tell this to anypony, uncle Steppes?" she asks, and your uncle, also with a curious but serious expression, gives her an understanding nod. "Well, I think Axe… I think Axe has a hard time trusting other ponies."
"Trusting other ponies? Why? What made you realize that?" your uncle asks, his voice as smooth as it is encouraging.
"Well, she… I dunno. She never told me that? But there is something about the way she acts that… I think she trusted somepony, once, and she got hurt because of it. Or maybe somepony who she trusted didn't fulfill a promise? I'm not sure," she says, looking down at her teacup as she purses her lips. "But that's the thing, uncle. I think she's scared of trusting other ponies, so she has a hard time doing a lot of things."
"I see… that's very observant of you, Silky. But if you don't mind me asking, and you don't need to answer if you don't want to, what sorts of things does she have a hard time doing?"
"Asking for favors, for starters. Axe is really bad at asking for stuff. She also almost never says please and thank you," the filly says, and her concerned expression breaks a little bit as she laughs at something she just remembered. "I think she just doesn't understand that ponies can be nice to each other? No, it's not that. She just doesn't like the idea of ponies doing favors to each other out of the blue. But, uh, she's actually really nice! I promise you. She's really, really nice if you get to know her."
"Ah, she sounds like quite an interesting mare," your uncle says. And for a moment, he glances in your direction.
But to be honest, you are so busy paying attention to the filly's words you don't even notice your uncle looking at you.
"But if she is so hardheaded like that," your uncle continues, "then what's your secret? How did you become her friend?"
The world shakes around you, as your uncle asks that. And it takes a moment for you to realize that, rather than the world shaking, it was you who was nodding your head to his question.
Because yes, what is your secret? How did you do it?
"Oh, that's easy!" the filly says. And you need to hold your tongue not to call her out on her obvious lie. Because how could it ever be easy?! "Axe loves to make deals. She really, really doesn't like one-sided promises or favors. But you can convince her to do almost anything if you can make a deal with her!"
She says that with a smile, and you… you…
I'm sorry, what?
"And the real trick," the pegasus filly continues, lowering her voice as if she is whispering a secret, "is to pretend to make a deal, when you are actually just doing her a favor."
She says that, and then she gives your uncle a mischievous wink, as if she had just shared with him the most devious of plans.
"Ah, that sounds genius Lady Rivers," your uncle says, smoothly reverting into his haughty persona. Having the filly follow him back into her own game without her even realizing it. "Yes, this will be very helpful to our negotiations and-"
"Who tha fock are these?"
But your uncle Steppes, and the wheels that were spinning inside your head, are suddenly interrupted by a voice. A very familiar voice, coming from a nearby bush.
And sure enough, with the indignant shaking of leaves and the strange sound of something slithering, the most beautiful mare you have ever seen in your life just pokes her head out from the nearby greenery.
Your entire body freezes.
The sun seems to shine more brightly. Every last smell that you feel, from the surrounding nature, suddenly becomes more pleasant. And for all that her piercing, glaring eyes are enough to make you fear for your life, you feel more entranced than anything else.
To even be this close to such a beautiful mare is more than you deserve. To hear her voice, even though you can barely understand her words, is a privilege that is above your station.
But as she walks out of the bush, her braided mane flowing down through her neck like the most intricate maze of knots, you can only think that this has all been worth it. You no longer care about the whispering servants, or the weight of expectations on your back, or even your own father's judgment of you. Because this… this is the place where you want to be.
This is the mare you want to be with, for the rest of your life. Even if the closest you might ever get to her is the distance from your seat to the spot she is standing on.
Still, she looks at you, and then your uncle, and you think she just shrugs as if she barely recognized any of you. And then, she looks at your pegasus niece with her scowling equivalent of curiosity.
However, before she can ask anything else, your niece clears her throat.
"Here, let me show you," she whispers to your uncle.
And then she fixes her posture, and her overly large and fancy hat, like the caricature of a noblemare.
"Princess Axe, it is so lovely to see you here. I trust your travels have been fruity-full?" she says. You think she makes a gesture of sorts, but you have your back turned to the filly and your attention fully aimed at fair Axe, so you cannot be sure. "Still, I know you must be tired from your trip, and that you must be looking forward to an afternoon of rest. But I so much love hearing your stories, so could you possibly be willing to give us some of your time?"
The beautiful mare narrows her beautiful eyes. And you watch as… something slithers out of her mouth. It happened so quickly you couldn't really see what it was. But still, the mystery of that movement only increased her allure.
"Wots in it for me?" she asks.
And the little pegasus answers almost as if she had already been expecting that question.
"Well, I realize your storytelling doesn't come cheap. And we have more guests today. But I do have quite a treasure trove of sweets. So, I was thinking. You give us the pleasure of your company, in exchange for… four cupcakes?"
"Make it six an' we hav' a deal."
"Deal!" the filly answers so quickly she almost interrupts the older mare.
And just like that, the most beautiful mare you have ever seen in your life slinks towards the table, taking a seat right in front of you.
And the filly, who you now think is way too intelligent for a pegasus, gets everything she wants, in exchange for something she was always willing to give away to begin with.
For the next few minutes, she and your uncle seem to have fun as they "negotiate" which cupcakes the mare would get, embellishing their imaginary contract until they finally "concede" to giving the mare one more cupcake.
But still, the end result is all the same. You stay almost a full hour with her, and you listen to her stories, and you even manage to speak a few words for her after much prodding and encouragement from your uncle.
And when a maid comes to summon your niece for lunch, you realize too late that your uncle takes the opportunity to join her and leave you alone with the beautiful Axe.
It takes all the courage you have left to offer her a "deal", and you can only hope that you somehow did not end up putting your hoof in your mouth yet again.
Still, you end that day… thankful.
Thankful to your uncle, of course. But to your absolute surprise, also thankful to a pegasus.
And right now, you are having a very important conversation.
It is the weekend, and the clock is less than an hour away from striking noon. However, in a departure from the routine you had when you first moved here, you are still in Ponyville. In fact, you have been returning to your home in Canterlot less and less, these past few weeks. And for all that your father clearly instructed you to do so, you think your excuses to refuse his command have been… sufficiently adequate.
Still, your mind is as far away from Canterlot as your body is right now. And again, you are having a very important conversation, which is consuming the entirety of your attention and then some.
This is an important subject. A nerve-wracking subject. Something that keeps you awake at night, and that you are as hesitant to talk about as you are desperate for proper guidance.
And that subject is…
"So, tell me about this mare we have been hearing about back in Canterlot."
As always, your dear uncle is as caring as he is ruthless, and he asks you that question the moment he sits down on one of the chairs of your office.
He has a smile on his face, yes. But then again, he always has a smile on his face. And for all that he is family, and your elder, you can't help but worry if his smile is hiding any judgment.
You can feel your heart thumping inside your chest, and a chill running down your spine.
But still, you invited him here today. You want to have this conversation.
So, you can only hope that you won't mess this up spectacularly.
"Her name is Axe, uncle. Velvet Axe. And she is a…" you brace yourself to deliver the first, and perhaps most egregious piece of information that you have. "… she is an earth pony mare."
You watch as your uncle gives you a sagely nod, his smile not faltering for a second.
Is he surprised? You are absolutely sure that talk about her race has already reached Canterlot. And you know for a fact that your father has more ways to keep track of this estate than just the reports you give him when you meet. But still, you have hoped that reports on your dear beloved had been sketchy at best. So, is your uncle surprised to be hearing this confirmation from your own mouth? That you are not interested in a unicorn, as you should?
Is he surprised? Shocked? Disappointed?
"B-but she is a foreigner! Or so I am told," you quickly continue, nearly tripping over your words as you do. Because he might still have a smile on his face, but you are keenly aware of how well ponies in your family can hide their real emotions. "And truly, you need to see her with your own eyes, uncle. The way she ties her mane, and that entrancing sheen she has on her coat and…"
Another chill runs through your body as you realize how close you are to swooning over your dear Axe, and you immediately clamp up.
You are having this conversation because you hope to win your uncle over! Not to fawn over your distant beloved.
"I mean," you say, getting a hold of yourself and letting out a dry cough. "She is a very interesting mare, uncle. And I was hoping you could advise me on how to proceed with this situation."
You say that, and you realize all too late that you have not been looking at your uncle this entire time. Instead, you have been so nervous that you have been pacing around your office. Quite literally walking circles around the chair your uncle is sitting on.
Still, you only admonish yourself for half a second before you turn to face your uncle again. Trying your best to remember all the lessons you were taught about negotiation.
But your mind goes entirely blank when you look at your uncle, and you realize he has a… very peculiar smile on his face.
"Ohohoh? Is that right, dear nephew?" he says, his eyes narrowed as if he could read something that is written on your horn. "This Axe mare must be quite the something, for you to be like this."
You feel a trickle of sweat forming on the base of your horn. But what in Celestia's name are you supposed to say?
You know that you won't be able to enter any serious relationships unless your father approves it. And you know that, unlike the circumstances that led to your sister marrying a pegasus, your father will probably never approve of you so much as courting an earth pony.
That is, unless you manage to bring your uncle to your side.
But… but how do you do that?
And what does that damn wry smile on his face means?!
"Well then, why don't you tell me a bit more about her?" he says, letting out a cough that couldn't possibly be a chuckle. "Because yes, certain bits and gossips do reach the main house. But some of it is so fragmented or… well, unbelievable, that I'd rather hear it from you, nephew."
You give him a hard nod, one that is perhaps too eager or mechanical. But you understand the subtext of what he is telling you.
This is it. Your battle has begun. And although the fact that your uncle has not immediately kicked you down, as soon as he heard your dear Axe is not a unicorn, is encouraging… well, the fact remains that he is right now probing for more information.
He is still withholding his judgment. Which means you still have a chance to succeed, but also to fail.
"Well, she has quite an adventurous spirit, for starters," you say, trying to paint her in the best light possible. "My Lady sister told me that she frequently sets out to explore parts unknown of Equestria. So she definitely has a wealth of knowledge on several subjects."
You say that, and other things besides. You leave out what your sister told you, about her being rather intractable. And you try to focus (and maybe even embellish) the good things you know about her. Painting her as a wondering foreigner who, naturally, would be a wonderful asset for the Velvet family.
You don't outright lie to your uncle. You don't think you have enough skill to do so. But still… well, you try.
However, your heart sinks more than a little when you finish your tale, and your dear uncle answers you with a dismissive wave of his hoof.
"Yes, yes, that all sounds very wonderful. A picture painted by Princess Cadance herself," he says, and you don't even have enough time to try and figure out what that expression means. "But more importantly, is it true that you fell for her at first sight? Is it true that you ran after her through the garden, and practically bowed down to her on the entrance hall?"
Your heart, that was beating so furiously until a second ago, almost freezes as your uncle so brazenly asks that. As he so quickly asks about that particular story, about that particular day.
And surely, the way he is leaning towards you, and the gleam you see in his eyes, can only be the harsh gaze of judgment, right? Your uncle's posture couldn't possibly mean that he is asking this just for the sake of interest and gossiping, no?
Of course not. Your uncle is one of the ruthless heads of the Velvet family. He would never be hooked in by something as base and simple as a stallion's first love.
Which means that… you are in deep, deep water. Because yes, the first day you met your dear Axe is a day you still hold fondly in your heart. But you also must admit that the way you handled that was the first and greatest mistake you made, when it comes to making your family accept her.
But what in Celestia's name are you supposed to do?! If that story reached the main house so accurately, what hope do you have of downplaying it?
"Well, I," you start to say, and then you stop, your thoughts trampling over each other as you try to figure out how to navigate this. "I would never say the heir of the Velvet family was struck by such a fairytale concept, uncle."
Your uncle coughs. Cantrip, who is standing by the door, also coughs. But your mind is so overwhelmed that you don't even register it.
And yes, they definitely coughed just now. It couldn't possibly be that they are chuckling.
"Instead, it as more that I… immediately saw her value. Yes, that is what happened!" you say, almost triumphantly.
Of course, that's how you will spin this. Make a point of how valuable and unique your beloved Axe is, and make yourself look good by being the first one to spot it!
You can only hope that the detail about her slapping your hoof away never reached the main house, and also that…
"Ah, of course, of course," your uncle says. "Yes, you always had a keen eye, so it makes sense that you would spot a diamond in the rough before anypony else."
You think his chest is trembling a little bit, and at the same time he is hiding his mouth with a hoof. He is probably just scratching his beard, you think.
Cantrip, also, seems to be having some trouble with her maid uniform. Because why else would she be so desperately inspecting her skirt? For what other reason would she have turned her face in another direction so suddenly?
Still, none of that matters. What matters is that it worked! It worked, your uncle bought your story, and you are that much closer to winning him over.
"Still, dear nephew, I am sure that the stories that reach the main house are more than just incomplete. So tell me, what else has been going on between you and this oh-so-interesting mare?"
"Of course! Well, I…" you begin to say, but you quickly trail off. Because what exactly should you tell him? Should you keep to your transactional and asset-oriented story? Should you try to pivot in another direction? "Well, I was able to secure some time with fair Axe. A few weeks ago, when my Lady Sister's daughter got her cutie mark, I managed to schedule with Axe fo-"
"Ohoh, so you asked her out on a date?" your uncle interrupts you, almost standing up from his chair with an inexplicably wide smile on his face.
And you are immediately taken aback. Is this a trap? Have you been lured into an ambush? After all, asking a mare out on a date, without your fathers approval, would be unthinkable. Especially when it comes to an earth pony.
So is this it? Are you done for?!
"I-I…" you stammer, almost taking a half-step back at your uncle's sudden burst of energy. "Of course not, uncle, don't be ridiculous. I merely… managed to schedule… for us to, uh… discuss business, yes. In Canterlot, at a later date."
"Yes, a later date," your uncle says, nodding to himself. "By the way, Cantrip dear could you bring me another glass of this? I think I'm getting quite parched."
He says that, but you are so concerned about his sudden "date" jab that you don't even notice that… well, that his glass of wine is still half full. And that Cantrip almost runs out of the room, as soon as he asks her that. And that a burst of laughter comes from behind the door as soon as your faithful maid leaves your office.
You don't notice any of that, because you are too worried about how easily your uncle has cornered you in this battle of yours.
"B-but unfortunately, well, we were not able to meet," you say, and for all that your voice is urgent, you are truly being sincere right now. "That… that dreadful business that happened with my sister. It left everypony scrambling. And our arrangement just slipped out of our mind, I think."
"Oh, right, that makes sense…" your uncle says, his smile turning into a frown as he thinks about the terrible occurrence that happened to your sister. "But come on, kiddo, you can't just leave her at that. Ask her out again!" he says, once again reigniting his smile.
But you-
"-couldn't possibly do that again, uncle. Asking her out even once was almost impossible to begin with!"
You answer him so quickly that you don't even realize how honest you were, just now. Or how horribly you just slipped.
But who cares? You are right! It can't be done. Asking the rare and radiant Axe out once already required a degree of courage you do not possess. And you couldn't possibly beseech Lady Mareinette's aid once again.
So it can't be done. It simply cannot!
"What you mean you can't do it again? So that's just it?" you uncle asks, "you are just going to let this once-in-a-lifetime mare that has you gobsmacked drift away because you didn't have the guts to ask her out?"
Your uncle says that, and his words cut you oh so deep. Not just because they are harsh, but also because they are true!
What are you doing? Why don't you just ask her out again?!
And not for the first time your mind is overwhelmed by the thought, by the possibilities, of what you could do to win fair Axe's favor. This is a familiar rush, for these thoughts batter against the walls of your mind more often than not. But still, you can't help but feel thrilled, and frightened, as if it was happening for the first time once again.
"Here you go, Lord Steppes. And… and thank you, I just couldn't hold it in any longer."
"No problem, Cantrip. By the way, everything is fine over here. If you would like to take a break for the next hour or so…"
"Oh, not at all. I wouldn't miss this conversation for the world. Speaking of which, did you manage to get him speaking while I was out?"
"Yes, yes, it happened just now. He finally let go of the façade he was trying to build. Things should go more smoothly from now on."
"No problem, Cantrip. By the way, everything is fine over here. If you would like to take a break for the next hour or so…"
"Oh, not at all. I wouldn't miss this conversation for the world. Speaking of which, did you manage to get him speaking while I was out?"
"Yes, yes, it happened just now. He finally let go of the façade he was trying to build. Things should go more smoothly from now on."
"But uncle, it just isn't that simple!" you finally say, the more cautious (or perhaps cowardly) side of your brain once again winning out. "You haven't met fair Axe yet. You just don't understand!"
You say that, and your barely notice Cantrip walking back towards the door, to keep waiting on both you and your uncle.
Because how could you even spare her a glance? You have much more pressing concerns right now.
"Oh, that's nonsense and you know it, nephew. Just walk up to her and ask her out! You already did it once, so it wouldn't be strange to do it again. And besides, the two of you must talk all the time, for you to be this smitten. So you just need to drop the question during one of your chats."
Your uncle says that, and you…
… you…
… you freeze.
You freeze, because well… it seems one of the few things your uncle didn't quite know has just come to light.
You freeze… and he immediately notices it.
"Hold old," you uncle says, once again narrowing his eyes, as if he could read your thoughts right off from your mane. "You two do speak frequently, right…?"
You don't answer. You don't answer, and you don't open your mouth, and you don't even move.
But alas, such camouflage tactics only work when the predator doesn't already has his eyes on you.
"Nephew, do you mean to tell me…" your uncle says, finally standing up from his chair, walking towards you, and patiently putting a foreleg around your neck in a half hug. And then, he pulls your head towards his, looking you in the eye so closely your horns almost touch. "You mean to tell me you have been swooning over this mare this entire time, and you haven't even properly spoken to her?"
You don't answer. You dare not answer. You wouldn't be able to live with his disappointment if you ever answered.
But your throat… it's just so dry right now.
Your throat is so dry that you can't stop yourself from gulping something down.
And that, you know, is all the answer your uncle needs.
"Princesses' throne, Pride… I thought… wow, we have a lot of work to do," he says to himself, the humor in his face completely eclipsed by a sudden burst of disbelief. "But hay, no time like the present. So be honest, what DO you know about her? And don't give me half-answers or made up stories. Tell me the truth."
He says that and you immediately fold. Your reserves of willpower are all spent, and there is nothing else you can do but scrape and beg for your uncle's aid on this. And if he eventually decides to vouch against your beloved Axe, then so be it.
But right now, you are drowning. You are drowning, and your trusted uncle is the closest thing you have to a lifeline. So, there is nothing you can do but grasp at it.
"Well, I… I know bits and pieces about her schedule. I know there are a few ponies who seem to be on good terms with her. And I think I have a grasp on certain things that she likes."
You say that, and you can only watch as your uncle's expression slowly turns into one of… concern?
By the sun, what the hay did you do wrong now?!
"My dear nephew, I must admit that list is… quite peculiar. Pray tell, how exactly have you learned those things? Especially given how you refuse to talk to this mare?"
He asks that, and for the first time in a long while your eyes finally light up. Because yes, this is definitely something you have a good grasp on.
In fact, you are almost excited to explain him about this!
"Ah, this is one of the secrets I figured out, uncle! Here, let me show you," you say as you go towards the window of your office.
Because this being your office, this is also the place you spend most of your days in. So, you light up your horn to move your lavish office chair, and you reveal to your uncle the item that was hiding behind said chair.
"Nephew, why do you have a telescope hiding behind your chair? And why is it pointing towards your window?" your uncle asks. His voice completely curious, and not at all increasingly worried.
You also hear Cantrip do… something. Yes, of course, she just sighed in approval. Because why would she ever let out a tired "here we go again" sigh?
"As you know, uncle, the window behind my desk has a view of the mansion's garden," you explain. More than just that, you usher your uncle towards you. "And the secret I discovered is that… fair Axe seems to be on good terms with my Lady Sister's daughter! The pegasus one, that is."
"This Axe mare is friends with Silky Stream?" your uncle asks, although his expression is still conflicted as he approaches the telescope. "But what the hay does any of that has to do with this?"
Ah, so that is the pegasus' name? You should try to remember that for the future.
"Just take a look, dear uncle. And you will see the great strides I have made to gaining fair Axe's favor!"
You say that, and you watch as your uncle peers through the telescope.
The telescope is, of course, aimed at one of the corners of the garden. At a particular spot that is under the shade of one of the larger trees.
"Is that…?" he asks.
"Yes! That is a fully furbished tea party," you say, describing the image your uncle is seeing. "I have learned that the little pegasus is quite fond of those, so I have the servants keep that place ready during the afternoon."
You say that, beaming with your namesake pride. And you watch as your uncle takes a confused step away from the telescope, after gazing through it.
No doubt, he is at a loss for words because of how impressed he is!
"And without fail, almost every afternoon, the little pegasus sniffs the tea party out and goes to play with it. Following that, three out of four times fair Axe appears to join her. This is a genius way for me to be able to gaze at her… that is, without any risk of making a mistake!"
"There… there is a term for ponies who do this kind of thing, in the noble circles…"
"Pardon, uncle, what was that?"
"I… Pride, kiddo, let me get this absolutely straight. The way you have been learning about this Axe mare is… by spying her from a distance?" he asks.
To which you can only reply with confusion.
"Spying? Why, I would never! How could you possibly say th-"
"Pride, look at me. Just look at me. You have a telescope aimed at a tea-party shaped trap that you have set up for your niece. All in the hopes of… catching a sight of this Axe?"
"Well, when you put it that way…"
You trail off, because your uncle does have a point. At least when you look at this from a very specific perspective.
But still, what else could you possibly do? Every time you spoke with your beloved Axe was an utter disaster! She is so perfect that she is quite literally unreachable. So what hope do you have for joy in this life, if not to simply gaze at her from a distance?
"But still, uncle, well…" you say that as you peer from the telescope, more out of habit than anything else.
And despite your predicament, your heart soars as you realize what you see through the telescope.
"Wait, wait! Look, uncle. The little pegasus is there again!" you say, as you watch the sight of your pegasus niece poking her head out of a nearby bush, gazing at the tea party like a small animal might look at a morsel.
And soon enough, your niece disappears into the bush once again, only to reemerge seconds later with a fancy hat (that, given its size, probably belongs to your Lady Sister) and a rather expensive filly-sized dress.
By the life of you, you have no idea where she gets those things so quickly.
Still, more importantly, you watch as your niece sits down on one of the chairs, and begins pouring herself some tea.
"This is great! And you will see, uncle. I will show you. As soon as Axe appears, you will understand what I mean," you say, still looking through the telescope. "You will understand that… well, that I can't possibly bear to take any risks! Not when a mare like her is on the line."
You say that, and several things more, as you peer through the telescope.
Although, you can't help but realize that… well, that your uncle isn't exactly responding.
And as the seconds stretch long, you can't help but feel a pang of concern because… well, your uncle did seem a little hesitant about this, now that you think about this. The more you recall the expression he had on his face just now, the more you realize that he wasn't impressed as much as he was…
"Uncle… I know… I know this looks, well, rather unsightly. But I promise you, I just need to understand Axe a little better before I…"
You trail off. You trail off because, again, you would never be able to tell a believable lie to your uncle. But more than that, you don't want to lie to him.
You don't want to lie to yourself either.
"Oh, who am I kidding. I just don't know what to do, uncle. Please, please help me. Because every night before I sleep, I think about her. Every day when I wake up, her face is the first thing that comes to my mind. But given how I haven't even been able to converse with her yet, I… I don't… I just…!"
You say that as you let out a long and pained sigh. Shaking your head as you take your eye out of the telescope.
And in truth, you feel truly downtrodden, perhaps even ashamed, as you turn around to face your dear uncle. Because you realize how low you must look in his eyes, right now, and how pathetic and desperate y-…
… wait, what?
"Uncle? Uncle Steppes?" you say, looking around the room.
Because where the hay is your uncle?
You look at the chair he was sitting on, then the corners of your office, until your eyes finally settle on your trusted Cantrip, who is standing by the door with the most awkward and embarrassed of expressions.
"My Lord Pride, your Lord uncle has left… around four minute ago?" she says.
And your heart sinks as, somehow, the exact meaning of this dawns upon you.
It doesn't make any sense. You don't even know how you know this. But you just do. For some reason, you immediately understand exactly what is going on.
You turn your face back towards the telescope so quickly that you almost hurt your neck. And you almost poke your eye with the telescope as you peer into it.
But sure enough, you are immediately greeted by the sight of your pegasus niece sitting on the fancy garden chair, in front of a fully furbished tea table… having a delightful conversation with a noble unicorn wearing a full suit.
Your heart nearly jumps out of your mouth as you realize your uncle simply went there and did something you have never dared to do even in your wildest dreams.
Your hoofs almost scrape the wooden door, as your gallop out of your office and down the stairs, towards the garden.
- - -
How did you end up in this situation?
How could you, you, the youngest son of the Velvet family, be in a place like this? Doing something like this?
"But I must say, Lady River, I was hoping to see your sister here today. It has been too long since I last saw her."
"Ah, but haven't you heard, Lord Mountain? My dear sister has been crowned a Princess! So, she is so very busy now, I am afraid she doesn't have time even for myself."
"Is that quite right? I will make sure to pay Princess Selene my respects then. But do tell, when was the coronation?"
And how can your uncle possibly be so nonchalant about all this?!
You are… you are currently…
There is no way to sugarcoat it. You are at a foal's tea party.
Granted, it is a true tea party in every sense of the word. You did instruct your servants to prepare something like this, after all. So, you are sitting on a nice and comfortable garden chair, in front of a metal-and-glass table, with a teacup and a plate full of sweet treats in front of you. All of that on a nice corner of the central garden, under the shade of a tree, where the wind blows just enough to keep everything cool and comfortable.
But that's not the point.
The point is that, right next to you, is sitting a pegasus filly. You are at a tea party, with a pegasus filly. And to your right, sipping from his tea and engaging in make-belief talk as if nothing was wrong, is your uncle Velvet Steppes.
Or rather, "Lord Mountain", currently discussing crown politiks with "Lady River".
Curse your legs for galloping here. And curse your lack of courage for not turning around the moment your uncle introduced you to your niece.
The only bit of luck you have is that fair Axe herself is not here. After all, you are sure that all the servants are watching, and they must all be laughing their flanks off at the indignity you are going through right now. But still, at least your dear Axe is not here to see you like this.
However, you are suddenly snapped out of your thoughts as "Lord Mountain" magnanimously waves a hoof towards you.
"Now, I realize our good Baron Diamond is not one for words. He is from a distant land, you see, and our language is not yet his forte," your uncle says.
And the condescending nod the little pegasus gives you is… how will your pride ever recover?
"That is quite alright, my good Lord. I am well-acquainted with ponies from distant lands," the filly says, as she reaches for yet another treat from the nearby assortment of pastries.
"Is that right? But it is oh so rare for ponies to come from outside our Princesses' domain. Who is it that you already know, who shares this exotic honor?" your uncle asks.
And despite the turmoil of rebellion and indignities that is coursing through your mind, your thoughts immediately focus as you realize that…
It couldn't possibly, could it?
Is your uncle… did he really plan this far ahead? The way he was steering this make-believe conversation this entire time, could he possibly have been planning for the filly to…?!
"Why, I happen to know one Princess Axe of Snaketon," the filly says, and your ears immediately perk up in attention. "She is also from a distant land, from what I know. And also a mare of very few words."
Your eyes go wide in surprise, and your mouth nearly opens for you to ask something, anything, from the filly.
But before you have the chance to do any of that, your uncle continues to talk as if nothing miraculous had just happened.
"Princess Axe? You live in very good company indeed, Lady River. I am truly privileged to be here with you today."
"Well, I will have you know you are just as good of a company, Lord Mountain."
Their back and forth banter continues. And you need to hold yourself back not to just jump in.
Ask her something more, uncle. Ask her anything. Please!
"Now, good Baron Diamond here, he comes from a very rich region," your uncle says, putting a hoof on your shoulder, as the pegasus filly gives him a long nod with her all-too-large fancy hat. "As his name implies, he is the owner of several deep mines, from which his servants dig up trove upon trove of precious stones."
"That must be quite the impressive sight, my good Baron," the filly says, turning her attention to you for perhaps the second time since you sat down.
She was largely hesitant about your presence, ever since you arrived, until your uncle managed to convince her to rope you into her little play. But now, she is looking at you as if you were one of her own playmates.
And for some reason, despite her being a pegasus, you don't really… mind?
Well, not when she seems to know so much about your beloved.
"Yes… quite the sight…" you say, rather awkwardly. And the filly lets out a small giggle as she mistakes your hesitation for a feigned accent.
"However, he also told me he has been looking to form a business relationship with other foreign ponies. And we were hoping you could help us bridge the gap," your uncle says. And your heart begins to drum inside your chest as you realize where he is taking this. "And I was quite intrigued by this Princess of Snaketon. So, if you don't mind favoring us, how could we best approach her for this
He asks that, and you… you…!
You want to do several things at the same time.
You want to run away, for starters. And you want to shake your uncle for the sheer temerity he has. And you also want to bring out a scroll and pen to write down every last syllable the filly is about to speak.
Because part of you realize you don't deserve this. That whatever secret knowledge this filly has is not meant for a mere and lowly mortal such as yourself. But another part… oh another part of you can't help to yearn for it.
Still, as always, you don't do anything. You are frozen by your own indecision, and you can only watch as fate plays its own cards before you.
Which means you can do nothing but wait, with your mouth closed shut, as the pegasus filly speaks.
"Ah, Princess Axe, yes," she begins to say.
But for some reason, her expression begins to shift. It is hard to say that a filly as young and innocent as her looks serious, but you don't really know any other way to describe it.
She might not even realize it. But for a moment, your niece seems to drop her make-believe act, and her tone becomes strangely focused as she speaks.
"I think, um… promise you won't tell this to anypony, uncle Steppes?" she asks, and your uncle, also with a curious but serious expression, gives her an understanding nod. "Well, I think Axe… I think Axe has a hard time trusting other ponies."
"Trusting other ponies? Why? What made you realize that?" your uncle asks, his voice as smooth as it is encouraging.
"Well, she… I dunno. She never told me that? But there is something about the way she acts that… I think she trusted somepony, once, and she got hurt because of it. Or maybe somepony who she trusted didn't fulfill a promise? I'm not sure," she says, looking down at her teacup as she purses her lips. "But that's the thing, uncle. I think she's scared of trusting other ponies, so she has a hard time doing a lot of things."
"I see… that's very observant of you, Silky. But if you don't mind me asking, and you don't need to answer if you don't want to, what sorts of things does she have a hard time doing?"
"Asking for favors, for starters. Axe is really bad at asking for stuff. She also almost never says please and thank you," the filly says, and her concerned expression breaks a little bit as she laughs at something she just remembered. "I think she just doesn't understand that ponies can be nice to each other? No, it's not that. She just doesn't like the idea of ponies doing favors to each other out of the blue. But, uh, she's actually really nice! I promise you. She's really, really nice if you get to know her."
"Ah, she sounds like quite an interesting mare," your uncle says. And for a moment, he glances in your direction.
But to be honest, you are so busy paying attention to the filly's words you don't even notice your uncle looking at you.
"But if she is so hardheaded like that," your uncle continues, "then what's your secret? How did you become her friend?"
The world shakes around you, as your uncle asks that. And it takes a moment for you to realize that, rather than the world shaking, it was you who was nodding your head to his question.
Because yes, what is your secret? How did you do it?
"Oh, that's easy!" the filly says. And you need to hold your tongue not to call her out on her obvious lie. Because how could it ever be easy?! "Axe loves to make deals. She really, really doesn't like one-sided promises or favors. But you can convince her to do almost anything if you can make a deal with her!"
She says that with a smile, and you… you…
I'm sorry, what?
"And the real trick," the pegasus filly continues, lowering her voice as if she is whispering a secret, "is to pretend to make a deal, when you are actually just doing her a favor."
She says that, and then she gives your uncle a mischievous wink, as if she had just shared with him the most devious of plans.
"Ah, that sounds genius Lady Rivers," your uncle says, smoothly reverting into his haughty persona. Having the filly follow him back into her own game without her even realizing it. "Yes, this will be very helpful to our negotiations and-"
"Who tha fock are these?"
But your uncle Steppes, and the wheels that were spinning inside your head, are suddenly interrupted by a voice. A very familiar voice, coming from a nearby bush.
And sure enough, with the indignant shaking of leaves and the strange sound of something slithering, the most beautiful mare you have ever seen in your life just pokes her head out from the nearby greenery.
Your entire body freezes.
The sun seems to shine more brightly. Every last smell that you feel, from the surrounding nature, suddenly becomes more pleasant. And for all that her piercing, glaring eyes are enough to make you fear for your life, you feel more entranced than anything else.
To even be this close to such a beautiful mare is more than you deserve. To hear her voice, even though you can barely understand her words, is a privilege that is above your station.
But as she walks out of the bush, her braided mane flowing down through her neck like the most intricate maze of knots, you can only think that this has all been worth it. You no longer care about the whispering servants, or the weight of expectations on your back, or even your own father's judgment of you. Because this… this is the place where you want to be.
This is the mare you want to be with, for the rest of your life. Even if the closest you might ever get to her is the distance from your seat to the spot she is standing on.
Still, she looks at you, and then your uncle, and you think she just shrugs as if she barely recognized any of you. And then, she looks at your pegasus niece with her scowling equivalent of curiosity.
However, before she can ask anything else, your niece clears her throat.
"Here, let me show you," she whispers to your uncle.
And then she fixes her posture, and her overly large and fancy hat, like the caricature of a noblemare.
"Princess Axe, it is so lovely to see you here. I trust your travels have been fruity-full?" she says. You think she makes a gesture of sorts, but you have your back turned to the filly and your attention fully aimed at fair Axe, so you cannot be sure. "Still, I know you must be tired from your trip, and that you must be looking forward to an afternoon of rest. But I so much love hearing your stories, so could you possibly be willing to give us some of your time?"
The beautiful mare narrows her beautiful eyes. And you watch as… something slithers out of her mouth. It happened so quickly you couldn't really see what it was. But still, the mystery of that movement only increased her allure.
"Wots in it for me?" she asks.
And the little pegasus answers almost as if she had already been expecting that question.
"Well, I realize your storytelling doesn't come cheap. And we have more guests today. But I do have quite a treasure trove of sweets. So, I was thinking. You give us the pleasure of your company, in exchange for… four cupcakes?"
"Make it six an' we hav' a deal."
"Deal!" the filly answers so quickly she almost interrupts the older mare.
And just like that, the most beautiful mare you have ever seen in your life slinks towards the table, taking a seat right in front of you.
And the filly, who you now think is way too intelligent for a pegasus, gets everything she wants, in exchange for something she was always willing to give away to begin with.
For the next few minutes, she and your uncle seem to have fun as they "negotiate" which cupcakes the mare would get, embellishing their imaginary contract until they finally "concede" to giving the mare one more cupcake.
But still, the end result is all the same. You stay almost a full hour with her, and you listen to her stories, and you even manage to speak a few words for her after much prodding and encouragement from your uncle.
And when a maid comes to summon your niece for lunch, you realize too late that your uncle takes the opportunity to join her and leave you alone with the beautiful Axe.
It takes all the courage you have left to offer her a "deal", and you can only hope that you somehow did not end up putting your hoof in your mouth yet again.
Still, you end that day… thankful.
Thankful to your uncle, of course. But to your absolute surprise, also thankful to a pegasus.
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